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Positivenegative

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About Positivenegative

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  • Birthday February 21

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    North Carolina

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  1. Womanofthelight... Thank you for saying this. I agree. Sending light to you!
  2. Great points. I know there is a reason. I just get exhausted of trying to figure it out sometimes. And weary of everything. But, I agree with you, spirituality has it's purposes. Maybe the point of life is to just accept that. Who knows. Peace.
  3. Going it Alone.... I respect your beliefs. The only part of what you shared that resonates with me though was when you said "do what is needed over what you want." When people are in as much pain as some of us are, what's needed is mercy and for the pain to be taken away. Who is going to judge me? I can't understand or believe that there is an entity out there waiting to torture me for my wrongdoings. I think I will only me faced with Love. Which is a great thing. We torture ourselves enough already.
  4. I have treatment resistant depression and can't take meds because of the side effects (I've posted about it a lot). But here is a question. I am not religious, but I am very spiritual. I do not believe that we will ever be eternally punished for what we do as human beings (not saying that the Universe is going to reward immoral behavior, I'm just saying I don't think I'm going to be sitting in a lake of fire for eternity because of my mistakes). So then, suicide to me, is not a punishable offense. I'm not condoning it, even though I have lots of suicidal thoughts. But my spiritual beliefs are certainly not protective factors from my depression. I believe in a loving being and a chance to rest and recover surrounded by love after we die. Why in the world would I want to stick around on this earth if that's what I believe happens when I die? Point is, there comes a time when surviving is just silly. In my opinion. I love my spiritual beliefs but they aren't protective factors for me. Can anyone relate or am I just rambling? Peace.
  5. When I get extremely depressed, I experience various perceptual disturbances that are very annoying. Technically, they can't be considered 'psychotic' because I'm well aware that they aren't real and I'm not detached from reality. For example, I'll see black shadows walk across the room, or hear banging noises in the other room when no one is home, or experience time in strange ways. This morning, the newspaper appeared to move across the floor. I know it's not real, and it only happens when I'm extremely depressed, like now. I'm not scared, just annoyed and irritated. Not much I can do but accept it. I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience with this too?? Please comment. Most people just say I have a thought disorder like schizoaffective disorder. But I don't. I have Major Depression with Psychotic features, even though I'm not technically psychotic. Ahh! So irritating.
  6. Thank you everyone for your comments. I have my own room at his house, with my own bed and everything. But I cannot sleep in it. He snores really loud, which is why I sleep in another room anyway when I'm at his house. I think that most of you are correct, I'm just going to have to go through a period of not sleeping, if I really want to move in. The problem with that is my sleep deprivation can turn into hallucinations so I'm not sure I want to risk it. I know I will adjust, it will just be very rough, and that scares me.
  7. I don't know if this is a sleep problem, a relationship problem, or a depression problem, but I can't sleep anywhere besides my own bed. It's only gotten worse as I've gotten older. My boyfriend is understanding but he wants me to move in and I just can't sleep at his house. It's usually a little hectic there, but even when it's totally calm, I lay awake all night unable to sleep. I've tried every sleep hygiene technique I can think of. This is actually really really depressing because it causes me to feel inadequate, even though I know I'm not. I just require alot of sleep, and if I can't sleep somewhere, then I'm not going to do it. I have tried and tried. But each time, I end up sleep deprived and depressed the next day. I was able to sleep better when I was younger, but now I don't know what to do. I'm super sensitive, so maybe the energy in the house just isn't right for me. I don't know anymore. Suggestions?
  8. Hi, Please post all you want. Usually you will get replies. Even if you didn't, sometimes it helps just to get things out. I know it sucks. I'm sorry you've been dealing with anxiety and Depression for most of your high school years. I did too. Do you have any friends or family you talk to that can help you during this time? Keep posting. We are here for each other.
  9. Sorry you are struggling! Good thing about the forums, for me, is that I can be away for awhile, but know that support is always here.
  10. Hi! Of course I can't say for sure if it's his depression or not, but it really seems like that has a lot to do with it. I know that sometimes when I am very very depressed, I act like a different person. I have had someone tell me they don't love me before, but later, after their depression got a bit better they explained it to me like this: they said they felt incapable of love and that they felt guilty for burdening me with their mental illness. So to them, pushing me away was their Irrational way of protecting me from their illness. I hope that makes sense. I think the important thing is that he gets help for whatever is going on, and you get support for your emotions too. I really hope it works out. Keep posting. Thanks for sharing.
  11. Hi all....i posted this in the self injury forum, but I'm not exactly sure where to post it, because it doesn't exactly fit in that category either. I've spoken to my therapist about this, but was hoping someone could relate. Often times when I am anxious (and even when I'm not), I unconsciously squeeze my fists or arms, or pinch at my skin pretty hard, enough to cause bruising. As soon as I feel the pain, I realize what I am doing and stop. I have bruises on my wrists and arms from squeezing so tight. I'm totally unaware that I'm doing it, and when I become aware, I stop. But I am at the point where I'm starting not to mind the pain, which is not good. My old psychiatrist told me that this may be a side effect of taking medications for so many years (I don't take them anymore except for a benzo)....I even have some tendinitis in my elbow from the muscle tension and squeezing. I don't know how to control this. Can anyone relate? Thanks for listening.
  12. I may have posted about this before but I'm really getting anxious and depressed thinking about my relationship. My boyfriend is reliable, kind, understanding, and financially stable. The problem is, we have no chemistry anymore and he seems okay with it. I understand relationships have ups and downs. My bigger problem is that he is pretty much my only friend. He has been with me through my worst depression, but I feel like I need more in a relationship. He is okay with just sitting around watching TV and I can't do that all the time. I am very scared because we have been together for five years (we both don't want children or marriage). Somedays, things are great. But other days, I feel horrible. I have never been the kind of person to stay in a situation that makes me unhappy, but now with my mood, I can't imagine starting over. I don't have the strength. I'm not scared to be without him, but I do need to be around people from time to time for my own safety. If I'm having a bad day, my suicidal thoughts are rampant, especially if I'm alone. People are my protective factor when things are dangerously bad.... I don't know what to do here.
  13. I have never tried it but I hear the drug Remeron was made specifically as an antidepressant medication with little to no sexual side effects.
  14. Doctor Strange. I liked the underlying theme that humans can use their minds to heal themselves.
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