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Everything posted by Dheck

  1. So, it's been many many months since I have made a blog entry. Well I'm still taking the Prozac for the depression, although I've not had any depressive feelings in months, so that's a great thing! The anxiety and panic however is still with me. As a result of the anxiety, I've not been to a dentist in about 10 years, well I developed an infected tooth and so I found a new dentist that is awesome and he prescribed me Xanax to help with my appointments as I have to get 3 root canals done, well 2 now as I already had the one done last week. I can honestly say that the Xanax is a miracle drug for me, for high stress, high anxiety situations. I do not take it every day, as he only gave me a script for 6, however I take only .25mg of it and it works wonders. I see all the time of people saying things like, "oh that's a bad drug, it's a gateway to harder drugs and you can get addicted to it" well yeah, but if I only take it for things like dentist appointments, or times when I am having anxiety due to stressful situations I don't see the harm in it. If i'm sitting at home, and have anxiety i'm not going to take it, maybe that's the difference between becoming addicted to it, and using it responsibly. I have an appointment tomorrow with my PDOC, and i'm going to ask for a script for this, as to me it makes me feel normal in situations that have in the past made me have panic attacks, like being in a car stuck in traffic, dental appointments, etc... I'm posting this so if anyone else is wondering if it works, well everyone is different and for me it works wonders. Hope all are well out there!
  2. I see this is an old post, but I've had an Rx for buspar since April, and have not taken it... well my anxiety is getting bad again and I want to start it now. Do either of you take this in combination with an SSRI? I made the mistake of reading on the internet of the horror stories some have said about Buspar so it freaked me out. Since it's been a while since ya'll posted in this, I was wondering has it helped you at all? And if you had side effects did they go away? Thanks.
  3. I was glad to see these posts, not because I take joy in seeing others feel down but because i'm going through that same thing today myself and good to know I am not alone. I have NO energy today, and scares me that my depression is trying to come back after taking almost a year to get feeling good again. I will say the cement shoes are absolutely horrible as is the fatigue, hope you all feel better sooner rather than later.
  4. Dheck

    Latest Blog

    So I havent posted in a while, figured I should keep up with this. Still dealing with anxiety, although not as bad. I never did take that other medicine the doctor wanted me to take, the thought of having to take meds 3 times a day was just not ideal for me lol. It's been a hot and humid summer here in the north east of the U.S. and i'm hoping the cool fall days get here sooner rather than later, as the heat makes my anxiety soar, so I tend to avoid going anywhere, or doing anything on these hot days. Still wondering if the best days of my life are behind me, something I deal with on a daily basis thinking about haha. I mean I'm surrounded by people, but i'm alone, I often wonder if I'll ever find someone that can look past my anxiety, PTSD and depression diagnosis and see me as who and what I really am. I'm sure a lot of you out there have had the same thoughts. Anyway, i'm going to keep this blog entry today just keep it short and sweet, hope everyone out there is doing well... p.s. Anyone else in the U.S. getting sick of all these political commercials? It's maddening lol
  5. Dheck


    So I haven't been on the site in a while, nor have I blogged in a while.... Still dealing with some anxiety, I pulled a muscle in my chest a few days ago and the stabbing pain in my chest made the anxiety go up, stupid thoughts kept racing with am I having cardiac issue, what is going on, etc... yeah, just over thinking as usual with anxiety. I think the worst thing about having anxiety, depression and PTSD, is feeling like a prisoner to my own thoughts. I'm sure a few people out there get what I am trying to say as far as that goes. I've gotten out a few times over the last month or so since my last post. I even drove myself to the store a few times, broke some traffic laws, but it kept me from getting any panic attacks as I didn't feel trapped by traffic or red lights. Well haven't posted in a while and thought I would post something to just let the blogosphere world know that I'm still here, and still kicking... one day at a time... like that movie with Bill Murray... Baby steps... Have a great weekend y'all..
  6. Hey no good relationship; thanks for responding to my blog entry. I was officially diagnosed with PTSD, along with depression and the s***ty anxiety haha. She wasn't my wife, but might as well had been, that's ok though I could tell my issues were starting to weigh her down, and whatnot so it's all good. I was seeing a therapist but all she did was tell me that "you're not broken" and "find a purpose" I told her I know i'm not broken, and I had a purpose, etc. etc. lol So needless to say therapy didn't work for me cause I'm to thick headed to listen to advice lol. Congrats on not drinking for 22 years, i'm sober 6 years, that was the hardest thing to stop but once I realized I had a drinking issue I woke up one day and dumped all my booze out and haven't had a sip since then, so I know the feeling of being sober! As a result of having been a drunk, my docs won't give me any sort of Benzo as they are worried about addiction to it. Thanks again for your reply.
