Hi. So I live with my alcoholic dad, and I have for 2 years. He doesn't drink all the time but these past few months has been too much. A few months ago he kicked me out and I suspect it's because he got a girlfriend and I'm just a burden for him now and I'm getting between them.. I asked my grandparents for help but they said its my fault. He never cooked for me or made sure we had food, and the house looks like . I do clean sometimes and I'm able to cook for myself but I'm the youngest, so everything has always been done for me until now that I'm expected to be an adult because no one wants to look after me. Me and my sister tried talking to him but he just laughed in our faces and it hurt so much. Yesterday he forgot to pick me up for the first time since I was a kid. (People with alcoholic parents will understand) he got home but he hasn't mentioned even though I called and texted him. His mom recently got cancer, something that's easy to remove tho.. So I do feel bad for him. But at the same time I don't because he treated me like even before she got cancer. I hate feeling bad for him, I hate him he's so ****ing manipulating!! My mom lives far away and doesn't contact me. On top of that I recently found out my boyfriend cheated on me for months, and he was basically the only person I had left. My grandma died. My sisters doing drugs. The rest of my family never contacts me either. I don't have any friends. I talk to some people from social services or whatever you wanna call it. But it never feels like they actually care. I wanna die so bad, I think about it every day and I'm so close to cutting myself every time I'm alone. The only reason I don't is because I don't want anymore scars, I have so many and they're ugly as ****.. I don't wanna give up but I don't have anything left and I'm thinking about doing drugs and just giving up, that's the closest I'll get to being dead and I'll never have to worry again. I don't even know how anyone can help me with this but honestly I just wanted to get it out of my system, everything's just building up and I'm so frustrated.. I wake up most mornings just wanting to cry and run away, I'm so sick of waking up to this. I end up crying and not eating for hours until the pain in my stomach gets too bad. I'm sorry if anyone read this and felt it was a waste of time, I'm so sorry. I just wanna vent, I'm so tired of this..