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oOPsXD

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    oOPsXD reacted to teasips for a blog entry, You Have Done Well, Really Well.   
    My struggle with mental illness is out in the open.
    The whole office knows.
    I think it should matters, but it's the issue that least bothers me right now.
    Some better colleagues seem more caring and sensitive.
    Two, even opened up and shared with me their own personal struggles.
    Tzl teared up when she was narrating her story.
    She is among the most capable staff in the office and I was in disbelief how little she viewed herself.
    I tried to assure her.
    "You have done so well. Exquisitely well. Really."
    I can't help but feel ashamed.
    Tzl is fighting all these and yet she could achieve what she has achieved.
    Then, I realised something.
    I have heard similar praises about myself too.
    But I always brush them off too fast, not even letting these validation to gravitate for a moment.
    I think we all need to be kinder to ourselves.
    We need to look in the mirror and acknowledge that we have done 'OKAY'.
  2. Like
    oOPsXD reacted to JustMeNeil for a blog entry, Day 16   
    Up having another early morning having had only 4 hours of sleep. I really hate insomnia. I had a treatment already and still so far so good. No major changes yet, but some really good ones though. Less depression and almost no anxiety (hmm, that's pretty major.)
    Hope it'll be a good day illness wise for both you and me. :)
  3. Like
    oOPsXD reacted to teasips for a blog entry, I Need To Heed   
    I was reading the paper.
    The 'Dear Thelma' section caught my attention.
    The title, 'I hate my mother to the core' drew close proximity.
    I must take the advice in the reply.
    "The first thing you have to realise and accept is that you are in charge of your own behaviour...
    You have to take responsibility for your own actions...
    If you can tell that these behaviours are less than desirable and you don't want to do them, you have the power to stop. You have to make that mental decision to do so. And then you have to find the discipline to stay true to your decision to stop these behaviours.
    You have to stop making excuses.
    If you can tell that these behaviours are less than desirable and you don't want to do them, you have the power to stop. You have to make that mental decision to do so. And then you have to find the discipline to stay true to your decision to stop these behaviours.
    You have to stop making excuses.
    What you have to do now is to harness your energy and focus on something positive. You just have to stop looking at yourself as a victim, and see that you can exercise some control over your life .."
  4. Like
    oOPsXD reacted to teasips for a blog entry, Accept The Love   
    Today is one of the better days.
    I am thankful.
    Last Friday was not.
    A friend from church told me to call her every morning- she wanted to make sure that I do GET to work.
    I did call her.
    But something was very very dark in me.
    Like nothing matters .
    Nothing matters anymore.
    Not my job, not my life, where I'm heading.
    So basically after my usual morning bath, I just sat on my bed.
    It was not self pity.
    It was just numbness.
    I silent my phone and went back to sleep.
    An hour later, I was awaken by the sound of the door bell, which I didn't even know existed.
    The church friend actually CAME to my place, and drove me to work.
    She had never been to my place and had to make several calls to find me.
    With all that numbness, I wasn't capable of much emotion.
    But if any, it was all shame and gratitude.
    What an odd mixture.
    As I had already missed 2 days of work, many people came to my seat place to show their concern.
    Some genuine, some not so genuine.
    A colleague - one whom I don't get along with asked me
    "How's things? Are you feeling better?"
    Well..I've lied to her so many times about having stomachaches.. fever.. all the usual suspects, but this time, I just handed her my MC which states..
    (Severe depression with insomnia)
    She walked away.
    I didn't even care if she's the biggest office gossip monger.
    That was the extend of the numbness.
    My boss told the admin staff to make sure I went to work that day.
    She knows that I NEED to be at work to feel better.
    When she saw me, she came over, and in her kindest tone a disciplinary mentor could muster,
    "You're here, you feel better, right?"
    I nodded.
    I related all these to my good friend M.
    "Your friend went out of her way to make sure you got up and left the house. Surely it must meant you're worth the effort.
    And she wasn't the only one.
    Surely you must be worthy.
    Don't doubt.
    Accept the love"
  5. Like
    oOPsXD reacted to JustMeNeil for a blog entry, Day 7   
    Here it is one week since I started using the Alpha-Stim AID CES device. I feel there have been some small but satisfying gains. I think the device is perking me up and a bit less depressed and anxious. My Uncle, Dad and Mom have said they can hear that I'm feeling somewhat better by hearing my voice. I'm also seeing a small uptake in my sleeping an hour or two more. I'm also noticing that the little 'taps' from the device on my earlobes are getting less noticeable, just like the manufacturer stated.
    As I've mentioned before, It's still much too early to attribute this to the device.
    Still hoping for the best :)
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