anita_123

-heaves a sigh of relief- glad that's over -sees 2017 approaching- ah crap I wanted to do a reflection of the year, like a proper one but the post would be extremely long and I would lose interest in writing it. I would say 2016 has been...wild. A good year for many, and a bad one for some. I'm not sure what to expect for the new year because 2016 caught me off guard. However, I'm just going to hold my head up high. I might consider seeking a therapist to guide and untangle my emotions. My biggest worry at this point would be university because in Singapore, there are only 5 local universities and they are VERY HARD to get into. I'm not even kidding. Like in the US, you guys will have the prestigious universities and there will be some that are "not very good". In Singapore, it's either you get into a local university or you're better off shipped to another country because private university is probably the same price. The cut off point is so high and as a mediocre student, I'm screwed. Results are out in 2 months. Regardless of where I'm posted, I'm determined to make it through whichever university I'm in and work my butt off to compensate my useless self in college. College was hella challenging especially when you're always stressed out and sad (I don't like to use depress), it was so hard to concentrate and I couldn't even remember stuff that well anymore. I'm pretty much in a daze 80%. (I still wondered how I even got into the dean's list, lmao) Yet, people around me don't know how much I want to cry and die because I'm really good at being comical. People laugh when I degrade myself because they think it's a joke but they don't know how much I mean it. I won't say I'm a funny person because I'm not. It's not like I could make a joke and everyone would laugh. I think people just laugh because they feel bad for me. Oh wow, this entry has become too long and whiny. You can even make a game and drink a shot every time you see a grammatical error. -purposely makes grammatical error in every sentence- Y'all is gr8 (drink!!!) Y'all makes me happy (drink!!!!) jk. just kiddings (shots!!! shots!!! shots!!!) this year has been eventful so far. I am grateful for all the opportunities that my friends, school, teachers and family have given me. I am grateful that they stuck through me, despite losing some friends but it's all good (I think). I am EXTREMELY grateful for this website because since last year, y'all were just so kind to me. To those whom I talked to last year, I just want to thank you all. I can't remember her name, sadly, but I always remember her telling me to go for it when I wanted to dye my hair blue. (I didn't, but I dyed it brown and I'm very happy about it). To Dom FROM NORWAAAAAAY, I hoped things worked out for you and thanks for being just suCH AN AMAZING PERSON. (And yes I remember our battles in pick up lines, and I'm pretty sure I won)(and I still remember the cat that u had to give away, Puma) To everyone else that I talked to throughout my year here, you are all such a babe. I love every single person on here (unless you are a butthole then bUH-BYE) If y'all are one person, I would definitely date y'all ;-) (NOT IN A CREEPY WAY) OH YES AND ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS/DATING. Hm, there's nothing much to say about it since I'm only 18 (yet 16 year olds are getting pregnant daaaaamn) and I haven't actually really thought about dating. I just hope that if I do find one, he'll be a good guy. I don't really have the heart to be cheated on or be abused :-(

when people keep asking "are you angry/mad?" when I'm not??????? My default face is the Biotchy look, I didn't choose this face :-( and when they do keep asking, my emotions change from neutral to p*****.

As 2017 is approaching in a couple of hours, I quite dread the new year because I was always so optimistic and hopeful about the new year yet it always comes crashing down on me. My results will be out in late February and it'll determine if I can get into a local university (Cambridge, pls be kind to me)(and yes my exams papers are actually sent to the UK to be marked) Advanced Happy New Year to all :) I really hope 2017 onwards will be in your favour!!

@carter_burn1 I may just be a hidden lyrical genius :D Though I probably should check what the clown posse is lol.

I would like to buy my mom an expensive branded bag when I'm older and just repay all the money that my parents have invested in me so that they can live a VERY comfortable life

I know it's still a couple of days early but I thought it would be nice to share your resolutions and how you would like to improve/change! For 2017, i plan to 1) volunteer weekly at a pet shelter (possibly foster a dog so my dog can have a friend) 2) accept that being alone is sometimes okay 3) be more organized, to start a journal to help me during my Uni life 4) join more clubs to have more friends!!! 5) to not be so petty and forgive people (and not to hold grudges because everyone makes mistakes!!!!) 6) continue eating healthy and reach my goal these are some of my resolutions that are pretty realistic and doable. What's yours? :)

