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Everything posted by Nissala

  1. I'm on several meds including Zoloft and Trintellix but was feeling really bad still after three years of taking meds. We added abilify 10 days ago and I have felt so much better than I have in the past thee years!!! I seem to have more energy, clearer thinking, very little anxiety and I've laughed more in the past week than I have in years! So, just wanted to share my experience so far. Wish me luck that it continues!
  2. Thank you for the hopeful statement. I pray every day for a miracle.
  3. I saw the counselor today but my thoughts were so overwhelming I had a hard time paying attention. This anxiety is causing my depression to be worse! I just want to close my eyes and not deal with anything but then I beat myself up telling myself I'm lazy, worthless and a total failure When I try to interact with others in the house, just for a short time, makes to weary and I have to lay down. When I open my eyes again my mind starts racing that I've got to fix this, there's got to be something that will fix it quick! I've got to work this weekend and I can't be like this at work! How am I going to cope and get through those hours???!!??? What if somebody notices? What if I screw up something? If I don't go to work, I won't be able to make my car payment and then I'll lose my car and be walking the 5 to 10 miles it takes to get anywhere from where I live!?!? WHEN is this going to stop???
  4. Caring2018 Thank you for your response. To answer your questions I have discussed other options with my doctor and I've tried at least 10 medications that haven't worked. I even discussed ECT (Electro shock therapy) but she doesn't want to go there yet. I feel that desperate. I am on disability so have medicare and most vouchers won't help cover medicines for those on it. I am seeing a new therapist tomorrow and the doctor again Friday. Praying hard something can be done to alleviate at least the overwhelming thoughts so I can function.
  5. Thank you for the advice. I will do some research and pray to find something that will help. I do have an appt with a counselor tomorrow, maybe she can help. Thank you again for the insight.
  6. Does anyone else deal with thought rumination? Where the thoughts just keep spinning and piling up until your head feels like its going to explode, you can't concentrate on a single thing and feel helpless to stop it? If anyone deals with this and has any tips to help stop it PLEASE post them. It's absolutely debilitating for me
  7. I've been here before but its been awhile. I'm still having major issues with anxiety and depression. I think I've been on pretty much every available medication the only one that seem to help some is too expensive so I'm starting over trying to find something that will work. I feel like a guinea pig at this point and it takes so long to see if the meds work I just feel like giving up. I don't enjoy anything anymore, hell I can't remember the last time I actually felt a little joy, or laughed, everything is so serious in my head and negative, I just want it to stop!! :-(
  8. It's been a little over a year since I've been here. After re-reading my past posts I seem to be in a better place than I was this time last year (not suicidal at least) but still am struggling with trying to find the right meds to rid myself of this depression. We've tried so many! I thought I'd come back where I know there is support and people who understand this illness because they've been there or are there and maybe it will help with my journey to being stable or possibly help someone else who is in need. Right now my doc has me on 5mg of Zyprexa and will be starting Wellbutrin in a few days. I'm hoping this combination will get me to where I need to be.
  9. Thank you everyone for your responses. I'm not sure who said something about East Alamabama Mental Health but that is the place I go who are trying to help me. I don't get out for similar reasons as JD4010, although its not kittens, I have 12 dogs and the oldest is 14 and can hardly get himself up to go potty. Once I help him stand he can walk out and come back in. So if I do go somewhere it can't be for very long. Right now I struggle with just going out the door some days to take the dogs out. I've been a loner for so long, I am not sure how to make friends anymore and the few friends I have made in the past years have all done me wrong, so its hard to trust. I know I haven't covered all responses, but I do appreciate them very much, I just get tired so easy now. As for the quote its from when I was here in December, I am not sure why I chose it now, but glad you like it.
  10. I've been dealing with this deep depression for a year now, I can't work and can barely function because of it. My brain no longer functions properly, I sleep most the time, when I'm not sleeping I'm stressing about how I am going to pay bills with no income. I have no friends or family that can help...I feel SO alone all the time. I live alone with my dogs and lately even caring for them on a daily basis is a struggle in itself. There are a lot of times I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up and then there is a large part that just wants to get better but having no clue how to get there...all the meds they keep putting me on aren't helping because evidentally I am sensitive to side effects...it just seems so hopeless and I am scared... for the first time in my life I am actually terrified this will not end...hard to hope for something your brain will not let you see as possible..
