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Everything posted by jesslynn111

  1. Hi Hope, I'm so glad that you shared your experience with everyone on here and that you have received such wonderfully positive responses. I know I mentioned to you some of the hallucinations I have had during sleep paralysis and also when sleep deprived, and I remember how frightening that was for me. Me, personally, I am not a religious person per say, but I also believe that there are different levels of perception and that some people are more "in tune" to certain things/realities than others. I truly believe some people do see ghosts and other unexplained things, although I have not experienced many of them myself. Same with your situation, I believe that you are experiencing exactly what you describe, and it could be medical, could be spiritual, or you could be in tune to another part of life that we are not. You may never know for sure. None of us really "know" what else is out there. If you do find a therapist some day that you trust very much, maybe then you can explore the experiences in a safe environment. The fact that you have been managing this for so many years and are still able to have a stable and fulfilling life is evidence of what a strong person you are and I really think you will motivate others by them seeing some of the struggles you deal with on the inside, while still working, having a steady partner, having friends, going to concerts, etc. You are incredible!! :)
  2. Hi desposy, I can relate to what you said about always having dealt with depression but not knowing it until later. That happened to me as well, and I finally figured out I had depression and anxiety when I was in college and was treated with therapy and SSRI medication, both of which helped me tremendously. I have used both on and off throughout the past 10 years and have learned many skills to better cope with the symptoms when they pop up. I think coming to this forum is a great way to get started. Lynn's advise is wonderful and extremely on-point. I would start by first just talking to your primary doctor and letting them know what you posted here, and they can help you decide how to proceed. Just be sure to note that it is your decision as well. I have had some doctors push me to take medication when I was not ready and they were not listening to what I was saying. It's important to start where you feel comfortable, and for many, that may be therapy first, and for others, medication first. The choice is yours, it is your health. What I can tell you is some of my own personal experience with the two. For me, I find that medication helps to lift me up when I'm depressed by giving me a little more energy, and it removes that emotional instability that causes me to cry all of the time for no reason, so my mood lifts enough that I am able to start doing positive activities again. Medication pulls me up from the bottom so I can put in the work to seek social support, do activities, get out of the house, do chores, etc. When I am depressed, I just cry and feel incapable of doing anything. Therapy on the other hand, for me, helps me to talk through my emotions (when my head is freaking out in a tunnel of anxiety that just goes into the most negative places), and helps me work to regaining more rational thoughts again and learning how to fight those negative anxiety patterns and emotional instability so that I can address relational/work/social worries in a much more level headed way. :) It's great to get some insight and hear that those self-doubting, super worrying thoughts are all in your head and not how you would think when you are emotionally healthy. A lot of those questions that you posted, you could talk about with a counselor to weigh your options! Anyways, sorry for the rambling. I hope that something in this post you can relate to, and that you will find some good advice and connect with some of us on this site!
  3. How does light therapy work? Did you buy a sun lamp? Is it bad for your skin like tanning beds? Hi Renee, I have skin that is extremely sensitive to the sun, I've had several pre-cancerous moles removes, starting at age 5. That being said, the light therapy system is safe to use for your skin, or I could not use it. I find it very helpful after the time change as it has proven to be about as effective as therapy for individuals who suffer from seasonal affective disorder. I usually try to sit by it for about an hour a day while reading or working. Here is a helpful link: http://www.webmd.com/depression/tc/light-therapy-topic-overview http://www.amazon.com/Verilux-VT05FWW1-HappyLight-Energy-Lamp/dp/B002Q2H2JC/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1447633587&sr=8-6&keywords=verilux+happy+light That is the happy light that I currently use, although you can find them online for less expensive if you search a little bit. :)
  4. I'm actually feeling really refreshed today from this weekend, which I really needed after last week. I think my depression is starting to lift due to the medication increase, and some of the proactive measures I took, such as talking to my parents and my boyfriend about my depression, coming here to DF for support, my light therapy, and my yoga practice. It's a really good feeling. If I continue to do well, I will make sure to continue to visit this site so that I can continue to provide support and insight when possible, and a listening ear, as I have come to care about many of you. At the moment, I'm enjoying a lovely sunset from my balcony and will probably do some reading, and then make tacos for dinner, yum! I hope that you are all having a relaxing Sunday afternoon. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! :)
  5. I chose substance abuse runs in my family as my father is an alcoholic and had major problems with illegal drug addiction (crack illegal drug) in the 90s. I would say that his substance abuse stems from undiagnosed/untreated depression. My parents were divorced when I was five and my father was largely absent for much of my childhood due to his drug problems and we witnessed him at some of his worst times when he was high or having violent arguments with his second wife and children. Of course that has affected my brother and I, although I believe that my depression is largely biological/genetic as well. Combo package haha.
