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Posts posted by stardreamer

  1. well it's been fun these past couple of months talking to you guys. i got a lot out of the site, but it is clear that this is no longer a safe space for me to be. i am not going to put up with continuing to get attacked even after i apologized to everyone. it is sad to me because that means my sources of emotional support just got fewer. but there is only so much i'm going to put up with.

    i wish you all well, i wish you all healing. 


  2. Thanks for the support everyone.  Let's move on.  I have.


    I would just say that language is important.  I will research the term and see if it has those negative connotations and then decide if I will continue to use it. But equally important in language is employing it in a tactful, unassuming manner, especially with people one doesn't know on a depression forum (but anywhere in public, really).


    I am a life long learner. I would invite a private message asking me if I "have considered that maybe I am thinking/being..." and I would consider it.  It's the way I roll.  I think we can all see that a public post that can potentially harm my standing within this lovely community is very hurtful and, dare I say, dangerous.


    For the record, my frustrated use of that term comes from internal feelings only - no expectations of others.  I am wondering my I am always considered the "friend" but not the "heat" if you know what I mean LOL.  I feel I must be doing something wrong.


    Let's move on.

    I am sorry that the post I made caused so many problems. If I had known this would happen, I would never have posted it.

    I am sorry for any emotional hurt caused by my post. 

    If I wanted to send that, I should have sent it over a private message. I apologize for not realizing that at the time.

    As Senordomino said, I did not intend it to be hostile or an attack. I only wanted you to consider the information about the terminology.

    I am sorry for any emotional ramifications caused by my post, and the manner in which I made it. 

  3. Emailed a friend after a party on the weekend - she's going through a tough time and I offered to catch a play with her - have heard nothing (3 days).  I hope she wasn't thinking I was coming on to her - which, to be honest, has crossed my mind, but, not now, she's only two months into a separation and she's crushed and fragile and that is NOT the thing to do. It was friendship I was offering, and I offered it because of her response to me the other night.  Anyway, she probably took it the wrong way.  It's the story of my life when dealing with humanoids.


    I've also sort of brushed off the lady I took to the party on the weekend - I am ignoring her, a little, because I want her to know that I am moving on and not at all pleased that she has me parked in the friend zone. Childish behaviour, perhaps, but sometimes you have to pull away to make them think it through - that's what I am thinking now, anyway.  Hard to get LOL.  If she doesn't get back to me, then, so be it. I probably can't keep her as a friend anyway because of the terrible urge I have to kiss every inch of her when she's around.

    there is something i would like you to consider.

    a lot of times guys use the term "friend zone" to describe a perceived negative condition where a woman will not sleep with them. but i think a lot of men don't realize how this comes across, when they keep complaining about the so-called "friend zone". basically, getting upset over the "friend zone" over and over again comes across as the idea that a man feels entitled to sleep with any woman he goes out with, as soon as he wants to. and that if she is not so inclined, or she is not ready yet, that she is bad or she is wrong, because she is not giving him what he is entitled to when he wants it. this is really, really how it comes across. i want you to think about this concept. every person has a right to decide who they want to sleep with and when... it is their prerogative, it is their choice to do so or not. so although you would like to be with the woman intimately, and so it is a less than good situation for you if you don't get to, the woman is not inherently wrong or bad for not saying yes. (and vice versa, if a woman wants to be with a man sexually and he doesn't want to, the man is not bad or wrong for saying no either.)

    in reality, i don't think anything like the "friend zone" really exists. there are just people, who are having interactions. sometimes there is chemistry and good compatibility, and sex may occur, while other interactions are platonic, and those may be very satisfying in other ways that are not about sex. instead of seeing everything as being in the "friend zone" or not, maybe just consider it to be an open arena of interaction. there may be lots of interactions that you could have, if you stop seeing it in a binary manner.


    this is not just a point of view held by me only. if you search "friend zone" and "entitlement" you will find some articles on the subject.

  4. so what you dont know about me is i am pagan... specifically i follow the asatru path of paganism..... which is the norse path...

    in a month is samhain... it is the time when we honor the 3rd harvest and we honor our family and ancestors.....

    well there is a local celebration happening in about a week or 2... and i would like to go... but i dont know... i feel weird just talking about it...


    i know if i go ill be with friends some of them are like family...


    i know if i go... ill feel weird because it will be the first time in 2-3 years since i last went....

    i know if i go... ill be sad depressed lonely.... because he wont be with me....

    just go and get what you can out of it, for yourself. not everything is about other people.

