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The Purist

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  1. I don't feel like doing anything, I have a headache and am really tired. The laundry can wait until tomorrow.
  2. I can relate and I did this 9 months ago. I packed up, told my wife it was something I had to do and moved to Montreal. I had relatives to stay with and I was euphoric at first. Then I realized I had made an awful mistake. Basically my problems followed me to Montreal and multiplied. I was still massively depressed. I was in a city that I know well but I was still a stranger in. I was working with my relatives but I was not ready to work. I had to though as they were nice enough to take me in. My wife was getting ready to transfer to Montreal, she works for a world wide company. I come back with my tail between my legs and worse than when I left.
  3. If those are the circumstances, the I agree completely. I am in favor of assisted suicide in cases where there is no quality of life or hope of a cure. Unfortunately, that will never be the case in this country as patient suffering equals money. The Hospice industry will do everything it can to keep assisted suicide squashed.
  4. Oh boy, I can relate to this. Everyone in my life has been supportive of me. One day my mother, completely out of the blue, lit into me. Said I was lazy, should get myself together, do something, anything. I wasted my education, I wasted my career and it went on and on. I cried for an hour straight. It is terrible when it comes from someone you love and worse when you don't expect it. Are there any Caretaker groups that you can get your family to go to? At first my Wife did not understand what was going on but after going to group, she not only understood but became my biggest supporter. You have quite a dichotomy here: your father who is doing the right thing, then there is your step mother who is doing everything wrong and being borderline abusive at a point where you are most vulnerable. Your stepmother needs to educate herself about depression. Is there a possibility she will do that?
  5. Always remember this as well. I have interviewed a lot of candidates in my life and there is one constant I have noticed. Whenever you are in a position where you have to explain yourself, you are at a disadvantage. Candidate 1 has a solid work history, solid resume, no gaps in employment and excellent references. Candidate 2 has a solid work history, solid resume but has a huge gap in his work history, when he explained his response was indicative of issues getting along with people and taking direction. His references were excellent. That's from a report I wrote to HR when I was working at my last company. Which candidate do think got the offer? Candidate 1. Hope this helps. R'
  6. In a word - Yes. In my experience, the wreckage and pain that a person leaves behind is incalculable. I am glad that I was not successful, as bad as things sometimes get, I would regret the life I would have left behind. But the dead don't feel anything, not even regret.
  7. Okay, not good or bad, okay. I see my Therapist today which can be good or bad. I have to leave the house today, which I don't seem to mind for a change.
  8. I am so sorry that you feel this way. I have felt like you have, as recent as a day ago. Feeling empty and useless, not caring and thinking your dreams are all dead in the water is depression. There is still a thread of you that has hope or you would not be here. Not taking care of yourself is another sign of depression. It sounds like you are mired in a deep depression. There is light at the end of the tunnel, not another tunnel after the tunnel. What are you thoughts after reading what I just wrote?
  9. I know how exhausting it can be to be social when you are just not up for it or, in my case, not into it. In my experiences, try to be confident, I know it is hard. Think about what you are going to say before you say it and don't obsess about saying something that you perceived as dumb. Don't worry what other people think of you, it is none of your business <== I drilled that into my head and it made socializing somewhat easier. It's such a cliche but baby steps, don't beat yourself up if you feel you did not do or say the right thing, because like me, you are probably your own worst critic. I hope this helps. R'
  10. I know it is easier said than done but right now, I am completely off the grid regarding Facebook, Twitter, Linked In etc. I check my email once or twice a day. Anybody who really needs to get me texts me, I despise talking on the phone. In the future when I feel better I will slowly go back on but I am on the Fence regarding Facebook. Best, R'
  11. I have been in your position once or twice in my life. Once I tried to procrastinate and it turned into a complete mental breakdown. I ended up blowing a gasket and throwing things in a conference room. I resigned from that job. Anyway, in my experience, you have to weigh whether you cannot leave or can leave financially. You also have to consider how this will look on your resume and how to explain why you left a job with no job. Don't worry, I used to interview people, I can help you get around that one. Also, and this is important, if you leave you'll be euphoric but as time goes on will you become more and more depressed? Bailing on a paycheck in not something that should be done lightly so think it through. However, in the end, if something is having a very negative effect on your mental/health & well being, in that case you have to do what you have to do. I sincerely hope this helps you and good luck! R'
  12. Not so good. I l slept poorly last night. I don't think I am going to leave the house today. I am completely comfortable with this as long as it is not everyday.
  13. I have mason jar with an electronic butterfly in it, the batteries went dead. I replaced them today as opposed to two weeks from now.
