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One More Red Nightmare

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Everything posted by One More Red Nightmare

  1. I feel completely empty, with a sadness deeper than words can express, full of regret for past foolish actions that robbed me of any chance at happiness. It will not get better for me in this life. No false optimism, new relationship, medication, or therapy will change that. I will carry this unbearable pain until I die. Still, I can do some good for others while I am here. So I will do so. And I will love God.
  2. There is an afterlife. I know this because I was there for a brief period of "time". I also know for sure that God does exist, and He is a spirit of pure Love that is truly unimaginable. I can't prove this to anyone else, but I am telling the truth based on my own direct experience. This wondrous mystical experience that I had gives me hope to make it to the end of my life, even though my sadness-based chronic depression is a very heavy burden to carry that often makes me long for life to end. I know intuitively that if I endure to the end without losing my faith and staying in obedience to God, no matter what bad things happen, then I can return to Him again and experience that incredible Love, Peace, and Joy for all eternity.
  3. Some friends aren't really friends. You are fortunate if you find 1 or 2 real friends your entire life. It's just the way it is, sadly.
  4. I'm sorry for your loss, brother. I hope you will be reunited with her in heaven, in due time.
  5. I know what it’s like to be under spiritual attack. It’s horrible. Drove me to despair and nearly to suicide. You can’t fight back on your own. You need spiritual help, and you can call on it. Of course very few will believe or understand such things. Years ago I didn’t particularly believe in the reality of the spiritual world and spiritual beings, both good and evil. But now I know without a doubt that it’s all very real. Keep praying and hold tight to faith.
  6. Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world. A little kindness, a little understanding, and a little love exchanged between 2 people can accomplish so much. When you don't have that, the world seems so bleak.
  7. Darkness has descended again. Times of trial are here for me. Need a lot of faith and strength now.
  8. Fake it. Girls want to have fun, as Cyndi Lauper told us. Have to make them laugh, smile. Acting depressed on a date isn’t going to cut it.
  9. Depression is a terrible thing. It’s hard to go through life with it. I’ve realized that I can help some people and do, and they appreciate me for it. So this unhappy life is not all pointless. But it will never be joyful. And now.. after years of being dead in my heart, I am unexpectedly developing feelings for a woman. The problem is, of course she is married (unhappily and lovelessly, but married). Here comes trouble, again.
  10. Could be demonic oppression. Sounds like it. That causes everything in your life to go wrong. You can’t overcome it with just meds and therapy, and you can’t fight it alone.
  11. Sounds kind of like you got MK Ultra’d. I know the feeling of disassociation you are describing. It used to happen to me frequently. To tell you the truth I kind of liked it. Made things easier, less serious. I would just observe myself acting and laugh at the world. It stopped happening a few years ago, though. Now I’m present in the world and don’t like it.
  12. Constant depression is such a struggle. For me it’s been over 5 years, every day, pretty much all day. I am determined to make it to the end of my natural life, but this is living in hell. What a way to go through life.
  13. It's a tough pill to swallow when you realize your depression will be with you your entire life, barring a miracle. It's now an endurance test to the end. Getting ready to throw a Hail Mary in February.
  14. BG - This is a horrible time to be a young person, I’m afraid. Depression, mental illness, and suicide are way up. (These are great times for satanic big pharma companies, though.) Social media and political correctness have had a devastating negative impact on young people. Unfortunately it’s by design. This world is more evil than you know. Hang in there..
  15. If you want to know God, you have to pray. Prayer is the main channel of communication between us and Him. There are 3 keys to effective prayer: 1. pray persistently (pray every day whether you feel like it or not); 2. pray with humility (always remember that you are the creation, and He is the creator, and submit to His will, not yours); and 3. pray with confidence (find the small grain of faith that exists in all of us, and know that He hears you). Then keep an open heart and open mind to hear His response, which can come in many different ways. Fight the tendency to doubt and disbelieve. This will block His voice. Beware of the world, which will bombard you with messages and images and teachings designed to drive you away from Him. Never forget who is the ruler of this world. Jesus told us unequivocally. You know who it is, right? Why do bad things happen in this world? Because man is fallen, and we are stuck here with the ruler of this world and his huge army of fallen angels, whose only mission is to prevent you from returning to God. They hate you because you can be saved, but they cannot be saved. Never for a minute doubt the reality of the spiritual world and spiritual creatures (angels and fallen angels, aka demons). You may not believe in them, but they certainly believe in you. The fallen ones use your ignorance of them and your disbelief against you. It makes you easy prey. Be careful of the arguments of atheists, agnostics, and pagans. They will try to intellectually rationalize why God cannot exist (“bad things happen”, “a good God would not allow this,” etc.), or they will invent their own version of God or gods based on their own wishful thinking (eg. every “new age” or happy-sappy spiritualist philosophy). Faith is beyond the rationalizations of the human mind. Do not let the tragedies and troubles of this world break your spirit. Remember it is all temporary and will pass. God allows you to suffer for a reason. Your faith, hope, love, and perseverance are all being put to the test. A big secret that many do not understand is that your suffering is a gift. You are now able to place it at the foot of the cross, join it with the suffering of Jesus, and offer it as a sacrifice to God in reparation for your sins, for the praise and glory of His name, for the forgiveness of sinners, and for the salvation of souls. None of this is easy. We are not put on this earth to have an easy, happy life. Anybody frequenting the Depression Forums should understand this. True Christianity is a hard way of life. There is a reason that Jesus told us clearly that His way is the narrow way. Everything I am telling you is true. To arrive here took me many years of spiritually searching, going down many spiritual paths, much study and research, much prayer, and much discernment. I took my spiritual quest very seriously, and so must you. I was also very fortunate to have been blessed with direct private revelations, visions, and visitations. God is beyond all human imagining. He is an infinite love that is indescribable. But you must seek Him. If you do, He will certainly reach out to you. Pray. Pray. Pray! Why did God set up the world and our lives the way He did? Well, remember that He is the creator and you are the creation. He has reasons that are beyond our knowing. If we get to heaven, we can ask Him. :) Meanwhile, do everything possible to get there! There are many obstacles - the world, the flesh, and the evil one are all conspiring against you. It may not seem fair, but that’s the way it is. If you overcome those obstacles, an eternity in paradise is waiting for you. Do you believe? You must start with faith and proceed with courage and persistance. It only takes faith the size of a mustard seed to start. It is in you. Look for it.
  16. Love is a razor, and I walked the line on that silver blade

