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The Purist

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Everything posted by The Purist

  1. Does anybody think that Psychotherapy is a waste of time? For three months, twice a week, I have seen this woman for 45 minutes and all I do is talk. She will talk if I ask her what she thinks but other than that.....nothing. I'd do just as well to talk to my cat and it would save me money. He listens, she could be hung over for all I know. I have good IFF too and I think sometimes she takes me as a out and out psycho, I have a sense for these things. She kinda laughs at me with her eyes. I had a therapist before her who pretty much did the same thing, I did all the talking, but I was so out of it that at that time maybe that's what I needed. Looking back on my life, this seems to be what therapists typically do. I spoke to my current therapist and told her that I needed a more dynamic environment etc. But nothing has really changed. When I am bored with something I just want to kick out. When I told my psychiatrist he gave me grief because it has only been.....a month since I have started feeling better. I have never done DBT or CBT, maybe that is what I need. Anyway, I am rambling. Any thoughts?
  2. I know the feeling well. Not the duration but the sudden outbursts. It is not for me to diagnose you but your are obviously very depressed. Have you seen a Mental Health Professional?
  3. My wife is going to be away until Saturday. Thinking I may not be able to leave the house.
  4. For a different perspective. I'm 46 and pretty much burnt out in two careers. I know I am going to have to start over at a lower level and it is ******* me. It gives me so much anxiety, sometimes I start shaking.
  5. Facebook can be a deadly tool if you are depressed. I watch what I post because I noticed that if you really read between the lines, I sometimes post things that can tip people off regarding what I have been going through. Looking at other peoples pages can be not such a good thing either. Has anybody ever noticed that they don't take down reviews for people that have died? I have a few on my friend list, I do not want to delete them as I feel it still gives me some kind of connection to them, even though they are no longer with us. But today would have been a good friends birthday had he not drank and drugged himself to death. I started to wonder if he was better off, I mean it is not like I have done anything this past year. I don't drink or do drugs though but, in a non linear way, I do things that are just as self destructive. I have had a good run you know? I have loved and been loved. I was successful and happy at one time. I was a soldier, a teacher and an engineer. I traveled around the world. I had a good education on every level. I learned to speak, read and write another language. I had successful careers. I had awesome girlfriends and made love with beautiful women and men. I was once good looking and desired. It wasn't supposed to be like this? I don't know how is was, "Supposed to be," but it wasn't supposed to be like this. I am bitter, I am angry and I am restless. I do not like to talk to people because I either have to lie or let on that I am not doing well, in which case they usually think I am crazy. I've run out of steam, my original point was going to be - nobody wants to be reminded of what they could have been. '
  6. I wish I was feeling better today. I had a good weekend but I was kind of going through the motions. The one good thing is I am better physically than I was, I am able to get myself out and do things. But emotionally and mentally I am not quite there.
  7. I am okay. I don't think much about that anymore. Thank you for asking,
  8. Everything is expensive, it takes a long time to get around. People are, for the most part, rude. Crime is surging. Middle class people are being pushed uptown so everything that is affordable is above 96th Street on the East Side. Forget about the West Side. It stinks here, especially in the summer. It smells like excrement and exhaust fumes. The Subways are like a scene from Dante's Inferno. Central Park is a poor excuse for nature and the High-line is just another tourist trap. They do not have Waffle House here. Most of the cabdrivers smell. Homelessness is on the rise, especially in Union Square. Which BTW has become an open air dope market. The police beat up and shoot people for no reason. The Squeegee men are back. Most of the Dentists are thieves, quacks and charlatans. They charge you 1500+ for an ambulance ride, god forbid you ever need one. The Lower East Side, where we used to live until we got priced out, is infested with Hipsters and Trust Fund Trash. A lot of cool places have closed because of gentrification. I have seen rats the size of cats and this is the time of year when the bed bug army goes on the march. The only sport that is still affordable is Baseball, I happen to be a big Baseball fan. But Hockey and Basketball, forget about it. People walk into you while looking at their phones and then they curse you out and blame you. Both rivers are polluted, I am stunned they've not caught fire. Owning a car is prohibitively expensive unless you are loaded. They call huge cockroaches, water bugs which I don't understand. They are so big you could probably shoot them with a .22 Is it really worth it? For better pizza and bagels. Stay in NJ.
  9. I relate, I completely relate. I was in the place you are in and still am more than not. I just think it's all so pointless. But I have a wife.....and a cat, Mom, Dad, Sister etc. So I hang on for them and try to be somewhat happy. I am still very depressed but I think I have accepted that it will never get better so I am in acceptance mode. I smile when I have to, laugh when I am supposed to but am never really there. Therapy is a waste of time. I am convinced that nobody cares and my main concern is staying out of the hospital. I do not ever want to go back there. I think I finally figured out what I want to do with my life.....nothing. I'm from New Jersey as well but now I am stuck in New York City. I don't know why anybody would want to live here. This city does not enlighten people or ennoble them, it turns people into dogs, brings out the worst in human nature. Prisoner of my mind, prisoner or this hellhole city. I'm rambling, hang in there and I'll do the same.
  10. Thanks to everybody for responding and for your kind words. I am no longer seeing him and am now seeing a Psycho-pharmacologist. I sent him a very polite email saying that I appreciated everything he did for me and would always be grateful but that I did not want to continue as a patient. He replied, "Thanks." and that was that.
