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Everything posted by NC86

  1. I gotta make soup and clean all the mess in the kitchen. I already made the phone calls I needed to have done, just procrastinating the rest atm until I get too hungry.
  2. Saturated, if that is a thing. A sensory related issue I have.
  3. If disability hurries up and cashes that cheque, I can actually afford to get Fallout 4 and have something to take my mind of things. I know, the horror, the horror, someone on disability allowed to buy a video game.
  4. Having to survive on only liquids day in day out since June. If I go to hell, I will surely end up in a soup kitchen cooking and serving soup all day long.
  5. I hate emotional blunting as well as emotional instability from meds. Some meds cause either where you either feel nothing at all or you cry for no reason. I like meds that make me feel mellow. Mellow is such an amazing and desirable feeling, but often hard to find and fleeting when you do find it. Mellow as in you are so calm that you could just float away. Calm but not tired.
  6. I fixed my issue I was having with my computer. It took a few weeks, but I eventually figured it out. It feels good to solve problems like that, restores my confidence in my abilities.
  7. I think it is worse when they ask you what you are taking the medication for out loud, especially when the medication is for something embarrassing or digestive related. I do give them a piece of my mind and tell them how inappropriate they are by expecting me to just blurt that information out while there are people all around, not to mention standing right behind me in line. I do feel ashamed when I walk out with a bag of meds. I mean I keep thinking everyone is looking at me and thinks that I am "crazy" or some . I just have to do CBT and other cognitive exercises in my head to prevent such thoughts from immobilizing me. The IDGAF attitude seems to work really well for situations like this.
  8. OCD has not ruined my life, but it definitely adds unnecessary stress and anxiety as well as eats up a portion of each day that I will never get back.
  9. I don't fear being dead whatsoever, I just fear the process of getting there and the pain involved. I don't believe in heaven or hell or any afterlife whatsoever.
  10. I have OCD, related to germs, and I am really bothered to see my father handle raw chicken and meats and then proceed to touch everything in the house without washing his hands first. I understand I have an illness(OCD) but for F sakes, wash your damn hands, at BARE minimum after handling raw chicken and after going to the washroom (which sometimes he still doesn't). He is so unbelievably gross, and I am glad he doesn't work in the food industry. Everytime I witness one of his disgusting hygenic failures, I cringe, and my anxiety goes through the roof. How does one deal with someone like this?
  11. Iunno if this is the thread to post it, but I went a whole week without desiring to be dead, I must be coping better lately or something. A week for me is a long time to go without suicidal thoughts, but I'll take what I can get.
  12. Are there any peer support programs in your area? I remember when I lived alone, there was a program where volunteer peer support workers would call in and check on you and give you someone to talk to. Maybe there might be something like that in your area. I'm sorry you don't seem to get any emotional support from your son or his wife, it must feel awful to feel like you are invisible or don't exist to them.
  13. Nothing ever makes logical financial sense in this healthcare system. To sum up our current model: "penny wise, dollar foolish".
  14. I don't think there are really communities with my specific digestive problems. Support groups would be generalized and how much each person's condition prevents them from functioning will vary. My condition does not have to be a life sentence, but the effort that doctors are putting forward, is garbage, so that shoulders all the work on me, to micromanage every last aspect of my healthcare and recovery. It is really burdensome, but I know if I can overcome these current digestive issues, I can get back to at least having some quality of life. I might be able to get my health related costs low enough that I can afford car insurance (its expensive here) and be able to drive again, which will make it easier for me get out once in a while and to connect with others.
  15. Man you have a difficult life. I feel for you. PM me anytime. Thank you
  16. Yeah, I find managing my emotions to be really difficult. I'm told I have BPD, but I really don't understand how someone could not when they have been through what I have been through. I don't want to be a miserable moody person. Life keeps throwing at me, and I keep having to find places to organize and store it away, sort of like a game of Tetris. The obligation to lie when I am asked "how are you doing?" really wears at me. It makes me want to avoid people rather than be forced to lie or put on a facade, regardless if those people had no malicious intent when asking me so.
  17. I'm not in anyway annoyed by anyone on this forum, sorry if it came off that way. I am just angry at life and doctors in general. I know what its like to be so emaciated that you nearly die, to the point of physically collapsing on your bathroom floor. I have not had a solid piece of food since June, I drink every item of food, or I won't digest it, even then I barely do. I have had the same liquid meals many times a day every day, and its awful. I look like a human skeleton, I've lost so much weight. It is more than just wishing I could eat normal food. When I go out anywhere, and get hungry, I can't just simply go grab a sub or buy something to eat. I can only eat the liquid meals with tons of supplements, and I need to eat every 2 hours or so or else I get so sick and weak my knees will start to buckle and my body will start to sway from side to side. I have to use public transport to get anywhere now and that pretty much means I gotta stay home except to go to medical appointments, which my disability pays cabs for, because I am too sick to travel on my own. They won't provide transportation otherwise =/ I used to have some resemblance of a life before. There was this Peer support group that I wanted to go to downtown, but it isn't considered "medical" so I have no way of getting there and back. I have support from my friends online, but I don't have any in person contact other than with my parents. I used to be able to drive, which would be okay, but my out of pocket medical costs have made affording insurance and gas impossible for me to afford for over a year or more now. Even if doctors here are free, certain meds aren't covered, all my supplements and extreme dietary needs, and other health related expenses add up really quickly. It cost me over $550 just to have my Asperger's assessment done, which is a lot for someone on disability to afford. All of my energy is spent just trying to survive and take care of myself, even then I still need a LOT of help from my mother because I am so sick. I think my mother may be able to drive me maybe to the peer support group once a week, but she works shifts, and full time, and it is hard to schedule between my health problems and her availability to drive me. I already feel like such a burden =/ I don't expect any solutions, just needed to vent and if someone understands or relates, that's good too.
  18. Tricyclics like Amitriptyline or Nortriptyline. There is also Wellbutrin or Remeron or Trazodone that aren't SSRIs or SNRI. Parnate and Nardil tend to be much stronger and effective MAOIs than moclobemide. Moclobemide has a terribly short half life and leaves the body very quickly, which is probably why it is offered in a patch form called EMSAM which is expensive.
  19. Radical acceptance can help you accept that in your life that you don't like, that you wish it was different, but which you can't change, so you can lessen its grasp it has on your emotions and well being, allowing you to move on, in this case, keep your friendship with your best friend. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/radical_acceptance_text.html
  20. Lift heavy weights(squats are my favourite), that definitely upped my libido and testosterone more so than anything else has. It also did wonders for my depression, mood, and self-confidence if those are areas you want to work on.
  21. I'm 29. I don't have chron's or lyme disease, but I face pretty much similar challenges that they do. I'm not well enough to leave my house most of the time. I can't go out anywhere, too sick to travel most of the time. I can't eat at any restaurant, I have very restrictive dietary needs which pretty much means I am stuck here at home. All of this on top of the social challenges that having Aspergers's brings. I am just saying it gets really lonely. No one is going to understand, and I just have to accept that.
  22. Tardive Dyskensia is a condition caused by antipsychotics, not antidepressants or benzos though you may get tremors with the latter two(particularly benzo withdrawal), but that isn't TD.
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