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azaleigha

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  1. I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly right now, friend. It's a hard thing! And sometimes it makes no sense when looking at outside factors. Depression isn't logical, though, so don't kick yourself for feeling this way even though you have so many great things and people in your life. Depression goes beyond that. Are you seeking any professional help right now? Talking to a therapist or counselor? How is your relationship with your husband through this? It sounds like he's pretty supportive, which is good, but I hope that the two of you are keeping the lines of communication open as you're struggling right now. It can be easy to pull away from the people we're closest to, but having that support is really important. There's not necessarily an easy or quick answer to why you're going through this now or what you can do to pull out of it, but give yourself a lot of grace, and keep reaching out for help. You're not alone in this! I'm very glad that you're here and you're asking for help. I hope and pray you find some relief soon. Blessings!
  2. I'm so sorry that you've gone through all of that, friend. I can hear your pain and hurt from what you've experienced. I assume you've tried counseling, since you mentioned that you've tried everything. Do you think maybe a different counselor could help, if previous ones didn't? I know what a difference it can make just to talk to someone, though sometimes it goes much deeper than that, I realize. I don't have any real words of wisdom for you, but you're not alone. I hope you know that through this site and just in general. You're not alone. Your life matters, hard as it's been - YOU matter. You are so incredibly important, and loved by God. I'll be praying for you, friend, and I hope that this new job might bring other new opportunities with it. Hang in there.
  3. It's understandable to wonder what could have been, but it sounds like - because this thought came to you after feeling better about things in your current situation - this is just depression trying to keep you down by bringing up past events that you can't change now. You'll never know what would have come of that other job, and it's easy to say that it might have turned things around for the better. But it's alsopossible that it could have been a worse situation for you, or at least neutral to where you are now. Either way, though, you are where you are and you've made the decisions you've made. I know regret is easy, but you can't change the past. It's not always easy to live with some of our decisions, and it is so, so easy to second-guess ourselves, but can you try to go back to that mindset you were before that job popped back into your head - thinking about the good day you had and how things were looking up? You don't have control over past events, but you do have some ability to control how you let current thoughts affect you. Can you try acknowledging that, yes, you won't know the outcome that could have been had you taken that job, and maybe spend a minute or two on that, but then try to tell yourself that you are where you are now and that's what you need to be focusing on? You can still have a job that fulfills you, you can still find that thing that makes you feel like you're doing something useful. I hope you know that you're not at all worthless or useless. You deserve great things, and you can still make changes in your life. It's not too late for that! Hang in there, friend. I'll pray for the right thing to come along for you, whatever that might be. :)
  4. It can be so tough to be in an environment where you're constantly reminded of what you don't have, especially when it's something you really want. I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. I see that you are currently seeing a therapist, which I think is great, but it also sounds like maybe you aren't letting yourself be open enough to let the therapist help you. I know that some part of healing can be about mindset (though certainly not exclusively), but I hope that you're able soon to let yourself see that there are people trying to help you out of this. It's not too late! Your life isn't over yet. I see things all the time listing people we know now (actors, business men/women, inventors) who didn't even really get started until they were well past their 20s. I know it seems like nothing will change for you, but I believe it can. It sounds like you're working on your confidence which is really important to have, for life in general but also in relationships. Is there anyone you're close to whom you could ask some advice as far as why, in your opinion, women don't seem to be attracted to you? Maybe there's something you don't realize that a friend or family member might be able to suggest. But at the same time, sometimes it's just random how and when we meet the right people, so even if you're doing everything right sometimes that person just doesn't come along when we want them to. It can certainly be frustrating, and I'm sorry you're experiencing that. Hang in there, GAJ123. You're important! I pray things start to look up for you soon. :)
