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oOPsXD

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  1. Thanks
    oOPsXD got a reaction from teasips in Accept The Love   
    I feel like I am breaking a Cardinal Rule to respond to any blogs on here. Seems like most avoid leaving responses on these posts and if they do read a blog, they just click on the like button. Is it okay to respond, or is there some unwritten rule among members on here that forbids responding? I mean it is not just my blog-but all the blogs. Some have more responses than others, but they are few regular readers who respond to blogs on DF. Perhaps these blogs are just some kind of open journal that people write in but really don't want any responses? The readers don't have the time? They are too depressed? Too self absorbed?  A lack of words? Indifference? Afraid? Jealousy? Can someone tell me why? I have never been on a site that was like this. Focusing on others helps us to see beyond our own problems and creates goodwill. 
     
    What a good friend to find your home and take to you work. Do not worry about the gossiper, everyone knows what she is; it wont be long before she is talking behind their backs too. I've been in the dazed state myself, I did lose my job because of severe depression. It was after the molestation of my daughter, and I was suicidal. I am very happy that you have succeeded in maintaining employment.Work is good therapy. It makes us focus on other things instead of personal issues. I know what is is to lay awake and dwell on all the what-ifs. I know what it is to cry myself to sleep for endless weeks, to worry about what comes next. It is amazing to me we survive such things, but we do. I survived mine because of my faith, but that does not mean it was easy. 
     
    On the brighter side, your blog has had over 32K views!  That is awesome! Now I am back to my original question. that many views with only a few responses, why? If you use tags that could be why so many hits and few responses, still, 32k hits is great!
     
    The lady is right, accept the love. 
  2. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting in Indecisiveness   
    Good post Dolphin! I agree with the solutions you have listed.
  3. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting in Indecisiveness   
    I like the chart/list idea K, thanks for sharing!
  4. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Day 16   
    Glad you are feeling better Neil. 
  5. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from teasips in You Have Done Well, Really Well.   
    This a great post, and now the gossiper will be on the outside looking in because she cannot hold this over you anymore. I am so glad to hear your coworkers are standing with you and are supportive. Keeping a job while battling severe depression is far better than OKAY, It is amazing. You are a super strong person with a good heart. 
  6. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from teasips in Twisting Inside Me   
    I visited you Blog-Spot (Sipping a Moment), I have not read the entire page yet, but I will. 
  7. Like
    oOPsXD reacted to dolphin2015 in I Need To Heed   
    Hello Teasip,
     
    Thanks for sharing practical words of wisdom.
    We need to stop playing victim.
    We need to focus on positives.
    We need to move forward and keep going.
  8. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Fragile   
    Haha, maybe the paintings belong to someone else. Orso you are so funny!
  9. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Fragile   
    Haha bee-hind, too cute. I viewed your gallery, are those your paintings? They are quite good. I work part of the night, but usually stay up until daybreak. 
  10. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Fragile   
    Good morning Orso! I know it is the afternoon but I work nights so this is my  morning ;) You are really a go-getter, congrats on all the positive steps you are taking towards well being. You seem very well balance and love the (porescription) typo, haha. 
  11. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Dental Update - Consultation Appointment   
    Glad to hear you braved this appointment and are going to get the work done. A big motivator is the finished work that will give you a healthier and more attractive smile. 5 thumbs up, nice post!
  12. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from SFChristianGirl in Dental Update - Consultation Appointment   
    Glad to hear you braved this appointment and are going to get the work done. A big motivator is the finished work that will give you a healthier and more attractive smile. 5 thumbs up, nice post!
  13. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Day 10   
    Sorry to hear that Neil; my week has been draining too-so I can relate somewhat. Glad to hear it is better today!
  14. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from K_Pluto in Tuff Enuff?   
    Hi K-Pluto! I know exactly how you feel about your art, I do the same thing! Now my cooking is different, haha. You know your cooking is good when it all disappears or when you visit family and they immediately want you to start cooking. Even if I get a bad review it doesn't bother me. This week I took a bowl of one of my favorite dishes to share with a co-worker. She took it home and reported that she didn't like the texture of the bell peppers, but her mom loved the dish. People have different tastes and some are picky eaters, don't let this discourage you.  That is why restaurants have menus, people like different tastes and textures. Whats bad is when you are married to a picky eater, that's a creative cooks nightmare! 
     
