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JustMeNeil

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JustMeNeil last won the day on August 10 2015

JustMeNeil had the most liked content!

About JustMeNeil

  • Rank
    Member
  • Birthday 09/16/1961

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Pompano Beach, Florida
  • Interests
    Reading, Movies, Cooking, Internet, Computer Games and British Comedies.

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  1. I haven't been on DF for about a week now. Haven't been feeling well, depressed and all that. My device failed about a week ago and the company shipped me a new one which I'm expecting today. Can't wait to begin feeling better again. I'm also so very lonely. I really wish that something would change in this arena, but I doubt that it ever will. I think I'm destined to be alone until the day I die. :verysad3:
  2. Absolutely worried and upset. The device that I have been using for a month, that cost me $800, won't turn on! I even changed the batteries. Of course this would happen on the weekend. Ugh!!!
  3. JustMeNeil

    Day 26

    Thank you. Me too!!
  4. JustMeNeil

    Day 26

    I'm making this entry today because I forgot to make it yesterday Oops! The latest news is that I had my appointment with my PDoc and he's taken me off the Abilify, YAY, and is switching me from the Cymbalta 120mg to Brintellix 5mg heading for 10mg by the end of 1 month!!!!! My treatments at 40 minutes while doing something, in my case listening to music, are going well. Heres to hoping that these changes will help me to feel even better! I'm very pleased with my Alpha-Stim AID device. I believe that it's really helping.
  5. Thanks and sorry you had to deal with that. I wish it was as simple as taking a class somewhere. Where i went was only for those with mental illnesses.so we could relate, talk, have coffee and support groups. Plus, not trying to brag but im past the classes stage. It was quite a special place.
  6. Lynn im in a different location and there is nothing like it in the entire state of florida. Thanks jules.i really loved the art. And thanks for being angry for me.
  7. Thank you very much Lynn. I didn't think to add my current feelings. Now when I think about it I'm more disappointed and sad that I could never return to do what I really enjoyed.It no longer bothers me much regarding the individuals anymore.
  8. Thought I'd tell you about a very difficult episode from my past. I joined a mental health drop-in center about 15 years ago. What made it different was that provided free Arts and Crafts classes and socializing (coffee, etc.) all for free. I was a small but impressive place where quite a few of the same people as well as a volunteer organization was there for us to speak with and laugh with. Support groups were help there as well as a monthly sales event for the artists who had made things in the studio. It was a really cool place, for about a year. I discovered that I was quite good at sculpting objects using a polymer clay called Sculpey. I made flowers, houses and landscapes and really had a ball doing it. Anyway, obviously I came out of my shell and got to know quite a few of the members as well as the volunteers. One in particular, a guy, don't remember his name now, befriended me and we ended up being friends and after a while I really needed to get out from living with my Mom after my divorce. So I was telling him, asking for suggestions and came up with what I thought was perfect. His lease was about up, so why didn't we become roommates and find a 2 bedroom apartment. I was all for it. We'd been almost like best friends for about 4 months. So, we found a very nice place that we could afford. When it came down to signing the lease, he said that he owed about $300 to a past lease and it be a problem when they do a credit check. Stupidly, I offered to loan it to him and he agreed to pay me back. Well, they did the credit check and everything was fine now or so I thought. Then it happened... :( We started moving our stuff in and my daughter and her friend offered to help so while moving it in, he just sat on a lounge chair while we did all the work, saying that he had a bad back, which by the way he never mentioned before. But I thought OK, he promised that while I would do the cooking, he would clean the place. Which seemed like a pretty good deal. Well on our first evening there, he's drinking like a fish, something that I'd never seen before. And we spent plenty of times at his place doing our own art projects and listening to music. And I very rarely saw him drink, never mind get drunk. Turns out he's a binge drinker and he can control when he drinks but not how much. So he's a horrid alcoholic. So like on our 4th day of being roommates, I have one of the worst headaches of my life and stupidly, in the morning I ask him to drive me to the hospital. (at this time I didn't know that he was a binge drinker). I had him drive my car since he didn't have one and while on the way there, another car turns into our lane and cuts in front of us and he hits the car. My front to their side. Right away he's terribly worried and asks me to tell the police that I was driving. I tell him I won't do that, it's not right. It's not his fault and then I smell the liqueur on his breath, it's 8am by the way. So I asked if he'd been drinking and he finally admitted to but but said he didn't have a lot and he wasn't an alcoholic. Anyway, we get their info and they leave but I'm a nervous wreck. The front of my car is crashed in and the hood doesn't close. So the next day I didn't go into the drop-in center as I was upset about how I could repair my car since it turns out the people that hit me gave me a fake insurance card with a wrong address and phone number. I ask my 'roommate' if he'll help me get it fixed, but he doesn't answer me and starts drinking from morning til night. Believe it or not that's not what upset me so much. This is: The next day we went to the drop-in center and I had a gut feeling that things were going to go very badly for me. Boy was I right. I didn't feel like doing any art and was so depressed that I just sat at the table by myself the whole day. About midday, one of the nicer volunteers said that they wanted to all get together in the meeting room in an hour to see if they could help me through this. Of course I said yes, but my radar was screaming for me to run like hell! Instead I decided to call my therapist who is aware that my gut feelings are mostly correct, but says that I should go to the meeting just in case. Which I did. What a fiasco!! All of the chairs were arranged in a semi-circle facing a lone chair where I was to sit and my 'roommate' is seated in the middle of them smirking. Each of them in turn attack me by saying I'm just putting on the depression and anxiety as an act. I said I wasn't. They then said that I have been mean and unfairly treating HIM. Again I said I wasn't. And that he was the one treating me badly, drove my car while drunk, and binge drinks all day at the apartment. Well, now they all starting coming down on me at the same time. These are supposed to be trained volunteers that were my friends too. Obviously they were siding with him and he never said a word then. I started crying and said they are all being unfair and left the room. Not one of them followed and offered me any assistance, not one. I ran to the door, got in my car and went back to the apartment having decided to get the hell away from HIM and that apartment. I didn't care about breaking the lease after only one week. So when he gets there, he immediately starts drinking again. Anyway, I left that evening taking only what I needed and that fit into my car. I left furniture and closes, but didn't care and got to my Mom's house early in the morning. She'd been expecting me since I called her. Well, sorry this is so long. I hope that you don't mind reading it or find that it wasn't juicy enough. :) I don't know anything about really sharing these things because other than my mother and therapist, I've never told anyone else. Sorry if this is boring. I'll try and do better next time.
  9. This strange for me. I'm feeling numb in my emotions yet not numb. I know that sounds weird but I don't know how else to explain it. I also feel very relaxed but not tired. It also seems that I'm ready for my day, bring it on! Now thats really different for me.
  10. JustMeNeil

