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About Zubin

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  1. It really sounds like it was difficult in letting go. From all the people that I've witnessed that have had to go through what you went through, it's nothing to feel ashamed about. It's not easy to let go of our mother's deaths. Take it one day at a time.
  2. OHOHOHOHO! I Can't believe you asked this question!!!! I used to wonder this all the time!!! I feel like I am rather qualified to answer this question and here's why: I was severely clinically depressed from the ages of 20-23 (was on meds and everything contemplated suicide etc.). Those 3 years I kept asking myself those questions... I always felt like I'm really just living a ruined life. I used to wonder is there any point in going through this? Cuz even if I came out of this, it'll feel like I was behind in life. Let me list out everything that will put you ahead of others in life due to this blessing of a depressive period. (apologies for calling it a blessing but I really do think that it is). 1) YOU WILL BECOME THE SOLID ROCK OF SUPPORT FOR EVERYONE - See almost everyone goes through depression, it's a matter of time and point of their lives that this occurs. It just so happens that you're just going through yours earlier than others. What does this mean then? Well, by the time your other friends around you, and family start to go through it, there's going to be you that's going to very naturally and instrinsically want to be there for them, because you realize the pain of depression and therefore will want to provide not only support but deep levels of understanding of what they're going through. You and I both know just how lonely depression can make one feel, you might be the one to help them get rid of that. I've become that person now in my family. Before that, I was the black sheep that sold garden shrub secretly that disgraced the family, the child who didn't have high grades in school and flunked out of college only to have to enroll back in just to get suspended again. I was that kid. My relatives and friends called me lazy cuz I didn't wanna do anything when really I was so spiritually and mentally crippled by my depression that I couldn't lift a finger to do anything! After my depression, I am highly respected by an older sister who used to shame me at every chance she had, but now because she's starting to go through depression after 3 consecutive failed relationships , she sees me as this wondergod that is able to help her through it, despite her having shamed me so many times in the past. I feel like she now overcompensates her guilt by buying me gifts and doing nice things for me here and there. 2) A Deep Understanding of Society- When I was depressed, I thought i was the only one. I felt like I was a weakling. Especially as a guy I thought I was some sort of a wuss or a pansy. Then later on i started to notice that society just has this crappy stigma of depression, and it made it hard for everyone to express how they were feeling deep down. This is not something that any joe schmoe knows. Going through depression? It really allowed me to have a deeper understanding of how society doesn't truly understand what depression is, and so many of us are just highly misunderstood , so often. 3) A deep understanding of the Power of our own Minds - You also will learn how powerful the mind is. Now that I'm out of depression, I can understand just how powerful our minds are. My mind put me INTO depression, and it took me OUT of depression. I have a much more sophisticated understanding of the mind, the subconscious, and how society, education, and our upbringing has conditioned us to be, and how dangerous it can be. I used to compare myself to others and feel so "behind in life", but then I realized hey wait a minute no.... why am i even comparing myself to others? That whole mentality is just backward! Then you start to realize that ALL of society is always trying to compete with each other, and feeling unhappy in the process, when all it really takes is the mindset of switching into the mentality where you simply don't care how you're doing in relation to other people, and only focus on yourself. When i realized that, I just felt liberated. No longer did I care about achieving my dreams by Age 25 and sleeping with 120 girls by age 30. All these ******** goals were simply a false understanding of what happiness was to me, and it was such a deep profound epiphany that I felt on a deep level, that now that I'm out of depression, I can easily spot the mindsets of certain people and exactly why they're not feeling happy. It's like this heightened awareness, or almost some secret that only you know and no one else knows. And lastly 4) A deep understanding of the Power of Habits Habits habits habits!!!! You know what my habits used to be when I was depressed? I would wake up, surf the internet, watch porn, self-pleasure, go lie down on my bed, watch youtube, wait until I had enough libido to pull up porn again, repeat the self-pleasuring, and then go make some coffee to heighten my energy, and then come back to watch a movie, and then repeat. It was a terrible cycle. From a biological, psychological, and even physiological standpoint it was everything I needed to ruin myself into depression. Here are my habits today: Intense intense super intense exercise where I'm dripping sweat after 30 mins (I do the Insanity workout program), I weight lift, I read books and take notes everyday, I only eat one meal a day between 2pm and 8pm. My aura currently is some kind of invincible happy where even if people are rude to me at work (I work in customer service), it STILL doesn't bother me on a very natural I-don't-have-to-even-try level. Even when I intentionally TRY to get mad, it's like the habits that I have are so uplifting that nothing can bring me down. If the current 26 year old ME could time travel back to when I was 21 and I told him all of this, 21 year old Zubin would've been like "what? I don't understand anything of what you're saying". But 26 year old me is all like "holy wow, I feel kinda special.. like some sort of wisdom guru". And it was all because of my depressive phase. You don't hear these things too often because most people that come out of depression who do feel this way are too busy out exercising, meeting people, and helping people that they forget to come back to this forum full of people with such hidden and great potential to be great leaders for our future
  3. Hey message me! I would be more than happy to talk with you! It's times like these that support can make you feel like there's actually somebody out there who gives a sh!t rather than this empty feeling of nothingness. PM me!
