Gondolin

Right before I get into bed. Works like a charm. I answered "evening", but since I usually don't go to bed until 2:00-4:00AM, I guess early morning would be the technical term :P

I cancelled the rehearsal and now I am feeling tired, stressed and guilty.

I slept for 12 hours straight, from 3AM to 3PM. I am still tired and stressed. Tonight is the weekly rehearsal of my girl group and the girls are asking when and where we should meet up and I just don't want to... But I have to. I can't leave them hanging just because I feel like I'm already slowing things down.

Oreo cupcake for breakfast, because whatever.

My awesome boyfriend made me pizza from scratch.

Flodder? :PHaha no, I can't stand that one. Kees & Co is the one I am hooked on, I have seem every episode at least 20 times and I still love it. Have never heard of it!! Will check it out.

I don't have an answer for you - I would be in your position if it wasn't for my boyfriend who's pretty much babysitting me in the sense of that he makes all the stupid little decisions that I can't get myself to make (what's for dinner, when do we go to bed, etc). IIRC my psychologist told me that the "tumbling" of thoughts and ideas, or the slowing down of thoughts till the point where you can't finish them properly, and the incapacity to make decisions are a symptom of depression. As I said I'm sorry I can't help you, but I wanted to let you know your certainly not alone and it is so frustrating because I feel like I'm throwing my life away waiting for the time when I can be in charge of my own head again.

I don't really know what makes me happy, but these series really do catch my attention and excite me and make me forget about my depression for a while. Game of Thrones Orange is the New Black House of Cards Shameless (US) Some other shows that I watch that don't really catch my attention like the ones above but I do like and act like a soothing wallpaper: Grey's Anatomy (earlier seasons were awesome, but lately it turned into a wallpaper-show) Gilmore Girls True Blood Hell's Kitchen America's Next Top Model Project Runway I also enjoy watching Modern Family, and that actually might make me happy-ish, because my boyfriend always laughs so loudly at the jokes (to the point of crying) and I love to watch him being happy.

Flodder? :P

Went to the psychologist who told me we don't have an infinite amount of sessions so he recommended that we should have our next appointment in two weeks. I looked it up and it looks like I only have 11 sessions covered by the insurance. So that freaked me out. Then I needed to sleep and when I woke up I freaked again because I was supposed to do some work (write some e-mails, basically) and the stress just rendered me unable to think or move so my boyfriend brought the laptop to the bed and really it wasn't a big deal so I sent the e-mails and felt a little bit better. Still, not such a great day.

So sorry you have to let your pet go. That must really hurt. I have pets myself and when Pietje, my rabbit BFF died this January I had full on panic attacks. I'm sure you've thought about it yourself, but it isn't an option to have her stay with family or friends, either open-ended or until you feel you can take care of her yourself again?

I am trying to make sense of the amazingly confusing roster program the music school I'm working for is using. I have to make my own roster. Some of the kids are in the program, some aren't. Those that aren't could be because they quit their lessons OR they are following lessons that don't require them to reenroll themselves because it's automatic, which for some reason doesn't show in the program. So four groups of kids I taught last year are not showing up in the program, which is fine because they are doing courses that have automatic reenrollment, EXCEPT FOR ONE kid that is showing up and it confuses me thoroughly! Why is she the only one showing up?? Some of them I have to make appointments with myself, some are sent a letter by the school... I hate going back to work, it makes me very anxious.

Tired and anxious.

IVEY - Strong https://youtu.be/RUjP1XaEwuM

Yesterday I got up really early, went to work and attended a party. Today, not so much as of yet.