  5. been feeling full of angst with occasional moments of rage the past several days. it's like there's this pile of pointy, jagged, angular rubble that is filling me up, the pile gets higher and higher. instead of sadness this week it's anger. and this background angerbeast is all too keen to jump in if i do start having sadness, to whatever sad thoughts i have, it lends its input at how angry it is at me for not being able to fix my life, and how i should just [insert really not good action here]. i say f-ck you, shut the h-ll up, and it quiets, but remains there waiting to jump back in whenever it gets a chance.


    been dealing with physical body pains too. and the cat woke me up after 4 hours of sleep, yay it is so much fun to be me.


    i have been taking slightly more action, that has been the upside, but just having this 50% anger background is not really much fun.


    and i keep feeling like me telling this stuff to people is just a bunch of bullsh-t, that i am just burdening them and nobody wants to hear it, i should just suck it up and do my sh-t because telling people about it doesn't matter anyway, it doesn't change my life. whatever. maybe that's true, maybe it's not. i don't know. whatever. 


    and i keep seeing my life as this unsatisfying cycle that repeats itself over and over again, it's like a bad movie. it's like i sit there and watch it, in horror, look it's going to repeat... and it does. there are so many giant pits of problems that i really am not sure how i'm going to get out of it. (*cue stomach hurting again.)


    whatever. lame. i feel like i just want to barf out all my internal organs that are hurting and all the sources of my health problems, maybe that would help get rid of some of this crap that's inside me.

    i feel so uncomfortable all the time, i really can't believe this is my life. it feels like a cruel joke. and the really bad part is that even if i suddenly became maximum-capacity, uber-productivity girl all the time, it might take years upon years to get anywhere with these problems, that i might have to continue this horrible poverty existence for a long, long time beyond now. that thought in itself is very crazy making. i'm just feeling worse the more i write so i'm going to stop.

  6. people have mostly covered what i was going to say.

    asexuality: this is a real thing and feeling like you don't want sex doesn't necessarily mean there is anything medically wrong.


    depression: i think that depression is known to reduce people's libidos. this is definitely a factor. and also, when dealing with this type of issue, you just may not feel like doing anything else in the romance department.


    medication: yes any medication could be altering your hormones.


    chemistry: yeah you can't force chemistry. it's clear you don't have it with this guy. i'd move on from that, just be friends if you want to be.

    and if it's not the right time for you for romance right now, don't force it.

  7. awoke to a vivid and not-good dream about my abuser showing up and being creepy and demanding things, but the up-side to this was, my friends were in the dream, and they had my back and they were like "he can't do this, he's an a-shole", and were researching stuff to help me. and i told him to get out and he left.
    was left with the feeling of gratitude for my friends, who have always had my back in every way they were able to.

  8. Thanks again for everything. I'll keep you posted.


    hey, as others said, make sure to stay hydrated and drink electrolytes. for electrolytes you can put about 1/2 tsp. potassium salt (blue container at store, "lite salt" that's 50% potassium) and the juice of half a lemon or lime into a glass of water, mix it up. this is basically natural gatorade. you can drink it maybe 4 times a day if need be, plus regular water at other times. and the juice has vitamin C to fight whatever you're dealing with.

    i hope you start doing better soon. and if you can swallow any soup or something that might be a good idea

  9. I'm very very much an introvert.  Being with other people exhausts me to no end.  I haven't really had any good friends for quite a few years that I like enough to spend a lot of time with them.  My best friend is really only one, but he lives in Washington and I live in Arizona.  I'm wondering if I have the right friends if I would feel less introverted.  It doesn't help I work retail, and I'm a manager, so I'm dealing with people all day long.  By the time I get home, I just want to be alone.  I've finally started to feel lonely sometimes though and that's pretty new for me.  I'm usually just fine being alone, but lately I haven't even gone out much or done anything even on my own.  I just really don't know how to make friends anymore.

    yeah, this totally  happens. i think the key is to have a few close friends. that's usually how introverts manage their social needs. you can learn how to make friends again if you're rusty. everyone, even introverts, have a need for some type of social interaction, even if it is not very frequent.

