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One More Red Nightmare

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Everything posted by One More Red Nightmare

  1. I think the fact that you posted this here shows you are not a lost cause. So don't quit yet. Lots of depressed people here, obviously. You're not alone.
  2. I'm a slave to my emotions. The predominant one that haunts me my whole life is deep sadness. I would love to not feel everything so strongly.
  3. All success in life is fleeting. When you're on top, you think it will never end. And them life comes and kicks you in the @$$. It happened to me, too. Being down after you've been up is terrible, as you tend to torment yourself thinking about what you lost. It really sucks.
  4. I'm sorry for your depression, but please don't traumatize your daughter by telling her she's bad and you will leave her. Why do that?
  5. I don't want to live anymore because I really dislike this world, society, and my place in it. I feel like a nothing, a failure. I can't relate to other people. I don't really enjoy anything. I wake up every day dreading everything. I have no self-confidence. Everything is a struggle. I can't "snap out of it" or "man up", as people say. This is just who I am. So I would very much like to die to end the suffering. However I will not commit suicide because it will hurt and screw up my 2 kids, I am sure. I don't want to do that. So every day I ask God to take me, but I don't think that will work. Nothing to do but endure to the bitter end, I guess. So depressing.
  6. Nissala - How does one qualify for disability for depression? In my opinion, if you can work, you should. I know it will be hard, but being on disability for depression itself sounds depressing.
  7. It's easy to blame other people, but I have learned to avoid that. That's unfair and is kind of a cop-out. Yes, we've all been wronged by others. In my case, my own mother contributed greatly to the destruction of my marriage and young family, from which I never really recovered. But I have to forgive her. I know I have wronged others, as well, and I hope they forgive me. At the same time I don't entirely blame myself, even though I recognize that the uncomfortable position I'm in now in my life is at least partially the result of all the choices I have made. Then again, I always made the choices I thought were right at the time. In short, blame is useless, I think. Depression, sadness, and anxiety come upon us for reasons that are hard to identify. My brother, whose life was ruined by severe schizophrenia, once told me that he was just born with a melancholy soul.
  8. I tried opening up to my ex-wife about my crippling sadness and anxiety, as I don't really have anyone else to potentially talk to. She told me to "man up" and is generally dismissive. I think this attitude is common. I don't blame her because it sounds like whining, and obviously there are so many people suffering so horribly in the world, and everyone has their own problems. Who am I to complain? But I don't take solace in others' suffering. And while I recognize that I seemingly have it good compared to people with "real" problems, I can't help how I feel. I live in my head, not in anyone else's. And in my head I am in constant lonely hell. I can only sleep until about 2:00 a.m. usually. Then I just lie in bed. Often I scream or twitch. I can't commit suicide, but I've started asking God to take me home soon. I don't want to live a few more decades (?) like this. Depression is not socially acceptable in the male world. It is what it is. It's a hard lonely burden to carry. Those who don't have it just cannot understand, and all the trite advice (even if it's god advice) and self-help books offer only temporary relief for me. All I can do is wait for the end, whenever it may come. The best salve for me is knowing that all things must pass.
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