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Everything posted by stardreamer

  1. well it's been fun these past couple of months talking to you guys. i got a lot out of the site, but it is clear that this is no longer a safe space for me to be. i am not going to put up with continuing to get attacked even after i apologized to everyone. it is sad to me because that means my sources of emotional support just got fewer. but there is only so much i'm going to put up with. i wish you all well, i wish you all healing. goodbye.
  2. I am sorry that the post I made caused so many problems. If I had known this would happen, I would never have posted it. I am sorry for any emotional hurt caused by my post. If I wanted to send that, I should have sent it over a private message. I apologize for not realizing that at the time. As Senordomino said, I did not intend it to be hostile or an attack. I only wanted you to consider the information about the terminology. I am sorry for any emotional ramifications caused by my post, and the manner in which I made it.
  3. there is something i would like you to consider. a lot of times guys use the term "friend zone" to describe a perceived negative condition where a woman will not sleep with them. but i think a lot of men don't realize how this comes across, when they keep complaining about the so-called "friend zone". basically, getting upset over the "friend zone" over and over again comes across as the idea that a man feels entitled to sleep with any woman he goes out with, as soon as he wants to. and that if she is not so inclined, or she is not ready yet, that she is bad or she is wrong, because she is not giving him what he is entitled to when he wants it. this is really, really how it comes across. i want you to think about this concept. every person has a right to decide who they want to sleep with and when... it is their prerogative, it is their choice to do so or not. so although you would like to be with the woman intimately, and so it is a less than good situation for you if you don't get to, the woman is not inherently wrong or bad for not saying yes. (and vice versa, if a woman wants to be with a man sexually and he doesn't want to, the man is not bad or wrong for saying no either.) in reality, i don't think anything like the "friend zone" really exists. there are just people, who are having interactions. sometimes there is chemistry and good compatibility, and sex may occur, while other interactions are platonic, and those may be very satisfying in other ways that are not about sex. instead of seeing everything as being in the "friend zone" or not, maybe just consider it to be an open arena of interaction. there may be lots of interactions that you could have, if you stop seeing it in a binary manner. this is not just a point of view held by me only. if you search "friend zone" and "entitlement" you will find some articles on the subject.
  4. just go and get what you can out of it, for yourself. not everything is about other people.
  5. it feels good when people show they care about you. i think i am always surprised
  6. been feeling full of angst with occasional moments of rage the past several days. it's like there's this pile of pointy, jagged, angular rubble that is filling me up, the pile gets higher and higher. instead of sadness this week it's anger. and this background angerbeast is all too keen to jump in if i do start having sadness, to whatever sad thoughts i have, it lends its input at how angry it is at me for not being able to fix my life, and how i should just [insert really not good action here]. i say f-ck you, shut the h-ll up, and it quiets, but remains there waiting to jump back in whenever it gets a chance. been dealing with physical body pains too. and the cat woke me up after 4 hours of sleep, yay it is so much fun to be me. i have been taking slightly more action, that has been the upside, but just having this 50% anger background is not really much fun. and i keep feeling like me telling this stuff to people is just a bunch of bullsh-t, that i am just burdening them and nobody wants to hear it, i should just suck it up and do my sh-t because telling people about it doesn't matter anyway, it doesn't change my life. whatever. maybe that's true, maybe it's not. i don't know. whatever. and i keep seeing my life as this unsatisfying cycle that repeats itself over and over again, it's like a bad movie. it's like i sit there and watch it, in horror, look it's going to repeat... and it does. there are so many giant pits of problems that i really am not sure how i'm going to get out of it. (*cue stomach hurting again.) whatever. lame. i feel like i just want to barf out all my internal organs that are hurting and all the sources of my health problems, maybe that would help get rid of some of this crap that's inside me. i feel so uncomfortable all the time, i really can't believe this is my life. it feels like a cruel joke. and the really bad part is that even if i suddenly became maximum-capacity, uber-productivity girl all the time, it might take years upon years to get anywhere with these problems, that i might have to continue this horrible poverty existence for a long, long time beyond now. that thought in itself is very crazy making. i'm just feeling worse the more i write so i'm going to stop.
  7. people have mostly covered what i was going to say. asexuality: this is a real thing and feeling like you don't want sex doesn't necessarily mean there is anything medically wrong. depression: i think that depression is known to reduce people's libidos. this is definitely a factor. and also, when dealing with this type of issue, you just may not feel like doing anything else in the romance department. medication: yes any medication could be altering your hormones. chemistry: yeah you can't force chemistry. it's clear you don't have it with this guy. i'd move on from that, just be friends if you want to be. and if it's not the right time for you for romance right now, don't force it.
  8. awoke to a vivid and not-good dream about my abuser showing up and being creepy and demanding things, but the up-side to this was, my friends were in the dream, and they had my back and they were like "he can't do this, he's an a-shole", and were researching stuff to help me. and i told him to get out and he left. was left with the feeling of gratitude for my friends, who have always had my back in every way they were able to.