  7. So here I am, the 19th day of June, 2016 and my anxiety is still really high. I couldn't even go to a dinner last night because of it. The prozac is supposed to keep the anxiety at bay, which it seems to only lighten it. Maybe it's the heat and my allergies these past few weeks making the anxiety so high, but I don't know. I'm still not wanting to take the buspar in addition to my daily prozac, i've read some nasty stuff on what it has done to people, as in making them angry and wanting to end things. I certainly don't want to get to that point, my depression seems to be somewhat in check, I can feel it trying to pop it's ugly ass head through on some days, but I just do something to help keep my mind busy and it subsides. My anxiety seems to flare up if I have to drive anywhere, I havent been like this since 2009/2010 and I hate it. I've done so much reading on how the Ketamine drip has really helped people go into long term remission but right now it isn't covered by any insurance and at $500.00 a session I can't afford that. It's interesting how people that don't have anxiety tell me that oh it's just in your head, do some meditation and whatnot and it will go away. I know its all in good faith that they are saying things like that to me, but they just do not get it. I miss the days of being able to just jump in my car and go somewhere, not being worried about large crowds, traffic, red lights or whatever the case may be. I just want this anxiety to go away, it's really taking a toll on me. I lost the woman of my dreams because of this illness, can't work, can't drive, can't hold a relationship, wow i'm a mess. I have to stay strong and keep on pushing forward as it's the only way to over come this or any adversity. I haven't made an entry into my blog recently so I felt I should come here and touch base and get some stuff off my chest. Hopefully everyone out there in DF land is doing better today than they were yesterday. Stay healthy and happy!
  8. Hey Mr. Shadow, you are certainly not alone in that dept. I suffer from anxiety, and I get nasty anxiety just thinking about driving 5 min down the street. It makes absolutely no sense to me, like I feel that if I am stuck in traffic or at a red light, I am vulnerable and can't get out. I never had this before in life, mine started in 2008. I used to drive anywhere and everywhere, now if I have to go a distance, I either get a ride or I just don't go. Every time I have to go to the docs office, which is about 15 min away from my house, I physically get sick thinking of the anxiety I will have while in the car. Don't let the "image" of what a man is supposed to be get to you, although I know exactly what you are feeling and thinking about that. If you ever find a good solution to overcoming the anxiety with driving, please share.
  9. So I had my every three month appointment today with my PDoc, I was officially diagnosed with having mild PTSD in addition to the depression and anxiety. Had a horrible bout of anxiety today before my appointment, it even made me blow chow. Still staying on the course of my Prozac, he seems to think that my issues are stemming from my past of having been exposed to a lot of horrible sights.... Additionally he wants me to have a full CBC blood work done, wow not looking forward to that!!!! I get woozy from getting the Flu shot, so i'm sure this will not be fun.... Its amazing though how anxiety issues wear you out, I'm exhausted already and the day is not even half over for me.... Hope everyone out there in DF land is doing well...
  10. Hey Nexus, you're not alone in that department. I have found that a lot of people that have never gone through depression, anxiety, etc... don't understand what we are going though, they expect us to just snap out of it, or they don't know what to say because sometimes they don't know what to do. You may feel alone, lost, and scared, but you are not alone a lot of us go through this. I agree with the comments above me, don't stop talking, seek counseling or therapy. There are different avenues out there to help those of us going through things, cope better with them. Things will be ok!
