Jump to content


Advanced Member
  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by NC86

  1. Life can get really lonely when you are disabled. I am young, my disabilities aren't easily noticeable, though even if they were I don't think it would matter much. I have a hard enough time to get doctors to understand me and everything I struggle with to function day to day, I have very little change of anyone I meet understanding. So what do I do? I just isolate myself. I am home everyday and rarely ever go anywhere or see anyone. I don't feel like anyone would understand me anyway, so I just don't even bother. Any new person I meet would just ask me "so what do you do for a living?" "Do you work or go to school?" I just end up feeling awful regardless of how I answer those questions. I can usually cope with being alone for large amounts of my time but eventually even I need some human interaction face to face, or I get really lonely.
  2. You have to be healthy enough to be a sick person in this healthcare system. Doctors and pretty much every part of this healthcare system is aimed at putting as many roadblocks inbetween you and the care you need. You have to be healthy enough to run the gauntlet or the wild goose chase they send you on before you can get the help you require. This often takes a lot of resources(health, money, time, help from others), and if you don't have it, tough luck, I guess they would have you drop dead, and they could care less. It took me 3 years of trying to get some 1on1 therapist here. 3 years of searching, jumping through hoop after hoop, road block after road block, running a seemingly endless wild goose chase. They kept playing games with me even when I was at the sickest point of my entire life.
  3. If you feel you can't deal with the stigma of those who know you, reach out for help from those who don't, it may be easier. Find a therapist who can work with you on an ongoing basis, even if it is less frequent at times when you are feeling better. That should help supplement the support you are missing on addition to finding support here so you don't have to keep going at it solo.
  4. Got some stuff done around the house I got to see a good amount of sunshine this morning which was nice I woke up early and slept well
  5. 1) exercise 2) sunlight (I get really depressed without it) 3) nutrition 4) CBT/ACT/radical acceptance 5) support like forums or someone to talk to 6) showers 7) maybe meds, usually something calming like benzos to ease the stress and anxiety 8) sleep if its night when I am feeling down 9) comedy 10) music
  6. I sorted through my laundry and finally put my summer clothes away. I did some stretches tonight as well, it helps me so much with my pain.
  7. Wow ***HUGS*** that is a hell of a lot to go through. I am really sorry for your loss.
  8. Started off feeling depressed today but managed to get outside when the sun was out for a while, and that made me feel a lot better.
  9. An hour? Well maybe that is what I am doing wrong. I only spend like 20-30 minutes in front of mine each morning. SAD sure is kicking in, especially on gray days here.
  10. My hairline really started receding at the edges of my temple and I am only 29. It bothers me but I just add it to the list of things I have to radically accept and move on. I think it was caused by some of the meds I used to take, oh well. Can't do anything about that. If I can't do anything about something I don't like, I have to use radical acceptance, or else it will make me depressed and suffocate me.
  11. Everyday I have a finite amount of energy to allocate to various tasks. I have Asperger's and have always had problems with executive functioning. Depression sure saps that energy so there is less to go around, like an old power hungry refrigerator sitting in a corner of your basement. I don't think it runs out at any specific time in the day, it just needs a cooldown between tasks until I gather enough energy to do the next thing on my list. Sometimes when I am really depressed, this can take a long time. I was waking up to 10-15 times a night, EVERY NIGHT for much of this year. I was so unbelievably tired, yet could not sleep. I haven't been able to take a nap in ages, my mind simply won't shut off without Zopiclone at this point. I was so tired at one point that I could not keep my eyes open while walking down the street. I had to open them only every 5 or 10 seconds to make sure I didn't walk into anything or onto the road and get hit. Thankfully my sleep has improved greatly and I don't have nearly as much fatigue as I did. But everyday, I still have about 1/10th the energy than an ordinary 29 year man would have. What is the most draining? Well relative to the size of the task, I find making phone calls requires a LOT of energy to do. I have to build up sometimes for days enough to endure just a single phone call. When it gets really bad, almost all of my energy is spent just trying to feed myself so I don't collapse. Some days I feel so sluggish, like gravity has been multiplied 2 or 3 fold. Or sometimes I feel like a deflated balloon or a flat tire when I am depressed.
  12. I went the whole day without thinking about it once, I am on a roll haha.
  13. I made several phone calls that I needed to make. Phone calls are always difficult for me.
  14. If I come across a doctor who tries to think he is Dr. God, psychiatrist or not, I shut them down REAL quick and put them in their place.
  15. Please go to the ER NC86. You can't just stay there curled up in pain. The pain was awful. It lasted for 9 hours straight before I had a ton of diarhhea after which I crawled to my bed and collapsed and slept for hours. I am now scared and feel like a jittery mess, scared to go through anything like that again.
  16. I really don't want to go to the ****ing ER but i don't think I have a choice. It has been over 6 hours curled up in severe pain with my insides literally on fire. I am scared. I don't feel safe taking anymore Ondansetron and dilaudid and what I have taken hasnt touched the pain or nausea at all. =(
  17. Oh my god... this is pain on an entirely new level! It feels like my insides have swallowed a gallon of battery acid. My eyes are rolling into the back of my head its so friggen painful. I have been lying here for the past 4 hours curled up in a fetal positiom hugging a heating pad. Ughhh
  18. A study of alprazolam (Xanax) use as an antidepressant. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3281931
  19. There is someone out there worse off than you therefore you should be happy. Yes someone out there is stepping on a landmine, but with that logic, that person should also be happy because somewhere someone out there is being eaten alive by a wild animal, and that person should also be happy because someone out there is worse off than them as well.
  20. Alone for now? Yes. Alone forever? It doesn't have to be that way. Take some time to heal and focus on yourself before you seek a relationship. Take care.
  • Create New...