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About ffontaine

  • Birthday 06/18/1990

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  1. I've been running, I'm at the beach and it inspires me to run there by the sea. Walking more than running. Makes me feel good when I do it.
  2. Inherent vice was pretty cool fizzle. I liked it a lot. Joaquin Phoenix reminds me of the Dude from the big lebowski
  3. Frozen, I relate so much to what you said about not being able to relate to people because the culture changed so much. Even though I'm 25 I feel like I'm a very old soul, like I have stopped in time. I don't follow modern music, movies, I don't even know what's happening in the world nowadays. I dont know how to use new apps and gadgets, I look at the way people dress, the new slangs and I don't recognize them. I fell into such a deep depression, I isolated from 90% of the people I sometimes related (acquaintences really, I can't call them friends). I withdrew myself from the world, alienated. I'm seriously considering going back to university, as I graduated in something I dislike, but I'm also fearful about being around a bunch of youngsters who are much more aware of the world than I am
  4. I identify so much with what desperados wrote. I only see sorrow when I look at myself in the mirror. It's been a long time since I don't laugh, since I don't feel good about something, since I don't relax. I can notice the sadness in my appearance, the pale skin, the sad eyes
  5. I do this all the time. I know very well what I could have done differently and at what moment in my life I could have done it differently. I'm very sure if I had done these things differently my life would be very different, for the better.
  6. Today I feel really bad. Remembering good things from the past that will never come back again. Remembering how I had things good in my life but didn't realize it. I'd trade my soul to be able to go back some years into the past
  7. I'm on the same boat Shawn and ladysmurf. Lost touch with all the few friends I had. Happened this year, when I reached the lowest point of my life so far. It gets really lonely. Worst thing is knowing they tried to keep in touch but I pushed them away. Too unmotivated to see them and too ashamed of my situation to talk to them about what I feel.
  8. I have social phobia since I was a little child. My symptoms are pratically the same as shelbytaylor's. I'm 25 and it hasn't got any better. I developed ocd as well and constantly ruminate about myself and each possible negative thing i might have said and done. I'm unemployed and the fear and discomfort of being around coworkers, bosses and being evaluated for my performance are the biggest impediment for me to try getting a job. When I had jobs in the past it was hell and I ended up quitting suddenly because I just couldn't stand the constant anxiety and fear. The obsessive self awareness dictated my life and certainly closed many doors, got in the way of experimenting and getting to know myself and what my goals are, and made me socially isolated.
  9. Thinking obsessively about a pile of problems that's tall as a skyscraper and not doing anything to solve any of them as I'm paralyzed by fear and anxiety. Not thinking about anything else and not doing anything about what's wrong as usual, my mind is blank and I'm stuck in the same spot as always
  10. Cease my existence, just disappear, and erase any record of ever existing. As if I was never born
  11. Really miserable, didn't sleep this night. It's 4:40 am so I figured I just won't sleep at all, hate this insomnia. Deeply depressed, thinking about how screwed I am in every possible way. Very bad thoughts in my head
  12. I feel you didi, I identify with so much of what you have written. I also believe I was never happy my entire life, just some periods of fake confidence of a better future and that things could go better, or feelings of love for people I don't even know if loved me back. You seem to have a lot of hard stuff going on. I'm sure you're not pathetic and hope your brain gives you some peace of mind with the self loathing thoughts .
  13. You seem to be a loving and caring father, a good person. Your history of abuse and the current abuse from your wife are horrible things, and you're a very strong person to have endured it all. Keep being strong now in this difficult moment and please don't do it, you have faced so much and achieved so much, having a family and your business. You deserve to live
  14. Well youre not alone underdog. Me and many people here are struggling with every aspect of their lives too. Hang in there and hope you feel at home in this community. Welcome!
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