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Everything posted by mayita

  1. Unfortunately were all rejected for some reason in our lives. If a person is dumb enough to stop talking to you abruptly after speaking for a few weeks that means that they had nothing to offer you and even though it may seem though you are far better off by not having a relationship with him. I'm sorry you have been battling suicidal thoughts and struggle with insecurities. Confidence makes a big difference in having a relationship. You don't have to boast and make others feel belittled, you just have to believe everyone has something to offer. I hope you feel better soon and u you cherish yourself more, life is too short to focus on what is out of our grasp, try to hold on to what makes you happy.
  2. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been in so much pain. Sprains are painful and the only way to get over them is rice (well at least the most effective way in my experience) Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation. I've had quite a few sprains myself so i know the drill. I've also had severe colds and breathing problems because I worked near a metal recycling building and the pollution stopped me from getting better to the point were I would just work through it. They tried to tell me to go home but then bills were just not gonna get paid besides the fact that they would still hold it against me when I took time off. I kinda had to grow a tough skin in that sense, when I realized if I didn't heal myself properly I was never gonna get better. Your parents are worried about you in a way that they want you to keep your job and be taken care of in that sense but unfortunately their failing to see that right now your in pain and need to heal. My mom use to do that to me until I explained to her the difficulties i was going thru in my job then she was able to show more empathy. My advise to you is to try to convey your feelings until your parents can see your side also Ice your wounds and sleep as much as you can. Hope you feel better soon.
  3. Unfortunately anxiety needs an outlet & it's not uncommon for anger to be the result. Anger is a very hard thing to let go of. whenever I'm angry I always say to myself "it should be this way not that way!" or something in that line of though. Anger is just one of the many masks we put on our emotions, to shield how vulnerable we are. I come from a family of short tempered individuals, and I have learned with time that when someone is angry is best to stay silent because once there is no one to argue with and in theory the rage should automatically cease. When I'm the angry one I try to drink a glass of water. If what I want to say still seems like a good idea after that I'll say it. If not, I'll keep it to myself. People close to me began telling me after years of reacting in hurtful ways that they didn't even know that they did those kind of things and wished they could stop before hurting their loved ones. The first step to self improvement is always going to be acceptance. So be proud that your doing your best. As for a way to let go maybe writing is a way to let go of anger. or maybe a physical outlet such as martial arts or swimming (after a few laps you might feel a lo better) I've tried ruining it helps clear the mind. I hope you feel better soon.
  4. Stars can't shine without darkness.

    1. Tungsten Aromatics

      Tungsten Aromatics


      I hope your OK! :flowers:

    2. mayita


      Thank You! I hope your well too my friend. 🌻

  5. congested, tired & craving the biggest bowl of soup. Other than that I'm feeling bubbly : ).
  6. I've re-watched Brooklyn nine nine & New girl too many times I'm trying to find another show that's captivating & lighthearted.
  7. I've been felling like that lately, but in addition I've also been catching the flu quite often. So right now I'm changing my diet to more veggies and less processed food (easier said than done unfortunately). Has there been any trigger you've been able to identify? I find that whenever may panic attacks come my way I experience that trigger moment a few days before it happens. If you are able to locate the trigger you can maybe isolate whats giving you the panic attacks or whats making you feel low on energy. Hope you feel better.
  8. Still waters scare me I've been on flight or fright too much to be able to peacefully recover. Nevertheless I wear the battle marks life has given me, with the satisfaction that I survived the darkness and pushed thru the emptiness only to end as a frightened champion.
  9. For some reason this movie, more importantly these lines got stuck to me, I'm glad I can finally share them Ladies and Gentleman here is the best line from "Beautiful Creatures" "...I could hear the sound. The sound was me breaking. I cried because he had lived, because he had died. I was shattered. I was saved. I only knew the girl I was, was gone. He was right. No good could come from loving a mortal. They can't survive our world. Get out, go Ethan. Claim yourself, in defiance, in hope, in love, in fury, in gratitude. Claim the light. Claim the dark, Claim it all. Nothing can stay."
  10. I was watching Ted Talks the other day and came about an interesting video on YouTube; in which a writer who suffers with depression and invested a considerable amount of time researching and studying it gave some of his insight. Andrew Solomon said "The opposite of depression is not happiness but vitality." Those words left an impact on me. I felt that it made a lot of sense, during depression I can still smile and laugh at times but getting up to get the door or answer the phone are herculean tasks. He also said something else I thought was interesting "if I was told I had to live another month with depression I would take it, but if i was told i had to live a month with anxiety I... (graphic content). Here he lets us know that depression and anxiety are not the same. Depression brings us down it makes us lethargic and subservient but anxiety its a whole different game, it makes us paranoid uneasy and upset. We make rash decisions and say mean things, we hurt the ones we love in this state and we loose who we are by not being able to see what is in front of us. I hate this, I have been in Fright or flight mode for the last 3 weeks. Loosing sleep over things that don't exist, yet in my head the most courageous of armies could not silence or stop them. ... Furthermore I just wanted to share this insight and see what people think.
  11. Hi Black bird, you are not stupid. Anxiety makes us feel this way. Handling finances is one of the most difficult things to do when we have depression and a huge inducer of stress. Try to keep your head above water, you want what is best for your mom, how could she hate you? if you are acting out of love. Just do your best and take it one issue at a time, try to set realistic goals and if you are having too much pressure try to talk to someone. Whenever you feel trouble breading try to put your hands on your chest and focus on your heartbeat, sometimes it helps me to calm down. Stay strong, Mayita
  12. Hi Hazzy, I have had episodes too, there hard to grasp but at the moment all I could think is I'm probably gonna end up in the hospital because I cant seem to shut my brain off. I'm sorry you had to struggle, derealization is just a horrible feeling and I've had my fair share of it this week, but I'm trying to start every day fresh and its helping a bit. I hope you feel better soon. Stay strong. Mayita
  13. ALT+Ctrl+Delete

