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Everything posted by oOPsXD

  1. This a great post, and now the gossiper will be on the outside looking in because she cannot hold this over you anymore. I am so glad to hear your coworkers are standing with you and are supportive. Keeping a job while battling severe depression is far better than OKAY, It is amazing. You are a super strong person with a good heart.
  2. oOPsXD

    Day 16

    Glad you are feeling better Neil.
  3. oOPsXD

    Twisting Inside Me

    I visited you Blog-Spot (Sipping a Moment), I have not read the entire page yet, but I will.
  4. oOPsXD

    Accept The Love

    I feel like I am breaking a Cardinal Rule to respond to any blogs on here. Seems like most avoid leaving responses on these posts and if they do read a blog, they just click on the like button. Is it okay to respond, or is there some unwritten rule among members on here that forbids responding? I mean it is not just my blog-but all the blogs. Some have more responses than others, but they are few regular readers who respond to blogs on DF. Perhaps these blogs are just some kind of open journal that people write in but really don't want any responses? The readers don't have the time? They are too depressed? Too self absorbed? A lack of words? Indifference? Afraid? Jealousy? Can someone tell me why? I have never been on a site that was like this. Focusing on others helps us to see beyond our own problems and creates goodwill. What a good friend to find your home and take to you work. Do not worry about the gossiper, everyone knows what she is; it wont be long before she is talking behind their backs too. I've been in the dazed state myself, I did lose my job because of severe depression. It was after the molestation of my daughter, and I was suicidal. I am very happy that you have succeeded in maintaining employment.Work is good therapy. It makes us focus on other things instead of personal issues. I know what is is to lay awake and dwell on all the what-ifs. I know what it is to cry myself to sleep for endless weeks, to worry about what comes next. It is amazing to me we survive such things, but we do. I survived mine because of my faith, but that does not mean it was easy. On the brighter side, your blog has had over 32K views! That is awesome! Now I am back to my original question. that many views with only a few responses, why? If you use tags that could be why so many hits and few responses, still, 32k hits is great! The lady is right, accept the love.
  5. oOPsXD


    Haha, maybe the paintings belong to someone else. Orso you are so funny!
  6. oOPsXD

    Why I'm Like This

    I am hoping you are feeling better Thursday! I created a blog on Word Press yesterday and found this image from an artist who creates dolls on the site. When I saw this little lady I thought of your avatar. I hope you like it, she seems so serious and solemn but lovely with her gentle-soulful eyes and delicate features. And..here is a link to her blog. It is a wonderful entry about how she and her students overcome being negative about their art. Seems women have a tendency to apologize for talent. https://thepalerook.wordpress.com/blog-2/
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    So sweet dreams is your cup-o-Zzzz!
  8. oOPsXD


    Haha bee-hind, too cute. I viewed your gallery, are those your paintings? They are quite good. I work part of the night, but usually stay up until daybreak.
  9. Creative and relaxed.

  10. oOPsXD


    Good morning Orso! I know it is the afternoon but I work nights so this is my morning ;) You are really a go-getter, congrats on all the positive steps you are taking towards well being. You seem very well balance and love the (porescription) typo, haha.
  11. Haha, I do try hard to suggest activities or solutions, but one shoe does not fit all. You could time yourself when you run and try to better it your next time out. Hiking is a great way to clear your mind, and for meditation. I certainly know how you feel about being around people and enclosed spaces. When my children were growing up I spent years working in production settings. This made me hate being inside because I rarely saw daylight until our week ended. I took a job driving a large box truck for a food vending machine company just to be able to be outside. I love working outside but not in bad weather. I am glad that you are interacting with us in this forum and that it is a outlet for you. People are human, they will let us down; they can become callous and indifferent to our circumstances and respond accordingly. Do you believe in God, pray? Do you have a pet? When out hiking, what is the thing you love about nature/hiking?
  12. Comment on THE NEXT DAY. We cannot change others. People many times are so absorbed in themselves and their lives it leaves no room for anything/anyone else. Do you have hobbies or interests? You like writing, right? Have you checked to see if there is a literary guild or club in your town? Are there classes for a interest you have? There are classes for cooking, art, crafts, quilting, beading, writing and so forth. Most community colleges offer classes for a small fee for such interests. Usually the classes are between one and four or five sessions. Specialty groups have meetings too. Churches often have gatherings just to socialize and have a meal together. Being involved in a creative class to learn or hone a craft does not require us to be proficient and everyone in the class is there for the same reason. Focusing our energy in this way will help to build confidence and to redirect our thoughts to enjoy the process of learning along with others in the class or group.
  13. I know exactly how that feels, I've been there. Suffering anxiety is tough, it made me stay at home for months on end. It is hard to even know what caused me to be that way. Eventually I did step back into life but it took a while. I will share a bit with you about tonight on my job. I work on a fast paced assembly line for a major company. The young lady next to me had extra work piled on her tonight so I took it upon myself to help her. She was getting behind and both of us were working frantically to keep up with the work load. It was so much that we were barely making it. For about five weeks I had been doing part of another workers job to help him as a courtesy. Tonight the load was so heavy that I could not help them both so I opted to help her because if I didn't the line would come to a halt. I knew he could handle taking care of what I had been doing for him. Everyone could see that this young lady and I were struggling to keep her job and mine up. At one point he came down to where we were and demanded that I continue to help him and began to yell at me. He said, its right there, just do it! I said, no sir, that is not my job and I am helping her tonight, I do not have time. He continued to raise h*ll and I continued to stand my ground with him. I could not believe this man came on my job and did this. Not once in all the weeks I've been helping him did he ever say: I know you do not have to do this for me, thank you. The one night I helped another co-worker instead of him, he lost it. Then later on the young man next to me pushed a loaded tote down his track, it flew off and approximately 30 pounds slammed into my back. I continued to work my entire shift with back pain from the accident. Yes, it was a bad night indeed, but I made it-so will you. There was a time in my life when I would have let a person get away with what this co-worker did tonight. I faced this man head on and didn't back down, this is exactly what you are doing, just another situation. Look how many responses your blog has, I would say that many people not only care about your journey but that you are helping quite a few of them too. I would even dare to say that you could start a blog and make money at it because this blog has done so well. You have a story to tell that will/can help many others. You are going to come out of this because you are not a quitter!
  14. Glad to hear you braved this appointment and are going to get the work done. A big motivator is the finished work that will give you a healthier and more attractive smile. 5 thumbs up, nice post!
  15. I really do not know how to respond to this except to say I hope it helped you to write this out, releasing the frustration. I wish the best for you whatever path it is you choose.
  16. oOPsXD

