charmgary

I feel I have been changing a lot over the past couple years. I have always been more of an extrovert and used to socialize all the time. With each passing year I find myself becoming more of a homebody and reclusive in general. I feel like I am trying to fight it at times because trying to hang on to who I used to be, but I end up enjoying my alone time or just casual time with a friend one on one rather than hitting the town and in group situations. I have struggled trying to determine is this depression or can you just truly change that much through the years and I need to find a way to be ok and accept that I am different now and enjoy different things. I don't know why I am struggling with this so much but it truly baffles me how much I seem to be changing or am I depressed? Or maybe a little of both? Can anyone else relate? Charmaine

It is so hard living with this and finding those that can understand you or don't find you a burden. We can' t just suck it up, this is beyond our control. Do whatever makes you happy. Whether watching a funny movie that makes you laugh or connecting with friends on here, but don't give up. Have hope and embrace the moments that do feel good, and let's continue to support one another here, Charmaine

I hear, "Your depression is emotionally draining at times". It is hard to hear, especially when you are depressed because you are ultra sensitive and already in a dark place. You need support,comfort, a sense of sympathy or empathy and to feel you are a burden at times is hurtful. I have heard this from family and a close friend. These are the people you rely on the most, so to feel that way makes you want to disengage which feeds the loneliness and sadness. It is tough living with this and I think finding a forum like this brings some solace to the situation, and where you can always vent and express yourself with no judgement is a saving grace. So glad I came across this board the other day. I love the community of support here. Charmaine

Hello AstaeaLunaAvani, Your post touched me and I wanted to respond because I do relate to a lot of what you spoke about. I am also 43 years old and have been single for 16 years. I never give up hope, but the older I get, I can't help but wonder or doubt if it is in the cards for me to ever have a relationship. I want to experience love and and have a partner in this life. I have already spent so many years alone without someone by my side, but I can't give up because then what is the point. I may not have a lot of words of wisdom at this moment, but you needed to know you are absolutely not alone, and to never give up hope, because each day can bring a new surprise that can change your life. You just don't know what tomorrow holds, and that is how I continue on. Charmaine

Thank you so much for all of your replies. It means so much and I will continue to visit this board. It helps finding a community of support. I ended up not being alone on Christmas Eve and went back to my families to try and make things right or at least better. I hope you were able to enjoy Christmas and again thank you for your support! Charmaine

Hello, It's Christmas Eve and I am home alone. Falling out with family members who struggle to understand me and my depression and rather think I am seeking attention. I have lived with depression since I was 19 years old, I am now 43. No matter how long the struggle, there are times you feel you won't come through and this is one of those times. So mentally exhausted of this and feel this is all my life will ever be.