  11. I am 46 years old, I have worked in Information Technology and have been a High School Teacher. I was successful at both, now I'd rather swallow razor blades than do either. I left teaching after 5 years, I just didn't want to do it anymore and it had NOTHING to do with my students. My last job in Information Technology ended when I smashed a PolyComm against the wall in a meeting. I was throwing paper airplanes at my boss before that. I have a complete mental breakdown a month after - not a surprise. I don't know what I want to do either. Now that I am somewhat stable and not as depressed as I was, I am trying to figure out what I want to do. I've been out of work for a year now. My Therapist and I are trying to sort it out. I think it's one of those things we figure out when we least expect it. I know there comes a point when, "You have to so something." But it's ****** frustrating when you just can't figure out what the hell you want to do. All the best.
  12. Been there and still go there from time to time. There are times when I can't wait till 22:00, when I can legitimately go to bed and not feel guilty for it. I try to get out, stay off the laptop, tablet or phone. People told me to get a hobby but it's kinda hard when nothing excites you. Is there anything that you studied in the past that you want to brush up on? Logic is you don't have to learn anything new. I put aside 2 hours everyday to practice my Russian and it worked because now I am helping Russian people practice English. Volunteering might be the way to go....depending on where you live it may or may not be practical. Reading back it is kind of disjointed but I hope something helps.
  13. a******s, by Aaron James. It's actually a really good book!
  14. Any opinion on this would be appreciated. I have been seeing the same therapist for around 4 months now. This is how the session basically goes: I talk she listens, if I want her input I have to ask her things like, "What do you think?" I get a sentence and then nothing. I blather on for around 97% of the session. I realize that it does a lot of good to talk but am I missing something here? This is not CBT or DBT but shouldn't she be interacting with me instead of nodding her head and making understanding faces. I have not asked her about this. Do I need to ask her for more input or a more....."Interactive Session." I am out of my depths as I went through two AWFUL therapists before this one. Any input would be appreciated and thanks in advance!
  15. I recently started seeing a Psycho-Pharmacologist; she is weaning me off Celexa.
  16. Lonely, anxious. It was not supposed to be like this. I don't know how it was supposed to be but not like this.
  17. I postponed a Dentist appointment because I was so stressed but I did do the laundry which, for me at least, is an accomplishment.
  18. I am kinda bummed. Sunday and yesterday I got up early, had a lot of energy and, for me at least, got a lot of things done. I just got up, even this is appallingly late for me, and have zero energy. I have to go to my therapist appointment at 17:00 but my general mood and the 90+ heat is not helping my motivation.
  19. If you are going in because you are in crisis then that is where you need to be. If you are going in to be treated for depression then I think you will be disappointed. Remember, it is closest thing you will get to jail without being in jail. You get a full, complete physical; ECG everything before you get assigned to a wing. When you get in you are at Level 1 with no privileges. If you behaved you got Level 2 which meant you could go out for recreation once and day or you could go swimming, they had these funky disposable bathing suits. You could borrow an electric razor as well. I don't remember the term but if you were unruly an attendant would literally follow you around wherever you went for 3 days. If you were really unruly you were confined to your room with an attendant who would watch you 24/7. We started the day with breakfast, morning medications then there were doctors rounds where you usually got to see your Social Worker and Psychiatrist. This was chaos as people clamored to see their doctor and beg to be released. Lunch, then there was usually some kind of group but they were voluntary and not very therapeutic. Quiet time, dinner, then we basically watched TV and got evening medication until lights out which was at 10:30. There were also two snack breaks, one at 03:00 and the other at 08:00 where you could have cookies, coffee etc. You could also have snacks that people brought in for you. You are not allowed to eat in your room. You are always being monitored, they check where you are every 15 minutes, when you are sleeping they come in every half hour to verify you are in bed. There was no one on one therapy. I have to say the experience was pretty pleasant overall. Everyone was nice, nurses, orderlies, social workers etc. Access to the doctors could be better. The food was not bad overall. Visitors could come into the wing instead of a separate waiting room and they could stay from 11:00AM till I think 08:00PM They allowed you to wear your own clothes minus belts and shoelaces. Every room had a bathroom. I never felt threatened and they had plenty of phones which were free. Huge flat screen set with cable and Wii. The not so good part was weekends; there was nothing to do, nothing. No group, no doctors. Basically, one would eat, sleep, poop, read and watch TV. This was a good hospital in New York City but the Mental Health Center was in Westchester. I blathered on sorry. Hope I was of some help.
  20. In the last year I have not left the house very much, when I have it has been for short periods. I live in New York City so I basically take cabs/cars everywhere as I have developed a pervasive loathing of the subway and the buses just take too long. I don't exercise.....at all and cannot bring myself too. I never was one for going to the gym but I used to practice Kendo and do a lot of bike riding. I have stopped laying in bed all day and have moved to the couch where I sit and try not to lay down, pathetic I know. My laziness is appalling and embarrassing. I feel like I am wasting away, I feel like by body hasn't been used in a while so I have all kinds of aches and pains? Can anybody relate? Thanks in advance.
  21. Hi, 40mg of Celexa every day for the last year has pretty much trashed my sex drive. No interest, couldn't even if I wanted to. Viagra, no luck. Cialis, no luck. Not taking it for a weekend, no luck and bad idea. I guess my question is: has anybody ever had the same problem and what did you and your doctor do to rectify it. I take other medications as well, Lamictal, Wellbutrin but I am pretty sure it is the Celexa that is doing me in as I took the other two without Celexa and never had an issue. Any input would be appreciated and thank you in advance.
  22. I went through what you are going through multiple times. I found that getting a brainless part time job helped me adapt, get into the habit of getting up again, having a schedule, dealing with people etc. It's hard, it is very, very hard, I know. One step at a time.
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