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Everything posted by Icy_rose88

  1. I feel exhausted but that is nothing new for me, that is just the depression I think. Although I do think I am going through a Major Depressive Episode, but for right this minute I feel relatively calm, just having the effects of my disability(chronic migraines). I seem to feel more depressed at night when everything stops and I have time to think about everything. I appreciate this thread since we all feel bad alot of the time so we can all talk about it together.
  2. I just ate some Boston Butt with barbecue sauce and garlic mashed potatoes.
  3. Well first I think what you need to do is try to be open, instead of thinking being with a woman is gross, maybe try a different way of thinking. It is ok to like the opposite sex no matter what anyone says and you should just do what you feel in your heart is right, despite the way you were raised or the people around you. I also think you would benefit from Therapy as well and I hope you work things out
  4. Some things that I eat can irritate my IBS but when I have panic attacks it just goes crazy, and If I am in a public place it is so embarrassing.. :verysad3:
  5. Welcome Danae! I actually have the same problem as you, I can stay home for months at a time but then when I do leave I love it and don't want to come back. It is a very strange feeling. I am glad you feel that you belong and keep us updated :)
  6. I was taking my effexor at night before I went to sleep and I had to change it to taking it during the day because of Insomnia problems aswell and that helped me.
  7. I am grateful for my father and my sister who keep me going although I live with an addicted mother who hates me. I am grateful that I found this website for friends and support because I do not have many friends. I am grateful for all my pets because they cuddle with me and make me feel loved.
  8. You absolutely should be respected for what you want to do in your life and you should also be recognized for how talented and good you are at what you do. You are not a failure, look at you. You bring in 6 figures and your brain is very smart to be able to have that level of skill to win the game all the time. Some people don't recognize gambling as a job but as long as it is able to support you, it is a viable job. As far as you not having a girlfriend and going through the same routine everyday, what I would suggest is limiting your time gambling each day, instead of 12 hours a day, cut it down to 8 hours a day, and then make yourself shower and go out to eat, or just go walking, whatever you want to do, but get yourself out there :) My family doesn't approve of me either so I know that feeling, but I am disabled. I hope this has helped you or at least made you feel a little better!
  9. You are welcome, I am happy to be here for you If you need anything, even if it is just to vent :) I hope things get better for you!
  10. Yes it is amazing to have support here and If you need anything or just need to talk let me know anytime :)
  11. Hi Girl15, My name is Raven and I am new here, firstly I want to say do not apologize for putting it out there, it is absolutely NOT a waste of time at all. Your problems are just as important anyone's. I can actually relate to you because I live with my mom and she isn't an Alcoholic but she is a Drug Addict and when I have asked her to change she has also laughed at me and she is just a Biotch to me and she has told me multiple times that she hates me and doesn't want me around. I have also considered suicide and it isn't worth it, just keep fighting girl, I know Exactly how it feels. If the social worker you are talking to doesn't seem to be helping you, I suggest calling the actual Social Service office and let them know what is going on and how you feel about your current social worker. Noone should have to go without food. If you can, look for churches in your area, alot of times they will give you food for free if you explain the situation to them. As for drugs, I have been down that road. They can make you very very sick and I would not recommend it. I have been off drugs for a few years now and i feel better off of them, even with the depression and the anxiety attacks I have. I will pray for you and I am terribly sorry about your situation, I am stuck living with my mom just like you are stuck with your dad, but we WILL get through this and we will be able to leave eventually, just remember you have people here supporting you and that love you :)
  12. Hi Callisto, My name is Raven and I can identify with you and I am new also. I live in a house with a mother who is the cause of my Anxiety and Depression and an addict and since I live with her, I cannot escape it. I have lost my friends as well and hardly any of my family members know what is wrong with me. I am however, glad that your husband supports you and is there for you and I hope he continues that support. As for advice, try to find triggers for your anxiety and attempt to avoid those things, I know sometimes that is impossible, like when the sun goes down you get anxiety and you can't stop that, but other things that you might be able to avoid. Also, try to do things with your husband, even if it is as simple as cooking a meal together or watching a movie on the couch together, that will help you feel connected with someone who supports you instead of just being an onlooker and watching him support you. My sister supports me alot and I know it really helps my anxiety to just do things with her and to be close to her, feeling the support and just being aware, if that makes sense.
  13. If I am having a major depressive episode, does that mean that I am definitely bi-polar or could it just be a phase I am going through with the episode? I have almost all of the symptoms listed for it.
