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Everything posted by ohgeesmiles

  1. I have a particularly self-less personality type; that is often so bad that I have often neglected myself badly throughout my life. People like myself are often confused when it comes to finding meaning in our lives; because, we are often told that people are suppose to find purpose or value in themselves, that we are suppose to appreciate who we are. This never made sense to me ideologically; because, I always cared more about other people. It is incredibly risky to invest all of our energy into others, hence why so many people shy away from such behavior. Though, people who are inherently self-less, we don't care about the consequences; because, we learn to trust our beliefs. I always believe that by putting others first, eventually there will be a pay off and although those payoffs are often few and far in between, they still feel extremely rewarding none-the-less. I never stopped to think about myself, what sort of meaning I apply to the world until much later in my life. Ironically it all came at a time when things came to an abrupt stop. The clarity that you see the world when it all comes to a stop; it's the only time I can ever have any serious introspection. Whenever I am in motion, my brain was always far too focused and busy to have time with anything philosophical. Perhaps what you need is to learn the value of taking some time to yourself in order to calm your mind enough to think about what matters to you most in life. I find by walking around in nature my mind tends to be far more at peace and so I can more easily consider my personal thoughts. You might learn that your values have little to do with you at all, while exploring your ideas and beliefs. For me the biggest part of the struggle was always the constant disappointment. When you have a mind full of big ideas, focused around other people, you tend to get hurt a lot. It can seem absolutely futile at times, because people don't quite fit into the perfect little world we might imagine for them. You want people to be happy and might be able to visualize a way for that to manifest in their life; but, they seem to want to do everything the opposite, as if they are deliberately defying your good intentions. I suppose the hardest thing for me to learn personally was how to communicate my thoughts towards others so that they understand my relationship to them far better. In that way, I also learned to accept constructive feedback from them as well. In that they can respond to my intentions in a non-hurtful way, as I can be highly sensitive to criticism of any kind. It all comes down to learning how you function and finding ways to adjust to the world around you, so that you can fit into it; so that you can begin to realize that you belong and people here value you because they can see with their own eyes that you actually care for them meaningful ways. Relationships might seem distant and empty at first; but, when you begin to realize how people see you when you affect their lives, it adds to what keeps us going. To know that we can affect the life of someone else in a significant way, with a subtle gesture or a deep conversation; it can make you feel so alive. If just for a moment, it is still enough to remind you why you breathe.
  2. "3,380 have died from terrorist attacks if you subtract September 11th it is under 7000 hundred since 2000 and 400,100 have people died from gun shot related fatalities. 525,000 people have died from car accident since 2000." This is a fallacy; one type of death doesn't negate the severity of another type. It should all be prevented. Also, faulty comparisons, because those other two statistics are also a result of terrorism. Terrorists mow down crowds of people with guns and vehicles. Europe finally got the hint about letting migrants flood their nations completely unchecked (without proper vetting) and are pushing back. I find it disappointing that so many Americans are this far behind the curve, when the rest of the world realized that allowing hundreds of thousands of people to flood your nation, is destructive to both the economy and culture.
  3. I finally unpacked my bag from my trip out of state and re-ordered a leash as well as a harness for my dog (that apparently fell into a black hole the last time I ordered them).
  4. I had one of those random occurrences again today, where some person crossed paths with me and I changed their life. They seem to hone right in on me in a crowd; they know, that I understand them and their problems and have a feeling that I can help them. Then I start talking to them and all the pain melts away in an instant. Not because I immediately resolved all their troubles; but, because knowing that there is at least one person out there, that truly understands what they are experiencing inside, provides them a feeling of comfort they've probably never had before. To suddenly realize, not only are they not alone in the dark; but, that someone next to them, knows them in ways they couldn't have dreamed. I don't normally ever talk about these experienced that I have with anyone; because, I don't want anyone to get the false impression that I'm some magic cure-all. I am not. These are people who have highly unique problems, that require a unique perspective. Granted, I do help a lot of people in general; however, it isn't usually as intense as those moments are. That all being said, there is someone out there that understands you and your experiences. If you haven't met them yet; just, be patient.
