bbwolf

thunderstorm all night, cloudy and chilly today, 55 degrees f

i feel empty and very lonely, and my body hurts

i lost most of my fair weather Friends as well long ago, the friends i have are all disabled or handicapped in some way and experienced being abandoned by fair weather friends as well, my friend that just passed had severe diabetes and was on a waiting list for kidney transplant,

soon i'll be out of friends and wont have anyone to lose anymore

major anxiety attack building

when it rains it pours, a friend of nearly 50 years had a heart attack and passed away yesterday, thats 4 friends i lost since thanksgiving

what use to work for me, i havent had in years

i should but i could stand to be there

i inherited a camper trailer from my dad when i went to go get it i found out my sister had sold it, that alone wouldve helped me out alot

theres really nothing to say?

im on half of a morgage for a house i dont live in, own half a house and on the edge of homelessness

it got so bad for me that i just got to one of the restaurants for thanksgiving and Christmas, luckily more resturants stay open on holidays now sometimes i run into someone i know sometimes im alone

as of yesterday i have lost 3 friends since thanksgiving, i have no use for holidays, no reason to be joyous, or merry or anything else

i dont want to feel anything, in may a friend of 30+ years had moved back home almost, the next town over, she was basically running from her exhusband, we finally decided after 6 months of talking daily, to start dating, then she kinda disappears a couple days, i then find out her ex found her and killed her in a M*****/suicide

at some point i have become a introvert, i do suffer from chronic pain, and dealing with the stress of having to deal with people just messes me up on so many different levels