    Writing reflects emotions and ability, it gets better the more you do it. I am no expert, and my vocabulary is limited. But, when you listen to a song, do you long to hear long words and perfect grammar or to you listen to the emotion the song projects? If you are like most people you listen to the simple words of a song and relate to the emotion the artists are sharing. Writing is your life song, sometimes happy, other times blah.
  15. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Day 9   
    Smoked sausage with peppers and onions, fresh cream corn simmered in a little butter, with  salt/ pepper.
     
    Im editing this post so I can add something. Hope you dont mind my sharing about my dark years above and the short story. I thought you might enjoy the story since you read fiction. If it bothers you that I share extensively I will shorten my responses. 
     
    Now that is a positive outlook! Start the weekend on Wednesday! XD
  16. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Day 9   
    Sorry to hear that Neil. I looked into Abilify after you mentioned it in this blog/day 9, entry. The reviews are mixed, some say it works and others do not. I posted my last response then went into the kitchen to cook, came back and found that you are having a bad day. 
     
    Weekdays are pretty rough for me too, my mood swings upwards on the weekend :D 
     
    Here is to hoping it all works out and you are feeling better soon!
  17. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Day 9   
    Good morning! :) Still feel blah but more rested haha. Don't know why I was tired last night-slept enough, or least I thought. Well that's over and we have a whole new shift to look forward to. One thing I like at work is all the talking we do, and laughing. I work with a young man who says the funniest things. He says he is not going to date anyone that is his race because they are all crazy. My co-workers make a shift more bearable, I am thankful for them.
     
    Actually, I am not depressed, nor was I when I joined this site. Joining had more to do with gaining insight to depression, its triggers and the various solutions found by others Joining also has to do with wanting to encourage people. I have noticed there are not many responses to the blogs. That is unfortunate because helping others helps us. It is bad when we are so self focused that we fail to care about those around us, that is what being a part of a community is (or should be). Because depression can get very bad, it effects our ability to see beyond ourselves. Immobilizes us, I've been there and it is a very bad place to be. We become so afraid and consumed with our problem(s) that we isolate, which is the opposite of what is needed. An army of one rarely wins a war. But then, if you're Thor or Wonder Woman, hey you just might win *smiles* I know well how damning depression can be. We lose interest in things that previously gave us joy. One thing I lost was my love for the vintage and antique, I would walk down isles and think, why don't I care anymore? Where is the beauty in these things I used to see? After months this interest returned. There have been times so dark, I don't know how I survived them. When I called a friend during the last dark era (haha) while crying I explained my confusion at what was going on. She responded by telling me: This is really weird, Im the one always calling you for help. I truly felt that I had lost my mind. Deep depression works that way, and I truly understand how debilitating it can be. Cannot say  exactly how I found my way out other than to say I kept pushing for normality. Entering an online business course, seeking and finding employment, helping my family, etc. Still it took a couple of years for the darkness to turn to light. Writing helped too-that was good therapy for me, it released many emotions, though much of it was sad. 
     
    Here is a sample of a write I did during that period. The scene is in a small neighborhood bar. It is empty except for several stragglers before the bar closes for the night. The waiter, Abel, is knowledgeable in Bible scripture as well as  his customer. They engage in a play on words using bits of scripture towards the end of the story. As you may know, Abel was killed by his brother Cain. References to other scripture are: Matthew 7:6, (casting pearls before swine) Luke 24:6 (Seeking the living among the dead). Genesis 4:10 (dead mans blood crying out from the ground) And lastly, Numbers 22:21-39 (a donkey speaks to a backslidden prophet). 
       
