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About FightThePowah

  • Birthday 07/15/1991

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  1. *disclaimer*** I have no intentions of harming myself
  2. I was diagnosed with bipolar type I at the end of August. I'm trying to juggle feelings of being unsure about my diagnosis, realizing it's spot on, and differentiating between a bipolar mood swing or "baseline." I don't even know what the heck baseline is. Supposedly there is a normal period for bipolar disorder and I definitely don't remember one of those. Anyways, upon seeing a psychiatrist for the first time, she told me I was textbook bipolar. She lowered my wellbutrin from 300 to 150, and took me off of 10mg of lexapro. I started 100mg of lithium 2x a day.. and i've been on it for about 3 weeks now. But oh my gosh. What are these mood swings???? I started being insanely annoyed last week.. then panic attacks, now I'm having suicidal thoughts come and go like I haven't had in years. I can't get off the couch and I'm gaining weight at an alarming rate because I've been stuffing my face in a futile attempt to calm down. Is this withdrawals? Bad reaction to lithium? I've been going to cognitive therapy for about a year now and when I have my mood swings all logic I've been learning just floats away somewhere. And I have been doing this strange thing where I leave out a letter of a word when I'm talking, and it's happening so often that people have been pointing it out. meh Guess I won't find out any time soon because my psychiatrist is "no longer a part of our practice" when I called my doctor this morning... :( My rescheduled appt with a different doctor isn't until for another month now. What on earth are we supposed to do when this happens? I have a 3 year old and the thought of checking myself in somewhere terrifies me, especially when I know it's one of the medicines making me this way My husband and sister have been on eggshells around me or avoid me completely. Man, it's painful. I somehow want to make them feel better and feel like I'm drowning at the same time.
  3. I've been on it for about two weeks now and my period is coincidentally 12 days off schedule with 5 very negative pregnancy tests. I was searching for the same answer. Most of what I've read suggests it can sway some peoples cycles temporarily..
  4. I just started on Paxil in addition to my Wellbutrin 4 days ago. So far I'm horribly nauseous, can't sleep till late, and am restless all night. I feel very drugged until late afternoon. I hope these side effects wear off. To get to the point, I've been eating a ketogenic, low carb diet since January. It's been the best thing ever for me.. Fewer headaches, great weight loss, no blood sugar crashes. However, I'm seeing stuff online talking about Paxil needing carbs to work, for serotonin reasons? Low carb definitely affected my mood in a positive way, but it hasn't been enough to counteract my anxiety. :( My doctor mentioned nothing about weight gain with Paxil but it's a very big concern of mine, and I don't want to gain back everything I've lost! Could a low carb diet still work? There's not much info online that I could find on it, so I'm hoping one of you can help me!
  5. I'd also love an update if you're still around. :) Starting Paxil 10mg tonight and absolutely nervous. I'm already on Wellbutrin, which is great for me... But does nothing for my anxiety.
  6. I'm sorry that you can relate! It's definitely not fun. I've been scared to work again for that very reason. If only we could be as productive as the effort we put in.
  7. Nope, he only said there was no way of knowing why my memory is so bad at this point. I had an accident 6 years ago and had an MRI, but none prior to that to compare to. My visual memory score was 40 with a normal range being 80-110.
  8. Today was the first day I was able to get to the office without accidentally driving by it first. Small victories I got my test results today..! Update time I am officially diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I scored above average for ADD but my doctor thinks it's the anxiety showing it's colors and wants to wait and see if those symptoms improve with treatment. Most interestingly, I do have some pretty gnarly memory problems after all. Nothing I can't find ways to work around, but it was a relief to know that part wasn't in my mind ;) My visual memory was the worst, and although my verbal memory isn't great.. It was my strongest. I'm not entirely sure what that means yet! I'm just going to try to use it to my advantage. Treatment is going to mean starting a new drug that can treat my anxiety (finally!!) and therapy sessions. Just the idea of therapy intimidates the snot outta me and comforts me at the same time. Since I don't technically have ADD, I guess this is farewell from this part of the forum...you all are amazing.
