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Everything posted by stardreamer

  1. yeah, sometimes i wonder. these things do seem somewhat cyclical. if there was some kind of graph i could generate of "mostlynormal" "light depression" "moderate depr" "severe depr" etc., i wonder if i would see a pattern.
  2. Hugs! Congratulations for taking the first step. I know it's tough thinking how to come out to people especially your family, but you can do it. Stay strong!
  3. Despite the introversion though, I do need to see people to some extent, I do need social interaction and it's not good to go without it for too long
  4. Yeah... over time the Myers-Briggs has gotten to where I'm not sure if it really applies to me anymore. If I take it now I get results that are all over the place. I used to be INFJ on that. I think I have moved a lot toward the P spectrum. But when I take the test sometimes it comes out ENFJ, or other types like INTP that I am sure I am not. So who knows. INFJ or INFP is probably the most accurate for me. Maybe I have too many of the letters on borderlines is why the results come out wonky.
  5. Do you ever feel like you just don't want to see people? I live with people so I can't really "not" see people. But I tend to be very selective on who I see. I am more likely to spend time online talking to people. In person I only want to see specific people who I feel a connection to at that time. A lot of times being around people seems kind of extraneous. I can be quite outgoing with people I feel safe around. But a lot of the time I just like to keep to myself or confine in-person social interaction to really close friends. How does introversion or extroversion work for you?
  6. And yes, confiding in people you know can make you feel better and like you are understood, if you pick the right ones to tell who can be supportive
  7. Hello. Welcome to DF. About whether to confide in a friend: It really depends on that person, your relationship with them, and that person's ability to handle emotional issues. Some people really don't get this sort of thing, and feel uncomfortable talking about deep emotional issues. Others are OK with it and are able to talk about it and be supportive. My advice would be, if you have a specific person in mind, think about what types of conversations you have with this person. Have you ever talked about anything deeply emotional, and how did they react? If your experience seems to suggest that the person would support you and be able to deal with these topics, then yes you could try to talk to them about it. I would only do so with close friends that you trust, who you have reason to believe will be supportive. DF is a good place for support, because we all deal with these types of issues, and this is a safe space for people to vent and talk about these issues. It's also anonymous so you won't have to deal with any repercussions in your daily life because it's online. Usually I tell the more detailed versions of how I feel on here, and reserve the more summarized versions for close supportive friends. Hugs to you, I hope you find the site helpful. Hugs
  8. I would say, right now, make sure to take self-care time as much as you can when you are not at work. And do your best to leave your job at work (both mentally and in actuality), and don't bring it home with you. If you have some vacation time, maybe you could take a few days off and visit your family or friends so you will feel better and less isolated. When depressed, it's best not to make any snap decisions that are major, like suddenly quitting your job. There are times I have been freaking out and thought things like that, but ultimately some kind of job is needed, so if you quit, it would be best to have something else lined up that pays enough for your needs, before you quit. So can you quit? Yes, you could quit your job. Just have a plan before you do, have some things set in motion, so that you won't have to deal with a bad aftermath. Hugs to you, sorry you are going through this
  9. cats understand when they are being fed, they understand when they are loved, they understand when they are petted and paid attention to, and other stuff like their owner's overt behavior toward them/involving them, and their owner's behavior toward other people. and some of them understand some speech, usually things that were repeated over and over again in conjunction with certain actions, like if you say "hungry" or "treat" every time you feed them they will come to associate that word with food. i doubt there is any way for the cat to actually understand that you thought it was a certain gender. no worries!
  10. Hugs to you. There are lots of good people here, I hope you find what you are looking for.
  11. Last night I had a moment where I was like, wow I actually feel like a normal person right now. Lol. Today there is a bit of the "don't wannas" going on, but basically doing pretty OK today.
