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Everything posted by NC86

  1. Temple Grandin. I actually cried it was so good. While on a different part of the spectrum than I am, I empathized deeply with some of the struggles that she went through in life that I shared as well.
  2. It really helps to text to the listeners on youthspace. I'm glad Canada has such a service. It felt so much better and bought me a feeling of peace to get all my stress off my chest by talking to someone who would listen.
  3. Stressed and dissappointed. Another negative interaction with my doctor. Nearly every interaction leaves me feeling worse off and more hopeless and stressed. I am just so fed up with his dishonesty and indifference towards my situation. They are like a toxic poison to me. The one person is who supposed to help me when you are sick is almost worse than what I am suffering from in the first place. So much help. I just need to think escape and dissociate from my s***ty life.
  4. Inside and Out. It was so eriely similar to how I think, with little people in a control room in my head, long before this movie came out.
  5. Sorry to break this to you but counterfiet drugs are made in India all the time. Even sometimes making their way into the supply chain of legitimate pharmacies that outsource their production. I really wonder WHY on earth anyone would need to order Celexa(Citalopram) online instead of getting it legitimately? If you are in the US, it is probably either $2 or even free at some grocery stores. ANY doctor will hand out Celexa or any other SSRI like candy without even so much as a second thought.
  6. My father was/is emotionally/verbally abusive, emotionally absent, and has basically treated me like most of my life. He is just not a very nice person at all. My mother has her problems but at least she actually loves me.
  7. I place the blame on gender roles as the source of so much unnecessary stigma, inequalities, along with a whole list of other problems. Can't do X because I am a [insert gender]. Must act like Y because I am [insert gender].
  8. Meds can at any time without warning just quit working, especially anti-depressants. Hope you can find something else to try.
  9. That really sucks, sorry to hear that.
  10. Usually "Why bother?" in my experience has always been answered by "because the pain/suffering will only keep getting worse and worse until I do something about it".
  11. Benzo withdrawal can go on for years since your last dose. You must wean off them correctly or you will likely continue suffering. Your psychiatrist absolutely lied to you. I dont trust any word that comes out of any doctors mouth. They simply are accountable to no one so that alone makes them untrustworthy not to mention the countless times they have collectively been dishonest to me. I educate myself on every medication and treatment and have the final say in all matters related to my healhcare. Look up the Ashton manual for proper benzo withdrawal tapers. It may very well mean that you must go back on them and wean off them properly or continue to suffer severe and prolonged benzo withdrawal.
  12. Comprehensive inpatient treatment with groups, activities, exercise, therapy, meds, etc in an environment that promotes mental wellbeing(ie not a ward that looks like a prison) are much more effective in treating depression than monotherapy. Unfortunately not all hospitals use this model. Those that rely on monotherapy ie simply locking you in a depressing ward and relying on drugs alone, are unlikely to be beneficial for you and you will probably be better off in an outpatient treatment. The building has as much of an impact on your wellbeing as the treatment itself. If the ward is stuck in a time warp and has cinder block walls, void of any colour or natural light, is aging, decrepit and in a state of total disrepair, then you are most likely going to only end up feeling worse. Other patients in the same ward also have an important impact on your wellbeing. If you are on a ward specifically for depression as opposed to being stuck on a ward with everyone from depression to dementia, you will have a better chance of successful treatment. I mean places like that would not be conducive to mental wellbeing in a healthy person let alone those who are struggling with some of the most difficult parts of their life. Ideally you need to learn better coping and life skills while in treatment whichever one you use inpatient or outpatient, or you won't be setting yourself up for success.
  13. I have a severe roundworm infection that is causing me malnutrition, and a whole host of problems completely disabling me so much that I cannot cope without drugs atm. If doctors would get off their lazy butts and actually treat the infection then I could go off these drugs but NOOO, they can't do that, they aren't through torturing me yet. I'm sick every single day. Still haven't been able to digest a single solid piece of food since June. My condition has just been left to deteriorate thanks to useless medical doctors. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. I wish I could put my hands around each one of their necks and squeeze till their eyeballs shot out of their heads. Each doctor is just as incompetent, lazy and garbage as the next one. The solution is to have this roundworm infection treated. I am just feeling sicker and sicker by the day waiting for these pieces of crap to do something. I see the next Dr Dumbass on the 16th, who will undoubtably prolong my suffering and delay treatment even longer, because they enjoy making me suffer. There is nothing complicated about the treatment, anyone with an 8th grade education could figure it out and prescribe the necessary drugs, I just cannot write my own prescriptions, or I would have done so by now, and they could just show up to the appointment and read a book.