  11. Dheck


    So here it is Memorial day weekend, thought I wouldve been back to myself by now, yet I am not. Haven't really slept the past two nights, hoping tonight is not a 3rd night of no sleep. Had a family gathering today, and they are family, but I couldn't help but think I am, or at least I feel like the black sheep. Still unemployed, no wife, no kids, just past accomplishments. I try not to live in the past, but it's hard when your past was your better days. I'm thankful that my anxiety is keeping at a minimum these days, however I can feel the depression trying it's hardest to show it's ugly face and I'm doing my best to keep it down. I'm not feeing the physical symptoms of depression lately, but the thoughts are the ones that are bothering me now, as clearly evident from my statement above. I find it rather amusing that I am willing to type and pour my heart out on this blog to complete strangers. Yet, strangers who all share similar thoughts, feelings, worries, anxieties and other issues as we all understand what each other is going though, better than someone who doest suffer from what we do. Its annoying that some people tend to sugar coat things around me, they worry that if they say the wrong thing that it will make me depressed or have a flashback to something bad or whatnot. I appreciate their caring but I just want to be treated like anyone else, sure its hard for them to know what to say, or how to say something in their mind. Maybe i'm just speaking about myself, but I like to be told how it is, when it is, like it is. None of us asked for these horrible illnesses that we go through, but we have them, it's a part of who we are, I like to think that we are all strong in our own individual way. What triggers our emotional responses when dealing with depression or anxiety may not phase someone who isn't going through the tough times, yet we do our best to tackle the triggering events and keep on pushing through, as we know we will see better days and nights down the road. It's interesting, I was watching the hockey game the other night and someone said to me "Should you be watching this? Wont this make your anxiety flare up?" I just laughed and said no no, not at all but thanks for the concern. Its so strange my anxiety flares up when I'm in the car, stuck in traffic and feel like there is no escape route. With my past career, I've had someone try and stab me, I've had other weapons pointed at me, bullets whizz over my head, people pass away in my arms and in front of me in many different ways and I never got anxiety from that. Yet, something as simple as getting into my car, and driving makes me nervous and anxious, the vehicle is 2.5 years old, and I only have 3500 miles on it. I often sit and find myself thinking, ok, this is irrational to think this way, you can do it, and you can over come this, I talk myself up, get into my car, get in traffic and feel anxiety come on. Luckily, with the help of an SSRI, I don't go into a full blown panic attack. To anyone reading this, you may be thinking, ok this guy seems depressed tonight, I'm not depressed per-se I am just venting and letting the things go, typing them out, to just try and free myself. Anyway, I hope they are able to find a better treatment plan for all of us soon, the big pharmaceutical companies may not care, but there are doctors and others like them that are looking for new ways to treat us..... Lets just hope they find something sooner rather than later so we can all get back to being like we once were. Have a great weekend and as people always say to me, stay happy lol.
  12. Dheck


    Hey JasonDark, thanks for the comment. It's def not in your head, I went to the askapatient website and saw that a lot of people complained about it causing them depressive and anxiety symptoms. My pharmacist told me that z-pack can certainly inhibit the metabolism of Prozac (which is what SSRI I am on) so I say it is not in our heads. I did read that Doxy is a powerful antibiotic, I personally have never taken it but read some horror stories on it. Have you tried using a powerful probiotic? I recently read that studies are proving people with anxiety and depression have a better chance of remission when they introduce probiotics into their diet. I take two a day to help keep everything healthy in my intestines as there is a receptor for serotonin in the gut somewhere... Anyway, I wish you well and hope you get relief soon from your reaction to Doxy....
  13. So just an update, it's not only z-pack but also amoxicillin that has a negative effect on the metabolism of Prozac. I'm entering this into the post because there really isn't much of a understanding/awareness of antibiotics causing an issue with SSRI's. It really doesnt seem to bothering everyone, but I think it's too strange that it has happened twice to me now. Don't get me wrong, i'm not one of those people that is against antibiotics or vaccines, I am all for them, however it clearly messes with the bodies ability to absorb the SSRI. So I started amoxicillin about a week ago, 3 or 4 days into it, I started feeling like the depression was coming back again, it def was not from the illness, because it was just tonsillitis which I get every year around this time due to allergies. So I decided to play doctor and took myself off of the antibiotics, I probably shouldn't have been on them anyway. So, my thoughts are that if you are reading this, you are suspecting that antibiotics are causing an issue with your SSRI. I think it's very important to talk to your pharmacist if you have concerns about taking anything else along with your SSRI.