  14. I'm really sorry that you're going through a rough time and in a dangerous environment where men assault women. I'm not trying to take away what you want most or say that you don't deserve it, but what about being famous and having instagram followers would make you the most happy? Money? Attention from many men? Taking pride in your beauty and flaunting it is great, but I am sure there is much more to you than what you look like, ienvy. Models in skimpy clothing DO get a lot of attention, but the truth is, that attention has nothing to do with who they are and their image is easily replaced by another very attractive woman. That can be fun and boost the ego for a while, but don't you want someone to value and appreciate all of you someday - looks/beauty and your heart and personality? Focusing only the superficial aspects of life, in my opinion, is a path to loneliness no matter how many people surround you or follow you on the internet. That doesn't mean don't model, just that I hope you realize you're valuable in other ways too. ((Hugs)) Brilliant.
  15. It sounds like you have never: seen a psychologist done any behaviour therapy had a single counselor that has done active o good therapy with you. I dont think you can dismiss therapy as a whole when you havent tried many things. Why are you still with this t? Because something is better than nothing at the moment.
  16. Sure, the Doctor will sit with you and talk to you. He/She will ask for your symptoms regarding depression, anxiety. The Psychiatrist is going to try to get a feel for the type of medication you will benefit from. Every Psychiatrist has medications that they favor over others, a couple of things I can tell you from my experiences: 1) Go with your gut. If it does not feel like a fit, go to someone else. 2) You are the patient. Have your questions ready in advance. Don't ever think you have to rush or let them rush you out. 3) The Psychiatrist may ask you to go for a complete physical or ask you to get the results of your most recent one. 4) With regards to medication. Have the Psychiatrist explain in detail how he/She thinks this medication is going to help you. Ask what the contradictions are? Side effects? 5) Remember, if you do not agree with the Psychiatrist's recommendations, you have the right to refuse. From my experience the Doctor may want to increase your Wellbutrin\Buproprion. May want to add a Benzo as a kicker. Ask questions if that is the case and, in my experiences, Benzos should be used short time. As a result of years of prescribed Benzo use, I am for all intents and purposes and addict. Don't let it happen to you. Good luck! And all the best! R'
  17. From my experiences they will start you off with a mood stabilizer (Probably Lamictal) with a benzodiazapene (probably Klonopin) kicker.
  18. Well, for what it's worth: I do not know you, I have never seen you or talked to you. But you are a fellow human being in pain, so I care. If you need to talk to someone message me.
  19. That is a normal component of depression, feelings or self-loathing or low self esteem. When I am in a room with younger people, I am 46 and I always seem to be around people that could be my children, I feel inadequate and want to leave. I completely
  20. tired of living in this dumb world...feeling i'm noting but a soul less pill swallowing machine. Oh how I can relate to that. Sometimes, more often than not, I wake up with the thought, "Another day in this hole world."
  21. I can relate completely. I do not have a problem socializing with people but it takes a lot out of me. Drinking is a big part of socializing among my friends and my wives friends. That is a problem for me as I do not care to drink. Anyway, in my experiences, when I am going through a phase where I do not want to leave the house, I make small attempts to got out: go to the mailbox, walk around the block, go to a coffee shop; go to a movie, all in my own time. You don't necessarily have to interact with people. rather, the idea is to be around people. I have taught myself that it is not my business what other people think of me, so when I have to interact with people I don't worry about that. The idea is small steps, very small. And if you can't do it at first, don't beat yourself up over it, just start from the beginning. R'
  22. I have had this experience many times in my life and as I have gotten older I have come up with a rule. I make an effort to get in touch with them personally. And by personally I mean in person or a phone call, not an email or text. I want to see them or hear them, this was I know I made the attempt and they were on the other end of it. That being said, if they never call me again or try to maintain our friendship I let it go. I don't do anything drastic like block them on Facebook, just move them to the list of people I am indifferent too. Why do I do this? I know I made an attempt to contact them and keep the friendship going, if they did not, it is not my fault if they do not contact me. I cannot force them to be my friend. I have around 5 people on that list now, two I have known since the 2nd Grade. In my experience; two hours away is not too far away and it would not matter to me that I met the person through someone I no longer keep in contact with.
  23. After a while some medications lose their efficacy. In your situation that might be the case. I took a medicine for years, around 9, and then it stopped working and I slid into a major crash. I would think that your Doctor would want to add something to your current medicine. Maybe a non-SSRI like Wellbutrin and/or a Mood Stabilizer. I know we would all like to take as little medicine as we can but sometimes, unfortunately, we really need it. I hope this helps. Best, R;
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