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sweaterweather

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Posts posted by sweaterweather

  1. I guess I'm not the only one. I'm sorry to hear that others are struggling with this too. 

     

    I try to live a somewhat healthy life, eating well, sleeping just enough, and getting a little exercise, but cleaning is just something I can't motivate myself to do unless it just becomes unbearable. I'll have to give some of these suggestions a try though.

  2. It seems like I can never keep up with these things. I try to do a little every day, but it's never enough or I just run out of energy before I can even get to them. It's hard enough just taking care of myself, let alone another person, a pet, and the whole house. I wish I could figure out how to make it easier, but I haven't got a clue. There's always so much that needs cleaning. It makes my depression worse that I can't keep up. Even my yard and the exterior of the house looks bad, but the thought of actually putting on clothes and going outside makes it unbearable. I'm so embarrassed, because my neighbors all have beautiful yards and homes. I wish there was a way to "get over it". 

  3.  

    I got some grocery shopping done, which was hard considering I walk to the store and back and it was in the 90's today. I got a shower when I got home and put a load of laundry in the washer. I'll dry it before bed, but will probably leave the folding until tomorrow. 

     

    I'm trying to get more exercise into my day, so besides the walk to the store, I did some stretching for about 30 minutes. I don't really even know what I hope to gain from stretching, but it's a start at least.

    Your username reminds me of the song Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

     

     

    I've never heard of that song, but I hope that's a good thing! :)

  4. I got some grocery shopping done, which was hard considering I walk to the store and back and it was in the 90's today. I got a shower when I got home and put a load of laundry in the washer. I'll dry it before bed, but will probably leave the folding until tomorrow. 

     

    I'm trying to get more exercise into my day, so besides the walk to the store, I did some stretching for about 30 minutes. I don't really even know what I hope to gain from stretching, but it's a start at least.

  5. I guess it depends on how low I'm feeling.

     

    If I'm feeling depressed but can still do things if I push myself enough, I'll make or buy some comfort food and watch a movie/TV show/anime on my laptop. Browsing the internet helps most of the time too. I always take a shower, regardless of how bad I feel, but on those really hard days, I break out the really nice smelling shampoo, body wash, and lotion. Sometimes, it perks me up slightly.

     

    If I'm having one of those days where I can't even get out of bed, not much helps me. I just stay in bed and sleep or watch something. Unfortunately, when I'm that depressed, not much can distract me from how bad I feel. I don't even have an appetite, so comfort food is out of the question on those days. 

  6. Today was a busy day, but I feel like sometimes being busy keeps me from being too depressed. 

     

    I took a short 15 minute walk to the grocery store and back, which seemed to lighten my mood a little. I took a shower when I got home and cooked a quick dinner for myself, with enough leftovers to last me a few days. I also put fresh sheets on my bed, hoping it would help me sleep a little better tonight.

  7. My biggest one is contamination. I'm a hand washer, obsess about feeling clean and things being clean/germ-free, etc. It's pretty annoying when you just want to do something simple like cook a meal but it takes twice as long because you have to stop to wash your hands 20 times.

     

    I'm also a checker, obsessive worrier, have some rituals, and have magical thinking involving certain numbers and words.

  8. You should definitely avoid him at all costs. Normal people don't act that way. I'd also suggest keeping record of any further interactions - via phone or in real life - that you have with him, just in case you ever have to involve the police. Hopefully it never comes to that, but if it does, you'll be prepared and will have thorough evidence against him.

  9. I went to the pet store to pick up some medication and dog food. That was pretty difficult, because all I've wanted to do all day is wrap up in some heavy blankets and lie in bed, watching TV or reading. Dealing with people was hard today.

     

    I've also been busy taking care of my mother and making sure she's comfortable. She came home from the hospital yesterday, but is still sick and needing me a lot. I'm feeling really worn out because of that.

  10.  

    I got up at a decent time and did one hour of chores before taking a shower. I'm pretty happy with myself that I managed to get some cleaning done. The kitchen was a mess, so that's what I focused on, but I also managed to quickly sweep/vacuum too. 

     

    I also had a home-cooked dinner and plan on putting away some laundry before bed. 

     

    That's wonderful. Taking care of yourself is very important.