I drank coconut for Christmas ;D and I can't wait for my iPhone 7 ;D

Today's Christmas and everyone's out there celebrating with their loved ones etc. As I look back over this year, 2016 sure is crappy af. I don't think I've even moved forward from where I was last year. The people whom were on here last year, some have not returned and I hope that they're doing great. I've met amazing people on here who never judged me, and I do miss them terribly. Yet, I don't want them to return if they don't need to. I feel like I should receive an Oscar for acting like everything's fine. Anyways, this post dedicated to everyone who feels alone on this special day despite being surrounded by people. I pray that you'll have a better year next year ;-) -sprinkles fairy dust- PRAY THAT I ACTUALLY DO DECENT FOR MY A LEVELS BECAUSE UGH IF I FAIL I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY OR DO I AM D8. oh and pssssst I might be getting an iPhone 7 next year :D IM SO EXCITED I AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM EXCITED FOR THE NEW PHONE HOHOHO YALL time for a Christmas poem edition by yoUR ONE AND ONLY aNIT!!!!!!!! as the sun rises spawns of satan aka children have awoken as they scream with joy I lay on my bed dreaming of gagging them as they disturb my peaceful dream "Merry Christmas" I hear them scream "Biotch DONT U DARE DISTURB MY SLEEP DIDNT YOUR MOM TEACH U ANY ******* MANNERS. SHOVE THAT CHRISTMAS UP UR ASS. I WILL BEAT YO ASS IF YOU SCREAM ONE MORE TIME I WILL MAKE SURE YOU REGRET SCREAMING IN TJE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE YOU WILL BE SCREAMING IN PAIN I TELL YA" Have a Merry Christmas y'all :)

I visited my grandparents today and as a filial granddaughter, I helped them finish their papayas and other food. My granddad doesn't recognize me though. He forgot who I was throughout the whole visit despite constant reminders (yeah, dementia) but it's okay, he asked me the same questions and I can answer them all differently without him catching on! My grandma and I even did a quiz for him to see if he remembers much, but nope. Happy that I met them!!!!

I'm currently in Jakarta, the internet's greaaaaaaaaaaat. I have to go to the bathroom to get better connection aND THE MOSQUITOES ARE OUT TO GET ME. I've been making sure my body clock is adjusted so that I won't waste my holiday by waking up at 6pm. Hm, I think I'm too early now because it's 5am and nobody's awake. To be exact, it's only 4:40am. Exercise has been compromised for the past....2 days? Trying my best to make sure I don't eat too much (the food is too good to resist, thERE IS EVERYTHING HERE) I have nothing to do now..... I miss my dog. I'm so used to her sleeping on my pillow, and her butt to my face. I miss my dog following me around, and scratching the toilet door because for some reason she has to be in the toilet with me? Maybe my poop/pee smells really nice to her. (jk, my family screams when I leave the toilet so I had to spray air freshener :/ so rude) I miss my brothers because I get to act like the most spoilt brat ever and annoy until they slap me. I have 2 older brothers, so you can imagine how violent I am. ;) potential girlfriend available here!!!! but for realz, my brothers are violent :/ one time, my brother and I went grocery shopping with my mom. My brother took a frozen pork leg and asked "does it hurt if you get hit with his?" before I could even answer, I felt the answer. :-( oh, and yes, it really hurts. But I reciprocate their love by being me. The typical younger sister who wants to follow and ask every question. My typical move would be the flying hands. let me teach you my karate moves, besides move over Bruce lee, Anita got the moves like the ocean. So when your siblings, or whoever you want to annoy, walks past you at any random time. You bust the move out UNSUSPECTINGLY. Is that even used correctly idk. Okay so, you HAVE TO, I repeat, HAVE TO, scream "HAAAAAAAAAIYA" with your arms flailing around. Then you put yourself in a steady position and start kicking around and punching your sibilings. My favorite part is their face when they are too shock to even respond because they have no idea why you're related to them???? Other than that, you have to face the consequences of getting slammed into a wall and being beaten up. Good times though. I forgot the point of this....Oh well, I'll see you guys soon!

