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4amRedLight

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About 4amRedLight

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  1. We were wet, huddled together for warmth, both yearning to be next to a blazing fire. But we had each other. Until I let go.
  2. It's been a long time, friends. This one is for my ex. She is married now and I'm happy she has someone who loves her. Time doesn't heal wounds. Only love can heal pain. I may not have gone through abuse as you have, but I ran through rain. So, I needed too what you needed from me and I gave what I had, though we needed more I looked in you, but I saw myself and I turned away.
  3. I've noticed light from electronics affects me. Fluorescent lights mess with my head. I get nauseous and disoriented. Computer light makes me more tense and agitated. I always turn brightness down to the lowest setting, and I use night light mode. I think when I use electronics doesn't matter so much as how much time I spend. When I spend most of my day outdoors, I don't feel much negative effects from night time computer use. I feel irritable if I'm indoors working under fluorescent lights all day, then go home and use the computer.
  4. Wow nice! Kept a good connection with the old boss and it paid off. 50+ hr weeks, though, that's a lot to take on.
  5. Yeah it sucks. It's all hoops to jump through. If you want to get ahead of the competition, you gotta suck up to the right people. Whether they are stupid or not, they are in power and you aren't, so you have to do what it takes for them to like you or they'll recommend someone else. If board scores are what they care about, you gotta show them what they want to see. I think that is important for you to overcome, letting go of personal resentment against your superiors, because in the next six months they will evaluate you. As you will continue to be evaluated by superiors throughout your career. They can either have a perception of you as a candidate who fell short of their expectations, and carries a negative attitude about it - or as a promising doctor who just needed some extra time (in their opinion) to cram for a test. It doesn't matter that both may be fictions, it's their opinion that counts to getting your residency, not your own. I not agreeing with them, but I think it's in *your* best interest if you can not hold their views against them, so you can put them and their failings behind you. It does infuriate me, to be judged impersonally based on a crappy standardized test and not given full consideration of my capabilities and the work I've done. Especially when I see people I know who can pass tests but can't do actual work get ahead because stupid people in power like them. I just hated doing what they told me, and wanted to do things my own way. Sometimes the people you think are making stupid decisions have their hands tied and the decision is from higher-up telling them not to accept test scores below a minimum. So being resentful at them doesn't accomplish anything. I know holding onto my resentment did not help me get ahead in any way. I wish you courage to let go of your personal dislike for your advisors, approach your next board with a clean positive thoughts that will help you succeed! Don't hold anger in your heart. Believe that they want you to succeed, and this is their imperfect misguided way of helping you. Tests can be 'figured out' by preparation, repetition, tricks, and massive memorization. You can do it!
  6. I don't think of myself as a victim. Nobody specifically set out to do me harm. 'It's just business.' People have acted in their selfish interest in unethical ways at my expense. I could blame racial prejudice, flawed education institutions, corrupt employers. But they are indifferent to me, specifically. I haven't encountered individuals with a personal agenda to go out of their way to ruin my life. Maybe you have. So I don't feel like a victim. Someone would have to be personally responsible in damaging my life for me to feel that way.
  7. Devote your life to something bigger than yourself. Death is a certainty. Shift the mindset away from 'will this fix my problem and make my life happy' to 'what kind of place do I want to leave behind.' Simply existing, without any cause, is pointless suffering. Accept pain as part of living we cannot escape, so we might as well put it to good use.
  8. hehe. I like this so I watched National Lampoon's Vacation (1983) again going to Walmart is like taking a trip to Walley World
  9. You're a victim of corruption. People have been using you as a workhorse. If you want that store manager position, it's not hard work but playing politics that will get you there. I'm sorry. It makes me sad.
  10. There's no shame in acknowledging one's weakness to improve on it. At the time, Chinese scholars criticized their government for its closed door policies to the outside world. They were alarmed China did not invest in naval strength to match foreign nations and pointed out problems with its education system, bureaucracy, inefficient tax collection, government corruption, wealth disparity, and unbalanced economy. But it is shameful to be in denial about one's problems and do nothing about them. The Manchu leaders of China stuck to conservative policies, convincing themselves their country was great, and raised barriers to the outside. The government refused to cooperate with foreign nations, or share technologies, or open trade. They thought there was nothing to learn from foreign societies, that every other nation in the world was inferior. It's uncanny the way wealth and power encourage people of any culture to act the same way. Eventually the boastful chauvinism fell apart. The foreigners found a way in first by religion, then smuggling narcotics by ship, then with cannons and troops. But that won't happen to 'Merica. Cuz we da best. #1 forever. USA USA USA.
  11. My phone battery has been dying for half a year. It wouldn't charge when the battery was low, the phone turned itself off randomly, and after charging all night it'd still be at 80%. I thought I needed a new phone. Today I bought a high-speed charging cable and that fixed my problem. Now my battery is fully charged. Green light, woohoo!
  12. In America, we attach a lot of our self-worth to our popularity. The culture teaches us the number of 'friends' we have is a measure of how important or successful our lives are. Is it a true statement? No, but it is a strong belief in our culture. And believing it turns it into reality. So what to do? Either buy into it and join the rat race to be popular ... (Friendships have become so meaningless to being just people who get something out of you. We can label people as friends who we don't even like and just hang around with, or an acquaintance on fair terms.) or ... fight the unhealthy belief one step at a time. First step starts with yourself. Push that negative message out of your thoughts and don't tell yourself that. It's other people sending you that message, but that doesn't mean they're right. Recognize your good qualities and exemplify them. It takes some life experience to see yourself for who you are instead of through the eyes of other people.
  13. My social life is one friend at a time, hahahaha. I get lonely but I want genuine friendship. I can't stand that Americans place so much emphasis on popularity, hype and compete with each other to gain it. American culture rewards advertising instead of character.
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