bbwolf

sux

after a horrible night hurting so bad i never really did sleep, i got up, washed my sheets and blankets, made my bed, now looking for something to make money with, then maybe be able to get a couple days worth of groceries

im not eating anything, i dont like to eat alone

i know how you feel, i just totally gave up on the idea of possibly having any friends, everything i do is alone, i'll grow old alone and probably die alone

nothing

nothing

when the county took over the facility it went to crap

went to see therapist today, appointment was confirmed yesterday, after waiting a hour and a half, the receptionist calls my name then informs me my therapist is out today, i just came off of several days of depression and now having recurring anxiety, and finding out i had just wasted nearly 2 hrs pisses me off

suicide is painless

minutes before i got the call that my dad had died, i felt someone sit down on my bed, when i looked up i seen nothing, that was in 2012, to this day out of no where i can smell him, a combination of old spice, and those stinking roll your own cigarettes, sometimes in the house but mostly when im driving somewhere,

understatement

sick and tired of feeling lonely

the way i describe how i feel is a wild animal, a predator like a bear or lion, trapped and caged no longer free to roam,

sounds like my life

lonely, unwanted, depressed, need to be touched, in need of companionship,

not having a future life, and for wasting what life i did have on someone who didnt deserve it,

black

i know how that pilot felt, i feel like the last 30 years of my life was wasted, and now im just wasting air and taking up space

keto//os orange dream, next gonna be coffee with creamer, then fast until dinner time about 7pm

could also be hormonal? i think i would see a endocrinologist to make sure everything is at its needed levels

lol every nutritionist i was ever sent to see was more over weight than i was, i went to see the nutritionist because after losing around 50lbs, i hit a plateau, gained 10lbs, lost 10lbs, hit another plateau and still stuck, i started 13 months ago with hope of at least being 3/4 to way to my goal weight by now, but still stuck at the half way mark??????????

lol every nutritionist i was ever sent to see was more over weight than i was, i went to see the nutritionist because after losing around 50lbs, i hit a plateau, gained 10lbs, lost 10lbs, hit another plateau and still stuck, i started 13 months ago with hope of at least being 3/4 to way to my goal weight by now, but still stuck at the half way mark??????????

the guidance center in my home town quit taking appointments, now if you need to get in its first call first served, im calling at 7 to 730 am every morning and i cannot get in, either my couselor is already booked, or in meetings, or out for the day, and several times the computer systems are down and promised a call back with a date and time which i never recieve. and without meetings with my coulselor my pdoc isnt going to see me, which means my meds get cut off, mental heath treatment is mediocre at best here, now its almost non existent for alot of people, instead of hiring more couselors they went to a effin lottery system, i give up, i quit, who cares

lonely

i use a glucose monitor but it doesnt work like that for diabetics, my blood sugar can be sky high because my liver is dumping sugar into my system because i need food, i do use keytone strips to monitor my Ketone levels, when your body goes into keytosis that when your body is burning the most fat