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dfmike71

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  1. I've been diagnosed with severe depression and going through hard times with work because of it. I have another thread related to that. Lately family members aren't really understanding what I'm even going through. They are so naive about depression it amazes me. My sister, who was never diagnosed with depression is taking Wellbutrin and is basically taking them to take them. So my family compares her "depression" to mine. I basically think my sister just had some bad weeks and her regular doctor just threw her some anti-depressants. Me, on the other hand is a true/deep depression. Like a black cloud following me and impossible to motivate myself to do anything. People don't understand how I internally feel at all. It gets so bad sometimes I really couldn't care about the ramifications on what happens. Then I hear "just suck it up and go back to work", "at least you have a job". I have no responses to these comments since anything I say I know they just won't understand. Is there any written material out there I can point to my family members so they can maybe understand what the heck I'm going through? It does amaze me how many people have no empathy whatsoever if they do not understand it. Family members think I can just wake up and visit them with an hour drive with no problems. They don't realize the energy and power it takes to do something like that. I hear from mom, "just get in your car and visit, you will feel better". And of course because of hearing everyone not understanding anything I avoid them like the plague. My mother is old school. Depression didn't even exist when she was younger. No one really understands but even after lots of searches online I haven't found something that would explain at least a little bit in layman's terms what someone is going through or feeling with depression. Any suggestions where to point people to read? Everything so far relating to depression has been an uphill battle. Nothing has been easy. The first day taking off work and since then just has been complete stress because of paperwork, disability crap, NJ/state disability crap, everything. It seems I'm actually worse then before!
  2. Thanks for putting up with my rantings. I'm finding new information on a daily basis. I'm very glad the psychologist I saw identified what is going on and said he will coordinate and help me out whatever he can to submit the appropriate information. It will be coming from both doctors. The form packets for each doctor is about 30 pages! One packet for disability and then another for family medical leave act. I also live in NJ, so I also have to file with the state itself. My companies internal website seems to be developed by someone with short term memory loss. You'd think all the disability information would be in that section of their site, but the information I need is spread out over about 5 different internal domains and a lot of the information are just "guides" that indicate what to do but not supply you with the forms. I am "assuming" the disabilities company I am dealing with is following the laws, but there seem to be a lot of deadlines with stuff. For example when I first called out for my disability claim they basically told me the clock is ticking and I have 15 business days to submit all my paperwork or my disability will be denied. Then if I want to appeal I have 45 days and can only appeal one time. If it is denied again, then I can't re-submit. Do I even know if these are policies by my company or the law? I guess I would need to look into everything again or even try to have a consultation with a disability lawyer just to get the real facts and what I can expect. I know this forum is for depression, but being clinically diagnosed with severe depression and having to go through the disability battle actually works against me trying to get myself better. I can clearly see how people just give up. I think going forward I will need to not have communications directly with my immediate manager and all go through the disability company. I'll just need to try and relax. I was very happy and sociable years ago with no medication/drugs at all, and that's what I'm trying to get to. Thanks for listening again.
  3. To update, I did see a Psychologist through my employee assistance program. Took 3 weeks just to get all the correct information. It is almost like my disability claims people are there to block me or deter me from moving forward. The Psychologist said in no way shape or form I should be under those conditions or being subject to the "please hold and get disconnected" scenario. Apparently I have to fight for my benefits that I've been paying for 20 years through my taxes. To get help and on the the right track is a job in itself. The Psychologist wants to see me again and also recommended I see a Psychiatrist also while seeing him at the same time. He said with both their records combined and he is a referral from my own company they most likely will approve some benefits for me. I have been keeping track, especially when I call the disability claims company. Soon as I call them I get a recording, "this call may be recorded better support". So, to keep track of everything and the information they give me I record the calls myself. So in case I need to go back and refer something. Since it is difficult for me to focus and concentrate, I have to record everything. I also let them know I am recording and verbally say, "I am recording this conversation". 6 out of the 12 calls I have made to the disability companies have just hung up the phone after I said that. I don't understand. They clearly are recording all calls, but I cannot do the same? It clearly is going to be a battle just to get myself better. Even without any information or indication from me or a medical professional the disability company already has me on a return date to work. I asked them where that date came from and I just hear "the system automatically does it". I said please I do not a "system" deciding my health. I can now see why there are so many law firms, commercials, all related to disability issues. The Psychologist said it takes some work, but there is nothing else one can do if you are a working class US citizen. The wealthy have doctors go to them and even get discounts for being rich! No wonder why everything is upside down and a surprise to me.
