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Everything posted by Tid322

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how incredibly heart breaking losing a child can be, at any stage. It sounds like you had a rough upbringing, and are understandably deterred. I would tell your boyfriend exactly what you need from him. If he is worth anything to you, he should be happy and willing to help you and hear you out. A relationship should be a partnership and you deserve to be heard, don't think anything else. If he isn't willing to help you, you can look into Christian counseling. You don't have to be religious, but some churches do offer counseling free of charge. Also, if you are in school at all, there are generally counselors you should be able to speak to free of charge. I know I am no professional, and I'm not certain about anyone else's credentials on this site, but I am here to chat too, if you ever feel the need or desire. Sometimes just unloading is the relief we need. But know that you are not a burden, you are worth and worthy of so much. Don't believe the lies of depression.
  2. I think I know where you are coming from when you say it feels like the conversation or the day never happened. I am suspecting you mean in the sense that you lose touch with reality and forget the details that you might have cherished in the moment? I have a tendency to do this, and it's difficult. Especially with loved ones that might feel you are being unappreciative of their time, and it truly feels out of your control. You say that you are on medication. Have you spoken to your healthcare provider to see if they can either change your dosage or medication? Because it seems like a recent inability only recently. Correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds like nothing triggered the change recently but it just sort of happened? That just leads me (an untrained, non-professional) into believing that medication could potentially be the issue. I would discuss with them and see if there is anything they can do for you. I hope this all mad sense.
  3. I would like to be married to a man that was more empathetic to my situation and less judgemental. I would also like to talk to people that I could trust and depend on. To not be such a Debbie Downer, I'll contribute to the superficial, I would like to have some new hobbies or interests in which I could actually partake.
  4. First, I am sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders. With your father's passing, husband's recovery, and now this impending test results, it is no wonder your anxiety is at its peak. What I notice with all of these issues, is they are all out of your hands. You have no control over the outcomes. It might feel as if you are losing all control. I think that might send anyone into a panic. I am no licensed psychologist or anything special. I am just an individual that has control issues herself. I would suggest finding some peace by finding something HEALTHY, that you can control. Maybe exercise could be an outlet for your anxiety, writing short stories, or reading a good immersive book. Unfortunately you will need to succumb to the fact that you cannot control everything. It's unfortunately something we need to work through. Eventually these issues will pass, and you will survive. All will be well, and you'll obtain a whole new coping ability hopefully. Because it is inevitable that there will be issues to arise out of your control again soon.
  5. I'm sorry to hear about your recent falling out with your friend. I would love to say it gets better, but I have to say it usually gets worse with age. People tend to grow in different paths and change in different ways, which can make keeping friends difficult. Especially into adulthood, when there are other responsibilities clouding your time. The only thing I can offer is that you should try to find your happiness in yourself, rather than externally. I know it sounds terrible, but no one can or should depend on others for our existence of happiness. Because humans are fallible beings, we are only going to be inevitably let down. I understand what you mean with wanting to just "not be". Correct me if I am wrong: It isn't death you desire, but rather, the lack of emotional pain. Maybe you desire the lack of effort into the emotional bonds of living life. I am sorry I am not more roses and sunshine. I wish I could tell you that things will get better and you will find new friends. Which you very well may, but reality is, that isn't guaranteed. And from my experience, it is usually just a minute fleeting moment of comrodery. Perhaps this time away for the summer might do you some good. Try not to focus on what you have potentially lost, and refocus on gaining a new self perspective. Best wishes.
  6. I found a link to the test on my own just googling it. For those interested: [please PM member for link] it it worked on my iPhone, for those of you using a phone to connect here. It also will tell you where you scale once the test is complete.
  7. Feeling this way now as well. I feel like I have somehow lost myself. Yet I have no interest in finding my way back. I'm sorry you feel this way. Depression is debilitating in every way.
  8. Thanks for all your deep and thoughtful response. As you all stated it is very complicated but sadly that was only the surface of it all. Maverick, you hit the nail on the head with what Jesus says and teaches. Love all unconditionally, I mentioned this to my husband after his grandmother said a racist comment towards me and his response is " well she's getting old and senile." But in the next breath he will say how she has all her wits. It just hurts to hear his family, these supposed "christians" say the ignorant things they do and he just blows it off. It makes me depressed to know the world is this way and it makes me embarrassed to ever call myself a Christian. Now when people ask if I am Christian my response is: i believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior, but no; I am not Christian. I almost feel like saying it that way is disrespectful and that's not my intent. Meer, you're right I guess because I've received an answer before I am looking for God to fix it again, but he can't do that and take away my free will. Vega I agree our lives are way too intertwined with his, I miss my family dearly and hope we can eventually move back there or find a good middle ground.
  9. I am having a lot of anger and depression lately which seems to be fueled by religion. Some background: My parents let me choose my own religion and never pushed anything. I grew up privately praying to God and asking for guidance and wisdom. After a terrible relationship my prayers became more exact, I started asking for God to intervene and send me a Godly man that embodied all the things I wanted and needed for a healthy relationship. In the oddest of circumstances I met my husband which happened to be the son of a preacher. He wasn't overly throw it in your face religious but he embodied honor and respect and the deep love I had been desiring. We moved in together and I found that he didn't have a relationship with his dad or that side of his family, due to his dad's psychotic behavior. Our relationship was perfect, then all a sudden his dad came back into his life. He contemplated leaving me because he said somewhere in the bible that God finds favor in the man who devotes himself to God. We broke up for a while and eventually got back together. We moved back to where my husband was from so he could be near his dad and his fathers family. This is when things changed. All a sudden my husband became controlling, I was not allowed to have male friends, he only wants me to wear turtle necks or high collard necklines, and when I don't he says I should know better and should be more lady like. He constantly makes remarks saying that I am not at work, when I work with my father in laws girlfriend. There is no doubt I am at work, especially because I bring in the only income. But when i say he is accusing me of lying he says that's not what he said, but obviously I am lying, because obviously I feel guilty? His family is very pious and treat me like an ***** because I do not know simple Christian songs. I immensely abhor church or going to church due to their attitude (it's their families church) and hate other church's now as well and beginning to feel a deep bitter resentment towards God. I feel like I am betraying God, but I'm at the point I almost don't care. I've talked to my husband about all of this but he says I should not base my belief n relationship with God on others. He is completely right about that, but I don't know how to stop my seething hatred. Also whenever I talk to him about his family's disrespect towards me I am met with a "well you do this and this". Rather than a compassionate response. However when his family does him wrong, it's okay for him to vent. I just feel like I am not allowed to have feelings about the situation, and I feel betrayed by God since he knew this change would happen to my husband. Sorry it's such a long vent. Hope someone reads it and can give me some perspective. Thank you.
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