Jump to content

OpalP25

Advanced Member
  • Posts

    395
  • Joined

  • Last visited

2 Followers

Recent Profile Visitors

2,974 profile views

OpalP25's Achievements

Advanced Member

Advanced Member (5/9)

617

Reputation

  1. Something funny happened a couple of weeks ago that made me think of this thread. I was at the seaside and I saw one of my former CO's teammates/friends there with his kids. They were walking past me and the people I was with, going in the opposite direction, and I was kind of staring at him to make sure it was actually him, and accidentally made eye contact! He gave me a brief nod and smile as if to say "yes, it's me", lol! It's funny, because I used to always fantasise about somehow bumping into my former CO in public and getting to know him that way. Weird that I should see another celebrity in those sorts of circumstances, and one who he's close to as well! The good news is that I'm still CO free. And I'm doing well with moving on from the horrendous break-up I was going through when I last posted here. It didn't take long afterwards for me to realise that my ex was wrong for me, and to stop wanting to get back together with him (more on one of the reasons for that in a minute), but the damage he caused to my confidence and self-esteem has been harder to heal (he always acted like I wasn't good enough to have a serious relationship with him, constantly mentioned how much he "loved" his ex, and eventually dumped me for someone else, among other things). However, I recently got a notebook and ranted about the whole thing in there until I felt like I'd got it all out (15 pages ). That really has helped. The other really good news is that I've been seeing someone new for the last couple of months. It wasn't my intention to start a new relationship while I was still hurting over the last one, but it just happened that way. My new boyfriend is really kind and caring, and he was very understanding about the situation. He's a wonderful boyfriend and always makes me feel cared for and appreciated. The downside is that my relationship with him is now a very long-distance one, which obviously isn't ideal. But I'm hoping it works out. Having been dating again for the last year, I can definitely understand why I found having a CO to be an easier "option" for such a long time! But overall, I don't regret the choices I've made, and (fingers crossed) I don't see myself going back to having an obsession.
  2. @HopelessRomantic2011 Thank you for saying I'm not dumb, but I'm definitely feeling like I am right now (sigh).... We talked things through tonight. It went about as badly as it possibly could. It's true that my behaviour ever since we first met has been far from sensible or intelligent. But his has been a lot worse than mine. Well, at least I have a few things to distract myself with over the coming days (including being a fan of my former CO, lol). Things will get better eventually, I hope. @musiclover83 Oh I can totally relate to your problem with Instagram. When I was obsessed with my CO, I was exactly the same (and recently I've become the same way over my real-life obsession's social media). He has a best friend who's just a normal non-celebrity, and I used to check this guy's Instagram fairly regularly, because occasionally he'd post pictures with my CO or my CO would comment on his posts. You're not alone in doing this sort of thing! I suppose the best thing to do is to ask yourself: "Is this going to make me feel better or will it make me feel worse?" whenever you feel that urge to check. Sometimes I find that works for me.
  3. @HopelessRomantic2011 Aww, what your CO said to you is so sweet. I think he's definitely right that you will find love someday! I agree that never having experienced loving someone and being loved back totally sucks... It's strange, I never really considered the situation I'm in now as a possibility. I've been through an unrequited love for someone who wasn't interested in anything more than friendship with me, and of course there's been the COs as well. But this has hurt the most. I remember posting here a year ago, thinking that all my problems would be solved if I could have a relationship with someone I loved. I always kind of assumed that once that happened, he would love me back. How could I have been so dumb?! It's obvious that I have a problem where I always have this need to be obsessed with some man. And for various reasons, they are never able to give me what I'm looking for. I've switched from having a CO to something more socially acceptable, but deep down, it's probably the same issues causing both.
  4. @starbucksjunkee Ah sorry, I misread! I see now that it was only the second guy who broke your heart. I agree with you that younger guys can definitely be immature in relationships too (my last boyfriend was a couple of years younger than me, and the type who thought it was fine and normal not to reply to my "Happy Christmas" message until the 30th December, and then afterwards tell me how much he wanted me to come and live with him ). So when I found out the age of this guy I'm currently dealing with, I thought "Finally, someone mature who's willing to make an effort for me." However, I was kind of surprised, because I had had the impression he was around my age. And now I can see why I thought that - the way he acts and the stage of life he's currently at are much more like someone of my age group than of his age group. He still has a lot of growing up to do... My self esteem now is about as low as it was when I was in the worst phases of my celebrity obsession. At the heart of the problem is this feeling I have of being unlovable (probably a lot of people here can relate to that). I've had relationships (well, more or less) with three guys now, and I don't believe any of them have truly cared about me. I don't think anyone's ever been in love with me, not that I know of at least. What makes me feel worse is that I have several female friends/acquaintances who are able to find a new guy every year or two who's totally in love and committed to them. I don't want to be a serial monogamist like them! But I really believed this time was different and he was the one for me, and now I feel so so stupid... I'm sorry that you're having such a stressful time right now. I hope you will find a new dog to love in the future, although of course it won't be the same. Your mom is right that finding someone new brings you joy, but I'm not sure the sadness of losing a loved one ever goes away. My "part-time" cat is so adorable and fun, but sometimes he disappears for months on end, and then I miss my old cat and her devotion to me even more. I love him to bits, but he's so unreliable! Reminds me of someone else in my life, lol.
