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NC86

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  1. Ambien (Zolpidem) is part of a family of drugs known as Z drugs. They are cross tolerant to benzos like Ativan. While they share some of the same tolerance, not 100% of the tolerance from one drug is carried over to another, some is lost. Either try another class of sleep aids or another class of anti anxiety meds.
  2. Saw the spine surgeon today and it went really well. I finally encountered a good competent doctor who listens to my concerns and doesnt ignore me. He said I had 5 tumors in my neck instead of the 2 I was aware of and that it would be a relatively low risk simple operation to remove them all at once. Finally good news. He did say the wait list was rather long, as much as 3 years for elective surgery but that might be worked down to as low as 1.5 years. He said after the surgery I would heal in about 4 weeks and my neck would no long have stiffness, that was causing me poor head posture and so much aggitation after the surgery. Next step is to see the foot surgeon to get that booked to remove the tumors in my foot and get on that waiting list. hugs =/
  3. Saw the spine surgeon today and it went really well. I finally encountered a good competent doctor who listens to my concerns and doesnt ignore me. He said I had 5 tumors in my neck instead of the 2 I was aware of and that it would be a relatively low risk simple operation to remove them all at once. Finally good news. He did say the wait list was rather long, as much as 3 years for elective surgery but that might be worked down to as low as 1.5 years. He said after the surgery I would heal in about 4 weeks and my neck would no long have stiffness, that was causing me poor head posture and so much aggitation after the surgery. Next step is to see the foot surgeon to get that booked to remove the tumors in my foot and get on that waiting list. hugs =/
  4. Booked my surgery for my neck to fix ongoing issues I have Working with my peer support worker on my social anxiety Joining peer counsel at the hospital Working to get disability tax rebates Soon to start RDSP savings account Soon to pay off remainder of student loans Saving for a car Working to keep a sustainable legitimate income
  5. The rapidly changing/unstable moods of Borderline Personality Disorder are so difficult so deal with =/ From feeling mildly depressed to feeling up, happy, hopeful to feeling hopeless, extremely dsyphoric, empty and thinking about suicide in a little over 24 hours.
  6. Worried, but attempting to reassure myself that there is nothing that can be done at 11:00pm at night, and that it will have to wait until tomorrow. I really hope it doesn't turn out to be what I think it is. At the moment its out of my hands, time for bed.
  7. Still seriously ill but I'm sort of happy today. Had a good experience in group therapy today. Good luck Lauryn!!
  8. Xanax takes about 20 minutes to kick in yes. With other benzos, you can melt them under your tongue to speed up the onset of the drug, but unlike Ativan, Klonopin or Valium, Xanax tastes awful, so I wouldn't reccommend it. If you are going to be in a situation where you have known you are going to be in unbearable anxiety, then preemptively take it. For panic attacks, if you take it right away, usually the panic attack will be over by the time Xanax kicks in which is one of the fastest benzos to kick in. Sometimes, simply knowing you have some Xanax on you that you can take to escape the anxiety provoking situation may even relieve some of the anxiety without actually needing to take Xanax. You should try and endure as many anxiety provoking situations as you can, in a controlled manner while doing CBT exposure therapy. Look at your Xanax as a fire extinguisher to use in an emergency. 5 to 7 times a month sounds like you got the right idea. This way you avoid tolerance, dependence and withdrawal. Your dose of Xanax should not need to be raised either and it should work as good as it did on day one. Perfect.
  9. It won't end well with Oxycodone, I guarantee that. Do you drink and have difficulty with girls due to some form of social anxiety or social awkwardness? If so what therapies have you tried on that end? Have you tried any of the above treatments I mentioned in my last post?