  14. Hi montague, i believe you're in the right place, everyone in the forum has their own story and when they choose to share it others tend to be very supportive. I for instance have not really been to the doctor or diagnosed with depression. but i suffer intense anxiety and try to deal with it in my own manner. i hope you find the comfort and support you are seeking Mayita
  15. Hi soniczeldalover we are here to listen, I've been part of this site for a few months now and I can tell you it is a comforting place to be in, so when you are ready feel free to give it a try. Mayita
  16. I’ve been trying to purge myself of all the things that make me anxious, such as: Watching a lot of TV because it makes me feel sedentary, I don’t really have time for it and it doesn’t really help me unwind so I just stopped most of it.I threw away all the things I felt were tying me down. All the objects that gave me bad memories just went into a plastic bag and straight into the garbage.I also stopped doing certain things I enjoyed. Such as: Watching scary movies and listening to music. It turns out those act like long term triggers for me so I cut them out, although I miss them sometimes.In addition to this I’m trying out new healthier habits I eat whenever I’m hungry, even if it’s just a few bites. I don’t let the “you don’t have to get up right now u can always eat latter” get to me.I drink a lot more water which makes me thirstier, it’s a vicious circle.I started taking care of my scars. Their physical and mostly on my knee cuz I fall a lot. They look surprisingly better just after a few days of treating them. If only emotions could do so too it would be much easier to let go of my pain.lastly I try to be more clear or level minded, whenever I feel I’m starting to get stressed I sneak of my shoe and give myself a foot massage or just close my eyes and rub my temple for a few minutes. Although we all have those days where there is nothing we can do to feel better. We could make it bearable, we can forgive others and more importantly we can forgive ourselves. ...The reason I’m trying to build or fashion a better me is because I have earned it. I don’t wish to be the best person I can be for someone else. I want to be the best person I can be because I grew up knowing kindness and innocence and love and care and I want to share that with others but i can’t do that if I’m looked up in my room shivering with tears. To all my comrades out there, be your best you today and have a good day.
  17. Beautiful creatures, i keep re-watching that movie. Once you get past the accents and the teenage romance stuff its a movie about love and sacrifice. I like that.
  18. eating is deffinetly the hardest thing, it feels like its not worth it and sleeping is awful. Because you get that sense of panic that you will wake up and things are just gonna be the same (doesn't seem so bad, thinking about it now). i guess the hardest thing to do is care when im depressed. its hard to care for myself, other humans and things.
  19. that nobody understands that i don't mean to break everithing i touch and pms : l
  20. yesterday i was at the library walking behind a couple holding hands. It was painfull not having that someone to hold hands with, it was also painful that tey were walking so darn slow and i needed to pass them. most days im thankfull, being single is less hurtful than being in a bad relationship. But other days i just watch netflix and try to count my blessings even when its really hard. i hope your table flips back : ) have a nice day.
  21. political/social satire, another masterpiece by oliver. Showing glimpses of how the system reacts to mental health and how it is used to push gun control under the rug. i thoroughly enjoyed this video
  22. agreed 1000%, with depression the ability to feel empathy grows. Personally I found that talking harshly to others is quite hurtfull and sometime the damage it causes cannot be repaired. Depression is a hard thing to live with but maybe its the reason we feel mercy toward others, its our ability to go in other peoples shoes at take a glimpse of what their going through.
  23. I agree with you, people tend to believe that depression affects your performance at work and school... yes this is true. But then again going to work and school gives you reasons to get out of bed everyday and face the world, also it help you stay connected with reality amongst other things that watching netflix doens't really do for you. My point is i hid my depression (wearther i did it well or not is not the issue) until my family and friends think i have a permanent migrane, havent sleept well last night (which has been about 6 months) and im on a odd futuristic diet where i hardly eat (funny thing about anxiety, it makes me throw up). i decided recently that although i was able to hide my condition, its not worth it. I will be getting counceling soon, because eventhough im able to somewhat control my condition im not getting any better and i have less to loose than to gain. It's very much upto you if you share your condition or not, but i think you should maybe try it. hope you do well.
  24. I would spend the day as far away from walls as possible, just reading not worriying maybe even smilling. thanks for this exercise its a nice experiment
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