    Day 10

    Sorry to hear that Neil; my week has been draining too-so I can relate somewhat. Glad to hear it is better today!
  17. oOPsXD

    Tuff Enuff?

    Hi K-Pluto! I know exactly how you feel about your art, I do the same thing! Now my cooking is different, haha. You know your cooking is good when it all disappears or when you visit family and they immediately want you to start cooking. Even if I get a bad review it doesn't bother me. This week I took a bowl of one of my favorite dishes to share with a co-worker. She took it home and reported that she didn't like the texture of the bell peppers, but her mom loved the dish. People have different tastes and some are picky eaters, don't let this discourage you. That is why restaurants have menus, people like different tastes and textures. Whats bad is when you are married to a picky eater, that's a creative cooks nightmare! Writing reflects emotions and ability, it gets better the more you do it. I am no expert, and my vocabulary is limited. But, when you listen to a song, do you long to hear long words and perfect grammar or to you listen to the emotion the song projects? If you are like most people you listen to the simple words of a song and relate to the emotion the artists are sharing. Writing is your life song, sometimes happy, other times blah.
  18. Interesting avatar and a good choice! I can imagine how hard those weeks are for you when he is away. Actually I am a little opposite about things that need to be done, but I do understand your needing self-care time. Creative people do need outlets. Accomplishing things that need to be taken care of gives me a sense of accomplishment, though at times they seem overwhelming. Bartering art is a recent deal I made, but life events have hindered finishing the transaction. It will pay me $200.00 so I need to drag that stuff out! When under stress forgetting things is easy. Perhaps you could use triggers to remind yourself to keep those self-care appointments?
  19. HI, Perhaps you could check into clinics in your area online. I know people who receive free counseling and it has worked wonders for them. You are a strong person who maintains a job, therefore you are responsible. You are facing these hurdles head on, not just sitting back and giving into them. It has been proven that nature calms the mind, so the running is a good thing. Keep up the positive feedback, never let the negative beast win. Wishing you well!
  20. oOPsXD

    Day 9

    Smoked sausage with peppers and onions, fresh cream corn simmered in a little butter, with salt/ pepper. Im editing this post so I can add something. Hope you dont mind my sharing about my dark years above and the short story. I thought you might enjoy the story since you read fiction. If it bothers you that I share extensively I will shorten my responses. Now that is a positive outlook! Start the weekend on Wednesday! XD
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    Day 9

    Sorry to hear that Neil. I looked into Abilify after you mentioned it in this blog/day 9, entry. The reviews are mixed, some say it works and others do not. I posted my last response then went into the kitchen to cook, came back and found that you are having a bad day. Weekdays are pretty rough for me too, my mood swings upwards on the weekend :D Here is to hoping it all works out and you are feeling better soon!
  22. It is amazing that we even move during those dark times, but then, life does not stop for depression or otherwise. Wishing you well!
  23. oOPsXD

