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darkness13

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  1. I've been depressed for about 4 or 5 months now, it started at the beginning of June of this year, and i'm struggling to cope with it. I have lost pleasure and interest in most if not all things I used to do like listening to music or reading. I have to really force myself to do these things and it's hard too when I have no interest in doing so. All I want to do is lay in bed all day and sleep, not talk to anyone or leave the house. My body often feels very heavy like it's made of stone and takes a lot of energy to move. I often don't want to take a shower or eat and have to force myself to do the most basic of tasks. I often feel very alone and unloved like no one wants me around even though I know that's not true. My thinking is very negative and I dwell on the negative thoughts daily. I am currently on anti-depressant medication and am doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy but neither seem to be working. People tell me I have to be patient but that's very hard to do when it's been going on for months and you see no end in sight.
  2. I just want to say I'm sorry your life is bad right now, I somewhat know how you feel, I hate my life as well. I am 20 years old and have only had a few part time jobs that weren't even really jobs, they where more like training experience but other than that I have never held down a job and don't have much hope in finding one in the near future. I still don't have my driver's licenses yet which just complicates everything because I am unable to get to a job even if I found one. I have never been to college yet, I'm hoping to at some point but I'm not sure I will be smart enough to make it through college. I had one girlfriend back in high school only for a short while which ended with her cheating on me. I have never had a girlfriend since then and don't see myself as someone a girl would want, as I don't drive I have know way of going out and meeting people. I have no self-esteem whatsoever and I pretty much hate myself. I have hated myself since I was little and it seems to be getting worse as I get older. I used to be somewhat heavy until I reached high school at which point I lost tones of weight because of Topamax which was given for my Tourette Syndrome. I lost weight fairly quickly which has left me with stretch marks on the upper part of my arms and along my thighs. It seems that my life get's worse as I get older, right now my parent's marriage is completely falling apart, my dad is an alcoholic who never cared about me or my mother. I could never go to him for support for any of my disabilities. My mom has two bulging disks in her back and has missed tones of work and has lot's of medical bills. We are in financial difficulties and may possibly lose our house if it doesn't get better. I have had a bout of major depression before in the past when I was around 16, and I'm wondering if I've had some form of depression most of my life as I have never been fully happy. I have always had problems socializing with people do to bad social anxiety and never had many friends. I know what it's like to be suicidal as I've struggled with suicidal thoughts on several occasions and once contemplated it but never went through with it, at times I wish I had. I also often feel like God has abandoned me, I have prayed many times for my life to get better and it only seems to be getting worse. I'm sorry to hear you don't have any friend's to go to for support, but you do have friends here on this forum and are not alone in this fight.
  3. Thank you all for your kind messages, and to answer jimbow15 I have just started taking anti-depressant's for my depression but don't notice any change yet and in addition to medication's I have am undergoing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help combat the negative thinking that comes along with the depression.
  4. Hi, My name is darkness13, i'm 20 years old who is currently struggling with depression with a whole score of other conditions: Tourette Syndrome, Narcolepsy, A.D.D., Developmental Co-Ordination Disorder, and a math learning disorder. I have had a history of social anxiety along with panic attacks. I'v had depression before when i was about 16 so I have struggled with depression before. I created an account here because I thought it would be good to reach out to other people who have/are able to relate to my experiences. Thank you for reading and commenting and I hope to post again soon.
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