  5. I feel like someone hit me over the head with a pipe while I was sleeping. That must have been one hell of a dream.
  6. When I was eight my parents bought my brother and I remote control cars for Christmas. One was red and the other was black. I wanted the black one; but, got stuck with the red one. FML
  7. Feeling liked I climbed a freaking mountain today...oh wait, I did. People often assume the ascent is the hardest part; but, gravity has a way of beating you up when you think the journey is over. Even though my feet feel like they are being hit with a hammer I always meet so many warm, positive people out there in nature; it makes it worth the toll fee (the aches and pains).
  8. I would love to answer this; but, have to type on a cellphone and it is quite a pain as I have a lot to say. I will chime in when I get home if no one else responds.
  9. Damaged people are dangerous, because they know they can survive.
  10. You aren't alone. I absorb others emotions as well and it's taken me a long while to even realize this. I am better about it than I used to be but sometimes it takes a lot to put up the boundaries. There's a difference between showing compassion and being empathetic and taking on others emotions, pain and problems. Are you working on ways to help yourself? I have come very far from where a started. People don't realize what it is like to have a hyper-awareness of the world around them; so, it was impossible for me to talk about it without being ridiculed or dismissed. I use literally take on the problems and traits of people around me; so much, that I thought I had a million problems. Growing up in a home with a mother who had a borderline personality mad things very weird. I couldn't be around my own mother without feeling like my head was going to spin around and fly off. It was in my 20s that I started to finally understand what was happening to me and began to work on ways of dealing with it. It was so out of wack at times. One moment I am embracing some random stranger in a heartfelt connection, the next I am scaring the he'll out of my girlfriend by asking her about things like, "how was the movie." She never mentioned anything about a movie to me yet she would get the text right as she was leaving the theater. Ya it scared her a bit; but, it amazes her at the same time. The stronger the bond the more powerful the feelings that I get. I can even taste and smell what they are experiencing despite being somewhere else. The psychic garbage would always become overwhelming very fast. I have come a long ways with learning to dictate what flows through me; but, if I am tired it isn't so easy. Like, at night around the same time I get overwhelmed with sadness. I thought it may have been stress; until I bumped into a neighbor one night who was coming home. I smiled at her and said hello and when she smiled back, making eye contact, it hit my like a gust of wind. It was her; I could sense The sadness she was depressing behind that smile. For a moment, it looked as though she wanted to tell me something; but, I broke eye contact and she slowly walked away from me. I wanted to say something; but, it felt unwarranted at the moment in my mind. Perhaps if I see her again I will try to intiate a conversation.
  11. I was going to talk about my day; but, to make a long story short. Once upon a time, in a land far far away, the end.
  12. You want to know what is worse than being depressed and in pain? Absorbing it all from everyone around you. It can take me days, sometimes weeks of isolated intropsection to sort out all the garbage I pick up on a daily basis from what I myself am feeling at any given time. It isn't uncommon for me to wake up late at night hurting inside and I find myself crying. After focusing my mind I realize that it isn't me that is the one hurting. So there you have it; that is how I feel. I feel how everyone else is feeling.
  13. Hardly ever; but, if I do, it is generally the result of me contemplating absurd scenarios that often leave me cracking up due to the level of rediculousness. I've seen so many people die violently that I am somewhat desensitized towards death; however, I possess an inherent high value on life. The combination can be awkward at times. Watching a man about to jump to his death and I'm standing there like Willie Wonka, "no please, stop."
  14. I had major and manic depression, as well as severe anxiety for decades. I overcame all of it in time. I smart off a lot in comments regarding my life as of now; but, it's just me sort of poking fun at how absurdly warped my mind was in the past due to mental health issues. It clouds your judgement in such a way that even the simplest tasks can feel like impossible feats. There are solutions for all of our problems; but, they aren't always the solutions we asked for.