  5. Thank you for your message @starbucksjunkee. I'm really sorry to hear that you've had a hard time with relationships too. I guess it's a common problem! It's interesting that you got your heart broken by older guys, one of whom sounds rather immature. The one who broke my heart is several years older than me, and he's definitely immature for his age in a few ways. Maybe these men look for younger women, because they want someone who seems mentally and emotionally on their level? Just a thought. I'm so sad for you that your dog passed away, and I completely relate to you thinking of her as the love of your life. I had a cat since early childhood who passed away a couple of years ago, and she was like a soulmate to me. We loved each other so much, and it was so simple and uncomplicated. Not like romantic love or family relationships! Sadly, I can't get another pet for the foreseeable future, which depresses me when I think about it. When I'm at home, sometimes I see my "part-time cat" who I adore. And there's also a lovely cat at my university. However, I'm living abroad at the moment so I can't see them. The guy I love has a cute cat, but I hardly go round to his house anymore. I just really want another kitty soulmate! (And a romantic soulmate wouldn't be bad either, lol). Will you be able to get another doggy soulmate? It sounds like it would help you a lot.
  6. @HopelessRomantic2011 Yeah, I've definitely tried to overlook and excuse his behaviour several times! He always has an explanation for everything and I've always been understanding, because he has some issues and a difficult past. But now it's become very obvious that he thinks he can just walk all over me, and I'm angry with myself for letting things get to this point. Although I don't think he's intentionally trying to treat me badly, I have to stand up for myself now. We're going to have a talk soon (when he finds the time for me ) and I'm going to make it clear to him that I'm done with the constant mind-changing and excuses. And I'm glad to hear that you're okay with the situation with your CO! :)
  7. Thank you for your message @HopelessRomantic2011. What you've said is completely right. Things are really hard right now, but I'm starting to recognise that this guy I love has treated me quite badly at times. He's a good person, really, but he seems pretty terrible at handling anything to do with romantic relationships. I want to believe I'm worth more than this. I saw that you've been in regular contact with your CO over social media. That must be so surreal! But I'm sorry to hear about him having a girlfriend. That really sucks. :(
  8. Hi everyone, It's been a long time since I last posted here, but I've still been reading the thread and wishing the best for all of you. Things aren't great for me at this moment in time, and this is the only place I feel comfortable turning to, just to write a few things down and hopefully feel a bit better afterwards. The good news is that I'm still CO free, in fact even more so than when I last posted here. I spend a maximum of a few minutes each day looking at the latest info about the celebrity I used to write about here, mainly out of habit to be honest, but apart from that he rarely crosses my mind these days. I'm still a fan, but that's all. However I did frighten myself a bit earlier this year (probably shortly after I last posted here). One night, I decided to watch a romantic film just to relax and de-stress, and ended up obsessed with both the film and the main male actor, rewatching scenes on YouTube multiple times, constantly listening to the soundtrack... and looking up info about the actor. On the one hand, it was a lot of fun. But on the other hand, I was really scared that I was going to end up with another long-term CO. Luckily, after two or three weeks, the obsession lost most of its intensity, and faded away altogether after another month (for reasons I'll go into later)... After the initial infatuation died down, I thought hard and I realised that I never actually wanted a relationship with the actor (he's quite a lot older than me and has kids), and all it was was just a fun crush and nothing to be worried about. Deep down, I was more into the character he played in that film, and most of all the central relationship between his character and the main female character. Looking back, my liking for that film seems like a sort of prediction of what would happen next in my life... A few months ago, I met someone and fell totally in love with him almost immediately. I've never felt this way about anyone before. We were together for a while and it was amazing, for me at least. (In fact, there's quite a lot of similarities between us and the two main characters in that film and their relationship, lol.) The bad news is that he's broken my heart very badly. I'm hurting a lot right now. I won't go into details because it's not really relevant to the discussion here, but this has just highlighted all the reasons why I preferred to be alone and daydream about a celebrity for so many years. I felt like I'd done so well to move on from my CO of 7 years and get back into dating, and now it all seems like a mistake. I hope that I won't ever go back to being obsessed with a celebrity. Right now I'm too hung up on this guy for that to even be a possibility. But if and when this wound heals, will I really want to put myself back out there? It seems unlikely. I don't think I'll ever find someone I love this much again, and even if I did, I can't face being hurt again. I'm worried that I'll fall back into a celebrity obsession because it feels so much more comfortable and less painful (although obviously heartbreak is still a risk, it's just less personal). I know that I can't let that happen, and I'll have to take a chance with someone else eventually. But it's just so hard... That's basically everything I have to say, and as always, it's helped a bit to write it down. Hope you all have as good a weekend as is possible, and that things get easier for everyone here who's having a difficult time at the moment.