  14. Nope, I don't drink or anything. I'm on Amitriptyline, Seroquel, Gabapentin, Zopiclone, Trazodone, Clonazepam, sometimes a few others to sleep. Just a fistful of meds at this point. All of them are cognitively impairing. I have no option to do anything else atm. Honestly I can't even think of a response to write. I just sit here and stare with my brain operating at like 0.001% of its potential.
  15. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be on meds for life, but you were on them originally for a reason it seems. It is IMO foolish to just quit meds without having an alternative treatment plan to replace what the meds were doing for you. You haven't told us what other treatments you have tried to resolve your depression. You can't expect that depression is just going to pack up its bags and go home on its own. There are plenty of options to try to manage your depression. In no particular order: CBT, ACT, DBT, regular exercise, regulating your sleep wake cycle/circadian rythym, diet, supplements, mindfulness, yoga, other forms of meditation, herbal antidepressants, being in nature more, ECT, rTMS etc etc. I would personally suggest that you do as many from that list that you can all at the same time to maximize your chances of success rather than just relying on monotherapy, expecting one treatment to solve everything.
  16. I can't even articulate my thoughts anymore, my head is just a foggy pile blob of jello at this point. I assume its some mixture of my meds and some related to my poor state of health which I am STILL waiting for those ****ing doctors to do something about. I am just stuck here in limbo, day in, day out, unable to life my life because they are so damn lazy, dumb and incompetent. Of course they are more than happy to fork over lots of mind numbing drugs rather than treat the infection I have so that I can't even think to be able to speak to complain about the s***ty job they are doing. I think they enjoy every minute of my suffering.
  17. The bag of chips and those cupboard doors are hard to look at lol.
  18. While this isn't specific to just this day, I will take a moment to acknowledge that which has gone right in my life lately. I am able to sleep through the night (6-7 hours) without waking up once the majority of the nights in the past few months which is a massive improvement to the same time last years. I haven't been feeling anywhere near as suicidal lately in spite of my serious health problems I have had some success in excusing myself from conversations where I anticipated a lack of control of my anger, so that I did not explode at the person I was speaking with. This is a major improvement in this area for me.
  19. I have been on 11 different anti-depressants including SSRIs, a SNRI, TCAs, etc and I never waited to switch from one to the next.
  20. depressed.... bleh. I don't want to go to bed. I hate living a life of sickness day in day out. It has left me bitter and angry.
  21. The worst part about living with a chronic illness is often not the illness itself, it is the lack of understanding from those are you, especially those whom you depend on.
  22. Was feeling decent for most of the day but my mom said some insensitive comments about my OCD and anxiety which bothered me and hurt. =/ She will go from acknowledging and supporting what I am struggling with one moment and then the next moment she regresses and pretends like she has no idea and is completely oblivious. I mean she has only lived with me for 29 years.
  23. I have never heard someone getting a TCA as a first line treatment for any mental illness in the past 10 years, let alone imipramine. I would be wary of any doctor who isn't competent enough to prescribe enough meds to last inbetween appointments. I sense some sociopathy in his behaviors and it doesn't sound like he will give a crap about any side effects or withdrawal you will have to go through. He was already dishonest to you when you asked to try an SSRI and got an SNRI instead. That is another red flag. From what you wrote, he doesn't even seem to be the least bit interested keeping you involved and informed of your treatment so that you can make an informed decision of your own. Every med is going to have its side effects, some more frequent and more common than others depending on which med you take. You just need to decide what trade offs you are willing to make. I would be very wary of taking Effexor from someone who can't even give you enough meds to make it between appointments as you are correct, Effexor has the worst withdrawals of any anti-depressant out there. It has a really short half-life which can trigger withdrawals if you miss your dose even by like 2 to 3 hours. The drug certainly has its place. Effexor works on different receptors at different doses, so the positive effects and the side effects can be entirely different depending on which dose you are on. In the end, if he screws up your prescription or the pharmacy does and you run out, it will be YOU who will suffer the consequences, not him. When it comes to doctors, you should not even expect an apology, let alone responsibility on their part, so you must ALWAYS advocate for yourself and stand up for your own interests when it comes to your treatment, because doctors are unlikely to do that for you. The problem isn't so much with discontinuing Effexor when you want to try something else, because you can always taper off it slowly, withdrawal is more problematic my skipping or missing a dose. Always taper off on YOUR pace, NOT your doctors toi avoid experiencing withdrawal. Doctors won't be the one to go through withdrawal, you will be, and in my experience, if it doesn't **** you, most doctors don't care about your comfort. Honestly, there are enough red flags in just two appointments that if I were you, I would seek treatment from another doctor instead of him.
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