  4. It sounds like this humour of yours is a huge part of your identity and that now that you can feel it slipping away you're feeling really anxious that it may never come back :( . Do you feel like you're changing and you're not the same person you once used to be anymore?
  5. So I re-edited the song and re-uploaded it here, let me know guys if this is better.
  6. You're not the first person to have mentioned that, so that's a fantastic observation. Thank you so much for listening :)
  7. I know this isn't a music forum, but I figured since I've been on here alot lately for the past few months, that alot of my memories of back when I used to be depressed started coming back to me. I've made one song recently, and I wanted to know if the music, lyrics, and feel of the song connected with any of you who are feeling like right now? This is not a way for me to expose music, but merely for a genuine, sincere and curious intention of mine to see if my efforts are truly working, and helping to connect with what some of you may be going through right now. All comments, good or bad, are welcome!
  8. I think everyone has been through this before once in their lives. You will gain a few things from this experience: 1) You will grow mentally stronger. It's going to be painful, but when you grow out of it, you will come off a tougher person, with more self-confidence. 2) You will at some point down the road meet someone even more special to you, and you will be so grateful that Natalie was out of your life. You will feel a 180 degree change about her. At the time i was going through what you were going through now, the above 2 things I stated sounded absolutely foreign and impossible to understand, so trust me when I say you're going to ironically feel grateful that all this is happening, one day. :)
  9. I did this once desperados, reading back on it gave me the chills. Like I was a different person back then. The emptiness is hard to cope with. Where do you think it stems from? Do you have supportive friends or family?
  10. I'm not depressed. But i once was. I remember how dark and crippling it used to be. How I could barely even function as a normal human being whereas other people were just simply breezing through life unscathed. 25 years old now, went through clinical depression from the ages of 20-23, saw a shrink, went on meds, and I finally came out of it. Now it's my turn to give back to those who need it. I don't look at my survival as something I did on my own. People helped me. Luck helped me. Fate helped me. I wanna be there for you guys. I wanna see if there's anything that I can do to make you guys feel better. So there, there's my introduction. Let me be your friend.
  11. Man I just wanna meet up with you in person and be your friend. Whereabouts you at? I'm in the Pacific Northwest Region, Vancouver BC Canada to be exact, 3 hours drive from Seattle. I'm gonna give you some really weird advice, but it worked for me when I was in your shoes. No more porn. No more self pleasuring (The "M" word is banned on this forum). Lift weights 5 Days a week. You lack confidence because you've never had the type of romantic/sexual experiences required to gain that confidence. Ironically, in order to get women, you'll need confidence. It's kind of a tricky situation to be in, but I've been there, and as long as you make sure you do the following: No more porn. No more self pleasuring (The "M" word is banned on this forum). Lift weights 5 Days a week. You will begin to physiologically start to become more confident, more calm, and if you can STICK with it, by the 2nd or 3rd week (this means 21 days of toughing it out), you will notice vast changes in your life. Let me know how it goes buddy, oh and also PM your details I might wanna add you on facebook (don't worry, I'm a very approachable guy)
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