  6. Hi Camellia, I'm glad to see you are already getting some really great responses from others to your post. I hope that you will gain much support on this site. I agree that sometimes I come on here and just read to see how people are doing, and don't always have the energy to respond, while other times I do. It's easy to become overwhelmed when reading a lot of posts made in the same day, so I think Lynn's advice is really great. I hope that you are able to find some joy in today. :)
  7. I think you look gorgeous. And when you are pulling your hair back, of course you will see your hairline more, but you don't walk around pulling you hair back all day. I think your hair looks really good to be honest, and even if it continues to recede, there are options, AND, you are beautiful person regardless of whether your hair was long, short, purple, whatever. You have been blessed with beauty and please try not to feel so self conscious about your hairline, I doubt anyone you know is even remotely thinking about it.
  8. I am so disgusted by this sort of violence in our society, and deeply saddened. My thoughts are with those who have lost their loved ones. I don't even know what else there is to say...
  9. I know everyone's system can respond differently, and I hope that it is working for you! It must be such a relief not to break down crying all of the time. I hope that it continues to get better for you. :) I know that my system usually responds to medications pretty quickly, but I am just one person. I hope you have a relaxing weekend.
  10. You can be strongWILD too Sairyss, :) I'm down with that, it'll be your new user name. lol I second hope's response, I think we all see so much strength and goodness in you and know that you will persevere and continue to shed light in this crazy world we live in. I believe in you. We care about you, and you are an incredible person. You are so supportive to the people here at DF and mean so much to everyone here. Remember that and we just take it a day at a time, each day brings us new opportunities!
  11. Good luck hope, you'll have to let us know how it goes. Sending positive thoughts your way! :)
  12. So tired, so drained, I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open. I just need to make it another 1.25 hours until 5pm...and then I have yoga tonight, hopefully that will be refreshing. I don't know why I'm so exhausted. One more day til the weekend.....sigh.
  13. Hi Gracee, My boyfriend and I each have our own "happy light" such as what LJ mentioned above. We just pulled them out last week and have each been spending about an hour a day in front of them while working or reading and I do find it to be helpful. I would highly recommend it! I also have started taking Iron, you may want to consider that, especially if your energy drops and you feel more fatigued during your period. I've been experiencing this since I was a teenager and can totally relate. Good luck!! :)
  14. Hi guys, I'm doing okay today. Reading Renee's post about the power of intention was really inspiring for me, I need to keep that in mind myself. Work has been draining me the past few weeks and I'm going to continue to be super busy the next 4 weeks, but at least the light at the end of the tunnel will be a wonderful vacation, so it should be worth all of this craziness. Sometimes I just want to pull my hair out. Fortunately, I'm really a very organized person and am on track with my productivity, but I just feel so drained at the end of every day. Sigh. I probably need to make a better effort at taking breaks throughout the day so I don't feel so hollow and just "blah" every night. It's like my brain literally shuts down after 5pm! Anyways, I hope you all have a lovely night. We are all important pieces in the large puzzle of life, and kindness is contagious.