  15. What? Cookies Antitransubstantiationalist
  16. I went to Smoothie King for my Blueberry X-treme after I worked out this afternoon. The Asian lady at the register says with a huge smile, "It's happy hour, you save one dollar!" I immediately began laughing; then, she began laughing as well. Soon, everyone in the shop was laughing. God I hate Wednesdays.
  17. Ugh! I hate Wednesdays... everyone smiles at me and says, "hey, how are you doing today?" And if they recognize me, they are even more enthusiastic about it. I like it when people fake courtesies; so, that I don't actually have to respond. It's only on Wednesdays that this usually bothers me; any other day of the week, I'm content with them being excited around me.
  18. My eyes are itching like crazy. I walked my dog twice today at the park and boy do I regret it. Allergies are coming with a vengeance. It is strange, because that stuff doesn't usually bother me that often; but, it has been pretty relentless year. Though, I am sure moving further into the city has a lot to do with it. Air quality here = face to an exhaust pipe. Outside of that, I am as complacent as ever. I have been trying to sneak out of my front door at later or earlier times than normal; so, that my neighbors don't catch me. I am pretty sure some of them intentionally try to time it so they can catch me out there. If only they knew how anti-social I really was. lol When people catch me for some small talk, it's listening to a kid slowly scraping their finger nails across a chalkboard.
  19. My childish mind went somewhere else in that up and down part.
  20. College isn't the end all be all that they present it as; trust me, there are numerous career paths out there that pay extremely well and require no college. I just happen to be in one of those career fields. Some people come in starting off at around 60K a year, without certifications or training and you only go up from there with experience.
  21. I am exhausted! Felt like I was outside all day long and though it isn't as hot as it was in August, it was still pretty toasty. I walked quite a distance today; then, I got home and my overly energetic dog wanted to go out for a walk. We went out to the near by park and I ended up socializing with every single dog owner that came near me. lol Oh and I had Smoothie King earlier; so, win! Oh and I am pretty sure I taught my dog to stop having a spas attack every time he sees a cat. I took him out to the the private lake right out back and there were these two cats ​ lounging in the sun, right by the path we were walking on. He was about to loose his mind; when, I stopped a few feet from the cats and made him sit there quietly in view of them. We just say there, while he looked at them. Eventually it clicked into his head that they weren't a threat and I could visually see him relax. I got up and we walked right past them; he didn't even glance at them. This is very similar to some of the behavior modification methods I use on people. Joking of course; or am I?
  22. As crappy as all of my experiences and relationships have been through out my life; I've always managed to come to the realization that I gained something from it all. I just didn't realize it until much later.
  23. As others have said; online relationships tend to be very flaky. It generally isn't intentional; it's just that people tend to easily disconnect themselves from things that happen on the web, as their mind doesn't process it as physical, therefore it isn't really a priority. I feel like your friend made a fallacy in his statement; saying he would never leave you. People in their right mind, don't usually make bold promises like that. As a consequence, you elevated your expectations of him to something somewhat unrealistic. If he told you that he would never hurt you, would you have taken that to heart as well? I know it might seem romantic in a way; but, it is also pretty absurd. Sometimes people are going through things that we are blind to and they may have their reasons for keeping us in the dark. We shouldn't feel betrayed when they abruptly disappear; especially if we really care about them. The emotionally mature reaction, would be to take the understandable approach. Give him whatever distance he wants; but, keep the door open in case he needs to find you again. You need to consider that he isn't infallible; no one is and with that in mind, you need to be willing to show him a little grace. I know him distancing himself from you is making you uncomfortable; but, there is likely a reason. You say you understand each other because you have the same issues; well, put yourself in his shoes for a moment. Think about what would make want to disconnect from a person you were close to. Now I wouldn't simply shoot for one idea; because, there could obviously be many reasons. Just have some patience and perhaps, the next time you see him, ask him what is going on. Be forward with him; don't bother trying to project a question into his head using telepathy. As much as women try, it never works.
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