  4. Thanks for the suggestions. I have a list of 4 "specialists" that the EAP gave me. I'm going to try to look them up, but I was told they are all authorized to submit paperwork for disability claim stuff. I'm not trying to get over on the system, all I want to do is get better. And when family members do not understand depression and kind of tell you "suck it up and get back to work" that really puts a stain on everything. I'm 44 years old. My mother and father went to the old school, and depression wasn't even talked about. Both of them are so against ANYKIND of medication. Like an example is a 600mg of Ibuprofen (Advil)....my mother would think that's illegal and dangerous to you. They don't "get it" it seems. The one issue is I'm not really big on doctors. Since I have always been physically healthy I never needed a primary care doctor, so I don't have one. Several months ago I did try to visit a primary doctor to get a checkup but the experience was so bad I never went back. But I do have that list of "specialists" which I will call tomorrow to see if I can get a consultation on whatever is going on with me. I guess to get back pay for the 3 weeks that passed I will need to contact the original doctor, but will need to pay her. I guess I can send her the paperwork and agree on whatever payment she requires. She did say during my consultation my mind needs a "recharge" and I should take a break from work for a little bit. It is very calming to actually write all this and hear people respond and exactly know what I'm talking about. Everyone in my life, around me, have no idea on what's going on with me and just do not understand. Thanks.
  5. Thank you Lynn and the others who responded. I did call claims and they said I need to appeal the disability claim because it was denied for no paperwork. I kind of knew that would happen. I also just called the EAP and they just said they usually talk to people that are having really bad days, a loved one died, stuff like that. I don't think right now whatever is going in my mind talking about it over the phone will help, at least not in the long run. They just recommended that they wait for a call back and they will try to give me some therapists in my area. Not psychiatrists. I feel pressured as it is and really just want to get myself better. I've put on such a good face at work when I told my supervisor they were shocked. Pretending to be happy and cheerful to other people when my job is to help them really frustrated me. I also do not have a primary doctor, I never needed one. I was always healthy, don't drink, don't smoke and never had issues to actually see a doctor. So I'm just in a tight spot not knowing what to do. I am waiting for the EAP to call me back with the therapists/psychologists in my area. I asked them if I could find them online myself and they said since they are the EAP and everything is confidential they only have access to the doctors that are in my insurance plan. Everything is through Magellan Behavioral Health. Sometimes it is just really hard to deal with these large companies, especially when lots of people are trying to "steal" from the system. It really makes it harder for people that really need the help to get it. I don't know the law, but if I keep going to a person to person therapist and I have documents related to those sessions my company just can't fire me, right? I just think it was a little odd that my disability was denied then I get two calls from work fairly soon after asking how I am doing and if there is a possibility return to work. Thanks again. And yes, it does take me forever to write this much...I would be able to write this much in 5 minutes, but now it takes me 30+ minutes just to write out emails since I can't concentrate and focus properly. There has to be some light at the end of this long tunnel.
  6. I opened up a short term disability claim for severe mood changes, concentration issue, depression and just couldn't focus. I work for a large communications company and tried to find a psychiatrist that was in my network but not one out of the entire list. There was one, but not accepting new patients for at least 3-5 months. So I scheduled a consultation with an out of network and was charged $350. I did not like the doctor. She picked up her phone twice during my consultation and her phone just kept beeping and beeping. She was working out of a back pack and it looked like she just leases the office when needed. It is basically a large apartment building with some doctors taking up a few floors. Anyway when I presented her some paperwork she almost seem insulted. This is paperwork I need to be filled out so I can at least get compensated while I'm off work. She said if she really had to deal with papers all the time things would never get done. This was towards the end of my consultation. Another appointment was scheduled but I canceled that thinking I could find another doctor. Anyway, my disability claim was denied of course and was told I have 180 days to file an appeal. Work has a program called Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and said I should contact them, but when I asked if they have medical degrees I was told no. They just are trained therapists. The original doctor did diagnose me with severe depression and I already have work calling me leaving me messages because they know my claim was denied and they think I can just hop right back to life like nothing happened. I do not know why I'm having these issues, but it is very difficult to even pick up the phone to call anyone, because just the anticipation of bad news freaks me out. The original doctor did prescribe me medication (Wellbutrin) and even though I did not like her I started taking it to get anykind of relief. I thought maybe if I gave it a couple of weeks I would at least feel better and get back to work. Obviously if I was rich and didn't have to worry about anything financially I would care if company gave me issues, but that's not the case. I'm not looking to abuse the system here, I've worked 20 straight full time years with the company and have a top notch record. Unfortunately corporations seem to just treat everyone like a number and think because they have all their information online and therapists to call 24/7 everything is good. I opened up the disability claim on November 2nd. My company burned my last vacations days on those first 7 days, and then I've been out of work for 3 weeks after that. I have even tried to contact Accolade, which is to help me through this process and asked them please find a doctor that is in my insurance network and I don't have to drive 50 miles. They responded and told me only 1 doctor available that's 40 miles away in another state but first available appointment is in about 2 months. What? What am I suppose to do now? I'm very afraid if I just go back to work I will get worse since that may have been why I'm feeling this way. I don't know what to do. When I initially called the claims department all they kept asking me if this issue is work related or not. I kept telling them I do not know. And that's another reason why my short term claim was denied. Should I just call the EAP people and ask them I need help or something? Why is getting behavioral help so hard and impossible to deal with. 20 solid years I've been paying my taxes and fees and now when I need help for funds that I have EARNED, impossible to get. Just thinking about all this raises my heart rate, gets harder to breathe and I just lose focus and concentration. Any suggestions? I am male. 44. Live alone.
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