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About Icy_rose88

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  • Birthday 07/31/1993

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    Singing, writing, reading, gaming

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  1. I know it has been a really long time since I posted on here so I figured I would give you guys an update on what is going on and how I am currently feeling and whatnot. Things went drastically downhill since April and not only has my Dad been in the hospital more frequently, I was also hospitalized for a bit because of the cyst that I have in my brain, because it was growing. As far as the panic and anxiety, I am trying to find a doctor that will prescribe something solely for anxiety that I can take not necessarily daily, but just when I am having a panic attack full on to stop it..My family doctor "doesn't believe in anxiety/panic attacks" and thinks that I can willingly control it if I try hard enough which we all know is bulls*** in the fullest. I continue to be pushed out of people's lives whom I have put 100% into, which makes me cautious and anxious to be in relationships and things. I am dating someone now and it is going well so far and I hope it stays that way. I miss you all. I still feel like I don't want to be here anymore honestly.
  2. Oh ok, that makes sense as to why she never stays. Thank you for the response <3
  3. I am a 23 year old with a disability...A cyst in my brain that causes chronic migraines and also blackouts and chronic pain. I live with both of my parents. My Dad has chronic pancreatitis and we just recently learned that he may also have throat cancer. He is pretty weak and needs someone at home who can help him do things around the house and also to take him to hospitals/doctors when he needs to go. My mom is a drug addict and has been for years now. She has always hated me since I was born, she tells me that i ruined her life being born and that she never wanted me and that I don't take care of my Dad and that I am a fat ass and lazy and shouldn't be living with them anyway because I am an adult...That is just Some of the things she says to me on a daily basis. I have endured the emotional/metal abuse for years because my Dad needs me when my mom is too drugged up to help him. There has been one time, before today...that mom has been physical and she left bruises on me. Today she slammed the couch arm rest on my Dads arm and he grabbed her bu the neck and i got him off her. She told him that she is gonna kick me in the throat, etc...and that she will fight him also if she has to, to get to me. So today has been especially bad. I have tried calling police multiple times and they put her in a mental hospital a couple of times but somehow, after just a few days she has been released because she knows how to talk to people like nothing is wrong with her. It is very hard on me to take all of this abuse and she says what she does to me is not abuse and laughs at me when i try to bring it up and say it's abuse and that it is wrong. My Dad loves her too much to kick her out and so i have been stuck in this position because i want to take care of him because i love him and he is not only my father but my best friend, also. I just needed some support and some people to talk to about this because it really does and has worn on me after all these years and the things she says make me feel like it is true and that i am a bad daughter and a bad person, etc. It is horrible and I hate my life so much.
  4. Hey friend,I tried to send you a message on here but it wouldn't let me. Anyhow,  I finally got a laptop again so I can get back into posting regularly on here. My previous computer died on me so I had no way to keep in touch. I have missed you! 

    1. mulberrypie


      ((((((Raven))))) I've missed you too! It's so good to see you back on! Sorry I let my inbox get full; I've got to delete some messages. I'm so sorry things are still so bad for you. Sounds like they've gotten even worse! I posted on a thread by you. I really do hope things ease up for you, and soon!! <3

      Your friend, Berry <3

    2. Icy_rose88


      Thank you so much, berry! I have missed you a lot. Things have gotten way worse. Today there was actually not only the regular mental/emotional abuse but also physical :( 

    3. mulberrypie


      Oh no! That is just unacceptable! and illegal if I'm getting your meaning right :( I hope you have someone you trust, that you can bring in to witness that and intervene! and here's a suggestion, you might want to use something you can keep hidden in a pocket like an audio recorder on a phone or something to record audio when you know you'll have to spend time in her presence.so you can have proof. How horrible!! I know you're keeping your distance as much as possible and I hope you have somewhere safe to run to!! - I hope you're okay!

  5. Sad Bullied Isolated
  6. Thank you for this. For those who don't believe in all types of bullying, this will make it clear that it is not only physical, but there are Several actual types of bullying that can/do occur.
  7. Things had been going pretty well for awhile as far as not having panic attacks. It was nice to almost forget the feeling of them, but everyday stresses and triggers that I deal with on the daily have made them come back in full force. Just when you think that you haven't had them for a good amount of time, they creep up on you again. In my case, I never got away from the biggest thing that triggers them which is a particular abusive person in my life, but I just seemed to be able to curb them so they didn't happen for quite a while. But these last couple of weeks seem to be a literal non stop anxiety attack. I try to only cry and really deal with it's full effects by myself in my room and I've been feeling like I just don't want to be here anymore some days. I know a lot of us have similar experiences. I just hate that I was doing so well and then it came back again. I know good and well that anxiety doesn't just go away and that I will always have it, but sometimes you have false hope that maybe it won't come back. Just hating where my life is right now and that I'm so stuck with this constant anxiety with no/little relief.
  8. Exhausted No Effort
  9. Unappreciated Anxious Hungry
  10. I'm sorry you are so alone. I am the same way. I have no one I talk to and go out with on a regular basis other than 2 family members, i live with one and the other lives in another state so i cant just go out with her when i want or have sleepovers, etc. and she has work and school and an Actual life she lives every day so we cant text all the time like id like, i dont have a cellphone so i cant constantly message her. i only text her on facebook. I used to have real life friends who would come over and stuff but then some stuff in the family started happening and i lost some friends and then the other ones got tired of me venting about what was going on or me being sad all the time and noone really wanted to hangout after that. So i totally understand..and it feels like you will be sad and alone forever but you wont be, WE wont be. You just have to keep in mind you will meet someone who wants to see you and loves you and puts YOU first. You will eventually get married if you want to and then youll meet other couples to hang with or hang with your husband. If you are stuck kinda like i am just try and block it out for now and then get yourself out of the situation and really take time to find the pieces of yourself that you lost or that were taken from you and build a new you, a BETTER you. The you that you want to be <3 we can get through this together
  11. That is how i feel, my mother constantly makes me feel like a horrible person and like i screw everything up :( hugs
  12. I'm sorry, i have been feeling the same way, It seems that sometimes life throws multiple things at us at once to see how much we can handle. Never be afraid to cry, we all need to sometimes <3 *hugs*
  13. Feeling extremely depressed and stressed. My dad is extremely sick and has been in the hospital 3 hours away from home for more than a week and he has to have another more dangerous/deadly surgery :( And i can't work so i can't help with bills and things when mom and dad are gone. My sister and I have started a page to help Dad and our family.
  14. I really need good thoughts today guys. When going out of the way to be nice just turns into you getting a pile of thrown back at you it is exhausting to try and keep putting the nice out there. I feel as though I am getting bullied quite a lot of days. I would be happy with any advice you guys could give me as I see this person every day of my life almost. I would also like to know any tips you all have on Anxiety attacks or having very low self worth issues. Thank you guys and I hope everyone is doing remotely ok, or at least as good as you can be in your current situations.
  15. You definitely need to get out of the relationship quickly. Even if he isn't physically abusive it will escalate to that. I have been in the exact type of situation with an ex boyfriend. He started out just yelling at me and it escalated to throwing a chair and then he hit me several times and gave me a black eye. Don't let it get to that point <3 I really do care about you and worry about everyone on the site. I hope it gets better for you River.
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