  12. I'm sorry to hear that. Take some deep breaths, maybe take a walk or a run to get rid of some of the excess energy
  13. No one is inherently unloveable. This is one of the lies your brain tells you because of trauma you experienced. It isn't true. You said "the only explanation"... that is definitely not the only explanation, far from it. As a person who had to leave her parents at a young age to survive, I can tell you that lots of parents don't do a good job with their children. They are people, they have issues, sometimes serious ones. Sometimes those issues are not conducive to producing a happy or stable family life. Sometimes those issues produce a pretty bad one that leaves scars on their children. That is not their children's fault. It is not your fault that your parents were not able to deal with you in a way that made you feel loved. You were a child, how could your parents' treatment of you possibly be your fault? And even if you think it is, it isn't. Regardless of anything you could have done, all children should be treated with love and caring and nurtured so that they can grow up. It is not about you. That is about them and their personal issues. You are as deserving of love as anyone else. I'm sorry these things happened to you and that you feel them for decades. Such is the way of trauma, but it can be cleared. And relationships end... it happens. It may not directly and specifically only be about you... it may have been about something going on with the other person. We were talking before about expectations... it sounds like you expected that relationship to be forever, and it hurt so much because that expectation was broken. Trust me, I get it. I have had a similar experience. I had the idea "marriage is forever" in my head for my whole life, and it was so strong. The breaking of that idea hurt more than the actual breakup. That's how expectations work, and that's why it's best if we can get rid of as many of them as we can... they cause us pain because we are not in control of outcomes. We can do our best to influence outcomes or try to generate positive ones, but we can't control everything, and some things are not in our ability to manage. My guess is that the relationship ending pretty much hit you in the same spot where you had the other trauma, and these kind of banded together to reinforce those negative ideas inside you. This is how trauma works. But the good part is, you can start realizing when your brain is lying to you because of these things. You are loveable. Your brain is lying. There are many more possibilities than you are giving yourself credit for. Hugs and love to you today. <3 May the sun shine upon your shoulders, may your step be light upon your path.
  14. Hugs!! I know you may not think of yourself this way, but I think of you as spunky... you are trying hard despite difficult circumstances and that is important
  15. black tea is supposed to be better than coffee... it contains theanine that helps improve mood.
  16. At this moment I'm very frustrated with myself, angry even, for not having the discipline to take the steps necessary yesterday evening to be able to do my morning routine that I know will overall make me feel better each morning and throughout the day. Rather than let it continue to ruin my mood for the entire day I will practice mindfulness, recognize my frustration for a minute or two, and then let it go which will be the most "effective" action I can take for where I want to be mentally (thanks therapist). And like stardreamer's quote reminded me, start from now. I really actually feel a bit better now. Yes, this is a similar process to what I follow. Hugs to you
  17. This is starting to get a little bit extreme. You are watching everything he does. I would not hire an investigator. Don't pay money or keep fueling this. I think you really need to take a break from this and stop obsessing about him, it's not healthy. And to be honest, he has the right to go away if he wants to or needs to. He has the right to order whatever he wants without being watched. Have you considered seeking counseling about this? Maybe a counselor could help you get some perspective.
  18. Feeling somewhat encouraged. Today is going to be an actiony kind of day.
  19. Unfortunately nobody can make up for your parents emotional neglect. Only therapy and/or time can help you with that, if you look to a significant other to heal that void it will lead to disappoint with that relationship and even resentment. Try to keep that separate. While I think the right person can fill the void 80% always remember they can't fix it 100%. Yeah, there are ways to work through your feelings on this. And probably the best "expectations" to have from a relationship are "none". Because every person is different and the more expectations we have about it the more difficult it will be. The best thing is to become able to be OK while being alone... if you can be OK with that then you're in a good space to be with someone else, because you don't need them to complete you. It's a healthier outlook on it.
  20. i'm sorry they have decided to take action on something that is none of their business. well, if it upsets them so much they have the right to not interact with you. but really you have the right to believe whatever you want without other people's interference. so... that sucks, but it's not your fault--it's their reaction. hugs to you.
  21. Random Alice, Have you ever heard of a sitcom Being Erica? I watched it on Hulu several years ago as suggested by a friend. In the sitcom, which seems a little goofy at first, Erica has the ability to go back and change situations where she believed she missed opportunities in her past. With each episode she goes back and changes things and ends up in a worse predicament. It's all done with a sense of humor but makes one aware of how we all think having done xyz in the year xyz would have resulted us with improved life situations. It's hard to know we can't unring a bell. I'm in my fifties now and starting over again. I'm sad about it sometimes but hey I'm still on the right side of the dirt so there's hope. sounds like an interesting show. i think the most important thing is realizing that we can only start from now, where we are in the present moment.
  22. Thank you for your long post. I think a lot of it is that back then my circumstances were much better... I had 2 or 3x the money that I have now, and wasn't having to deal with worrying about not being able to pay really basic things back then, I had perfect health back then, and I also was completely ignoring all my problems like they didn't exist. Which now I know all the problems that exist and I never allow myself to pretend they don't. Which... well it's progress in a way but in another way it makes things difficult. Yes I do need to learn to conserve emotional energy but it's hard when these things hit me like a storm sometimes... I do my best to stay in it for as little time as possible but don't always succeed. I do have some avenues for giving, I do find it helps.
  23. I appreciate you taking the time to take some action on this issue.
  24. It looks like now these gender options are there on profiles: male, female, transgender, nonbinary, and other.
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