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Posts posted by ParaDoxiPaladin


    7 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

    Sorry my mistake I think I was trying to replying to the original poster? Unless I read it wrong about school?. Yes OCD and PTSD can be very painful and annoying too. I don't have much experience with the other disorders, but I wish you the best. I had to quit everything too, and basically my whole life is a misery because of social anxiety along with my other problems. But I wish you the best, and be proud that you are still out there trying to make things better for yourself.

    No problem :smile: thanks and all the best to you too

  2. Ah I don't have SAD. I have anxiety, depression (both 'severe'), ptsd, ocd, and bpd, and consider myself 'borderline autistic' as I was just two marks from aspergers when tested. I have a few friends with SAD and in all cases there are other issues too (one of them also has dyspraxia). Apologies for any confusion - I didn't drop out of school - I was 25 and working and had to quit since things were too much at the time. Since then I have been working on getting back on track. I'll be 30 later this year. But thank you :grinning: I do try to remind myself of how far I've come. Just as everyone here should try their best to focus on the positives whenever they can, no matter how minor they may be and how impossible that can so often seem.

  3. 4 minutes ago, GoldenOne said:

    My social anxiety is only a part of my issues, but it is a major one.

    I have learned so far from the different therapies I have seen to that I dont think I can learn that much more from going to therapy. What I mean by that is that I know how to deal with my negative thoughts when they arise. I have learned to question them, to look at them objectively, to be more realistic, even though it sometimes seems impossible to do. These are the techniques I have learned over the years, and I think they are pretty universal in the sense that all the negative feelings in my body are caused by negative thoughts, and I think from a logical perspective, the best way to deal with these negative thoughts is to force yourself to be more realistic and less all-or-nothing (which is the case with most negative thoughts). That is not to say that this is easy. On most days I still find myself unable to do this with succes, meaning I dont find immediate relief by doing this. But I keep doing this in the hopes that one day I wont have these automatic negative thoughts. Every. Single. Day. 

    Seeing therapsits is still okay though. I find it comforting sometimes to talk to a professional about my thoughts, so I know that I am not alone. Also, sometimes the therapist can tell me something I hadnt thought of before. But I do believe I have mastered the techniques of CBT.

    I just hope that eventually I will beat my social anxiety and the rest of my mental health related issues. Despite my hopelessness, I still try as much as I can to beat it. And things have gotten better over the years. I went from being hospitalized every few months to not being hospitalized at all, to having no social life to having a small circle of friends again, to being on welfare for a few years to studying again. So I know - objectively - that things have gotten better. But for some damn reason it doesnt make me feel hopeful. I still feel the same sort of hopelessness I have felt throughout the years. I pray that I will overcome this. I am doing everything in my power to do so.



    Unfortunately these kinds of issues may well stay with you all your life. It may seem like you have learnt all you can but I do hope you continue with therapy and professional help as one day something may be revealed to you that makes a big difference. Things seemed utterly hopeless for me until I - after a very long process - ended up with a personal nurse who eventually gave me a string of diagnoses including OCD and BPD. These filled a lot of gaps and showed how I could better deal with situations. He also showed me some types of CBT I hadn't used before that actually worked a little.

    I can definitely relate with the negative thoughts about yourself and the body confidence. I was once 6 stone heavier than I used to be, but even after I lost weight have still been very critical of my appearance. In recent years however this has died down somewhat as I've taken control of how I appear in other ways (body mods mainly). I still get many stray thoughts of 'I'm a fat b*stard' or even occasionally drop into big episodes over how undesirable I feel every now and then. But for the most part I don't think about it as much. In time I hope you find a way to overcome those obstacles and reshape your thinking. I'm sorry I can't offer any more concrete advice but I wish you all the best.

  4. As a slight echo to the comments of Lonelyforeigner and MayzeeDog0518, I would say that he is simply being honest with you in that message and any vagueness that may be read into it is simply because he is trying not to sound too pushy, leaving it up to if you want to keep in touch. Try not to blame yourself for the outcome of this relationship or dwell on 'what could have been'. At the very least, drop him a text and if he doesn't respond then try to move on. If he does then by all means keep in touch with him as friends. It sounds like the biggest factor here is a lacking sense of closure.

    I'm trying to ready myself for online dating again this year since it's now 3 years since I was last in a relationship and I've regained a lot of stability compared to back then. I go online dating because I generally find the situation a lot easier to read rather than befriending someone then wondering if they're interested in a relationship or not. There was once a lady who I really got on with and really liked and spoke to on skype. Then as time went on she disappeared for long periods of time then kept being vague with her messages. She told me that a lot of guys had been sending her explicit messages so she was leaving the site but she gave me her number. She never responded through that number after that. Of course my mind considered all possibilities at the time but really you can only take their word for it and everything else simply leave to rest; she had been harassed and it put her off communications with people at the time.