     
     
     
    The Haunting
     
    Ice clinked as his empty glass tapped the table. His eyes stared blankly into space. It seemed he was always at odds with memories and mistakes-as we all are. I don’t know him very well, but he and I have had a few conversations in the past. One could tell he was intelligent but tortured by the brutality of life. He brought in a pretty blonde one evening, it was the first time I had seen him laugh in a long while. That was almost a year ago, now he appeared to be no more than a ghost of a man.
     
    I watched him from a distance and wondered, “What memory haunts him tonight”? Is it her? I thought about our demons, whether real or imagined. Do we help create our own hell? How long will we allow the past to dictate our future; when is it safe to rise from the dust and try again?
     
    “Abel” I called as the waiter walked by. Turning he looked my way, “Bring me another one please.” He nodded as he jotted the order down. It crossed my mind that the slain brother of Cain is bringing me a drink. The righteous serving the unrighteous. It must be the alcohol creating this absurd pondering, I thought.
     
    The sound of a chair sliding over wood caused me to look towards him again. He rose in silence and my heart ached with compassion as his ghost walked away.
     
    Abel placed a fresh napkin down on the table and set the poison in the center of it. I smile and say, “Thank you friend, has it been a good night? Abel grins and asks, “Why do you seek the living among the dead?” I answer, “Does that question mean tips have been bad?” “No, dead men walking have dead presidents lining their wallets,” Abel says. Well, since we are talking about the dead, do you believe in their resurrection?” I ask. “If a donkey can speak to a backslidden prophet and God can hear a dead man’s blood cry out from the ground, there is yet hope” Abel replied. Nodding in agreement I half-jokingly ask him, “So are you a backslidden preacher serving drinks to the dead or a physician who dwells among the sick?” “I am a man who casts his pearls, hoping the congregation does not consist of only swine,” he answered. “I think your fairly safe Abel, it appears most of us are wounded black sheep,” I said after finishing my drink. Bidding a good night without looking at him, my eyes stare blankly towards the door. The rattle of my chair against the bare wood floor sounded familiar, and another ghost vanishes into darkness. (the end)
     
    As you can see, it is very dark but helped because I used creative writing to expel what I was feeling. It helped me, and I hope it helps everyone who writes their experiences in these blogs. 
  18. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Day 9   
    Guess I've never took antidepressants because I have no faith that any would really work for me. I try to find natural sources, work on problems and be positive without being in denial. Sometimes I just cry, not often though, I don't have time haha. Prayer helps too. Talking with friends is another outlet but usually I keep things light. Helping others, praying for others is another way to keep us from focusing too much on ourselves. 
     
    Death of our loved ones is never easy. 
     
     Yes, I do try to understand where you and others are coming from. My statement was too general, we all want someone to stick with us in life. Liking fantasy books with strong female characters does lend to that idea but adventure and freedom go along with that too. It is a bummer when relationships don't work out the way we want them to, sorry your last one ended that way. I do understand about giving up, I do not date either, not yet anyway, maybe in the future. My trust issues keep me safe when it comes to dating. 
     
    Poetry is not for everyone. Pluto said: At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. Haha, One of these days I am going to self publish on Amazon, if I ever get up the nerve. 
     
    Tonight was rough, I felt extremely tired for the entire shift. So glad it is over. Ah, for me to write I have to feel it, and since there is no motivation there is no inspiration...
  19. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from SFChristianGirl in Root Canals And Dental Traumas   
    Perhaps finding another dentist would help? Do not feel bad about this phobia, it is common. I mean, who do you know that actually likes to hear a dentist drill? Not me buddy, give me the Happy Gas every time!
  20. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from Dolphin2013 in Root Canals And Dental Traumas   
    Perhaps finding another dentist would help? Do not feel bad about this phobia, it is common. I mean, who do you know that actually likes to hear a dentist drill? Not me buddy, give me the Happy Gas every time!
  21. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from dolphin2015 in Indecisiveness   
    Good post Dolphin! I agree with the solutions you have listed.
  22. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Day 9   
    Ive heard and read many bad things about antidepressants. The major thing for me is staying awake, medication that would make me drowsy would hinder my ability to perform my job. Being active, or rather liking to stay busy has always been a part of my personality. My late husband always used  to tell me I didn't know how to relax. That is true partially, but mostly I think it is to occupy my time and mind and a creative bug many (right side brain) people possess. 
     