  10. I called my family doctor's clinic and asked to book an appointment with the other family doctor who my doctor works with. I had previously been told by the secretary that yeah, can I do this anytime and see either one of them. So this time I call up, and the secretary is like "Dr._____? what are you talking about!, shes at the family practice, you can't see her! You will have to find a doctor elsewhere if you don't want to see [my doctor]". So of course she completely changes her story from what she previously told me on more than one occassion because like almost every employee in this healthcare system, dishonesty is just like breathing to these people, it just comes so naturally to them. I got fed up with this bulls***, I went to see my regular incompetent moron doctor who again asks me the same question "How are you doing?" in a clueless tone/manner to which I have answered the SAME answer for the last 12 times in a row that I have seen him "I am still SERIOUSLY ILL!". Like how he cannot guess that for himself after asking me the same ******* question every single time I have seen him, and every time I have given the same response because he STILL has done nothing to help me. I had my phone on video record laying in my lap this time. Every single appointment will be recorded because no one in this healthcare system can be trusted to be honest anymore, and the video will provide evidence in future disputes when one of those jackasses try to tell me that they didn't say or do something, or that I never told them something, they can try and explain that to the video/audio time stamped recording I have of them saying/doing so. I am sure that even when confronted with evidence, these rodents will just shift the goal post. In another unrelated incident, I had emailed this so called "patient advocate" over 3 weeks ago and she STILL has not responded to me, not even "I got your message, am busy but will get back to you" NOTHING. I left a voicemail after 2 weeks and still no reply. I saw my peer worker and my peer worker told me that this lady had told my peer worker that she couldnt reach me. As Judge Judy would say, "NONONONONONO that's a lot of baloney that you just said to me". A) she has a voicemail that she could listen to more than one time if she couldnt get the phone number, or B) she could have replied to my email and C) I know she got my email because if emails will NOT send if you type in the address wrong, they will return to sender, so her whole story of not being able to reach me more than 3 weeks after I emailed her is a total crock of bs, just more dishonesty. The patient advocate I guarantee is just a front, another marketing tactic from this healthcare system, that advertises a service that does not actually exist nor does what it is advertised to do.
  11. Met with my peer support worker and came up with some goals to work on, specifically an aspect of my social anxiety regarding eye contact in certain situations as well as mindfulness as a treatment for the intrusive OCD thoughts that torment my mind. She said she is going to continue to help me find somewhere I can volunteer(as per my request) that I would be able to do with my severe health issues, so that I could have some sense of purpose. I spoke with her and shared my struggles with my suicidal thoughts and borderline. She is able to understand and relate as she has her own serious digestive chronic health issues that she struggles with. It felt better to have someone who understands what I am struggling with. As I was leaving the mental health hospital, I bought lunch for some random guy I never met before who had walked up to me and asked me for $2 for something to eat as he had not had anything to eat all day. I just walked to the cafeteria and bought him some lunch from the Tim Hortons, wished him a good day then left to catch my cab. I know how I could just as easily be in his shoes if I had not my parents to take care of me.
  12. If you need to check drug interactions, use drugs.com drug interaction checker. It is basically the same database a pharmacist would use.
  13. Add more soluble sources of fibre in your diet (ground flax, ground chia, or psyllium husk) to prevent your blood sugar from spiking and crashing thus causing you to feel hungry. Consume more lean sources of protein to keep you full longer. Make sure your carbohydrates are from complex sources and avoid simple or refined carbohydrates. Eat clean, don't go to the grocery store hungry, and don't even buy junk or bring it into your home. Cook from scratch instead of eating out. Short bursts of HIIT(high intensity interval training) can help increase your metabolism as well, and even if its only 5 minutes with something as simple as running on one spot or punching the air as fast as you possibly can (>90% cardio capacity) for 60 seconds, 30 second lower intensity, repeat). Adding Wellbutrin might help surpress and counteract the appetite stimulation from Abilify.
  14. CBT helps when the source of your depression is rooted in distorted perception or thinking which sounds like a large portion of what you mentioned would fall into that category.
  15. Oxycodone along with other opioids will deplete your androgen levels(ie testosterone) over time which will worsen your depression to far worse than it is now. The warm high feeling you experience will soon fade and require higher and higher doses to achieve the same effect. Eventually you will run into a ceiling of aquiring enough of this drug through legal means, by which time it will be too late to just stop because of the severe opioid withdrawals you would experience. You will feel more depressed, might even move to herion because it is often much cheaper than acquiring black market prescription pain killers and at that point your going to be in an living hell far worse than what you feel now. I have NEVER met or known of a single person in 10.5 years of reading health forums nor known personally who has ever successfully used opioids(especially oxycodone) to treat their depression or anxiety long term and did not have their life eventually implode. Opioids mixed with alcohol can cause a lethal CNS depressant effect. Too much opioids by themselves can also cause a lethal CNS effect that without the proper antidotes, you will die. I don't know what other treatments you have tried, but there are PLENTY of better options out there for your problems than using opioids which I will guarnatee won't end well. If you have legitimate pain, I still wouldn't suggest Oxycodone. Most likely you are being prescribed Oxycodone mixed with acetaminophen(paracetamol) for which the line between a safe dose and a dose that is toxic to your liver is very small, it is very easy to cause permanent liver damage, if not liver failure. Liver failure is an excruciatingly painful death that would be drawn out over about 2 weeks. I really suggest you rethink what you are doing and ask your doctor to come up with a proper treatment plan for your problems. You haven't listed MAOI's(Parnate or Nardil) nor TCAs nor any dopaminergic meds nor ECT as something that you have tried before. Source regarding androgen depletion in chronic opioid use http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22786453
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