     

    Peace

     

     

    Thank you, and yes it is! It's something I'm trying to work on. :)

  11. Thank you again, everyone. The more I read your replies, the less horrible I feel. I've never been the type of person to show my emotions to people outside my immediate circle of family and friends, so it's still difficult for me to be okay with what happened. I really do hope that those who saw me understood and didn't think less of me though. 

     

    I've had a breakdown in public before. I think probably a lot of us have. And I don't think there's any reason to think that anyone at that store thinks less of you. That pharmacist is probably well aware that everyone is fighting a battle that no one else can see, and with the struggles you are having as a caregiver, it really makes complete sense that the stress finally got to you.

     

    I had a breakdown of my own last year when my mother was moved into a nursing home after several strokes left her with dementia and unable to care for herself. It took several weeks for it to really "hit" me that my mom was never going to be the person she was before her strokes. She needs around-the-clock care, and her personality is drastically changed. She was always my best friend growing up, the person I went to when I just needed to talk or vent. As crazy as she could drive me, the loss of her in my life has been damaging. I don't cope well enough to be able to visit her frequently, which I know hurts her, but I just can't. I can't handle seeing my mom like she is now. 

     

    Just know you aren't alone. I've never been a caregiver - I couldn't be. We moved my mom into a nursing home because neither myself nor my brother could handle it. So you are a very strong person for being able to do this. You're allowed a break down. You're allowed to let it out. And sometimes it happens when we'd rather it not, but that's ok.

     

    Thank you so much for sharing and being supportive.

     

    I'm sorry to hear about your mother, and I understand a lot of your feelings about it. I feel the same way about my own mother sometimes, except I'm forced to face it because I have no choice. I guess that was one of the reasons why I broke down. I feel like I'm "mourning" what I've lost. She'll never be how she was when I was younger and our parent/child relationship will never be the same again. That's been one of the most difficult things for me. Not to mention the fact that, she's all I have left. My father is no longer in the picture and I have no extended family or friends to be there if I need them. I'm scared to lose the last piece of family I'll ever have. 

  12. Don't give into it. That just gives them all the power and tells them that it's okay to keep doing it. By giving into it, it's basically telling them that their strategy works. It's no different than giving into a child who's screaming for a candy bar at the store. 

     

    "If I scream long enough/if I ignore them long enough, they'll cave in and give me what I want."

  13. My mother was rushed to the ER yesterday, and while she was there, I had no choice but to finish up my grocery shopping before going home. I was trying my best to hold it together, but I broke down in the middle of the store.

     

    I had to pick up some medication for my mother at the pharmacy inside the store, but there was a problem and they didn't have it. I told the pharmacist (who I've never met/seen before) that I couldn't call my mother because she was in the ER at the moment, and she looked concerned and asked if I was okay. That's what made me start crying uncontrollably. It's been so long since someone asked me if I was okay. It's just my mother and me, and I've been here caregiver for 10 years. My needs almost always go on the backburner and everyone always asks about my mother, never about me. It's so hard to take care of someone, especially being young (I'm in my 20's). 

     

    She came around the desk to hug me, but I'm so embarrassed by the fact that I didn't let her just hug me from the side. I turned and started crying on her shoulder. I don't know if it bothered her, but I feel embarrassed anyway that I didn't have more control of myself. I worry that she was actually repulsed by me in some way. There were other people around me as well, just watching me break down. She tried to give me some advice, which didn't really help, and I eventually got it together enough to thank her and excuse myself to finish my shopping. Even after that, I couldn't stop crying and kept hiding in the aisles to compose myself. Then I cried some more on the way home and again once I was home.

     

    I wasn't crying solely because of my mother, but just because the responsibilities of taking care of someone is such a heavy thing. I can barely take care of myself most of the time. Every day, it's a struggle to shower, to eat, to pretend to be happy. I can't work, so my mother and I live off of her disability checks, which means we're poor. I can't afford therapy and there are no reduced pay therapists in my area. Medication has never worked for me either. I've had MDD (plus have 4 other disorders) for 15 years and nothing has gotten better, despite pushing and pushing and trying everything I can think of. I'm so tired, but I'm just stuck in this loop of depression and poverty. I can't even afford to see a regular doctor for anything, even though I have some undiagnosed medical problems.

     

    I'm sorry. I just needed to get it out. I'm just mortified and beating myself up over this. I can't even avoid this store in the future, because it's the only one in my area. God forbid, I have to pick something up at the pharmacy again. I'm sure they all think I'm crazy. 

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