    Day 25

    Had another early morning treatment. I had it set to my usual setting but for some reason I was feeling a little dizzy, still am after the treatment. Later today I'll call the company and see what they suggest. I'm still sleeping poorly, but hopefully after todays visit with the new PDoc I'll be on a better road. I want desperately to taper off of the Abilify which is the cause for this, major weight gain, sugar out of control and other side effects.
  11. JustMeNeil

    Day 24

    Had to go food shopping today and had a touch of anxiety, nothing requiring a pill though. This morning I had my 2nd treatment of 40 minutes. Since then I have felt a disquieting calm and I'm more relaxed but not sleepy. Disquieting because I'm not used to this I think.
  12. Yesterday, my first attempt at this gym, went pretty good. The people were friendly and the gym wasn't overcrowded. I also participated in the class and exercised! Was a surprise to me because the last gym I went to about a month ago caused me to not to go back. That was pre Alpha-Stim. I'm having some residual anxiety but nothing like it would normally be. So I'm quite pleased and intend to go back. I can't believe that I'm even saying that. LOL
  13. JustMeNeil

    Day 23

    Yesterday at the gym went pretty good. The people were friendly and the gym wasn't overcrowded. I also participated in the class and exercised! Was a surprise to me because the last gym I went to about a month ago caused me to not to go back. That was pre Alpha-Stim. I'm having some residual anxiety but nothing like it would normally be. So I'm quite pleased and intend to go back. I can't believe that I'm even saying that. LOL I also talked to the company and they suggested that I treat for the full 40 minutes instead of splitting it into 2 20 minute sessions. They said something about it being better for me outcome wise. I explained that I have trouble laying still for the full 40 minutes and they reminded me that I can do any activity like be on the computer, listen to music, watch videos, etc. So I was surfing the net afterwards while treating and I was fine. :) Bye for now.
  14. Dear Me, I am so proud of you. You actually made it to the gym for the first time ever even though you were having a panic attack. Also, it's so nice that you also participated in the class there and even enjoyed the exercising.
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