  5. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much right now. Sometimes it's hard to see the goodness of our existence when there are seemingly so many counterexamples filled with pain and sadness - especially when it hits so close to home like it has for you. I'm sorry about your wife's uncle - cancer is one of those things I think none of us will ever understand, regardless of our beliefs or religion or struggles. And sometimes the randomness and unpredictability of it causes us to question things like almost nothing else can. It's true that we'll all die someday. I personally believe, though, that our death is not the end - if we've lived as we ought to live, it's the start of an even more beautiful journey that unites us with the God who created us and loves us, even in our pain and suffering. While it might seem true that no one will remember us after we're gone, no life is pointless. God has a purpose and plan for each and every human being that has ever existed or will ever exist. As a Christian, I believe that our goal here on earth isn't necessarily to do something big that will allow us to be remembered for some undefined, unknown amount of time, but to live our best lives as God wants us to live so that we can be with him in heaven. Our goal shouldn't be to be remembered here, but to be known by and close to God. What do you think you would consider a meaningful life? Is that something that exists in your current mindset? What would it look like for you to think that there were a point to life? It might be subjective to some, but in my belief system, even the quietest, most unknown human being has a meaningful life. We might not know what that meaning is until much later down the road, but there are a lot of mysteries in the world that don't seem to make sense to us right now. That alone helps me to know there's something greater out there, something that ordained everything and has a purpose even in the tiniest creature. I hope that somehow you're able to come to a place of peace about this soon. I'm sorry to hear that it's affecting your wife, as well - it's a hard thing to go through, including for loved ones. Are you seeking a counselor or therapist to help work through some of your thoughts and feelings right now? It might be worth looking into if you're not. Hang in there, friend. I'll be praying for you to find that happiness you're looking to regain.
  6. Do you think it might be helpful (if you haven't tried this already) to look into joining some kind of group/meetup that does an activity or hobby you're interested in - or one you'd like to learn? That way there would be at least a common thread between you and the others there, and you might be able to form some connections with others that allow you to feel like you're living *your* life and not just a bystander in someone else's life. I know it might not be a perfect solution, and it can sometimes feel even more isolating to be in a group of people if you're uncomfortable, but it might be worth a try? It is hard to let go and be vulnerable enough to form lasting connections with people when it seems like none of those connections last very long - I definitely understand that feeling. But at the same time, even if it does turn out to be only for a time, I've found that being able to open up and form deeper relationships with people in my life really makes a huge difference. It is hard when those relationships end, or life or geography or whatever else happens and the friendship is no longer what it once was, but the knowledge that I am able to have that kind of relationship for the time it was in my life helps me with other people I meet. Knowing that it's possible to have that kind of relationship and the blessings that come from it makes a big difference in allowing myself to be open to others. I know that might not be helpful for your situation because everyone deals with this differently, but I just want to give you a little bit of hope. You are important, friend, and you matter. Hang in there.
  7. Hi hsk, I'm so sorry that you're going through this! Anything relating to college can be a really stressful time for sure. You said that your grades are too bad to go to college now - is there possibly a lower-level college you might be able to attend to work on your grades a bit? Or would it be possible even to take just a couple of classes at a local college? I can't imagine that it's impossible to achieve what you want to at this point, though it might just mean extra work. Does your school possibly have some kind of guidance counselor or someone to talk to about how to get what you need to get into college at this point? I hope you don't give up - sometimes we just need to fight a little harder for the things we really want in life. Please make sure you're talking to those around you who love you, and who might have ideas of what you can do to move forward. You're not alone, and people want to help you. Hang in there, friend!