  9. @Honey1992 Your CO background story does sound very similar to mine. I can relate to the feeling you have of being slower at certain things than everyone else. Especially when it comes to love, it can be really hard when you seem to be one of the only ones missing out. It made me feel awful as a teenager to see other people having fun with boyfriends and girlfriends when none of my crushes liked me back. So much so that I eventually ended up dating someone who was totally wrong for me out of desperation. Needless to say, that was a huge mistake. I would guess the reason you haven't had a boyfriend yet might be because you haven't wanted to date guys you're not interested in, and that's a very good thing. Surprising I know a few people apart from myself who have gone out with people they're not really into, whether that's out of desperation, boredom or just for a laugh! It's quite common, I think. I'm sure you will meet someone great in real life eventually. Just being open to the possibility is a good start.
  10. Thank you so much @perfectcircle77! I don't know if this relationship will last forever (it is long distance at the moment and will be for a while) but I'm very happy to have met him. It is really nice to see you round here again and I hope things are going well for you.
  11. Thank you for your kind words @Honey1992! I have had COs since I was nearly 12, and my obsession with the celebrity who brought me to this thread started three years after that. It was very intense for seven years, and I only started to get over him last summer. I have always been an obsessive person (still am) but the romantic obsessions with famous people first came about as a way of coping with several negative life changes that all happened pretty much at the same time. And I carried on using this coping mechanism for a decade in order to deal with my social anxiety and lack of success with boys. I've been able to make a lot of personal progress over the last six months (first relationship with someone I'm attracted to, living abroad for the first time, first "proper" job) and that has allowed me to gain some confidence. The social anxiety is still something I'm struggling with, but I'm getting there gradually. And yes, I do still check for news of my CO regularly. I also still think of him at least a few times per day, but I think that's to be expected. After all, he was basically constantly on my mind for seven years and that's not an exaggeration. Now I enjoy seeing what he gets up to, but I no longer feel this obsessive need to know everything about him. I'm sorry that you're having a struggle with your feelings at the moment. Have you figured out the root cause for why you have a CO? Maybe that could be the first step towards solving the problem.
  12. I've come here to give a (possibly final) update on how things are going for me. I recently realised that I've reached the stage of no longer being obsessed with the celebrity who brought me to this thread. Some other posters (including the OP) have come back over the years to report that they've managed to move on from their obsession, and it always made me happy and hopeful to read those posts. Maybe this post will bring a bit of hope to some of you that things can improve. Becoming CO free was not a conscious decision, but rather a result of some positive changes in my life over the last six months. In fact, this time last year, I thought it was more than likely that the obsession would continue for several more years if not forever. Having strong romantic feelings for someone who doesn't know you exist may seem completely irrational to many people, but for me it made total sense. I thought it would be impossible for me to ever experience a real romance and this was my way of dealing with that. Sometimes there were moments when I felt that this behaviour wasn't healthy, but I saw no way out. My life was lacking fulfillment romantically and socially, and therefore I both wanted and needed my CO very badly. As I've mentioned before on this thread, I ended up meeting someone this summer and falling for him hard. Our relationship certainly hasn't been a perfect fairytale but it has been amazing in so many ways. Not only have I moved on from my CO, but I have also finally got over my resentment towards couples. I am still a fan of my CO and still look for news about him fairly regularly. The difference is that I don't have that obsessive compulsive need to look for info anymore. He is a great person, but there is no need for him to occupy such a large amount of my thoughts and feelings when I play no part in his life whatsoever. Well, that's about all I wanted to say. I wish everyone here good luck and I hope you will all find what you're looking for.
  13. @Helpme26 I'm really sorry to hear you were bullied at school. It's no surprise that that would lead to you having low self-esteem, and therefore seeking comfort in a CO. I have quite a lot of interests and I find them all helpful distractions when I need to clear my head. I really love learning languages (this interest actually started because of my CO, lol), exploring new places, working out and reading novels. I also mentioned that socialising and being with friends has a very positive effect on my mental health, but I still don't do it as often as I should. (That needs to be my New Year's Resolution!) @Audrey822 I'm glad for you that your CO doesn't hold you back in any way from living your life. For me however, this has sometimes been the case. Not in terms of academic/career-related stuff - I have always been able to prioritise those things. But having a CO has certainly affected my relationships with my family and friends. It is also a big reason why I had no real love life or social life to speak of for a few years. For me, my CO has always been an escape from the real world. And I don't think that's a bad thing - everyone needs to be alone with their own thoughts sometimes. As an introvert with social anxiety, I need to do this more than most people. But it's often extremely tempting for me to shut myself off from the world all the time. Which feels comfortable but is not at all healthy for my mental state. So I do have to battle with myself a little bit sometimes, but I'm getting there. I feel concerned when I read that anyone here feels overwhelmed and controlled by their feelings for their CO, because that was my own situation not too long ago. So I try to offer the best advice I can and tell others what has helped me personally.
  14. @imalittleteapot Joining the recovery group at your church sounds like a good idea. Let us know how you get on, if you do decide to go. And ugh... I have the exact same problem with this site. I write really slowly, and sometimes I've forgotten to copy my posts. It's so annoying, especially if I've written loads!!
×
×
  • Create New...