I have always been fascinated with cults, and I love watching their documentaries. The ones I watch are scary but I can't blame people if they get brainwashed by these people. This happened a year ago when my friend was approached by a woman who asked if she would like to join a bible study. I am a Christian but at the same time, I'm not? (I've been baptized lol, but I was baptized as a Catholic as well). I thought it would be fun to go on a bible study, and my friend did too. So we agreed to go. This was close to Easter. My friend and I are of different schools so we met up at a place, and we met the lady. She seemed really nice and friendly. Now, I'm sure y'all would be annoyed at how stupid we are for going to these places. Just know that before we went, we made sure that it was a legit church and we also made sure that we had each orher's back (not to be brainwashed). We didn't know it was a cult at first. We met the lady at the bus station, and she brought us to the church. The church was so small, it was like an apartment. Outside of it is a baseball court (weird right). So we went into the church and was brought into a room. There were other women as well and they looked so fragile but excited. Now, in the room, it was just a woman and 2 of us. She explained the purpose of the church which I honestly don't recall and then proceeded to play a video that was 45 MINUTES LONG. The wHOLE ******* VIDEO WAS LITERALLY ABOUT ALL THE BRANCHES THEY HAVE (especially in the developing countries) anD HOW THEY ALL GATHER TO KOREA TO MEET THE MOTHER. Y'all, this mother apparently hears the word of God. THEY EVEN HAVE A CHANT. "we love you" LIKE O MY GAWD. So that went on and on and on about how they have churches in Kenya and India and China idk. I started to get really wary because I was scared to get brainwashed. The video ended and they offered us food. OK YALL MAY THINK IM RIDICULOUS BUT I DID NOT TOUCH THE FOOD BECAUSE I WAS SCARED. My friend felt the same way too. Then, she started to do bible study with us. Ok, here's the confusing part. She literally jumps from verses to verses throughout the book and mAKING A STORY OUT OF IT. So its basically taking a verse out and creating a new context and putting those verses together. Throughout the bible study, she kept saying baptism baptism baptism. She said that the only way to God was baptism, and eating at the right time when God sacrificed himself. I'm not going to lie. I have a weak mind, and if I didn't have a friend, I probably would have joined the church. Here's a reason why. I feel lonely, I feel like I want a support group, and right in front of my eyes, these people looked like they were able to provide me as such. I didn't know where I belong, I just want to feel like I belong. It's exactly like the episode in Boy Meets World where Shawn joined a cult because he never felt like he had a place in the world and the cult gave me a sense of belonging. I understood how he felt, and I yearned for that feeling too. My friend, on the other hand, was much more stronger. At the end of the bible study, all they wanted us to do is to be baptized. I've already been baptized so I'm good, but my friend has not (and she admitted though I wish she didn't) and their eyes immediately LIT. THEY WERE EXCITED. They started pushing my friend to get baptized and I had to say, "oh no, she has to consult her parents first" like hell, we were only 17. They kept pushing and pushing. It was already 8:30pm at night. As I looked around the room, I realized...... they were all women. and they look so sad. They just seemed so lost....so robotic. My friend and I quickly rushed out of the place anD we went to google "Mother of God" and it was stated as a cult. We weren't surprised but we were glad that we got out of there. My point of the story isn't exactly how I was able to leave the cult. It's more like why these cults exist and thrive. These people take their chances and find people that are unhappy and vulnerable. They give them the sense of protection and warmth, making it difficult to leave. I am really lucky that I had a friend by my side, because we reminded each other that we are not alone. Yet, at the back of my mind, I was tempted to join. I want to have friends, I thought maybe these women would be able to understand what I'm going through. These cults thrive because people like you and me exist. We want to validate our existence, we want to feel loved. We want someone to tell us what to do, because we feel like we are going nowhere. We want to forget our sufferings because we believe that these people could help take it away. I can't tell you how to stay away or detect cults, I can't tell you anything much. I can just tell you how I almost got pulled into a cult because of what they offer. Belonging.

when my mom cuts apples for my dog and not for me (i'm 18 and i'm scared of knives)

@Natasha1 thank you!!! :') <3

@carter_burn1 ooOoOoO let the diarrhea games begin. May the best woman (biased af) WINS! though, there's actually no bushes in my wedding. :/ only grass.

@carter_burn1 HAHAHAH SO CHEESY but yet realistic :D though the best way to make sure she shows up in the wedding is rope, duct tape and chlorofoam!! Jokes aside, I'm glad you that you've found the one!!

@NHZ omg I agree 100000000%. It is really hard to admit why we're afraid to fall asleep. Lol, sometimes when my brain stops functioning, it feels quite nice because I just zone out (bad for school!!!!!!!!) I'll definitely send you a free copy of my poems and a signed autograph!!!!!

So inspired to start a journal!!!!

we call it soccer

-screams until my lungs collapse-

Worked out today again though I feel like I'm not doing enough. Whilst doing the workout, I imagined kicking the person I hate for causing me to be so unhappy today (and possibly the rest of my life) and kick his chicken until it retracts back into his body so that he won't be able to reproduce any babies and prevent further offsprings from the spawn of Satan. May I rest in peace knowing that he misses the last step of a staircase and fall flat on his face, losing his 2 front teeth so that if he were to clench his teeth, he would not need to breathe through his nose, but through the damn gaps in his teeth. I AM p*****. Other than that, stay positive y'all!!!!!