  11. I haven't been here since December 2015, thought I had my issues licked but not true. I finally did get a job, short lived as the depression and anxiety got the best of me and in March I was hospitalized in the psych ward. Upon leaving the hospital, the meds (Zoloft + Abilify) seemed to be working and I was feeling better, but due to no insurance and no money I had to use the free clinic for meds which they kept me on the Zoloft but changed the abilify trying to keep costs down to Rexulti which has patient assistance program. They also added Lamotrigine. The side effects were more than I could deal with and its been one emotional roller coaster ride from hell ever since. Since changing meds all at once I couldn't tell which was the culprit of the side effects so now I am on 100mg of Zoloft only (for the past 4 days anyway) and still feel hopeless, my brain doesn't really want to function and I don't feel like myself... I can't laugh or smile and I'm terrified I will be like this the rest of my days....I can't live like this..its not living its existing. I have no friends, no family other than my daughter to support me and I feel its wearing on her as she already has a tough life. I just need someone who has been where I am, who knows what I am dealing with and understands to talk to because unless you've been there, you truly don't know the extent of the problem mental illness causes.
  12. Thank you GSpolar for the encouraging words, I'm not sure about the "bright and strong expression" but will do my best. See i'm one of those people who have trouble hiding how they feel as it shows in my facial expressions...
  13. I've been out of work for awhile as I've posted before. I have finally landed a job and start tomorrow morning and I am terrified!! My anxiety gets bad just thinking about it. The job is at a call center, totally out of my realm, never worked in one before and I'm very afraid my anxiety or depression with rear its ugly head for everyone to see and I will be fired. My doc and I still haven't found the right meds, the ones I'm on make me very tired and have bad brain fog/confusion and I'm not sure of the stress level of the job either. I know I have to try to keep it together and keep this job as I've had no other offers and really, really need the money. I'm just afraid of a nervous breakdown as with the only other job I've had this year...four months in and boom! breakdown. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Tips? anything that could possibly help me deal with this? I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance for your kindness.
  14. Lately it seems all day every day. I try to tell myself its not true that I am loved, worthy and a good person with a big heart... but my mind tells me I'm worthless, unloved, nobody cares about me, I'm a failure etc....and memories pop up of bad times in the past and I begin to believe the negative statements....causing more depression, sadness and thoughts of ending it.
  15. How long have you been on it Gid? Have you had any side effects? Today has been a bad day mentally. Thoughts of ending it all are predominate. Several crying spells, really gut wrenching boohoo fests, no shoulder to cry on, so I sit on the floor, hold my knees and rock. I don't know if its the cymbalta or a my body saying its another one I can't take or my brain wanting to just give up? I just don't know any more if any of this is worth it or if I should just give in to the thoughts in my head and erase myself from existence.....
  16. Starting a new job Tuesday. From what I've heard and read the place is full of happy, upbeat people...my depression is still severe and not under control, the meds cause severe brain fog so I can't think and the anxiety.. wow! I just don't know how I'm going to manage and am scared to death! I NEED this job! I've been out of work for a very long time and am flat broke...I'm so tired of suffering through this, I just want it to stop!!
  17. Still a little nauseated, a lot dizzy and bad brain fog and feeling tired... I wonder if the feeling tired has anything to do with the fact that Cymbalta blocks REM sleep? Something to check in to.
  18. I have recently been prescribed Cymbalta for major depression, have only been on it about a week. I also take Vyvanse for ADHD. I've noticed since starting the Cymbalta that I don't feel the effects of Vyvanse like I use to. It doesn't help me focus at all now and I have bad brain fog. I was wondering if the Cymbalta is cancelling out the Vyvanse? Is anyone else on both these drugs? What are your thoughts and have you had the same issue? If so, how did you resolve it?
  19. I really hate the side effects of Cymbalta! Why can't they make a medication that doesn't cause nausea and severe brain fog!
  20. I remembered the bottle saying I was supposed to take it 2x's a day, so took another dose this morning...big mistake! I have felt like crap all day nauseated, stomach messed up, can't think straight, eyes don't want to stay opened, VERY tired and a slight headache. I may take the dose tonight but I definately won't take one tomorrow! Think I will just stick to 30mgs for awhile.
  21. Night two had slight headache, no nausea, small stomach upset and haven't slept well. Went to bed at 8:30 pm but didn't get to sleep until sometime after 10:30 pm. Woke up at 2:15 am, couldn't go right back to sleep si got out of bed for a little while, returned to bed around 3:00 am, woke back up at 4:45 am and I'm writing this entry. Going to lay back down and see if I can sleep a little more... at least I hope I can or its going to be a very long day!
  22. When I had insurance and was actually able to see a psychiatrist for meds (2014} he had me on Pristiq 100mgs, Abilify 5 mgs, and Vyvanse 70mgs daily. The ADs I would take at night and the Vyvanse of course in the morning. I was on this combination until April 2015 when I lost insurance and could no longer see him. Total of 7 years.
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