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Everything posted by NC86

  1. Short bursts of HIIT exercises, even a few minutes should help your appetite, and they don't come with side effects. Even something simple as punching the air or running on one spot as fast as you can for 45-60 seconds and 30 second rest and repeat a few times. Eat more calorie dense nutrious foods, like almonds, and/or drink your calories in a smoothie with something like frozen fruit, banana, milk, and some peanut butter. Stir in some ground flax for fibre and you got a nutritious and calorie dense meal. The ground flax should keep your blood sugar steady so it won't spike and crash.
  2. mailed some forms I needed to have mailed went to an appointment with my peer support worker and asked her to find me somewhere to volunteer
  3. I can empathize with your difficulty to cope with change as a person on the Autism Spectrum, as I have Asperger's Syndrome myself, I don't cope well with change either. Life is much easier when everything is predictable and my routine is not shaken up. You sound like a great person to volunteer so much of your time, and you sound like you really care about the people that you are helping, I admire and really respect that. I hope you find another volunteer position with another organization, as they would be lucky to have a person like you!
  4. Severe stabbing stomach pain just dting down after 7 straight hours caused by the bowel prep used in the MRI I did. Wpuld have been nice to have been made aware of this ahead of time, but as usual dishonesty from my physician left me in the dark.
  5. I think I would rather feel sad than angry, if I were given the choice that is.
  6. Certainly is unusual. Usually Seroquel ramps up your appetite. Maybe do a short 10 minute burst of HIIT cardio to get your appetite going again.
  7. I see your doctors are doing what they do best, ignore and dismiss. Rather than listen to what you have to say allowing you to be able to work on your problems together, they ignore and dismiss your concerns, thereby invalidating how you feel. I would definitely try typing your thoughts out and hand your doctor a written copy. When you type it out, you have to write as if your audience was an 8 year old child with ADD and make your written statement very concise, clear, well organized, etc as most doctors are in such a rush, and are so lazy, that anything other than the most basic of writing will cause them to ignore your written concerns just as they do with the concerns you raise verbally. You can also try bringing a trusted friend or family member with you to the appointment. I find it is harder for the doctors to ignore a third party who is not part of the situation or problem being discussed. In an ideal world, doctors wouldn't ******* suck and they would just listen to their patients, but unforunately that is not the way the world works. My advice regarding family doctors, they are virtually useless for anything mental health related unless you are looking for a vending machine with two legs to walk into the room and spit out a prescription for some drugs. A psychiatrist, often is the pretty much the same, might actually care to diagnose you, there is a higher chance(but still low) that they MIGHT listen to you and actually want to work through your problems related to PTSD. Your best chance would be with either a social worker, therapist, or psychologist if you want to address any childhood PTSD related issues, or if you simply want to be heard in general.
  8. I find this part of OCD thr most stressful, the song, well really just a small part of a song that plays over and over in my head tormenting me. I wish I could just have SILENCE in my head for once. It is so bad that I cannot sleep, I gwt so stressed out that I wanna cry. I have found that my mond can only latch onto one song at a time, so replacing the song with a more calming and relaxing song the only way to find some peace. Does anyone else have a method that works for them?
  9. I had my first major depressive episode in grade 11 of highschool, and didn't start meds until late grade 12. Prior to that I had ongoing low grade depression for years. Although I did techincally take what could be considered a psych med from ages 4-6, Valproic acid for seizures.
  10. Everyday is . My mind is in such a fog that I can't even express the hell I am going through. I am watching my life as a spectator, with no control over it whatsoever. I don't get to participate in life, I just sit here suffering, day-in, day-out. I watch others live their lives while I simply exist.
  11. I would forget about N. I would do whatever form of exercise that you find enjoyable. The only form of exercise is the one that you actually do, and finding a form of exercise that you enjoy and can get to easily, is going to be the most sustainable in the long run. If that happens to be Zumba, great. Just find another Zumba class to go to that doesn't have N at it. Going to the one where N is a baddd idea. I GUARANTEE that it will just lead to more unnecessary stress and depression if you do, you don't want that nor need that in your life from the sounds of it. Good news is that there are plenty of N's out there who are not taken. Don't put all your eggs in one basket (N) and end up missing out on all the other women out there and all the rest life has to offer as a result. I think you would benefit from DBT, or some sort of therapy to address the problems you have regarding relationships as well. Take care.
  12. Your neurologist told you to cold turkey Elavil because he knew you wouldnt die from it therefore he didnt care what withdrawal you had to go through. There was likely no medical reason to cold turkey your Elavil. The myth is that doctors care about you, the reality is that they don't.I was switching meds from Remeron 45mg which I had been on for over 14 months and my doctor told me to just stop it vold turkey. Thankfully I know better and know that he doesn't give a rats ass what I have to go through including withdrawal so I told him off. I tapered off it instead like you should do with ANY psych med regardless of what any ***** sociopathic doctor tells you.