  10. Thankful I had therapy today. My therapist told me some personal things about herself, and I was shocked. So much of what she said, I could relate to my current situation. I felt sheepish afterwards thinking about all the stuff I've talked to her about, and how she went through similar things. I have no one in my life that I can vent to, because I feel no one understands. But it turns out she understands way more than I thought, beyond her being a therapist. I usually think therapists are people who didn't experience much hardship in their life, but today found that was a terribly wrong mindset.


    Lately have been worrying about my dad having early signs of dementia and been really depressed about that. Felt a little better talking to my therapist about it. Then I just happened to be listening to some stand-up comedy, and the comic did a whole bit about his mom forgetting words - which is the symptom I was worried about my dad in the first place. Listening to it, it made me feel like things would be maybe okay. I feel like I get these little drops of hope at times, that make me think I can keep going.

    hugs, i am glad you had a good experience with your therapist



    Thank you :)

    I don't at all plan on leaving. It's just that I have clearly noticed .....so clearly noticed how tense I am in my own home. As stressful as my job is I am more in my element there. It's like I can't relax anywhere...anytime. That's sad.

    Plus it's made for risky behavior lately...just to numb out.


    hugs. sorry to hear that. your home at least, needs to be a safe space where you can relax.


    Interesting about the iron, zinc or calcium. I've been putting zinc in my smoothies which has yogurt, which I assume has calcium? GAH.


    Fish oil upsets my stomach big time.


    I just read that it's important to take SJW that is from the tops (flowers) only and not the kind that contains leaves and stems. I've been using the cheap drug store stuff. I'm thinking of buying a high quality tincture from Amazon. But my apt. with the psydoc is next Thur. about the time the tincture would arrive. 


    I'm just not sure what to do. I'd really like to give SJW a try before I go with a prescription. But I don't want to put off my appt.

    What stardreamer pointed out is true, but I wouldn't worry too much about mixing them, unless you're especially deficient in one of them. Many of these minerals come from the same natural food sources, though all of those will tend to be less nutrient-dense than they used to be, nowadays. I'm more concerned about keeping my mineral intake away from my intake of phytic/oxalic acids, caffeine, and sugar. I do take the extra step of having my iron on an empty stomach with a small vitamin C source (preferably citrus fruit, berries, or similar), though.


    vitamin absorption stuff:

    yeah, iron, zinc, and calcium can interfere with each other's absorption. i think you need to space them at least 2 hours apart, probably the further apart, the better.

    and the phytic acid in certain foods, like bran, beans, nuts, and rice, can interfere with the absorption of zinc and iron and calcium too. so maybe don't take those vitamin supplements with phytic acid foods, if it's possible.

    magnesium: supposedly it does better in a non-acidic environment. so if you just drank a bunch of lemonade, don't take magnesium.

    iron + vitamin C: this is a good combo that helps iron absorb better. so take the iron pill with the lemonade.


    calcium: needs vitamin D. 

    i think the electrolytes have to balance each other somewhat (magnesium, calcium, potassium), so for example if you had zero amount of one of these in your system and took a high dose of the others, absorption might not be very good.

    Further to this, calcium and magnesium are natural antacids and iron absorption ideally benefits from it passing through a suitably acidic environment (which may be how it is that highly acidic vitamin C helps). This is why I make an exception for iron (in supplement form) and keep it away from anything else I'm having, but other than that I don't think mixing the rest of one's mineral intake should matter.


    i also started eating small amounts of meat recently... i don't want to eat it really but someone suggested to me that my body temperature used to be higher when i was a meat eater, that i set the thermostat at cold temperatures, that when i was a vegetarian i kept setting the thermostat higher and higher, there may be something to this.

    Looking forward to seeing some positive results.


    still can't bring myself to eat a whole lot of meat though. i would rather be a fish-atarian. i'm restricting it to like 1 oz. a day for now, using it more as a nutritional supplement, and only getting the humanely raised-no chemical meat. it's hard to tell if the meat was a factor in my slight improvement this week since i also upped my vitamin intake as well at the same time.


    I feel you on the not wanting to eat meat thing. Low iron and/or low thyroid hormone (the former can temporarily cause the latter incidentally) will tend to lead to a person feeling cold a lot, incidentally. I've been that way all my life myself, and I ate very little meat until the beginning of this year. Once my iron levels are good, and I've hopefully improved my current life situation, I hope to get most of my iron from low-oxalate vegetables. :)


    yeah, i'm wondering if the improvement and less incidences of being cold have been caused by me taking extra iron with lemon juice every day. it may not actually be the meat. phytic acid is an issue, but honestly a lot of the food i eat has phytic acid in it (beans, rice, nuts). i try to not take any vitamins with the nuts or beans and to space out the supplements but this can be challenging because you have to pay attention to vitamins throughout the whole day.

