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Everything posted by brightestdayblackestnight

  1. I don't know that I'd say religion has helped me overcome my issues yet, I still have a long way to go. In the past year, I've begun studying Zen Buddhism. I can say that during meditation, I feel a certain peace. It's often fleeting, but the fact that I can find it at all is very moving sometimes.
  2. Hey all. Haven't been on much lately. Since returning home, I've reached a sort of "normalcy" for lack of a better term. It's a bit of a horror unto itself, but it at least allows me to attack my problems in a slightly more direct manner. I'm managing alright, finally on proper insurance and starting the diagnosis/treatment process in the coming week. I'll update when I can. Hope you're all well. You're in my thoughts. BDBN
  3. I don't think it's safe to say that ADHD is a fake disorder. Rather, I would point out that it is often misdiagnosed. It shares a number of symptoms with other mental health problems such as Bipolar Disorder, and also has high rates of comorbidity with depression and anxiety disorders. This alone makes it difficult to properly diagnose, and comorbidity can mean that only one condition is being treated properly. Also, I'm not sure how I feel about the second and third points in that article. If we're going to count marketing and possible danger against ADHD, then we need to be questioning a lot of disorders. Pharma companies also push depression medication, which can also cause serious problems. Heck, some medications for treating epilepsy have serious side-effects. When you're messing with the chemistry of the brain, getting the right drug is extra important. It is both the responsibility of prescriber and patient to ensure that the drug is having the intended effect.
  4. I deal with this constantly, and they can be very hard to shut out. What's the worst is when I can be feeling great, and then one little thing can send me into a spiral of self-hatred.
  5. I'm sorry, I know how hard it is to need to see your doctor...and the appointment cannot come quick enough! Crisis line is a great tool to use, and it sounds like you have ways to get through until your appointment...hope today is ok Yes... thank you. I wish I could see someone sooner! Your username gives me a little hope. I'm glad you're okay. I know how it feels to need treatment and not be able to get it. Hope things start improving
  6. For most of my adult life, I've had music playing in my head pretty constantly. I recently came to a couple of realizations on this fact: 1. The music almost always correlates to my mood, but it isn't anything I actively choose to have stuck in my head 2. I don't seem to actually have control of it. It's just there. I'm curious about whether or not anybody else has dealt with this phenomenon or if any of you have insight about it. Thanks!
  7. I've never liked the use of the word "selfish" in discussions about suicide. As tragic as it was, I think Robin Williams' suicide was very important for national discussions of suicide in the US because it felt very personal to a lot of people and started changing how suicide is viewed. I think the term "selfish" implies a certain disregard or maliciousness on the part of the person. Part of the problem with suicide is how it affects different groups. Sometimes, it is described as a victimless act- which is certainly untrue. There are multiple victims, from the deceased to the people who loved them. I have not attempted suicide for many years, but I recall how much it hurt my family to even learn that I'd hit that point before. On the other side, I remember how I felt when a friend committed suicide: I was shocked and sad, but most of all I wondered how I hadn't seen it and what I hadn't done to help. When somebody commits suicide, the people around them are left without answers and without understanding. In their pain, they may see the act as a selfish one. At the same time, I'd argue that only those of us who have been at the brink can really understand the mindset that leads to suicide. It could be described as selfish, I suppose, as considerations for others didn't play into my thoughts. People who haven't hit that point can't understand the obsessive hopelessness that I felt. Perhaps I was thinking selfishly, but I think that selfishness in this case is merely a side-effect of feeling desperate. I remember how it felt. I couldn't stop the weight on me, I couldn't find relief from anything, and I was desperate for anything to stop it. Even a permanent stop felt better than what I felt. No, I don't think suicide is selfish. I can understand why that term is used, but my experiences have shown me something different. In my own experience, it came from a place of desperation that I had reached because of a warped mindset that I couldn't escape. Personally, I'll never condemn a person who has lost their fight against suicide as selfish. I grieve for them and the way they must have felt to have reached that point.
