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About daveb48

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  • Birthday 09/24/1948

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    Coldwater, Michigan, USA
  • Interests
    Books, photography, travel.

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  1. It has gotten slightly worse over the past couple of years. I suspect she may be showing signs of very early dementia as she tends to forget things much more often. What happens is that she will "forget" something that I said or did and make up her own version of the incident so that it fits into her agenda. I have tried telling her how this makes me feel but she doesn't seem to care. I've learned that my feelings and concerns are of little to no consequence to her.
  2. I have learned to not respond to these taunts because doing so only throws fuel onto the flame. She is constantly comparing me to her father, who was her hero, and I always am found wanting. He did everything right in her mind but I cannot do anything right. Also, if I say anything to her if she makes a mistake, I am an abuser and an asshole and she gets even angrier. My response is usually just to keep quiet and pull even further into myself. It's a lonely existence, to be sure.
  3. Has anyone else had this problem? My wife finds fault with everything I do and most of the things I say. This is not helpful to my depression one bit and I am having an increasingly difficult time dealing with it. I realize I am far from perfect, but I can't believe that everything I do is wrong. How do others here deal with this?
  4. How do you folks deal when your spouse refuses to allow any kind of physical contact with her - no kissing, no hugging, not even a casual touch? How do you handle the loneliness? This is my situation now. My wife has decided that I am no longer worthy of her respect or her affection. So far I have respected her wishes but it hurts like hell to not have that physical contact. With antidepressants and outside interests I have been able to cope, but I am still human and cannot fully accept total total isolation. Has anyone else experienced this and, if so, how did you deal with it?
  5. I kept thinking things would get better - that I could move past my fear of a ruined career and loss of freedom - but they never did. I couldn't get out of the hole I had dug for myself and now I have to live with it. She just never made an issue out of the situation, although I guess it bothered her more than I realized. We never discussed it, mainly because I just couldn't face the prospect of permanent rejection. Now that this happened, I need to learn how to live with it. It's hard, but at least I still have a home and freedom. She never lets me forget that I am a loser and can't measure up to her father or her sons. This is the hardest part for me.
  6. She told me early on to never come between her and her kids. I was never certain she would have supported me. She recently told me that her daughter was "just kidding" when she did this. That's okay, but it would have been nice to have learned this 25 years ago.
  7. I didn't exactly lose interest in it. It was more that her daughter from a previous marriage didn't like us having sex and also wanted to get her mom and dad back together. She threatened to call Social Services and file some false charges, which would have cost me my career and could have resulted in prison. I chose celibacy to unemployment and jail. Bad choice perhaps, but at the time it looked like my only option .
  8. Since I have been in therapy for my depression, I have been trying to "reignite" my physical relationship with my wife. My depression caused me to lose interest in sex at the age of 40 (along with other issues). I am now 68 and want desperately to have some sort of physical contact with my wife, even just kissing and cuddling, but she wants nothing to do with me. I am not allowed to touch her, kiss her or even suggest doing so. My question is - has anyone else here had a similar problem and, if so, how did you deal with it? Leaving her is not a good option as I would have a hard time starting over at my age and sleeping on a park bench doesn't really appeal to me.
  9. My primary care physician recommended that I get therapy for my depression but when I call them an they find out I am on Medicare, they tell me they cannot see me. Is this a common problem or am I supposed to believe that older adults with depression are simply not entitled to therapy? I suppose I should just bite the bullet and continue on as before with just my antidepressants and keeping all these dark thoughts to myself. I can't discuss these things with family members because they are all into their own problems and don't give a rat's ass about mine.
  10. Right now I'm not feeling to hot. I was hoping the New Year would bring with it new hopes and promises but it's just more same old, same old. My wife says I disrespect her because I don't anticipate her every need and mood and respond accordingly. I am having problems dealing with her anger and hatred toward me. Common sense tells me I would be happier if I just left but my other sense tells me I would be broke and homeless if I did, so I hang in there and hope for better days ahead. Is this logical?
  11. Thanks to all for the support and kind words. Christmas is a very hard time for me. My oldest daughter passed away on Christmas in 1979. You never really get over a loss of that magnitude and sometimes if just overwhelms me. I feel better now but will be even better when the holidays are over and I don't have to fake happiness for the sake of others.
  12. I have failed. I am a failure as a husband, as a father, as a son, as a man. I cannot make people happy np matter how hard I try. All I get for my efforts is verbal and mental abuse from people who are supposed to love and support me. I am feeling as though the world would be better off if I wasn't a part of it. I don't know how to make things better.
  13. Right now I am trying to survive another Christmas season. My stress level is in the stratosphere and I just wish I could hibernate until spring.
  14. In the past year or so, I have begun thinking about it more and more often - sometimes several times a day - and this concerns me somewhat. I don't want to take that final step but I also wonder if maybe everyone I know would be better off if I were gone and they didn't have to bother with me anymore. This time of year - Christmas and the following winter months - are the worst.
  15. Eve, thank you for the kind words. I appreciate them. I am pretty sure my wife is depressed. As to menopause, she is well beyond that age. For a long time I thought she might be BPD. She shows a lot of the signs of that but not some of the primary ones - especially the sudden change from wanting me gone to clinging to me. She would just as soon I vanished from the planet. She is a workaholic and that is part of the issue because I am not and therefore she feels I don't pull my weight. Problem here is, I cannot do anything good enough for her so she steps in and does it herself. Her father was kind of this way. He was a perfectionist to the point where he had a nervous breakdown. If I didn't need to focus on my own depression, I could maybe deal with her issues better but it is so difficult to cope with the blame game and the hurtful comments when I already feel low.
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