  14. Dheck


    So its been a while since I have blogged about anything of relevance lately. I was doing great the past few weeks, the depression was gone, the anxiety was there like a small splinter under the skin, but manageable. Then I got sick, so being the dummy that I am, decided to start an antibiotic. Well, after a week on the antibiotic, I started to feel like depression was creeping back. I looked up the SE's of the antibiotic and sure enough, depression was listed as a rare occurrence, so I figured I best stop it. Today is the first day off of it, and I can't tell what i'm feeling as I didn't sleep very well at all last night. Not sure why I am so sensitive to medications, is it all in my head, or is it for real? I want to say it is for real, as I didn't even realize depressive feelings were possible with an antibiotic. I did a google search earlier today and it looks like some people do get issues with antibiotics when they have depression and anxiety. So, this is now the 2nd antibiotic that has given me issues, first was the z-pack and this time it was amoxicillin, although I learned my lesson last time not to call me PDoc right away as then my SSRI gets changed and I'm back to square one for weeks on end. I'm very curious if anyone else out there has ever had something similar to this, surely I can't be the only one to have the issues with antibiotics. After doing research, some have said that oh the illness is what could have made you feel depressed again, maybe so, but its too coincidental that I could feel the darkness of depression trying to creep back 3-4 days after starting an antibiotic. If you are reading this, I apologize for my ramblings, just throwing my thoughts out there, as this is just a blog :-) As always, we are not alone, we have each other thanks to this awesome website... Keep on keep'n on everyone!
  15. Hey Sdallas, welcome to the forums, I did continue on Prozac, i'm still on it, they messed around with the dosage levels. Had me at 20mg, then 40mg, back to 20mg then up to 30mg then back to 20mg. So it has been a horrible rollercoaster for me, however the peaks and valleys do seem to be subsiding dramatically, my bad days are no where near as bad as they were months ago. I would say my bad days now, are what my good days felt like initially although when I do get bad days, they last for 2 days in a row, then I force myself to do some physical activities, or just go somewhere and it seems to help. I also combined exercise and did get some therapy too. I read that also taking a probiotic can be very beneficial for someone suffering from depression and anxiety, so I take a probiotic twice a day. I hope your good days start to outweigh your bad days soon, as I and many others know what you are going through.
  16. Hey everyone, I just read/saw an article that suggests that probiotics can help with depression and anxiety symptoms. Not sure how true it is, and I would certainly check with your doctor before starting anything but I found it interesting and I am def going to give it a go. Heres the link to the story: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2016/04/26/how-probiotics-may-help-ease-depression.html Just wanted to share this with the community as I found it to be interesting.
  17. Mine started at 27, i'm 34 now. Mine was brought on by PTSD, Anxiety, and heavy use of alcohol to cope with trying to forget things I had seen. Was under control from about 2010 till this past October, then it lessened it's grip on me a few months ago and I am just dealing with high amounts of anxiety again.
  18. Hi ChrisFerryman and welcome, as ejc said, you are not alone. I know the feeling, as I'm sure we all do, of just wanting to be cured. We may not be able to be "cured" but there are certainly avenues to go that can help us cope. Depression can make us feel so alone, even if we are in a stadium full of people. I like to think of this forum as a stadium full of like minded individuals, as in we are all going through something that most people don't see how hard it is, cause they can't see anything physically wrong with us. You have taken a step in the right direction though, in knowing that you can get better. I tell myself all the time, "ok one day at a time, each day will be different than the last". For a long time, I refused to seek help, and woke up one day and found myself in a very dark place, and knew I needed to see someone. So if you have the availability, I highly recommend seeing someone as they can teach ways to cope and even give meds if needed. You said that you hope you have something useful to share, everyone has a usefulness so just by registering and posting, you have added something useful here! Things will be ok, maybe not tonight, but they will be! Sorry for the lengthy response, but I wanted to send you a quick message so you know that you aren't alone and my thoughts are with ya!
