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atheos

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  1. Thanks guys. Our therapist keeps reminding me "you're the closest thing to him----makes you an easy target for frustration" It just gets OLD if you know what I mean :)
  2. Do any of your partners get overly angry when they're depressed? Like the reason for their depression is you?
  3. we live together. Have for a year and a half (our relationship went REALLY REALLY fast)
  4. Hey Gardensparrow Ja the therapist understands but he's working mainly on my boyfriend to get him out of this self hate cycle. I just have to hold steady for now
  5. The massive verbal abuse comes when he drinks. Lately it's come from frustration. I need to learn to let go of an argument. I'm just so freaking lost.
  6. Thanks Mrmorty :) The codependency thing is really throwing me. I'm no angel here. I was a hot farking mess when we got together. Divorce wasn't even final and after 17 years of neglect and emotional abuse..., well I thought I had my together but I didn't. And he helped me, he really did. But in doing so lost himself. So I am to blame for somethings. but not all the things I just don't know how to act? do I bring him in to my day to day life? Ask him if he wants to do stuff and just be prepared for him to say no? Or do I just leave him the hell alone until he comes to me
  7. *copying my post from the welcome board* I'm in a relationship with a severely depressed person. What sucks is that some of the stressors of our relationship (extrovert v introvert, kids, moving in etc) have exacerbated the depression. To the point where he's self loathing is very apparent. The part that is difficult for me is that I'm being blamed for it. I'm not innocent...oh hell no, but I keep being told "because of you I hate how I am now". Part of me is extremely guilty for not reining in my anxiety (divorced a couple of years back---narcissistic neglectful relationship) part of me wants to scream " you're stronger than me---I didn't MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING" We are in therapy, went for couples therapy, ended up being therapy for him mostly as this therapist deals with addictions as well. Oh yeah he's a alcoholic....not every day but when he does it's a LOT. Anyway, I'm just trying to figure out what is him, what is the depression and what is me. I just read the co-dependency thread that's pinned and I'm seeing a lot of me. The 3 C's; Can't cause, can't control, can't (and I forgot). The thing is that he says I DID cause it. His depression, his weight gain, his lifting (bodybuilder) have all been completely throttled by me. So ja I want to fix it because I broke it. But that seems to be in conflict with trying to break the co-dependency model Sorry for the disjointed post. I'm really really lost
  8. *waves* wow---I just realized I have no idea what to say (and that's rare for me). I'm in a relationship with a severely depressed person. What sucks is that some of the stressors of our relationship (extrovert v introvert, kids, moving in etc) have exacerbated the depression. To the point where he's self loathing is very apparent. The part that is difficult for me is that I'm being blamed for it. I'm not innocent...oh hell no, but I keep being told "because of you I hate how I am now". Part of me is extremely guilty for not reining in my anxiety (divorced a couple of years back---narcissistic neglectful relationship) part of me wants to scream " you're stronger than me---I didn't MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING" We are in therapy, went for couples therapy, ended up being therapy for him mostly as this therapist deals with addictions as well. Oh yeah he's a alcoholic....not every day but when he does it's a LOT. Anyway, I'm just trying to figure out what is him, what is the depression and what is me.
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