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Chelsmx12

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  1. Hey there everyone, First off, I just want to say how helpful this forum is to me. Everyone on here is so helpful and understanding. I don't often come across people who understand what I deal with (anxiety and panic disorder) so it's great to have a small place on the internet where everyone understands each other. Thank you. I dont post often but I am posting this evening because I am having a lot of anxiety over this situation and have no idea how the heck to handle it. Usually I'm good at handling my anxiety, with a small dose of Zoloft every other day which helps but this is taking the fire and putting gasoline all over it. I'll break this down shortly... I am planning on going to law school in Australia ( I am from Canada ), I have been thinking about this since high school which was in 2009 and I now have an opportunity to apply for fall of this year. My boyfriend of 4 years, is an amazing person but he has some intense deep trust issues.. He is working on them but he doesn't 100% trust me due to his past. I have been helping him and offering him advice on how to obtain help with his anxiety around trust. Anyways, I am worried to tell him that I want to apply to AUS. I'm worried he will think I am abandoning our relationship for 2 years (which I am not), I am worried that telling him will push him back into his worried, thinking state, I am worried that he will not like the idea of me going. I really want to go, and if I get in, I don't want to say no to the offer. I have done long distance relationships before and now thanks to technology its easier than ever to maintain a long distance relationship. Like, periscope and Skype are awesome! I am just wondering how I handle this situation, it's causing me too much anxiety to avoid it. By avoiding it, I have anxiety, by thinking about telling him, I have anxiety. Every direction is anxiety. I mean, I could be wrong and he might say "yes, go for it babe, we will make it through that no problem" BUT realistically it'll be "ohh... " Has anyone ever handled something like this before? I have done endless research on the internet and found many articles about maintaining a long distance relationship but figured this would be the best place to ask considering I have anxiety and panic worked into the mix. Thanks. C
  2. Feeling better today, Woke up early with plans to go to the gym, fell back asleep, went to the gym later than I expected but feeling better. I watched a video from Actualized.org, which helped motivate me to get things done. Still feel like the depression demon is lurking in the depths of my mind as I sit here setting out goals and writing down reminders to chase my dreams. This demon is there, it's haunting me and quite frankly, it's pi**ing me off. I feel strong today. :)
  3. havehope, this is exactly how I feel "lost at sea" ps. Happy almost-Birthday
  4. sad. I cannot express how deeply unhappy I am with myself and I don't know why. I just want to cry
  5. Hi all, Thank you again for reading my post and commenting. My living situation is difficult JUST due to my brother, I am having a very hard time even spending time in the living room with my parents because he is so stressful. Everything he says heightens my anxiety and I simply cannot handle it. He was gone for about a week and honestly, that was my most productive week, when he wasn't there and he cannot move out for legal reasons of having to be at "home" or with my parents so thats just out of the question. I would love to move out again, I'm just having a hard time being away from my parents. When I moved across the country, my parents relationship with myself was not that great and I regret that deeply and I also feel bad for leaving them with my brother, he's uncontrollable and unpredictable. I know its not my responsibility to be a buffer for my parents with my brother but I love my parents a lot and I can't stand to see my ungrateful brother stress them out and disrespect them daily. I also have no job, the town where I live is very seasonal and runs off tourists so any jobs are hard to get now, I wouldn't be able to fund living on my own again. I feel very stuck, very mad at myself, very congested in my mind. I want to cry all the time, and then I get mad at myself because I know I should be studying and there are only 9 weeks until the december LSAT. I keep watching that funny Shia LaBouf "JUST DO IT" video for motivation but thats only temporary :(