I'm trying real hard to be positive today even though today's a crap day..................... I'm just....... okay, so everyone has their ideal wedding and I've been to a couple of them. I'm only 18 and yesterday I was thinking about how awesome my wedding would be when I get married to a rock (hard to find guys that like me, unfortunately). have you ever gone to a wedding and be so disappointed because it's so typical and the food is disgusting. That is why, for my wedding, I SHALL SERVE WHAT I LIKE. 1) Tom Yum (Thai soup) 2) I wanted to say shark fin but I don't want to get shot down by conservationists(?) so fake shark fin with mushrooms lol 3) Doritos (AND EVERYONE HAS TO EAT WITH CHOPSTICKS) 4) Mala (Chinese Cuisine) 5) uh Babat (Indonesian/Hakka cuisine) 6) lastly, I will cook the last meal for everyone (it'll be a surprise), and I'll only provide 1 toilet.....Let the diarrhea games beGINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN (hope y'all get the hunger games reference because I legit laughed at my own joke even though I feel like dying rn) and free flow of water!!!!! bring your own ice tho my wedding shall take place at a pet shelter and all the dogs can be my witnesses. I want a tiger to be my ring bearer. No gifts needed, preferably donations to the pet shelter. My rock shall remain naked because he is hot af, while I wear my customized pajamas of my face all over it. My wedding gift for everyone would be an autograph picture of me, and an article about me, written by me. By the end of the wedding, while I cry because I realized I'm marrying a rock, everyone will drop a letter writing nice things about me into a box so that I can read and cry when I'm in the Bahamas for my honeymoon. Music shall be sung by me. Insurance and medical emergency will not be provided when hearing loss occurs, or when you get food poisoning. I exagerrate some parts....because I'm trying to get over my stupid emotions today. And I want to be extremely pretty on that day, even if I have to cover my face with a trash bag. It would be nice to be liked for a day.

I should have known better................... Now, it's time to move on.

I actually contemplated writing this blog post because my past blogs are more of the positive note and I was hoping to keep it that way so that people can enjoy reading it or hopefully laugh. I have trouble sleeping. I don't think I have insomnia but I actually am scared of sleeping. I know it seems weird because many would say ooooh how i wish i could sleep and never wake up and yeah agreed but the process of falling asleep is so hard for me especially when I am just lost. Even with less than 6 hours of sleep, I can't seem to sleep until I reach a point where I HAVE to sleep. The thing is that, I have been feeling this way since i was in secondary 3, and I could remember how restless and tired I was and nobody could understand why I felt that way. This problem doesn't help out my skin either and I have been breaking out more than I did during the exams, lol. I'm not sure what is keeping me awake. I've googled many methods on falling asleep and most of them just made me stay awake even longer. It's currently 5am and I am wide awake. The worst thing is when I have plans later on and I don't want to be groggy and cranky. Well, also my brain is extremely active during these timings where I reflect where I've gone wrong. I actually regret 90% of the things I say. I even have the urge to delete most of my blog posts because I sound so immature and obnoxious but I haven't figured out how to do that yet and I'm too lazy to find out. I just can't sleep and I don't know why I am afraid of closing my eyes. I don't want to sleep only when I'm extremely exhausted to the point that I barely have the energy to move. And no, I don't drink tea or coffee. Coffee makes me feel like I have a panic attack anD I AM NOT IN FOR THAT JUST TO STAY AWAKE. I feel so dead, lol (yet i can still joke around waDDUP TALENT NO. 9) I honestly do not want to stay up until the afternoon like no pls no. oK TO END THAT PATHETIC NOTE here's a poem that i wrote camels have feet i have feet we have feet dogs have feet i want to sleep meep meep meep i want to take a leap to the toilet seat and make a niiiiiiiiiiiiiceeeeeeeeee s***ty This is what u called a basic no-talent poem that I literally thought in seconds, trying to rhyme stuff. I always see people write poems and its AMAZING. The vocabulary and the way they use metaphors/similes to express their emotions like goddaaaaaamn my english is but hey i tried!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pls don't judge and thanks OH AND IS IT A CRIME TO POST 2 ENTRIES IN A DAAAAAAAY SOMEONE CALL THE COPS BC ANITA THE REBEL JUST ENTERED THE CAAAAAAAAVE.

@carter_burn1 THANK U THAT IS SO NICE :') I wished my family and friends felt the same way hahaha