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Everything posted by mrmorty

  1. Sitting alone, feeling alone, while ruminating over the past, in the state of mind where everything is impossible.
  2. Lonely, so lonely. Suffering under the loneliness and emptiness. It is survivable though, nothing I am not used to.
  3. Lonely, wanting company, shouldn't have company, as I want to be more independent.
  4. Anxious and stressed, but still trying to hold on to my new found relief from pain.
  5. It won't lessen the pain until you have grieved, this is a loss, just like a death, there is no way of stopping the pain completely. Let yourself grieve the loss of it, only then will your logic have a role in it. You just gotta feel the emotions and then use your intellect when you feel ready for it. No need to think about the future relationships until you feel more ready for it emotionally.
  6. That is impossible to say, there are many what if lives out there, but we only have this life to live. Just because you had a religion doesn't mean that you would automatically have a better life. You will find someone when the time comes, I know you are hurting, I know you feel lonely, but what helps me is to tell myself every time I miss my ex is that she is not the person I loved, the thing that I miss is the memories we had, and they are memories about the love she gave me and the support. Now she doesn't give me that or cares about me that way, so I realize is that I miss the past, which is sadly gone. Not sure if that helps you, but the person you loved and knew has changed, so have you, this has changed you both, even if it's hard to believe because of the love we still feel inside.
  7. Feeling vastly better today, after finding out my ex already found a new man, it liberated me from toxic hope.
  8. No, no matter what anyone says, they are just projecting an opinion about something so big and intangible that you cannot quantify it or categorize just by a small number of relationships.Even if you dated a 100 men, and got into 50 relationships, it still wouldn't be enough to state that this is how love or dating is in this time period. Love is a big thing that no one really knows what is, even if they claim they do, it is different things stitched into a patchwork idea. Dating is the same. So their opinion is not more worth than yours. Of course there are people just like you out there, no matter what happens to you, there will always be people out there that would want nothing but find someone to settle down with and love.
  9. All the things you have described comes from depression, it is not who you are in your personality. I understand the nastiness of being lonely, I feel lonely too, but I hope I can be here so you don't feel so lonely in the end.
  10. No one is in a relationship to be responsible for fixing the other person. I am sorry you are going through this, and you seem to love him a lot, but he also seems to blame you for things he has not right to blame you for. The only thing you can do in life is try to fix yourself, but not by taking blame for what other people feel and how they react to their feelings. I know this is extremely hard to do, I am very dependent in a relationship too, so it's hard to know when I am overstepping my own healthy boundary or taking upon myself duties that I shouldn't have. You said that you are in therapy, I hope you can see a therapist that can help you figure out your own values and boundaries, so you can see yourself as a person outside of the relationship. Lots of luck to you
  11. I know what you are going through, I lost myself too in the breakup two and a half months ago and I am suffering in the same nightmare as you are. My ex moved on way faster that me too. I have no real advice, except you are not alone in this hell.
  12. No hope, no direction, each day is slowly becoming a long time spent in purgatory. Breakups are the worst. I just want to move on, I just want the intrusive thoughts about my ex to be gone, I just want a better life without pain and misery. Love and peace is what I want to feel right now.
  13. I had a shower, that's it. Feeling a bit worthless about that.
  14. Thanks, I am trying to do lots of new things and trying to push her off the pedestal, but it's like my own loneliness blocks me from getting on with my life and keeps me in my past. I hate the part of me that keeps thinking about how life is so unfair and all that. The world does not owe me anything, and I am not anymore unlucky than anyone else. It just feels that way, I guess.
  15. I just don't want it to hurt this MUCH, like my every breathing second is painful. That seems like no life.
  16. Got my new meds and managed to get out of bed before 4-5 pm, also managed to shower. Now I am going to try and buy some food.
  17. Thank you, I just wish I could stop putting her on a pedestal and just move on with my life. Just seems to be a part of me that finds it almost impossible to say goodbye this time. I hate it so much.
  18. I made another few posts before, but I should probably introduce myself here too. Not sure what I wanna write in here, except hello to all of you. I suffer from depression, BPD, GAD and OCD. Hopefully this place will make me some new friends, allies, confidants, help, or just get me through the days.
  19. Nothing makes me happy, but I am writing. Maybe that is something. Not sure why I came to this forum, maybe to feel a glimmer of connection with someone else.
  20. I feel worthless, hopeless and not worthy of love. I have screwed up my life, because that's the only way I know how to do.
  21. This is my first post here, I just have no more hope left. My ex dumped me in May, and the whole process became extremely messy and dramatic because of me. I was unable to leave me alone, and now she wants nothing to do with me. I have had no contact with her for a couple of weeks now, mainly because I don't wanna leave her with an even worse impression of me. I loved her so much, I gave her everything I had. It wasn't enough, she will never talk to me again and find herself a healthy man. People tell me to try and move on, but every second is just pain and agony, and I have to fight my own compulsions to contact her or look at her twitter. I have never felt this depressed before, usually I am more anxious than depressed, but now light seems to have gone out in my heart. People tell me to find myself in this period, but I am so lost, I feel so different inside, like the hope for love and companionship has now died with the relationship. I am not strong, I was just a short phase in her life, while she meant so much to me. It feels so unfair and I just want it all to end, every year is a new big trauma. I will never become happier or feel safe, or comfortable. Thank you for reading this, I have nothing else left but to write.
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