  8. Hi Corbin, Sorry to hear that you're struggling so much right now. It sounds like you're under a lot of stress thinking about your future and worrying about finals and all that goes along with that. It's normal and understandable to be feeling that way right now - there's a lot to think about! Have you ever considered talking to a guidance counselor at your school, or a therapist, about some of what you're going through and considering? There are people who want to help you make these decisions and think through your options. I see that you're planning on starting at a community college, which can be a good option especially as you figure out what you want to study and what your goals are. You're in a really stressful time of life, for sure! Change can be tough under the best of circumstances. Give yourself some grace and know that this is just a season - it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and have a good start so far. Lots of people your age haven't even thought about some of the goals you mentioned! And please, continue to seek help and support when you need it. Hang in there, friend! You can do this. :)
  9. I'm so sorry about this. It must be so discouraging not knowing for sure what the situation is. I hope that everything goes well and that you're given the chance you seem to deserve for a promotion. It certainly says something about you that you've been able to stay there longer than so many others! Even if it's not something you love or even enjoy, you're doing your best and I really hope that those in charge recognize that about you and are able to reward you accordingly. Hang in there! Whatever happens, I hope you're eventually able to find something that really fulfills you.
  10. Hi Aly, thanks for sharing some of your struggles here. I'm sorry about the things that you've experienced up to this point. That is a lot for anyone to be dealing with, especially someone as young as you are. Please don't feel like you're not allowed to talk about your problems - we're all given different things to deal with, and even though you don't have something as drastic as cancer, that doesn't mean your problems are insignificant at all. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma and aunt. Worrying about them can't be making this any easier. It's absolutely understandable that you want answers and frustrating that you haven't found any yet. You mentioned doctors - have you been to see a counselor or therapist as well, for your anxiety/depression and other mental issues? If so, has that been helpful at all in the past? If the mental issues are causing the physical issues, it would be good to try to get those sorted out first and get to the root causes of what you're suffering from. Do you have someone you can talk to about everything you're going through? It might be good to have someone to talk to who is not in your family so that you don't have to feel like you need to sugar-coat things, since you're concerned about complaining when others in your family are struggling with other things. I'm glad that you're here and I hope that you'll be able to find some answers. Hang in there, friend. You're not alone in this!
  11. So sorry you're going through this and are feeling discouraged about treatments. It can be so tough when it feels like nothing is working. Are you currently seeing a counselor, or have someone to talk to about what's going on and what you're feeling? Sometimes it can be helpful just to talk to someone. Hang in there. You are worth fighting for, as long as it takes. I'll be praying for you.
  12. Hi, HappinessComes! Thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm so sorry for all that you've already gone through in your life, but I'm so happy to hear that you're doing better now. You're right that we can choose happiness, though sometimes it can seem like the most difficult thing to do. I hope that you continue on the positive path you're traveling now. You are worth it! Blessings, friend.
  13. Welcome to the forums, and I hope that you find some of the help and support you're looking for here. I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through, especially about how much you're still being impacted by your cousin's death. It must be so hard to relive that so often. Echoing what the others have said, have you been able to talk to a counselor or therapist to try to deal with some of the grief you're experiencing, as well as some of the other things you expressed in your post? You've been through a lot of really difficult things, and you shouldn't have to try to do it all on your own. Finding someone you can talk with who can give you tools to help process everything might be a really good idea. But I hope that even here, you can find people to give you support and an understanding ear. Hang in there, friend - it's good that you're here!
  14. Hey, friend. Thanks for sharing this. I know it must be hard to put some of these thoughts and feelings into words. It certainly sounds like you're at a crossroads. What do you think you would tell a friend in this same situation? It seems like you don't see much of a future with your boyfriend, especially considering he's still married and hasn't moved forward at all with the divorce. Staying with the familiar can sometimes be tempting if only because change can be painful, but have you thought about what your life would look like if you did end things with your boyfriend? What would you want him to do if your roles were reversed? I hope that you're able to figure out soon what will be best for you so you can find some peace of mind.
  15. Oh, goodness, I'm so sorry you're struggling with all of that. I don't have a lot of advice, but I do want you to know that you're not alone in this! Sometimes the distance between knowing what we should do/think/feel and actually being able to follow through can seem so insurmountable, but I believe in you. I hope that soon you can find a good counselor who might be able to help you more concretely battle some of these thoughts and feelings. Hang in there, friend. We're here for you.
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