Status Updates posted by One More Red Nightmare
Love is a razor, and I walked the line on that silver blade
Slept in the dust with his daughter
Her eyes red with the slaughter of innocence
But I will pray for her
I will call her name out loud
I would bleed for her
if I could only see her now
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Yes, I believe she is demonically possessed and that she was used against me. I know this sounds insane, but I have several very reasons to believe that.
One is that at the very beginning of our relationship, she laughed in my face and told me that “the Biotch is going to ruin your life”. The voice that said it was not her. She was embarrassed and horrified and could not explain it. There were a lot more strange manifestations. To this day lights go out in her presence, alarms go off, strange noises are around, etc.
As one who has had many spiritual and mystical experiences, none of this is particularly weird or unbelievable to me. I accept the reality of the spiritual world, spiritual beings, and spiritual warfare. I know, though, that most people do not, so I don’t often talk about it.
I have read a lot of books about spiritual warfare, including several by famous exorcists. What happened to me is almost exactly what they describe as “diabolical obsession,” which is one of the several ways that demons can molest a person (possession being the worst and rarest). The goal of it is to drive a person to despair and then suicide. I could have opened myself up to this attack by falling for a married possessed woman.
Well, life isn’t boring for us depressed ones!
I have read your posts about your health problems and pain. That is horrible. I am very sorry. I wish you could get some relief.
Thank you for your wishes about my health, my dear.
As for this woman, this is terrible news. I, too, am a believer in the other worlds and dimensions around us, and wonder if there is some way a brother or priest could exorcise YOU to get the demonic tentacles out of you. Is this possible? Am I misunderstanding the possibilities?
It is possible, but it's not easy to find an exorcist. There are actually very few of them left, as I understand, and they don't advertise. As the Catholic Church has become more liberal over the decades, belief in spiritual warfare has waned, even though official church dogma supports the real existence of the devil and demons and their attacks on people. The New Testament of the Bible of course explicitly states that all of this is real and that we are under attack.
Don't worry. It's just one more red nightmare. It too shall pass.
The future's unset, and the end is always near.
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That's a lyric from The Doors song "Roadhouse Blues". It came to mind recently when I was in DF chat and Duck asked for a song about "the end", so I gave him that one. I always liked that lyric. I don't think I'm near the end, but I think the lyric is true.
I'm okay. Really getting deep into Catholicism and prayer to deal with depression and sadness. I even confessed all my sins to priests over multiple sessions, which was very difficult for me. I guess this is my last, desperate attempt. I'm done with medication and wordly therapies. When all else fails, God must save us if we turn to Him, no? :) We shall see!
This weekend (11 August as I write this) I am going to Chicago to spend a few days with the Alexian Brothers again. I will undergo 2 days of psychological testing. If I pass, I think they will accept me. New recruits come in each January, and I have to decide whether or not to apply in November. So my decision point is coming soon. Scares the hell out of me, I admit. I give it a 50/50 chance of happening as of now. There is a lot to agree on with my ex-wife before I can do it, as I'll need to transfer all my assets to her for care of our daughter.
I do often suspect that this is all an illusion or simulation, anyway, so quite possibly nothing really matters as much as we think it does. We worry so much, and really for what?
I have avoided writing too much in the forums lately. I think after a while it all gets repetitious. I see the same people posting the same things over and over. Makes me realize that we have to change things ourselves if we want anything to change. That's a big reason I am considering such a radical change. It's crazy, but why the hell not? It's not like I'm happy in this life or ever will be. The religious life could actually be an amazing adventure. And if not, oh well.. it will all be over soon enough. :)
How are you doing? You can write to me on Facebook messenger. It's pretty convenient. We can have easy chats there. Always enjoy interacting with you.
I'm exploring a couple of different options for pain relief. One, surgery, for which I have not asked enough questions, and must should I decide to do it.
The other option is a Dr. who's a DO and whose colleague in NY said my younger brother had the same kinds of issues (he's quite wealthy and has options about treatments, regardless of cost), though I don't think my brother was told he has a spine that is 20 years older than he (as I was), nor has he been in pain for as long as I have. But one of his doctors has referred me to a doctor/associate here in Ohio, whom I plan to see ASAP, considering I'm scheduled for "minimally invasive" and "results last forever" surgery on September 20.
My aunt has been visiting again, and it breaks my heart to see her so . . . fragile and depressed. She looks 10 years older than my mother, who is 5 years older than she. She leaves tomorrow, and is already tearful about her departure. She is returning to the MESS her husband left her when he died, and an entitled daughter and son-in-law she's taken in but neither of whom seems to think it's necessary to WORK for a living. Hard to believe my mother and my aunt had the same parents. Not that I'm a saint, but I have never lived off my parents' fixed income and have always purchased my own food and contributed to all household needs. My aunt has COPD, thanks to living with a man who smoked for most of the years they were married, and as a retired RN, predicts that she will only be around for a couple of more years, tops. WHY is life so painful for some? She didn't know she was choosing a man who would be ****ed up by time spent in Vietnam (PTSD wasn't acknowledged in the late seventies), and who, even though he retired as a full colonel, ciphoned a lot of their money to their daughter and her husband, leaving my cousin with the idea that this is what she should expect of life.
But enough gossip about my family. Part of me feels it's disloyal, so I'll shut up now.
I hope that, by the time you read this, your visit will have gone well and that you'll be closer to a decision about the rest of your life. I want you to live as free of emotional pain as is possible for you, and if you think this may be the answer you've sought, I hope it works out for you. But will you be able to keep in touch with friends? Maybe by snail-mail? That's always been more fun. I remember Back in the Day, when I'd look forward to a letter from a friend.
Well, good-night, dear David.
Hi, Marianna! My visit went well, I think. I really like the brothers. These are men who gave up a lot just to serve others. Some very intelligent and thoughtful people. We can have some pretty fascinating conversations that I just can't have with the sheeple in the secular world. They seem to like me, too. Still 50/50 on whether or not it will happen. If it does, I'm pretty sure I can stay in touch with friends. This particular order doesn't seem like the strictest, to be honest. The order has money, and the brothers live pretty well. The worst part is prayer every day starting at 5:00 a.m.! :)
Otherwise I am pretty depressed still. I don't think depression ever leave me. For me depression manifests itself as a heavy sadness about the world that always weighs me down. It's just my cross to bear until the end of my life.
I'm sorry about your family problems. People and their lives are so messy. The problems in my family cause me great sadness. There are no happy endings in this life, unfortunately. There are some good moments, though.
I really hope your surgery goes well. Being in physical pain all the time is a nightmare.
It's just one more red nightmare. It too shall pass. Have faith in God and get through it.
Searching for truth and peace.
Drifting through the days..
Dreams of the night
shadows of fears
fragments of memories
passed through the years
dissolved in the light
Dreams of the day
projects of desires
longings of loves
passed through heart’s fires
doomed to stay
The soul lost in pain
by dark’s dreams but frightened
in cold truth’s oppression
by mind’s trick lightened
by light’s dreams sustained