  6. WOW thank you all SO much for replying, I had no idea I would get responses. Hi there RatBoy, thank you for commenting. Studying for the LSAT is important to me to obviously get into law school. My motivation with going to law school is to fight for those who are wrongly accused (long story). It was at one point something that I did not want to do, I went out and moved across the country to "find myself" and I found myself, and came back with piles of motivation in May. The only thing I know is that in 10, 20, 50 years from now I want to be stable. Id like to think Id be married to my current boyfriend of 3.5 years but I don't think he's going to ask me… ever. Maybe kids. What frustrates me is that I cannot get out of my slump. I know I am capable of wonderful things on the LSAT, I enjoy logic games and enjoy those kinds of tests but my studying has fell to the back burner for some reason :( Hi there Marie, No I am not currently diagnosed with depression but I have dealt with symptoms of depression periodically since high school. I am diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder - which is situational. I have in fact made an appointment with my doctor a month from now. No, not at the school. I have had TERRIBLE experiences with therapists at the school so I am seeing someone who runs a private practice. Its expensive but worth it. I will see her in October as well. Thank you for the small goals tip, I will keep that in mind. Thank you, thats a very good way of thinking of studying!! Hi there HaveHope, thank you! Glad to be here! I moved across the country because I was having a lot of issues with my parents. I wanted to live in Alberta, so my boyfriend and I packed up our trucks, got jobs and moved out there. It was good, I enjoyed it but got very bored at the job I was working and ended up having troubles with fellow employees (my manager actually) and ended up getting depressed and blah.. the economy fell and we weren't getting enough hours and my boyfriends truck and some of our things got stolen at our house, so we moved home. I defiantly agree with you that I might be feeling depressed with living at home. It is incredibly stressful for the fact that my brother is so narcissistic, selfish, loud, annoying, rude and all over the place (I swear he's bipolar) and I end up spending 98% of my time in my room. I have my own vehicle which could take me to Texas or anywhere if I wanted but I only go out when I go to my boyfriends house but I don't like being there lots because I have allergies to hold and his parents house doesn't have circulating air… Long story but I defiantly think you helped me shed some light as to why I am feeling the way I do. I think the lack of independence and confinement (living in the country with NO amenities). My focus is becoming a problem now too, in high school I noticed I was having problems focusing and would fidget all the time. My doctor back then told me that an Adderall like medication would be a good idea but me being against medication back then said "F that" and went through undergraduate university struggling and working my ass off fighting my lack of focus. I will be discussing this with my doctor again in October. I am putting a lot of pressure on myself because every one around me puts pressure on me. I have friends who tell me that "Oh you'll get into Harvard, don't worry, you're smart"… But am I? Are you just being nice? Do I make myself look smarter than I actually am? I can't even afford Harvard unless I donated my leg and kidney. I have a terrible fear of failure. It's debilitating. Sometimes I feel like if I don't do anything at all then I won't fail at anything. It feels so nice to know that I am not alone. Thank you so much
  7. Hello everyone in the Depression Forum, This is my first post here as I just found this wonderful resource. I am 24 years old. I am a perfectionist. I suffer from Anxiety and Panic attacks but have been working had the past 2 years to manage my anxiety and panic without Ativan. I am here, reaching out for help and/or advice because I have found myself in a slump and every time I try to get myself back out of it, I fall right back into it. I graduated from undergraduate university in May of 2014, took a year off, moved across the country, got a dog and now I am back at home and am.. well… was.. motivated to study for the LSAT with hopes to attend law school in the future. I started studying for the LSAT part time in August this year and started heavily studying at the beginning of September but it's now mid-September and I cannot find any motivation at all… Even when I do, I am not performing at my optimal level like I normally do and I get mad at myself for getting answers wrong, not being attentive and not reading passages thoroughly. I get enough sleep (long story but I haven't been sleeping well for the past 4 months but the past week I've been sleeping like a baby thankfully). I TRY to eat healthy (sugar is my weakness). Somedays I find myself laying in bed until 11am and thinking "hey I should study for the LSAT" but end up watching Youtube videos all day. I used to be so motivated to study, to weight lift like I normally do, to ride my dirt bike. I'm so upset with myself and its generating A LOT of anger. I don't know whats wrong with me :( Like, do I need Adderall to focus while studying? Should I break out the Ativan again? I don't know how to get out of this slump.. It's making me so depressed. Sad thing is, is that I've been here before and I can't remember how in the world I got myself out of it. Thank you all SO MUCH who take time out of your day to try and help me, you have no idea how much I appreciate a resource such as this. Thank you. Much love, Chels.
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