  14. My dad is also disabled and really sick so I feel terrible about maybe leaving him :verysad3:
  15. I have had Depression and Anxiety for as long as I can remember, after my grandmother died when I was 10 it all got worse. I always felt like my mother hated me growing up, and it was clear she loved my sister and she treated her better, it wasn't until I was a little older, maybe 15 that she finally told me that she did hate me and that her having me ruined her entire life and it was my fault. In the last 5 years she has become addicted to pain killers and slurs her speech and breaks things around the house and wants to divorce my dad, etc. Any advice on how to deal with this>
  16. I wrote this over a period of time recently and it is how I'm feeling and kind of my story, I apologize that it is long. Opinions and support are most welcome Do you have any idea how it feels? To have a mother who loves drugs more than she loves you...To have to deal with the pain of someone blatantlylysing to theirselves about having a serious problem..To have to CONSTANTLY worry about an overdose and what to tell the doctors or even thepolice. To know that nothing you say, even if you pour your heart out..will make a difference. You try to reason with them, try to explain whatis going on right in front of their eyes...that doesn't work. So you take a more angry approach and let them know how they are destroying the livesof everyone they know, family especially. They are putting nails in their own coffin. Trying to tell her that the amount she is taking is dangerous,trying to get help from other family members to stop the madness, but in the end nothing is done...She just has everyone wrapped around hertwisted little fingers. All she has to do is throw a fit, or give the cold shoulder, and she gets more medicine. I wish someone could understand howhard it is for me to be in the middle, knowing that something should be done, me having the power to tell the doctors what is going on, but thenif I were to do that, I would be the bad guy. Having to suppress the feelings of suicide and sadness, it is no easy task. I never realized how muchone person could **** up my life. I feel like noone is listening to me. We are just going on like this is Normal...I mean what about this stuff I am sharing is NORMAL? I know addiction is hard, I know because I have been there. But you can get out of it, I try to tell her this, but the problemstill remains that she doesn't want to stop. And that isn't even the worst part of it. The worst part is how she controls my father. She degrades him or begs him or throws a fit and cries and complains and acts like a complete Biotch until he gives her what she wants. Then he tells herthat things are going to have to change around here and all she has to do is shed a tear or two and tell him how honestly sorry she is and thatshe loves him and she swears she will do better and stop all this and he buys into it. She does not love him and it is plain as day to see. Shejust doesn't have anywhere to go and she wouldn't want to leave the cats. Sometimes I honestly think she will come into my room one night and**** me in my sleep. That is why I keep a knife under my mattress. Often times I really wish my Grandma and Grandpa were still alive so I couldrun to them and cry to them and tell them all of this and they could straighten her out and tell her how angry and disguisted they are at howshe treats her family and her children. My sister is never home hardly, and I cannot say I blame her, but I have a pretty serious medical cond-ition and cannot move out at this time. I really never want to move out until I am married to be honest, I don't want to leave my dad and mysister, but it is looking like a few weeks after my Gma has this surgery, I will have to beg her to please let me move in to the upstairs of her houseagain because with my mother here I no longer feel safe. I feel betrayed, and stressed, and like I always have to walk on eggshells and let her getaway with everything she does, no matter how wrong or outrageous it may be. I am shaking right now just thinking about it. I wish I had some-one to really talk to and cry to about this. Someone who I could tell everything. It is not healthy for me to be in this house all the time dealingwith this with little to no outlets. I am also afraid that someday soon she will do this and I will completely snap, I might hit her and that of-course scares me. I do not know what I am capable of under this much stress and pressure. There is no talking to her and reasoning with herbecause she simply refuses to listen. We need to kick her OUT of this house. Make her learn that she cannot get away with doing this to us anymore.I do not believe that I have ever had this much seething rage inside of me, just built up. The resentment towards her is unreal. I honestly justcannot believe this is my life. The life I live every single ****ing day. I wish it were just myself, my father and my sister. I want to be surroundedby love, not by someone who will lie and cheat and do ANYTHING possible to get what she wants. Sometimes I just wish dad would hold me so that I could breakdown about this and cry my eyes out, but I do not want him to see that I am hurting so much because then he might thinkthat It is his fault, and it isn't. He is in the hardest position of all, I think. He really does love her and he really wants to do anything he canto keep this family together. I always pray for him because I know it is so hard for him to deal with this, especially with his disability. I wantto spend time with dad, when we play the game or watch stuff together it just makes me so happy, and sometimes it even makes me forget thehell that is around us. No matter what, something will have to be done now. Either he will have to do something about this situation and kick her out, or stick to the no means no rule and make consequences for her. Or I will have to make a choice to call her parents, or to call IPSand let them know what is going on and what it is actually causing in the family. I know I will get in trouble for it but I have begged someoneto do something and I cannot take much more of this as it is currently. If she would just follow the rules and do what she is told, this would allgo away and it could be like a normal, semi-functional family. I don't know what it will take for her to get her together, but she needs a serious REALITY CHECK. I decided to write all this down to see if it would help me vent and make me feel better, someone once told me thatwriting down feelings sometimes helped the situation, or helped deal with the situation I guess you could say. I really don't have anyone totalk to about this outside the family itself, so I decided to give this a go...Another day, another incident. This time I was afraid she would hurtme so dad had me leave...I'm also afraid she will hurt him...I am honestly not sure how much longer I can take this. I want to be there for mydad but there is really nothing I can do other than stand up for him and try to protect him, although she doesn't care about anything I sayto her, she never listens. It is getting to the point that I am afraid I might snap and hurt her. I just want her to go away at this point. On top of thisproblem, I have my own health issues which just seem to be getting worse because of everything that is going on. It is a helpless feeling when you knowthings are going wrong but you really have no control over them or fixing them.
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