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Ladyjeanne

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About Ladyjeanne

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  1. Truly would appreciate any feedback you are able to give I have been with my boyfriend two years. He is one of those people that are so kind, caring and honest and completely against lies and cheating. His has a lot of commitments in his life working long hours, bodybuilding, elderly parents reliant on him etc and we live in different towns so we only got to see each other at weekends but we are both indpendant people and it made us appreciate our time more and we were extremely happy. He told his friends he was going to marry me and we were just in the process of finding a house to move in to together. About 6 months ago he had to get in to training for a big bodybuilding competition. He was 2nd last year and was determind to get 1st this year. He worked all day and also went to gym 3 times a day as well as seeing to his parents and dog. His diet was crazy, no carbs for weeks on end and then just a few grams. He seemed to let it consume him, it was quite scary to watch nothing else seemed to mattered. He was also very unhappy at work. Because I wanted him to achieve his dream I gave him space to do what he had to but was supporting him every step. A couple of months before the competition I was barely seeing him at all, I mentioned it but he said it would improve once it was over. The competition came and he did not do very well. He was heart broken. I think he felt everything in his life was hard, he worked his arse off, neglected me and our relationship and it was all for nothing. The next week he was in a very very bad place and he broke down in tears and said he had been suffering with depression for quite a while, felt like everything in his life was numb to him, felt like a lost little boy. He sobbed like a baby. Looking back I realised that all the signs were there but I worried due to lack of seeing each other he was falling out of love with me but when I looked up depression in men all the symptons matched. So I spent the next few weeks supporting him, whilst he tried to get better. I did try to get him to speak to someone but he was not very keen. Some days he would sit out side the gym close to tears saying he felt sick he could not go in and others he would be in bed all weekend. He said he would get home sit down and before he knew it hours had passed and he hadn't done anything he was supposed to. Apart from managing to get to work he withdrew from everyone and everything. I did not see him for a few weeks but we spoke constantly. Through these months I gave him so many opportunities to let me know if he had fallen out of love with me or if he wanted to go our separate ways but he never took them. Said he knew he loved me but everything in his world seems dead to him. Would say he must be sick in the head and there must be something wrong with him. Then he mentioned to me he might go away for a lads weekend. I said it would be good for him to spend time with his friends but to be careful with drinking as it would not help the depression. After being indecisive for a week he decided last minute he was going to go. I was a little worried with the strain on our relationship and with the alcohol so I asked if he was going away as a single man and he said I was worrying about something that would never happen and he told his best mate he had to wear a chastity belt. The day he was due back I came across a post of his fb wall from a women, it was clear she had spent the weekend with him. Cutting a long story short, he has been cheating on me. Tried to cover his arse and lie first saying she was just a friend (but what I think was her deliberate post on fb meant he was caught out) I have not had consistent answers but I think it has been 2 months. And he took her away. No lads weekend. He admitted he had been lying to me for weeks. I asked why he did not let me go before he cheated I had given him so many chances and he said he loved me. He said his head was a mess and all over the place. I asked if he loves her but he said he is really into her and really likes her. When I first confronted him, all his love, care. Concern and protection seemed to be for her and he seemed angry at me. He said he would drive to mine to talk but he never did. I tried to get answers on the phone but he was so cold and horrible to me and did not want to answer anything. So basically it's over. I think he is now with her. It's only been a few days but our communication I have referred to her as his new girlfriend and the women he loves and has never corrected me. One day I get silence the next I get bombarded with messages of how he did truly love me and still does and no one has benefited from his actions and he will have to face the consequences. He keeps saying if I need anything to let him know. Like why on earth would I contact him for anything after what he has done. The lying and cheating is bad enough but to replace me with her. And she is the complete opposite to me, in all the bad ways (boobs out on fb) the sort of women he would never respect let alone date. I feel like the man I love no longer exists and I hve no idea who this liar and cheater is. I don't know if depression was an excuse he used to distance me so he could have this relationship or if his stae of mind contributed to him doing what he did. I know it was still his choice but I feel so desperate to understand before I move forward on my own. I genuinely belive he was depressed. But if so how could he start up a new relationship and go away for what sounded like a really fun, sex filled weekend if he was feeling so low? It does not seem possible. I have read that when a man is depressed and his whole life feels numb, he feels nothing, especially his current partner can give him what he needs to could this new women be a high, like a drug that he felt was fixing his depression? Or is it simply he just did not have the balls to finish with me and quite happily and easily replaced me without me even knowing and the depression was an act? I don't think I will ever get answers from him, not sure he knows himself or is too ashamed or doesn't care enough to tell me. So I have said my goodbyes, you cannot get past cheating and want to move forward but desperate for some sort of u understanding. I know it won't ease the pain or change anything but may help me know if the man I loved evr existed or if it was an act and this is the real him or if it was genuine and he is not himself at the moment. If the depression is genuine,I am also concerned that if this women is a quick fix, who will probably take him for everything he has (from the look of her) that the depression will stil be there and she will probably move on as I can't see how she can love him already to make her want to help him with it and in the past he has turned to drink and drugs before he met me to deal with it. I also think he is in a bad way knowing what he did to me as he says I am the purest person he knows a rare diamond and he will never find anyone like me again. He knows he has destroyed me. Please help xxxx
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