  13. Yes, though none of them would make a difference when it comes to wanting to be dead one day.
  14. Has anyone on here withdrawn from either Zopiclone(Imovane) or even Eszopiclone(Lunesta) before after having become dependent on them?? I have been on Zopiclone for over 4 years and my body has become totally dependent (not addiction) to it. I cannot even fall asleep for one minute without the drug, regardless of how tired I get and regardless of what other sedating drugs I take. I have not been able to have a nap as a result in almost 3 years. The drug only lasts about 6 hours now after which I wake up and cannot get anymore sleep. I want off this drug. I asked my doctor in writing to come up with a plan and explain it to me but obviously he ignored me, and just mumbled something about valproic acid and tossed that at me without any further explaination or instructions. So I cant rely on him. I was wondering if anyone has been able to get off this drug? I was considering the Ashton manual from http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm#s12written by Dr. Ashton in which I switch over to Valium which is cross tolerant with this drug then slowly taper off of valium. I really dont have any other ideas. I think this drug scares me more than when I was trying to taper off of Fentanyl and Dilaudid because of how serious sleep deprivation is. I wont sleep at all without this drug, I would get suicidal and completely breakdown after 1 day and probably go psychotic after 3 days. I would guarantee end up in the ER without this drug giving me the ability to sleep, it is that serious. I wish my doctor wasn't such a useless turd and could take some responsibility to come up with a coherent plan of his own instead of making me do this. I have a referral to a psycbiatrist but that is like 10 months off so I don't really have any other doctor to work with.
  15. I used to be a nail biter. I went nearly 15 years without cutting my fingernails yet they were short as stubs. I eventually quit when I watched a Dr Oz episode that showed what nail biting does to your teeth. I looked in the mirror and realized the damage i was doing and had already done to my teeth from biting my nails. After that point on I tried my best to become aware I was biting them, and when I caught myself, I made the connection between my actions and the consequences(ie biting nails = damaging my teeth). I made a concious effort to cut my nails. I also made the connection between buting my nails and getting sick all the time from all the germs i was putting in my mouth. It worked. For me when I am breaking habits, the most important is the why, not the what, when it comes to changing my behaviour.
  16. An icepack held against the back of your neck. Dunno why but it helps me if im overwhelmed by anxiety, stress or anger. Mindfulness works too. I like to visualize my lungs/chest expanding and contracting with every breath and just focus on that for 5 minutes while taking slow deep breaths.
  17. Stressed but holding an ice pack to the back of my neck feels so good and so calming for some reason.
  18. Did you ever try to get a medication filled before and the pharmacist told you that they are out of stock, that there is a shortage? Well I am the reason for the drug shortages, the pharmaceutical factories just can't keep up with the demand, ie. me :D I've been on over 70-80 different prescription drugs since 2005. When I try something, I go all in.
  19. Ohh looks like I spoke too soon. The list has grown -Trazodone + 7.5mg Remeron + 500mg Valproic acid. Why valproic acid for sleep on top of everything else? Nobody knows what goes on in my doctor's mind if there is any activity at all. I am gonna need a bigger fist soon to grab all these meds in one fistful each night. If my mind wasn't a pile of jello before it sure will be now lol.
  20. Threw a load of laundry in the washing machine, too depressed to even hang it up. I think that is all I accomplished today.
  21. I don't know whether this thread belongs here under the personality disorders or the suicide subforum, meh. I have BPD, suffer from chronic suicidal thoughts, and because I never really see a future for myself, I don't bother planning for it. I really don't bother saving, I don't care about debt or future living situations. I don't bother putting myself on long medical wait lists, because I never know whether I will be alive, a day from now, a week from now, a month or a year. I have severely debilitating physical illnesses which rob me of anything resembling a life, and I don't realistically see them improving despite my hardest efforts to do so. I don't live, I simply exist because of my indecisiveness and obssessiveness when it comes to actually completing suicide. I just assume that life will continue to gradually get worse and worse, until it overcomes whatever indecisiveness I have had up until this point, when that comes, I have no idea. For some reason because I have BPD, regardless of the source of my feelings, they feel invalidated because of this label, but the feelings of wanting to die or be dead, are very real to me. It isn't just one occassion, its far too many over the last 10 well almost 11 years now. I don't know who can relate, that is pretty much all I am looking for. Someone who understands what this is like to go through, that's about it.
  22. "Like trash". The same way I've been feeling for quite some time, and the same way I am likely to feel if I asked myself this question everyday, "like trash", although I might use other synonyms to describe the same feeling.
  23. 7.5mg Zopiclone 600mg Gabapentin 100mg Seroquel 30mg Amitriptyline 25mg Trazodone sometimes 0.25-0.5mg Clonazepam 0.25mg Clonidine 400mg Valerian 25mg Hydroxyzine 10mg Melatonin and just for a few more days left Tetracycline 125mg x 4 a day. Basically a fistful of meds to sleep at night. I suppose the Seroquel is helping to regulate my mood and keep the suicidal thoughts and severe depression from BPD at bay, but I'm not entirely sure about that, may just be a coincidence. Meh.
  24. I hated SSRI's for this reason, as well as the fact they basically sexually castrate you. I prefer other types of anti-depressants like TCA's, or Remeron, Wellbutrin etc. I am not crazily depressed on them, I can still feel emotions, and my sexual organs still function normally.
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