  9. hey, as others said, make sure to stay hydrated and drink electrolytes. for electrolytes you can put about 1/2 tsp. potassium salt (blue container at store, "lite salt" that's 50% potassium) and the juice of half a lemon or lime into a glass of water, mix it up. this is basically natural gatorade. you can drink it maybe 4 times a day if need be, plus regular water at other times. and the juice has vitamin C to fight whatever you're dealing with. i hope you start doing better soon. and if you can swallow any soup or something that might be a good idea
  10. yeah, this totally happens. i think the key is to have a few close friends. that's usually how introverts manage their social needs. you can learn how to make friends again if you're rusty. everyone, even introverts, have a need for some type of social interaction, even if it is not very frequent.
  11. since finding out that vitamin D is fat-soluble, if i am taking a pill that has vitamin D in it without any food, i take it with 1 tbsp. oil. i think this does increase the effectiveness of it
  12. hugs, i am glad you had a good experience with your therapist
  13. Thank you :)I don't at all plan on leaving. It's just that I have clearly noticed .....so clearly noticed how tense I am in my own home. As stressful as my job is I am more in my element there. It's like I can't relax anywhere...anytime. That's sad. Plus it's made for risky behavior lately...just to numb out. hugs. sorry to hear that. your home at least, needs to be a safe space where you can relax.
  14. What stardreamer pointed out is true, but I wouldn't worry too much about mixing them, unless you're especially deficient in one of them. Many of these minerals come from the same natural food sources, though all of those will tend to be less nutrient-dense than they used to be, nowadays. I'm more concerned about keeping my mineral intake away from my intake of phytic/oxalic acids, caffeine, and sugar. I do take the extra step of having my iron on an empty stomach with a small vitamin C source (preferably citrus fruit, berries, or similar), though. Further to this, calcium and magnesium are natural antacids and iron absorption ideally benefits from it passing through a suitably acidic environment (which may be how it is that highly acidic vitamin C helps). This is why I make an exception for iron (in supplement form) and keep it away from anything else I'm having, but other than that I don't think mixing the rest of one's mineral intake should matter. I feel you on the not wanting to eat meat thing. Low iron and/or low thyroid hormone (the former can temporarily cause the latter incidentally) will tend to lead to a person feeling cold a lot, incidentally. I've been that way all my life myself, and I ate very little meat until the beginning of this year. Once my iron levels are good, and I've hopefully improved my current life situation, I hope to get most of my iron from low-oxalate vegetables. :) yeah, i'm wondering if the improvement and less incidences of being cold have been caused by me taking extra iron with lemon juice every day. it may not actually be the meat. phytic acid is an issue, but honestly a lot of the food i eat has phytic acid in it (beans, rice, nuts). i try to not take any vitamins with the nuts or beans and to space out the supplements but this can be challenging because you have to pay attention to vitamins throughout the whole day.
  15. blarg. feeling so avoidant and just sleepy. yesterday was relatively good after the morning, today just feeling really apathetic and like i don't care about anything. it's like every day is just me making myself go through the motions of doing stuff i'm supposed to do, and not getting that much done. i feel like i'm always behind. just tired of thinking about it. sometimes i wonder if i'm really going to ever be able to improve my life. it's like it takes all the get-up-and-go that i have in me just to barely do something that's not quite the minimum requirement. i wish there were some kind of pills that would make you care about your life, lol. like genuinely care about doing the stuff you have to be doing.
  16. well that sucks if your boss doesn't respond, but if your boss continually doesn't respond, this may mean that she is not looking at skype, or that this is not the preferred means of communication. instead of using skype, maybe use email to send messages. it's less immediate, see if this improves the response time. either way, if you're emailing, then there is less of an expectation for you that you are "waiting" for a response than there would be on skype. yeah some people are not that good at communication but there's no point in constantly worrying about it. just inform her of what you need to and go about your day.
  17. don't let anybody judge you for your sleep schedule. i too am nocturnal and end up going to sleep early morning to daytime, although i would rather go to bed while it's dark. it happens. it may be that your body's rhythms just work this way.
  18. you may be able to find some cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) resources online for free, in the meantime while you are looking for a better therapist.
  19. Ugh I am sorry you had this experience. In both cases they sound very unhelpful and frankly not very competent. "why don't you have a day of not being anxious"... geez this person really should not be in that profession. hugs to you
  20. i don't know. i think it depends on how OK you are with the AA ideology. and it is focused on drinking. is there a depression group somewhere in another town nearby? or there might be some kind of group therapy-type thing through a community center or therapist
  21. i'm sorry you're having to be in a non-supportive environment during this. hugs. it is important to take stock of things and it's good that you are starting to evaluate things. but, unless things are just overall really bad and there is no hope of it changing, it's probably better to go to the "talk to him in earnest" option before taking the "walk away" option. if you just leave without telling him about it or making there be an opportunity for him to really understand, then it's not really making him aware of all the facts. maybe just tell him the things you are dealing with, and that you really need his support in making things easier for you during this time, and lay out what it is you need from him (and hopefully why). then he has a chance to say he's going to try, or not. and if the answer is "not", well then i think you have your answer.
  22. yeah there are people who only want to know about football and the kardashians. but there are a lot of people who are not interested in this ^ at all. you just need to find them. i would go for gaming groups, tennis groups, any kind of group that matches one of your interests.
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