  13. blarg. feeling so avoidant and just sleepy. yesterday was relatively good after the morning, today just feeling really apathetic and like i don't care about anything. it's like every day is just me making myself go through the motions of doing stuff i'm supposed to do, and not getting that much done. i feel like i'm always behind. just tired of thinking about it. sometimes i wonder if i'm really going to ever be able to improve my life. it's like it takes all the get-up-and-go that i have in me just to barely do something that's not quite the minimum requirement. i wish there were some kind of pills that would make you care about your life, lol. like genuinely care about doing the stuff you have to be doing. 

  14. Congrats, Renee!! Big accomplishment!! !


    I'm very frustrated right now. I wish my boss wouldn't ignore me and all the messages I leave on Skype. Even when I leave good news, she doesn't respond. It's so demotivating. I'm quitting early again.

    well that sucks if your boss doesn't respond, but if your boss continually doesn't respond, this may mean that she is not looking at skype, or that this is not the preferred means of communication. instead of using skype, maybe use email to send messages. it's less immediate, see if this improves the response time. either way, if you're emailing, then there is less of an expectation for you that you are "waiting" for a response than there would be on skype. yeah some people are not that good at communication but there's no point in constantly worrying about it. just inform her of what you need to and go about your day.

  15. Today I had a phone call with a woman who is going to arrange a meeting with my new therapist but to be honest I'm not feeling hopeful about it. The last two therapists I've had haven't helped me in the slightest and I've only gone downhill since then.

      The first one got obsessed over the fact I had a physical illness when I was younger and believed all my problems were to do with that illness and dismissed me when I said I didn't think it was (I know it wasn't to do with it because I actually dealt with that illness well and, although I admit it probably made things worse, it didn't cause my problems.) Then my second therapist I still see now (she's more of a counsellor I think? I'm not sure what her official title is...) has no useful advice. I told her my panic attacks are getting worse both mentally and physically, I need coping mechanisms, I even admitted I felt the need to self-harm sometimes and all she said was 'but what if you didn't get anxious? why don't you have a day of not being anxious?' 

      It actually upset me because I obviously would have tried that if it worked and all my problems would be solved haha. Maybe my new one will be better anyway because I'm in a high risk category now and I'm being more honest I guess about what I'm really thinking all the time. Anyway, does anyone have any actual good experiences with therapists? Any coping mechanisms (especially with school and social environments)? Thanks!

    Ugh I am sorry you had this experience. In both cases they sound very unhelpful and frankly not very competent. "why don't you have a day of not being anxious"... geez this person really should not be in that profession.

    hugs to you

  16. Icarus21--  :)


    Stardreamer--I know 110% that if you haven't ever experienced something like PTSD or the reasons for it that you completely can't get it.  My H is only human.  However, you are also completely right to say that as specific as I have been that he shouldn't keep doing it.  Its not every day or anything.... but at least every other or sometimes every day for a while.  Its really bad sometimes.

    I will never take him to my therapist.  Just being honest.  I cant. :( My H ...ok guy... but gosh has a lot of issues.  At least I know I have issues.  He rather thinks he has all the answers.  Not only does he not have all the answers.... he isn't even asking the right questions.  Its sad and its hard. 

    I have honestly come to a place where I'm not sure I can fully recover from some of what I need to with him in my life..... but at the same time its just not that easy... walking away.  It affects us all.

    i'm sorry you're having to be in a non-supportive environment during this. hugs.

    it is important to take stock of things and it's good that you are starting to evaluate things. 

    but, unless things are just overall really bad and there is no hope of it changing, it's probably better to go to the "talk to him in earnest" option before taking the "walk away" option. if you just leave without telling him about it or making there be an opportunity for him to really understand, then it's not really making him aware of all the facts. 

    maybe just tell him the things you are dealing with, and that you really need his support in making things easier for you during this time, and lay out what it is you need from him (and hopefully why). then he has a chance to say he's going to try, or not. and if the answer is "not", well then i think you have your answer.

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