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Everything posted by Garnetred

  1. Sorry to hear about your troubles... I swear I would literally leave my head somewhere if it wasn't attached. My keys, my meds, my little purse, my book, anything I pick up is likely to be set down in an unlikely place and then I've gone through the "someone else moved it" phase. Now I just accept I just have no mindfulness and try to do better. That being rushed thing is the worst.. hope that gets better for you.
  2. My particular brand of anxiety makes it hard for me to settle into a fiddley activity but I used to play rock band until I was calmed down enough to go to work etc. I take Lorazepam now which works pretty well and I'm thinking of bringing out the old rockband because it really did help.
  3. I never had a counselor that was helpful until I found this last one... Keep trying and I agree there are a lot of things out there that can help. You can get phone apps for anxiety relief that can be with you all the time. I'm pretty much anxious from the moment I wake till I finally get to lie down and even then sometimes listen to the different apps on my phone. I agree that breathing properly can be VERY helpful even if its something you have to just practice and make yourself do. There IS something to all that mindfulness stuff. It's taking me years to "get" that and I regret it. Hopefully, you can get started down a good path and find some relief. Strength and Courage to you.
  4. One of my anxiety "things" is that I "gulp" air and as such am not getting enough oxygen. When checked it can be in the high 80's which I can bring up to 98/99 by watching the meter and breathing correctly. This was brought to my attention by my roommate who is into yoga etc. I also breathe high in my chest with those short sharp breaths... Sometimes just being conscious of how I'm breathing can make me feel anxious though so it can be a vicious cycle. Ultimately, we are the ones who can control our breathing so its a work in progress. Take care and breathe slow and deep~
  5. I do have a little 6 lb emotional support dog who went through hell with me.. She has a little 4 lb emotional support dog. actually, they are both pretty stable for having seen me through some very hard times. I've been working with a therapist who is experienced with EMDR, Rapid Eye Movement and Desensitization. She said I wasn't emotionally stable enough for it last year but I think I might/maybe could get through it now... meh... I don't know.. just the thought of it made me really anxious lol It's said to be a good resource for PTSD though Check it out.
  6. I've been taking cymbalta for a while at working up to 80mg and watching my weight go up and up. No sexual side effects to speak of because I really checked. On my own I've weaned myself down to 40mg for a week or so soon I'll go down to 10 mg and then down to none. So far not noticing any repercussions. I take Lexapro also which Id like to try and get rid of next since I'm only taking 10mg. I told my doctor I wasn't "depressed" as much as grief stricken on top of an anxiety that is somewhat ptsd and somewhat.. obsessive maybe. I take ativan 1 mg 3 times a day for that and I also take tramadol with isn't much better than taking ibu so I have a lot of sciatic pain and pain in both shoulders. I woke up one morning and none of my clothes fit or didn't fit right and that made me more isolating.. hopefully with some work I can get rid of the extra lbs fairly quickly. I have a y membership I might even try the gym very gingerly and the pool. I haven' been on for quite a while. My grandson was dying of a terrible cancer, both my parents had died and I was losing my house. I put my computer in storage and have just now taken it out, feeling a little more like facing the world than I have since his death almost 2 years ago. Garnet
  7. When I first injured my knee and back I was sent to rehab and there was always someone sitting by the door where you logged in who would say in an upbeat chirpy voice "Hi how are you today" To avoid a conversation about how you really felt most people mumbled fine as they went to sit and wait for their tur. When my workers comp claim was being settled they brought out paperwork with day and time and my response to their question regarding how I was that day. Patient stated she was fine. Patient stated she was doing ok. They used my polite response AGAINST ME!
  8. Geez while I have a few triggers myself I would never hold someone responsible for triggering them especially if it were done innocently. For a simple example. I don't **** spiders because I feel they deserve their lives also. If someone came along and decided to **** it after I protested that I would rescue it then... that would be a tripped trigger and I would be furious.. I would be angry and hurt and probably never speak to that person again... but if it were done innocently I would hurt inside but wouldn't hate the stupid person who devalues the life of creatures smaller than them. Unless this was something you did knowingly and with malice aforethought I believe you deserve a pass and lighten up on yourself.