  19. Thank you for the response Wilma, I am certainly apprehensive about this new "combo"
  20. Hey all, I went to my Pdoc today, and he added Buspar (5mg, three times a day) to my Prozac treatment. He thinks it will help with my anxiety as he doesn't want me to take a benzo. I did a search and haven't found any posts recently on this subject. Has anyone taken Buspar with Prozac or any SSRI for that matter? If so did it help curb your anxiety? I'm always nervous about taking new medications and just curious what to expect and if anyone else has had this combo.. Thanks
  21. Hey AtTheGym, I can sort of give you some advice here, as I recently went through something similar. I was seeing someone, and she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. However, in October, I had a reoccurrence of depression and anxiety. I kind of told her what was going on, but I didn't fully explain it all. I shut her out, completely, I didn't communicate, I just vanished. Well that was the worst thing I could've done, as it made us grow apart and eventually made the relationship fail. The silver lining in it, is that I have learned not to shut people out when I need them the most. I get it, it's a pride thing, wanting to keep it to yourself and not show someone whats going on in fear of they will think we are broken, or weak or whatever. But if she is the "one", and it is meant to be, she will not only understand but she will also want to help you. I know exactly what you are saying about wanting some space to "sort" things out, I totally get it, but let her know that it is NOT her, and explain what is going on, and why you went off Paxil to begin with. I can't say how she will react, as I do not know her, but I think the best thing is to be open and honest about it all. Like EJC said, she deserves the truth, if I could go back in time (which we know one can't) I would certainly have been more open and upfront with my significant other, because in the end, by hiding it from her, the relationship ended. I must say though, that it takes a very special person to be able to be involved with someone that has depression, anxiety or any other mental health issue. I really hope things work out for the best for you and her, as I know first hand that the stress of a relationship and the worry of it ending only adds to the "struggle" of recovering from depression. Be honest with her, and more importantly, yourself. Best wishes!
  22. Hey GAJ123, while I don't know what you are going through personally, I can relate to what you are feeling as far as life passing you by. I too watch as others have these "wonderful lives" and wonder why I have to deal with the cards I was dealt. For what its worth, I try to focus on me and as hard as it is, I try not to dwell on myself and misfortunes, as I said above, I don't know what you dealing with as far as health, but when I start to feel that way, I always think, someone out there has it worst than me. Life has an interesting way of making us feel really down sometimes, esp when we are dealing with adverse health issues. Just know that you are not alone, many of us feel the same way. Just know that you as an individual are a special person, don't let anyone make you feel that you aren't. I haven't left my house other than to run to the store a handful of times over the past few months, and when I do, I see all these people and say to myself, man I wish I was normal like them. But we are not broken, as much as any of us feels that we are broken, we have to remember that we are not. We will all figure out these issues and find happiness, all of us, including you. So be strong, as hard as it is at times to want to just give in, remember that you are special just like all of us. Hang in there, and I know this to be true when I say, this forum is a great place to come to talk to. Chin up, and smile because this too shall pass!
  23. Hey Cormag, first welcome to DF, this is a great community with a lot of people that truly care. Ok so you are not alone in feeling discouraged when it comes to relationships. I am 34 and never married and have been in countless relationships, to date all my exes except one are now married with kids and happy, so I can relate. I think at one point in everyones life, we have that one heart break that we feel damages us for "life" but I can promise you things get better, I can't say when they will get better for you but they will. Life isn't about being alone, and being sad, life is about living it to its fullest. Love is a wonderful thing, it truly is, but when it ends it can feel like the worst and that your heart is being ripped out in front of you while your watching. What I always ask myself when a relationship ends, and if there was truly love, I ask myself, ok if she loved me like I deserved to be loved, would she have just walked away like this? You say you are shy, everyone is to a certain extent. The woman that you said you loved, the classmate, don't beat yourself up on that situation, something like that happens to both men and women every day across the world. Case in point, I have this friend, I have been friends with her for years, I have more than friend feelings towards her, and she knows it, but she doesn't reciprocate the romantic feelings, so as much as it sucks we remain friends and she goes on dates and whatnot with other guys. I value her friendship, and am happy for her romance flings or whatever they are. But remember, your heart and feelings are whats the most important, if someone doesn't feel the same way back about you, trust me it will end up in more heartache for you. Sitting alone in the dark in your flat, while can feel therapeutic might not be the best, maybe turn on some lights, go for a walk, drink a hot beverage or take a shower. Something to activate your senses to make you feel more alive and not so alone. I have been in your shoes before, feeling like you have nothing, no one and just miserable but trust me, in the dark you will find the light! Hang in there and try your best to look at the positives in life.
  24. Hi Missyx, hope you are doing better today. I am having similar feelings, however I just went from 30mg to 20mg about 20 days ago and I am feeling a lot of what you are, minus the mood swings, anger and muscle twitching, but it effects everyone differently. I have posted about my situation, but I think most people going through the withdrawal are coming off the meds, versus just lowering the dose. Anyway, you're not alone, I wish I could tell you how long these withdrawal symptoms last, cause I'm def getting annoyed by them. Wish I could be more help to you, but wanted to respond so you know you're not alone!
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