    Slept in the dust with his daughter

    Her eyes red with the slaughter of innocence

     But I will pray for her

    I will call her name out loud

    I would bleed for her

    if I could only see her now

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. One More Red Nightmare

      One More Red Nightmare

      Yes, I believe she is demonically possessed and that she was used against me. I know this sounds insane, but I have several very reasons to believe that.

      One is that at the very beginning of our relationship, she laughed in my face and told me that “the Biotch is going to ruin your life”.    The voice that said it was not her. She was embarrassed and horrified and could not explain it. There were a lot more strange manifestations. To this day lights go out in her presence, alarms go off, strange noises are around, etc. 

      As one who has had many spiritual and mystical experiences, none of this is particularly weird or unbelievable to me. I accept the reality of the spiritual world, spiritual beings, and spiritual warfare. I know, though, that most people do not, so I don’t often talk about it. 

      I have read a lot of books about spiritual warfare, including several by famous exorcists. What happened to me is almost exactly what they describe as “diabolical obsession,” which is one of the several ways that demons can molest a person (possession being the worst and rarest). The goal of it is to drive a person to despair and then suicide. I could have opened myself up to this attack by falling for a married possessed woman. 

      Well, life isn’t boring for us depressed ones!

      I have read your posts about your health problems and pain. That is horrible. I am very sorry. I wish you could get some relief. 

    3. womanofthelight


      Thank you for your wishes about my health, my dear.

      As for this woman, this is terrible news.  I, too, am a believer in the other worlds and dimensions around us, and wonder if there is some way a brother or priest could exorcise YOU to get the demonic tentacles out of you.  Is this possible?  Am I misunderstanding the possibilities?

    4. One More Red Nightmare

      One More Red Nightmare

      It is possible, but it's not easy to find an exorcist.  There are actually very few of them left, as I understand, and they don't advertise.  As the Catholic Church has become more liberal over the decades, belief in spiritual warfare has waned, even though official church dogma supports the real existence of the devil and demons and their attacks on people.  The New Testament of the Bible of course explicitly states that all of this is real and that we are under attack.

  17. Your earthly pain passes when you die. Of course, after death a new type of pain is possible, but that is preventable.
  18. I am sorry for your pain, dear woman. :( Try to hold on. All pain will eventually pass. That knowledge has been a great motivating factor for me.
  19. Sounds kind of like diabolic obsession. Don’t assume that it’s your mind creating those thoughts. You may be under spiritual attack.
  20. Sometimes life throws a pleasant surprise. Yesterday events came together in such a way that, to my great surprise, I spoke for about 1.5 hours on the phone with my beloved girlfriend from 28 years ago. (She was the best girl I ever had. I wish I could have kept her.) It felt great. There was such an easy rapport, as if we were never apart. I don't foresee us getting back together, but still this was very cool. It happened after I told God that I was lonely and prayed for some companionship.
  21. I’ve been in a serious depression for 5 years now. I hope it lifts, but I don’t think it will. I think I’m stuck with it until the end. There is no “coping” for me, just enduring. One day it will end. Until then I will try to live with dignity.
  22. You're not worthless, and you don't deserve to die. It just feels that way sometimes. All of us are broken people, and we all struggle in different ways. But all of us have value.
  23. Not a fan of drinking myself. It’s temporarily fun, but the sickness afterward is not worth it. If you’re going to indulge, I think smoking the green is a lot better and more rewarding. I haven’t smoked in months, though.
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