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bbwolf
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Everything posted by bbwolf
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same ol worn out depressed lonely old man
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jumping
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took me 6 years and a administrative judge had to award it to me -
feeling depressed, unwanted, vacant, tired, and a bunch of other stuff i dont have the words to describe
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a semi remote piece of property with a house/cabin on it,
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loneliness is my middle name, i almost met with a few others that was within a hundred miles of me but it didnt work out
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freedoms just another word for nothing left to do ,
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my progress is going alot slower than i wanted, but my dr told me not to worry about it, i had dropped 70lbs in 2 years, fell off the wagon more times than i can count, set the wagon on fire a couple of times and had to start over, its a hell of a roller coaster but im 70lbs lighter, 35 more lbs to go
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Natasha1's "How Is Your Weather Today?" #19
bbwolf replied to 20YearsandCounting's topic in The DF Water Cooler
thunderstorm all night, cloudy and chilly today, 55 degrees f -
i feel empty and very lonely, and my body hurts
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i lost most of my fair weather Friends as well long ago, the friends i have are all disabled or handicapped in some way and experienced being abandoned by fair weather friends as well, my friend that just passed had severe diabetes and was on a waiting list for kidney transplant,
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soon i'll be out of friends and wont have anyone to lose anymore
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major anxiety attack building
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when it rains it pours, a friend of nearly 50 years had a heart attack and passed away yesterday, thats 4 friends i lost since thanksgiving
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what use to work for me, i havent had in years
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i should but i could stand to be there
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i inherited a camper trailer from my dad when i went to go get it i found out my sister had sold it, that alone wouldve helped me out alot
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theres really nothing to say?
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im on half of a morgage for a house i dont live in, own half a house and on the edge of homelessness
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it got so bad for me that i just got to one of the restaurants for thanksgiving and Christmas, luckily more resturants stay open on holidays now sometimes i run into someone i know sometimes im alone
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as of yesterday i have lost 3 friends since thanksgiving, i have no use for holidays, no reason to be joyous, or merry or anything else
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i dont want to feel anything, in may a friend of 30+ years had moved back home almost, the next town over, she was basically running from her exhusband, we finally decided after 6 months of talking daily, to start dating, then she kinda disappears a couple days, i then find out her ex found her and killed her in a M*****/suicide
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at some point i have become a introvert, i do suffer from chronic pain, and dealing with the stress of having to deal with people just messes me up on so many different levels
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i feel lonely, unwanted, vacant, useless, failure, waste of space, a burden, exhausted, unloved,
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feel like i was thrown off a tall building, whole body hurts