  9. ti188016... I'm going through the same thing with my 20 year old grandson walking the tightrope with a vicious cancer.... I helped raise him and he's been a shining star in my life since the first time I held his little newborn body... I've lost a lot of my family.. my younger sister to cancer, 3 brothers to illness and accident, my folks within 5 months of each other and too many friends to count... each time I've gone on... losing Nick to cancer could be the last straw...I did think of being a substitute nana to little kids who don't have a good one? I don't know... I'm so sorry you mom is going through this with you.. it's so hard and my heart goes out to you
  10. Thank you for your kindness... i will bear up... I AM brave and I WILL be courageous... thank you for reminding when I hit the low dark spots and feel scared and alone
  11. I don't think my meds are working...deep depression or high anxiety and the only thing that really seems to work when my head feels like its going to twirl off into space is alcohol... I hate it because I've never been a drinker until my younger sister was dying of cancer and it helped me face each day so here I am.. clerk doesn't even ask what I want he just gets it and puts in on the counter. I'm gonna call my doctor tomorrow and see what she thinks. They're going to scrape out my grandson's other lung on wednesday maybe that's why I'm on the edge of falling to my knees and screaming.... he was in agony when they did the other one and there was nothing I could do... nothing I could do.
  12. After putting it off and off and off because.... because i freeze up for some stupid reason... I paid my car registration 3 months late at almost 3 times what it would have been had I done it on time... I have a phobia with mail
  13. and folding and putting away clothes... washing them is fine but i get way behind on what comes after also I'm too anxious to stay in bed after my eyes open around 5:30 also I like to bathe due to morning back pain so that gets me up so that's a plus I guess.... when my anxiety was untreated and rampant I would take 5 or 6 or more bathes a day because it was calming..
  14. Looking at email... checking mail box... answering phone or door... brushing teeth although with an electric tooth brush it's easier... brushing my dogs... cleaning out my car...... I'm driving to Oakland to see my grandson today so that's at least getting me out of the house.
  15. One of my dogs went missing 2 months ago. "ROCKY" PURE BLACK MALE SHIH TZU MISSING IN SONOMA COUNTY, CA. $200 REWARD FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO RECOVERY. In the past I would have lost my mind and because he is still missing despite my signs and notice in the newspaper and word of mouth I would ordinarily be on the crazy train if my feelings weren't blunted. I doubt I would have been able to write this without sobbing hysterically and all I'm doing is rocking back and forth in my chair.. its like the knowledge is in my brain but faded so I can't access it....
  16. Depression.... I think my depression is caused by years and years of grief and many losses.... so to me depression is knowing/feeling/thinking I lose everything and everyone I care about... eventually I will lose myself... so it's terror and I guess that has brought about my other forms of "craziness".... reaching for my anti-anxiety but oops I just had one.
  17. I dont... I just plod along not attending to things until I'm about to go under and then have a crisis of frantic activity then maintain for a day or a week until it all starts over
  18. I had to look this up to get an idea of what it means... hang in there and I hope your course of treatment goes well
  19. My roommate has a cat and I have two small furry dogs. My dogs are 10x more affectionate and responsive than her cat and she notices the difference. For one,you can take them out with you. You can train a cat to leash but most people dont
  20. People do that to me... "oh I thought you would be excited" or "I thought you would laugh about that".... I hate to tell them that most of the time I feel pretty flat line
  21. I thought wearing contacts would be uncomfortable and feel weird but the first time they went in right and I loved them =) Thank you for reminding me.. why pay for new glasses when I can wear contacts....
  22. Introvert but learned to hide it really well when working as a patient services rep. There are very few people who know me well enough to know I'm more of an introvert.
  23. nodding... I always have this feeling... hope things go well for you
  24. I've had a few things go wrong lately... things that I could take care of by computer or phone if I didn't let this freeze me up ...If I can find someone to sit with me it helps;;; anyone else have this combination of compulsive procrastination/reclusiveness... maybe expressing it here will help me get started?
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