  8. Hey all. Been away from the forum for a couple of days. I don't know how to really describe today, let alone the past couple of days, but I'll try. I feel like I had a good weekend, on paper. I spent time with friends and didn't have much in the way of obligations. I worked out. I made some progress on figuring out the next stage of my life. And yet, I found myself still feeling down and dejected. When I was around people, a part of me longed to be away from them. I'd make progress on moving forward with things and feel motivated, then suddenly be left wondering why I even bothered, with no warning for the change. This morning, I woke up early to finish some work for school. I'm getting it done, and it's going well. But I still have that feeling. I'm doing this work because I have to, and I'm doing it well because I feel like I should. I feel stable in that. But I take no joy in doing the work, let alone doing it well well. I used to really take pleasure in being able to show my abilities through my work. I woke up feeling alright for once, but that's given way to nervousness and low feelings again. I feel like my moods have been swinging wildly for weeks now. I find it draining, I find it troubling. These days, I spend time when I'm feeling good becoming anxious for when I shift again. I feel like the difference between moods is nearly as dangerous as the moods themselves, as I can go from feeling very up to feeling as low as I ever have, as happened one day last week. I'm okay. I'm low, but feeling stable for the moment. But I'm still anxious about the next time I shift, be it good or bad.
  9. I feel like my moods are swinging wildly. I'm currently very low. Looking into options for help, but just very lost all about it all.
  10. I think Lynn1954 said everything I could think to say! Please, don't stop fighting. You have the strength to keep going, you can overcome this.
  11. Hey Thomas I'm new here as well, but my short time speaking with people here has been very rewarding. Sounds like we enjoy a lot of the same games! I can understand how you're feeling. I think a lot of people here can. I think feelings of rejection and loneliness can be very dangerous to those of us who struggle with issues of self-esteem, as they seem to confirm the things we feel about ourselves. Please just remember that you are not alone. This forum is full of people who are standing with you, people who will support you. This is a place of love and acceptance. I hope you will continue to post here. I hope you will find your peace.
  12. I'm just trying to fight through things, one day at a time. Yesterday, I was scared, lost, and self-loathing. All of that is still there today, but there are other feelings as well. Today I'm more resigned. Perhaps a bit mournful. But I have some small measure of hope as well. I have found this place, where I can speak plainly about my issues and where I no longer feel alone against the world. To go along with the Buddha's wise words from havehope's signature, I'll add a favorite mantra from the Green Lantern comics: All will be well.
  13. I've been reconnecting with my faith a lot lately. Are there any passages that really speak to you about depression and anxiety?
  14. Just wondering what you folks do when you need a little hope in your life. Books, poetry, movies, TV, creative pursuits, hiking...anything. As some people might guess from my avatar and name, I'm a big fan of Green Lantern. When I'm really in a rut, I often read Green Lantern: Rebirth. The focus of the story is on overcoming fear. My particular problems involve a lot of anxiety, so the theme has always really resonated with me.
  15. I can't express to you how much reading those words meant to me. Thank you so much.
  16. I know how you feel I want to hide in a cave, under the covers, under my desk at work. Anywhere. I want to stop having to interact with people. But I am lonely. I want friends. I crave acceptance. This desires don't always go well together. Don't know what to do about it though :-( Ethan This sums up how I feel perfectly. I want to hide away. I want to leave everything behind me. I want to run. I want to avoid everything in my life. But most of all I want somebody, anybody to tell me that it's going to be okay.
  17. Scared, hopeless, worthless, and at fault. I want to drink until I feel nothing, but I have the sense to know that would only cause more problems.
  18. I struggle with this. It's not that I've ever been a person who cries a lot, but there are times when I feel so emotionally moved and feel like I could cry, and for some reason I just don't. But then, there are times when I just unexpectedly burst into tears. It's frustrating. A lot of the time, I'm sad and just feel hollow. Then other times the slightest things just leave me weeping.
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