    Anyway I hope these comments help make things seem clearer and show that you're not alone in finding yourself in these kinds of situations. I wish you all the best.

  5. Really sorry to hear about this. Has this kind of thing happened before? Have you had any professional help or diagnosis? These behaviours linked into relationships and being unable to control emotions and feeling 'empty' sounds very familiar to me. I'll refrain from bringing in terms at this point but my advice would be to try and balance your relationships rather than solely focus on the one that is currently absent. I completely understand that is no small feat and the whole emptiness and feeling like faking things... I find - sometimes at least - that I do that subconsciously in order to protect myself / others from exploding from the emotions bubbling under the surface. You may actually be feeling like you want to yell at your family or break down crying (and maybe you even have) so when it comes to 'acting normal' you can only do so by wearing a mask. [my chest tattoo 'and this is not my face, and this is not my life' echoes this]. Of course this may not be how you feel but that's what I can go through at times and your situation reminds me of it. Try to take things one step at a time for now but you may find talking about it to people very helpful in the long run.

  6. 3 hours ago, idkusername465 said:

    I'm in a similar situation. I currently go to bed at about 9am and wake up at 5pm. Its just a freakin mess

    You too eh? I can sometimes nudge myself back into an 'ok' routine using schedules and sleep hygiene tips. But it doesn't last long before my nightmares get worse and I become terrified to sleep again. Having my lava lamp on at night helps quite a bit. It's warm glow is comforting and watching the contents gloop can often distract me from nastier thoughts.

  7. My bed-times and wake times have been getting later and later again recently. Currently it's once again 5am. Hopefully I won't get up at 2pm again as I'm supposed to meet someone -_-

    So yeah got up at 2 today, lethargic most of the day, and only got 15 minutes of writing done. But I guess, at least I managed to get some done. And beside that, I've tidied the house and washed the pots, and went for a walk. So it could've been worse I guess.

  8. On 5/17/2016 at 4:57 AM, ColdFire said:

    Batman Vs Superman.giphy.gif


    I must say though, Ben Affleck Surprised me as Batman. I thought he did a really good job but at first I hated the idea of him as Batman. The writers just ruined the movie to me. If you are a DC Comic fan you will understand. They also brought out the end game story in the second movie. They squeezed like 6 movies worth of lore into one movie. No. Just. No.

    Sorry to hear you weren't a fan. Though I'm aware I'm one of the very few people who loved it. To me, this was more of a faithful portrayal of the DC Universe than any film before it. I'm one of the biggest fans of DC Comics around, particularly of Batman (Batman the Animated Series is perhaps my second favorite TV series of all time). The tone of the film and the amount of info packed into it simply felt like one of the recent animated films or pretty much anything from the Dark Ages comics or since then. For better or worse, that's how the DC stories have usually been. At least to me anyway. I completely accept the criticisms thrown against the film, though I can defend every one of them.

  9. 9 hours ago, Ryuuka said:

    The Astronaut's Wife, We Need to Talk About Kevin


    The first was so terrible that it read like porn fanfic of a better movie. 


    The second, I was not prepared for. I knew there was a darker theme but the strong melancholy undertones gave me an ick feeling which means it was super effective and I loved it. I do not rec it if you're going through a down period. 

    Kevin is a fantastic movie but as a central theme is that of the mother going through post-natal depression and the debate over whether or not that contributed to Kevin's behaviours, yeah it's quite bleak and not for when one is feeling fragile.

    Once a friend and I watched a harmless looking cheesy horror movie called Let's Scare Jessica To Death. Expected fun tripe, got something way to close to the knuckle for two people with health issues. There was something about vampire-like creatures yes but the main focus was a surprisingly realistic (and wonderfully acted) portrayal of a woman who had briefly been in hospital and had now escaped to the countryside for some healing time. Every bizarre incident only really worried her because it might be the final confirmation that she had lost her sanity. One of those films I actually reccomend checking out for its relatable issues, buuuuut at the same time I don't because it will leave you feeling rubbish afterwards :S

    The last film I actually watched was The Darwin Awards earlier this week. Awesome film, about an ex police detective with an over-cautious personality (and a tendency to faint at the sight of blood) who becomes an insurance agent who goes about proving that the client and their questionable intelligence were at fault. Has quite the cast including Winona Ryder and cameos from Metallica and the Myth Busters. Could easily see a TV series continue the stories.

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