    Fantasy is good, it reveals desires of the heart. Your leaning towards strong female leads tells me that you probably are seeking a strong mate who can be strong through thick and thin. 
     
    I like to both read and write poetry. I have not written anything in awhile-kind of lost my reason/inspiration. 
     
    Feeling tired and blaaa right now, will talk to you more tomorrow...
  23. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Day 8   
    Your ex had a hard time with understanding your depression Neil because most people seem normal on the outside while warring internally. We hide things from others allot of the time because we have learned they will not understand anyway and will reject us. A persons experiences will gauge their response to others.
     
    Yes, I do like re-purposing (like many people including your ex haha) and buying to resell. I've spent many hours visiting markets, estate and yard sales buying items to sell online or in person. That requires patience and the room to store items until they sell, having the room to store things is one reason I do not sell online anymore. I think selling smaller items is the answer. 
     
    I read both online and hard cover books. What kind of books do you read?
  24. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Day 9   
    Hi Neil! Is it a beautiful day in Florida? I have lived there a couple of times (many years apart). I am looking forward to retirement,(maybe I will move back to Fl) it will give me time to focus on goals that take time I don't have to spare right now. 
     
    Perhaps the uneasiness is anxiety because your are a goal oriented person who likes to get things done; the waiting could have triggered impatience. Maybe setting an alarm would ease the tension of watching the clock.
     
    I have never been prescribed any medication to help with depression, but I have been thinking about seeing a therapist. Guess I have huge trust issues, that or I don't want to be labeled by one of them, perhaps both. In any case, I am in a better place than two years ago when my world was fragmented. I do allot of research on my own as you have Neil. Many times we can find our own answers better than a professional because we know ourselves better than anyone except God. Finding those answers has proved beneficial for me. Taking supplements has helped with everything from nails and hair to overall better health. I do take a prescription for my heart. 
     
    People judge according to the knowledge they gain from you. Society seems more accepting of mental issues these days but I have found that if a problem arises then they will use the (mental health) soapbox to win an argument to try and defeat a person with it. Mental health has much to do with the way we process things, how we deal with problems, outlook. We must train ourselves to do things differently if we want different results. This is why I quit air brushing and gained full time employment with a company. Air brushing for the public in open fields is stressful. All kinds of things can happen. Bad stormy weather, canopies being ripped apart and art damaged, equipment breakdowns, time issues, events being canceled at the last moment and so forth. I needed stability and although I like my job it is not fulfilling as I would like. I like people and want to help but do not have the time to finish a degree. 
     
    Stress will cause insomnia, I can testify to that. Our minds play things over and over as we analyze them. I have found to just let go of things I cannot change. If the situation can be changed then I do what is necessary to make a difference. When I come home after work doing things that relax helps me allot. It may be watching a show or playing online poker. I turn off lights and adjust the thermostat. Play with and pet Bella before we drift off to sleep. 
     
    What are your hobbies/interests? I know you are creative and have a sense of humor through your avatar and photo gallery. 
     
    Glad to hear things are on an even keel with you today Neil. 
  25. Like
    oOPsXD got a reaction from JustMeNeil in Day 8   
    Good afternoon Neil. Looking forward to my first cup of coffee and the anticipation has my taste buds on red alert!  
     
    The 10 hour shifts allow three day weekends. 
     
    My hobby is to repair things, make them better and more useful. I really don't look at any of them as fascinating-but thank you! I dont have any collections of stamps, coins, dolls, bugs, etc. All my hobbies either teach me something ( like a book), repair things or re-purpose something.
     
    It sounds like you had a wonderful time with your wife.  I like flea markets, auctions and yard sales too. What was the most interesting item you ever purchased at a flea market, auction or yard sale? 
     
    oOPsXD is just a way of saying our mistakes are often funny and should be taken lightly.  Oops (a mistake) and XD is a symbol for big laughter. 
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