  15. I agree that a good cry is in order. You may need to be very firm with your ex and tell him not to contact you. I had to do that with an ex who would contact me every 3 months for 3 years after we broke up and I felt like throwing up and having a panic attack every time his name popped up. It was awful. I finally told him I'd tell the police he was harassing me if he ever contacted me again, and no contact since then! I hate when the past bites us, but just try to remember that you have a boyfriend who sounds caring and supportive, you have been able to maintain a good job, and have prospects for your future, and that depression just sucks us in like a hurricane. I hope that you will find a great new therapist. You can pull through this and we are here for you!!!
  16. Hi guys, I've been staring at my computer for hours for work and my vision is blurring so I may not go online tonight, just wanted to say hello. We made it through Monday. Hope, I'm really sorry that you are struggling right now. I wish I could send some positive thoughts your way. ((hugs)) I'll come back on once my eyes don't feel so weird....
  17. I'm sorry to hear that your relationship has ended Shamykins. Just know that is is okay and healthy to grieve, but please also reach out to your family and friends for some extra support during this time. It can make a world of a difference. Or if you have a pet, some snuggles are wonderful. Sometimes it helps to journal out the negative emotions either on here or privately, that way you are not holding them all in. You have friends here as well, I hope you can get some rest tonight. Sending many hugs your way. Jess
  18. I am feeling grateful for this thread, a place where we can relate, share, and give and accept kindness. I am having an okay day today, I was able to see my nephews. One is almost 2 and the other is 3 weeks old, they are really sweet. I know many of us feel the Sunday blues such as Have Hope mentioned, so let's try to share some positive vibes and lift each others spirits tonight. We all deserve a little Sunday night boost. :hugs:
  19. I got my butt to the grocery store and bought a ton of groceries, much needed. I showered, always a good thing. I watched Project Runway, although that is not exactly an accomplishment....and right now I'm preparing chicken and potatoes for dinner, so that's something too. Not too bad I suppose.
  20. Hi Gid, I think it's really not that surprising that you would experience depression after losing a job after 15 years, that is a huge life change, and change often triggers depression. You clearly were a great employee to hold a steady job for so long, so please don't take the current job struggle as a reflection on you. It's a tough market out there. Just give your medication some time to work and consider therapy if you have not already. I have seen several others post on this site that have dealt and are dealing with similar employment issues and hopefully they will reach out to you. There are brighter days ahead, it is just hard to see that when you have "depression brain". Just try to focus on the tasks that are manageable to you right now rather than thinking too big picture at the moment and that might help. We are here for you! ((hugs))
  21. Go grocery shopping Go for a walk Do some reading Cook something yummy for dinner Enjoy time together with my bf tonight
  22. I am feeling relieved. I had a migraine all day yesterday and went to a comedy club with some friends (we had planned it weeks in advance) despite the throbbing pain in my head. The show was really funny but I regret going because it intensified the pain sooooo much. I had a hard time driving home after because it hurts so bad my eyes were watering up and I had a hard time focusing visually. When I finally did get home I felt so defeated. My bf put me to bed with some benedryl and aleve pm and a cold washcloth on my head and I just laid there waiting it out for what seemed like hours until I finally passed out. I woke up this morning feeling just a dull throb in my head which is such a relief, I just feel groggy and a little sick, but so glad that is over with. Worst day ever. I hope you all are having a nice Saturday morning. At least it is bright and sunny, despite the fall chill. I hope we can all stop and enjoy some of this weekend. I know I need it desperately. Much love, Jess.
  23. I'm really glad to see you had a good day today, Frozen. I hope that tomorrow will also be a good day. This forum is full of amazing, strong people, just like you and I appreciate your post because I feel like it will give a lot of people hope today.
  24. I don't know why people always think something has to have "happened" for you to be depressed. For me, my depression CAN be situational, but sometimes it just pops up out of the blue (how lovely), as it does for many of us, even when everything in my life is going well. It is largely biological for me and I think that is why I do respond well to medications. The trick for me is recognizing my depression early on so I can shorten my time of suffering as much as possible. I value all of your comments and thoughts on here so much, it is wonderful to have a community of people who can relate, even if we are all unique in all our special ways.
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