  9. I took my test and get my results back in a week! It was a lot more involved than I expected and very humbling. I wasn't able to answer a lot of questions, took a long time on simple puzzles, and on others I don't think I bombed too badly. I'm so curious to see what my doctor has to say. I've been in a really good mood lately, so I was pretty confident when I went back this time, but was shaken up after realizing some of my weak areas. I kept repeating nervous phrases and words like "um" and "oh my goodness," over and over when I felt my mind lock up, which I (and Mr. Pokerface) were all too aware of. Once upon a time, I had absolutely amazing grades in school...so I left feeling a pit in my stomach like I had taken an exam without studying. I'm doing my best to remain optimistic about the results, but I can't decide what I am hoping to hear. I suppose I'm looking forward to answers! --->feeling impatient<---
  10. Totally willing to update Hazzy! My phone is a great asset, as long as I don't forget the appt time while I'm scrolling to the right hour... Lol. I have another post in the Wellbutrin section that I have been waiting for forever to update when I finaaally get the ADD test. I do think my doctor cares, even if his poker face is too legit. I appreciate you all so much, and am glad to know that you're toughing it out as well. Are you all on medication for this, if you don't mind me asking? I see that there is still a struggle and I hadn't even considered that meds might not change things as much as I expected. Thank you for saying I'm not broken Icarus. I tell myself that I am far too often. Even if I can't force my mind to behave the way I want yet, your positivity is completely contagious. I really do push myself as hard as I can, I think we have to more than most! Good thing you have such an amazing sense of humor scienceguy! :) and thank goodness we can fake it till we make it!
  11. I'm waiting to be given an ADD test by my Psychologist in a couple of weeks. I've been complaining about memory problems to my PCP for a while now, so she sent me to him. This is a small vent post because I can't seem to stop crying over this... I've only seen this psychologist once. It took me 45 minutes (after my appointment time) to get to his office even though I was on the right street 30 minutes before my appointment. I had pulled in, and walked into a dentist's office by mistake. They told me my doctor was "down the hill." So, I drove down the main road searching again, then drove back up, completely confused. I even called the psychologist and he tried to explain where his office was, and the second I hung up the phone I didn't remember a word of what he said. I had gps on this entire time. Granted, I was a little flustered and embarrassed at this point, so that was contributing. Looong story short, his office had been in the same office community, I just had to go to the second building... which was down a little hill behind the dentist office. Not the best intro, I was just lucky they still decided to see me. My next appointment was scheduled for last Monday, but we got 6 inches of snow the night before and I'm not a very good driver so I had to cancel. My husband couldn't take me because he woke up with strep throat that day. So I rescheduled for this morning. I am very careful to write down all of my appointments when I'm on the phone or in person. I repeat the day, date, and time just to make sure I've got it right. BUUUT I wrote all of this info into the wrong month, so I thought my appointment was tomorrow. I couldn't get a babysitter for my 2 year old last minute, and my husband absolutely wasn't able to take off. When I called my psychologist he said "Are you sure you'll be able to make this one? Two missed times-- I'm wondering what's going on, but a third is..." Now I have to wait two more weeks for my appointment, which makes me sad because I want so much to get better. I'm not crying because of this one instance, this was icing on my cake. I'm honestly just so unreliable. I can't stand letting people down, and my husband does his best to remind me about things. The last job I had didn't go well because of this. If I write it on paper, I'm sure to lose the paper. If I'm writing down the date, I will forget what was just said 2 seconds before and my brain will switch it to something else. Then I ask what they said 3 more times, and hopefully get it down right. I also cannot remember to get more than one thing at the grocery store, even with a list. I forget I have a list. I'm scared that I can't be fixed. I'm only 24, so I tend to assume people think I'm not taking them seriously, or am a ditz. Pessimistic rant --> over. Thanks for listening.
  12. I was so sure I had written a response =\ Thanks for sharing! I'm sorry to hear your meds are out of whack right now. I hope you find the right combo soon. Did you have any ADHD symptoms when you started it initially as well? My doc told me there are very few side effects from upping Wellbutrin. These forums (and you) say otherwise lol. For now 150 is pretty good. I don't feel great, but not totally at the end of my rope either. My only complaint right now is fatigue and my memory is reaching unbelievably poor levels. I've been making lists of everything I need to remember, then losing the lists. I don't remember people I had just met the day before and don't remember scheduling appointments. I think the worst part is that I'm essentially having to use the GPS for everything except for the grocery store. Quite honestly, it's pretty scary. My husband doesn't seem to understand how my memory can possibly be this bad either. I already had memory problems well before Wellbutrin, or even depression. Perhaps Wellbutrin makes ADD worse. I hope so, because I actually like this drug!
  13. Went to my one month check up today. I've had a lot of anxiety, and mood swings, but overall... Most of the side effects are gone and I am feeling better! The Wellbutrin makes me very tired and I cannot focus or remember much. My doctor is sending me to get an official ADD test done. I'm pretty sure I was also diagnosed with it when I was younger.. There is a long waiting list in my city, so I'll have to wait a few months. Staying at 150 for now to avoid worsening cognitive problems. Driving has been very difficult!! ***anxiety attacks about 4-6 hours after taking the medication are still happening, but if I take it at 11pm I sleep through them and wake up feeling great*
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