    Day 9

    Good morning! :) Still feel blah but more rested haha. Don't know why I was tired last night-slept enough, or least I thought. Well that's over and we have a whole new shift to look forward to. One thing I like at work is all the talking we do, and laughing. I work with a young man who says the funniest things. He says he is not going to date anyone that is his race because they are all crazy. My co-workers make a shift more bearable, I am thankful for them. Actually, I am not depressed, nor was I when I joined this site. Joining had more to do with gaining insight to depression, its triggers and the various solutions found by others Joining also has to do with wanting to encourage people. I have noticed there are not many responses to the blogs. That is unfortunate because helping others helps us. It is bad when we are so self focused that we fail to care about those around us, that is what being a part of a community is (or should be). Because depression can get very bad, it effects our ability to see beyond ourselves. Immobilizes us, I've been there and it is a very bad place to be. We become so afraid and consumed with our problem(s) that we isolate, which is the opposite of what is needed. An army of one rarely wins a war. But then, if you're Thor or Wonder Woman, hey you just might win *smiles* I know well how damning depression can be. We lose interest in things that previously gave us joy. One thing I lost was my love for the vintage and antique, I would walk down isles and think, why don't I care anymore? Where is the beauty in these things I used to see? After months this interest returned. There have been times so dark, I don't know how I survived them. When I called a friend during the last dark era (haha) while crying I explained my confusion at what was going on. She responded by telling me: This is really weird, Im the one always calling you for help. I truly felt that I had lost my mind. Deep depression works that way, and I truly understand how debilitating it can be. Cannot say exactly how I found my way out other than to say I kept pushing for normality. Entering an online business course, seeking and finding employment, helping my family, etc. Still it took a couple of years for the darkness to turn to light. Writing helped too-that was good therapy for me, it released many emotions, though much of it was sad. Here is a sample of a write I did during that period. The scene is in a small neighborhood bar. It is empty except for several stragglers before the bar closes for the night. The waiter, Abel, is knowledgeable in Bible scripture as well as his customer. They engage in a play on words using bits of scripture towards the end of the story. As you may know, Abel was killed by his brother Cain. References to other scripture are: Matthew 7:6, (casting pearls before swine) Luke 24:6 (Seeking the living among the dead). Genesis 4:10 (dead mans blood crying out from the ground) And lastly, Numbers 22:21-39 (a donkey speaks to a backslidden prophet). The Haunting Ice clinked as his empty glass tapped the table. His eyes stared blankly into space. It seemed he was always at odds with memories and mistakes-as we all are. I don’t know him very well, but he and I have had a few conversations in the past. One could tell he was intelligent but tortured by the brutality of life. He brought in a pretty blonde one evening, it was the first time I had seen him laugh in a long while. That was almost a year ago, now he appeared to be no more than a ghost of a man. I watched him from a distance and wondered, “What memory haunts him tonight”? Is it her? I thought about our demons, whether real or imagined. Do we help create our own hell? How long will we allow the past to dictate our future; when is it safe to rise from the dust and try again? “Abel” I called as the waiter walked by. Turning he looked my way, “Bring me another one please.” He nodded as he jotted the order down. It crossed my mind that the slain brother of Cain is bringing me a drink. The righteous serving the unrighteous. It must be the alcohol creating this absurd pondering, I thought. The sound of a chair sliding over wood caused me to look towards him again. He rose in silence and my heart ached with compassion as his ghost walked away. Abel placed a fresh napkin down on the table and set the poison in the center of it. I smile and say, “Thank you friend, has it been a good night? Abel grins and asks, “Why do you seek the living among the dead?” I answer, “Does that question mean tips have been bad?” “No, dead men walking have dead presidents lining their wallets,” Abel says. Well, since we are talking about the dead, do you believe in their resurrection?” I ask. “If a donkey can speak to a backslidden prophet and God can hear a dead man’s blood cry out from the ground, there is yet hope” Abel replied. Nodding in agreement I half-jokingly ask him, “So are you a backslidden preacher serving drinks to the dead or a physician who dwells among the sick?” “I am a man who casts his pearls, hoping the congregation does not consist of only swine,” he answered. “I think your fairly safe Abel, it appears most of us are wounded black sheep,” I said after finishing my drink. Bidding a good night without looking at him, my eyes stare blankly towards the door. The rattle of my chair against the bare wood floor sounded familiar, and another ghost vanishes into darkness. (the end) As you can see, it is very dark but helped because I used creative writing to expel what I was feeling. It helped me, and I hope it helps everyone who writes their experiences in these blogs.
  24. oOPsXD

    Day 9

    Guess I've never took antidepressants because I have no faith that any would really work for me. I try to find natural sources, work on problems and be positive without being in denial. Sometimes I just cry, not often though, I don't have time haha. Prayer helps too. Talking with friends is another outlet but usually I keep things light. Helping others, praying for others is another way to keep us from focusing too much on ourselves. Death of our loved ones is never easy. Yes, I do try to understand where you and others are coming from. My statement was too general, we all want someone to stick with us in life. Liking fantasy books with strong female characters does lend to that idea but adventure and freedom go along with that too. It is a bummer when relationships don't work out the way we want them to, sorry your last one ended that way. I do understand about giving up, I do not date either, not yet anyway, maybe in the future. My trust issues keep me safe when it comes to dating. Poetry is not for everyone. Pluto said: At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. Haha, One of these days I am going to self publish on Amazon, if I ever get up the nerve. Tonight was rough, I felt extremely tired for the entire shift. So glad it is over. Ah, for me to write I have to feel it, and since there is no motivation there is no inspiration...
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