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  1. I’m having a hell of a time with my profession and my mental health. Anyone else out there going through the same? If so, what are your challenges and how is mental health affecting your work or the other way around? Any suggestions of coping on the daily? I’m spiraling downward and need advice.
  2. I had 2 miscarriages In 4 months, I had D&C surgery 4 days ago because my body won’t let go. my partner drinks a lot and won’t admit he has a problem, worse now with miscarriage #2. I go back to work tomorrow after 2 weeks of medical leave. I hate my job. I hate representing clients with criminal charges. It’s a lot of pressure, 300 cases all me, working 60-70 hours a week. Can’t catch up or even make a dent. As soon as I come back from court a new wave of cases followed by a second wave of existing cases. I’m coming back even more depressed. My depression came back after 3.5 years. I dread work tomorrow, I’m still suffering the physical and emotional aftermath of losing this pregnancy. I really hate what I do but it pays the bills. Fudge. I’m spiraling .
  3. low quality women's clothing at high quality prices.
  4. hmm i don't have much to add ther than I thin you're right, maybe you are trying to trigger some feeling in your period of numbness and so you think of the absurd . I think if he worse during the height of anxiety. i feel the same way about the souls mate thing. I too feel like I've missed it all and there's no worse feeling than loneliness in my opinion. everything you wanted that you see is just a reminder of what u don't have. though I wonder if there's a self esteem issue mixed in your feelings? I know it was certainly for me and that doesn't help when you have depression and anxiety to boot.
  5. when you describe ripping your skin off the first thing that comes to my mind is 'dissatisfaction with life'. ive had anxiety spells where I wish I could rip my skin off too.. like a stretching a balloon, that anxiety or intensity that u get when u fear it popping.. is that what it feels like? .. I guess the question is .. what do u feel before and after u imagine that? are you experiencing other things besides insomnia? I know that's a big sign of depression. I used to watch this academic lecture by Robert Sapolsky a neuroendocronologist from Stanford about depression and in it he talks about how depression just destroys your sleep architecture. it's a good video to watch. he talks about it at 10:10 i recommend it. i didn't have numbness so much as I just couldn't sleep so I watched science documentaries .. neutral, boring but slightly entertaining, wouldn't contribute to anxiety or depression. since it's more about learning. maybe your thoughts veer that way bc your brain wants to evoke some feeling in another part of your brain?
  6. I don't know why I think of farming , or vineyard working (don't wash barrels that's a grueling job), sea urchin diving.. that stuff ca be a self employment job in Northern California.
  7. @Weesue I know totally. some folks are just so passionate and sensitive. sometimes I think that people that are truly spiritual or religious should be the most open minded people bc of what their respective bible teaches. but it seems like people use it to justify their actions and some of those actions are not so nice. or they use it to say they're right and we are wrong. so, how do you engage the Joel Osteens of the world? is it Joel? that tv evangelist guy? he kinda creeps me out.
  8. Hi Jalen, I don't think you dissapoint your parents. I have seen parents of children that are adults, where these adults fall into drugs or commit serious crime and their parents still love them. I say that bc as I hear, the bond and love that a parent has to their kid is unbreakable, of course you won't see that as a child. I'm sure they want the best for you and don't want them to repeat some of the mistakes they did when they were your age. As far as your sister, well you know sibblings. We all have them. I always thought my sisters were horrible and they thought I was horrible.. that was during our teenage years. that's pretty normal, we're all adapting and changing and having sibblings just adds to the mix. I actually get along with my sisters now that I'm 34 (they are 30 and 39) than when we were young. So, I think that is what may be happening with your sister right now. I can also tell you that as adults we have chosen to change the nature of our relationship, we are a lot closer now. so, you have to take it into context of how old you are and what you and her are going through in your own lives. Grades.. You know, try your best. sometimes its just that the topic is boring. the grades you get in school are somewhat a factor of how well you will do later in terms of college, graduate school, etc. But one thing that i have learned is that your motivation and commitment will truly determine how far you will go. I'm not sure how old you are but if youre anywhere near college i can tell you , that is where you will find your true passion, just gravitate to what you like, whatever that is. because you CAN make a career out of it or do something related. don't ever do something that someone tells you is good for you bc if you're not naturally interested in it, it wont turn out well. hating yourself .. its hard. i know. you look at yourself and you wish oh god why, why me? what the F? what's going on? it's never ending.. and you take all the negative or all the negative you can think of and you pile it on. it's self blame, you already blame yourself for a couple of things, right? why not more? I I think that what is going on here is that you care too much, you want to please people, maybe because it's a way to deflect your own insecurity? or the feeling that you're not good enough? I suggest to work on yourself and what makes you feel good, it sounds selfish but it really isn't. we live in a society where lookng out for yourself is frowned upon. It is ok, to take care of yourself first . because how can you take care of someone else if you dont take care of yourself beforehand? you should try your best to concentrate on your inner self. you'd be surprised how things can turn around when you put value in you and you say and believe that you ARE awesome. it's like turning on the light in a pitch black room. the lights are on and you can see everything and navigate better. it takes a long time to learn to love yourself. I'm 34 and ive lived with low self esteem and insecurity, i have always put others first to my detriment and theyre off doing better things.... not until now did i realize, hey what about me? i feel like i missed my life. don't be me.
  9. I do something similar when i drive in some open road like the 5 in CA I just wonder where people are going . i feel like I'm 23 inside bc back then I had ambition and life was ahead of me.. but I see my face at 34 and think I let it all slip bc of wrong choices with men :/ so when u noticed this thread on your bday I bet u thought of what u were doing that day lol
  10. Just reflecting on my life. When I stare at the mirror and see the signs of aging and my inside doesn't match my outside...how do i cope. when i stare and that stranger stares back.. how do i find who i used to be? i think about this several times a day every day for the past 4 months. ever since i took wellbutrin i feel like it aged me. i had to stop.
  11. Hi brit, I hope you are doing better after you posted this. I wonder if getting off the medication fluctuated your emotions. I am glad that you are back on them and hope they can provide some relief and balance. I think you should hang on to the one thing that makes you feel better and that is exercise. I do the same, well, I take walks, it's the only thing I look forward to as opposed to staying in bed and staring at the ceiling thinking about loneliness and feeling anxious. The feeling of doom seems like anxiety. I get that in the morning, I wake up and I have this crazy fear of dying as if I'm about to face true death right then and there. is that what you are feeling? I'm sorry that you are going through this. I think depression is one of the worse conditions to experience. and keeping it in can make it worse I'm glad you are posting. i know the support is only online but it helps with time. i used to dread when people told me give it time bc it didn't address the daily ordeals of depression and anxiety but i think that is why the forums and blogging here are good because they give you something to preoccupy and at the same time if you do this every day youre getting the feelings out instead of bottling them in. so keep posting, even if people might now respond sometimes they read but it doesn't mean they dont care or dont empathize they might just not have the words.
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